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How to heal yourself with love and gratitude in your heart

dabbledave

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dabbledave Apprentice

dabbledave

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Took advantage of my free gym pass this morning ... I kind of pottered around: a few minutes on a x-trainer, tried this machine, tested that machine, fiddled a few free weights, wandered around the facilities on offer, walked home ... Orientation!

 

Tonight I'll figure out a workout programme.

 

Nice to see some banter here.

 

@Carus, maybe I should position my hopes for love more generally, as you suggest. If she comes back I'll be ready to receive her, or if someone else turns up I'll be ready to receive them. Whoever it is is going to be one helluva lucky lady!

 

@BlueRose, I love this: "The last thing you want to appear as is a wishy washy fish flip flopping around." I'm gonna honour it on Carus' hall of eNA quotes thread

 

DD

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Carus Mentor

Carus

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Whoever it is is going to be one helluva lucky lady!

Even though you may not truly believe that right now DD* I've quoted it for truth...*

 

Who loves You more than anyone? Who can You rely on more than anyone and will always be there for You no matter what..?

 

....that's right ~ You*

 

I'm such a good friend to those close to me...I'm so glad and grateful I have Me to take care of Me

 

And a sprinkling of gratitude for the day: Are you in jail or hospital..?

 

Go visit some of the kids in there....Really changes your perspective*

 

Ever Forward

Carus* 8-)

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dabbledave Apprentice

dabbledave

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Hi Carus,

 

I got the self-love and self-appreciation thing figured out pretty good early on. It's kind of what this thread is all about.

 

It's my persistent love and adoration of my ex that's the issue. So the more I feel good about myself the more I want to reach out and help her feel good -- it's exactly what I couldn't do for her in the relationship because I didn't feel good about myself!

 

Weird, coz she doesn't really deserve my attention right now. ;-) But that's the forgiving, generous guy I am. So it is an effort not to reach out to her and risk looking like a wishy washy flippy floppy fishy thing.

 

Ever Forward (Without Her)

 

DD

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Carus Mentor

Carus

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So the more I feel good about myself the more I want to reach out and help her feel good

Yep, been through that one as well..Especially when I got accepted into Uni..It's just another part of the journey you are on...But shows you are indeed going in the right direction*

Ever Forward (Without Her)

Well ya never know ya luck in the big city huh?

 

Recons DO happen (to others...It's never happened for me), but if you hold on to that hope for too long you are playing russian roulette with your life..!

 

And to be honest mate, the way she treated you after you'd left your own country to go over there, and the way you have dusted yourself off ever since, you truly will find someone else...and I will Hope for that*

 

Wishing you good mental Health*

 

Off to skool now...heh

Carus* 8-)

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hodgeheg Enthusiast

hodgeheg

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DD, I'm not sure I'm quite there yet with the self-love and self-adoration but having read this thread last night (and the original post several times today) I think I can do it. Today has been a better day.

 

He thinks he'll be happier without me (there wasn't really much wrong in the almost 4 year relationship, although I can see improvements we both could do with making). Today is the first day I have been able to say that I want him to be happy in his life and so I forgive him for ending it. I still think he's made a mistake but if he thinks that too then he knows where I am.

 

I've been NC since the night he told me it was over (3 weeks ago). And yesterday I had a sort of panic attack whilst shopping (not meaning to sound over-dramatic but it all just felt too much for me, I was completely overwhelmed with fear/sadness/loss and I had to take 5) But today when I've felt the negativity rising I've practiced the breathing in and out technique and it's made me feel better

 

I guess I'm just writing to share a little bit of my story and to say thank you, because you have made a difference to me. And I really mean that, from the bottom of my slightly battered heart.

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BlueRose66 Contributor

BlueRose66

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Hi Carus,

 

I got the self-love and self-appreciation thing figured out pretty good early on. It's kind of what this thread is all about.

 

It's my persistent love and adoration of my ex that's the issue. So the more I feel good about myself the more I want to reach out and help her feel good -- it's exactly what I couldn't do for her in the relationship because I didn't feel good about myself!

 

Weird, coz she doesn't really deserve my attention right now. ;-) But that's the forgiving, generous guy I am. So it is an effort not to reach out to her and risk looking like a wishy washy flippy floppy fishy thing.

 

Ever Forward (Without Her)

 

DD

 

DD- I am right there with you and trust me- I did much wishy washy fishy floppy all over the place. I am OK with it, she can see how much the BU affected me, and that I am confused and I do love her and I dont know what to feel.

 

I want to reach out to my ex too. But I wont anymore. She made her decision to go on without me. It is terribly hard because I love and adore her too! I know it could be worked out, but I have to remember I am not alone in this. There is another person who makes up half the relationship and she doesnt want to do it anymore.

 

I check the board everyday. I get my strength from all of you guys. What we cannot do alone, we can do together. A group of anonymous strangers accross the globe, but who know the exact feelings in each others hearts, souls and minds. What a gift!

 

When I am working with the school kids, I am doing ok. Taking lots of walks under the yellowing cottonwoods here in New Mexico. Its so beautiful now this time of year.

 

Ever forward too, without her. God I miss her so much. Its so painful sometimes and it isnt really getting easier. Someone, tell me I am going to get over this some day!

 

BlueRose

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dabbledave Apprentice

dabbledave

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... I think I can do it ...

 

I've been NC since the night he told me it was over (3 weeks ago).

 

I guess I'm just writing to share a little bit of my story and to say thank you, because you have made a difference to me. And I really mean that, from the bottom of my slightly battered heart.

 

Hodgeheg,

 

I know you can do it! If you know it too, you will.

 

Congrats on going NC immediately and sticking with it. In other circumstances I might have done that too. But my BU was a tricky one having moved country for her, and for various reasons both legitimate and not so legitimate I have found it difficult.

 

Thanks for sharing and thanks for letting me know that this thread helped you a little. You made my morning

 

Just found this thread and I love it! Forgiveness is key in moving on, in my opinion. Thanks DD.

 

changeacomin,

 

Thank you too.

 

Forgiveness was important for me. Others are more comfortable with the word "acceptance", which is fine, so long as it's not tainted by anger and resentment. That's not say that on a bad day I don't feel anger and resentment resurface about what happened. But note how that only crops up on a bad day. I don't want any more bad days, so I forgive again and look forward to more good days.

 

Someone, tell me I am going to get over this some day!

 

Hey BlueRose,

 

You're going to get over this some day!

 

That day will be sooner than you think if you focus your attention and appreciation on all the good stuff you mention in your post plus everything else that's good in your life. And that love you and I both feel for our exes; what a gift!

 

Have a great day, friends!

 

DD

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hodgeheg Enthusiast

hodgeheg

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I don't feel that I am in any sort of position to give advice but this bit:

 

"Rather than view this as a break-up if you can look at this as a break similar to the one you took from us two years, I promise you that the great soul mate connection we had in the past will pale in comparison to the relationship we will have in the future."

 

Makes me worry. I don't know, it's ultimately up to you of course! But I think this sentence comes accross as very needy.

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dabbledave Apprentice

dabbledave

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I don't feel that I am in any sort of position to give advice but this bit:

 

"Rather than view this as a break-up if you can look at this as a break similar to the one you took from us two years, I promise you that the great soul mate connection we had in the past will pale in comparison to the relationship we will have in the future."

 

Makes me worry. I don't know, it's ultimately up to you of course! But I think this sentence comes accross as very needy.

 

Hi Hodgeheg,

 

Thanks for the feedback.

 

I'm not going to send the note, despite the temptation. I'm getting it out there by posting it to eNA.

 

However, if I were to send it you are right that it would be a lot stronger without that sentence you've identified.

 

Cheers,

 

DD

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BlueRose66 Contributor

BlueRose66

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Just spent an hour playing around with different drafts of that note. Now I've deleted it altogether.

 

Gym time!

 

DD

 

Good! Just remember its OK to write here all you want but in thinking about sending it remember "Wishy, washy fish flip flopping around"

 

Gym time is good. I am hitting my treadmill and weights this weekend too!

 

How is everyone this Halloween weekend? I work at the Middle school on Monday and the kids are gonna be crazy. Agghhh-- they wear me out.

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Aleina2011 Enthusiast

Aleina2011

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Been a whole day without the internet, I am back now. Last night was pretty difficult, been NC for a week now - no gym for me, it makes me sad! I love walking though and thatàs exactly what I am going to do today. Oh - achievement of the day: as the internet was in his name, had to change it - the guy just left and now I've got internet and tv in my name. It didn't help that the guy asked me "do you live here all by yourself? don't you get bored??" Thanks!!! I said "it's only been a couple of weeks" and smiled...I can do this!

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BlueRose66 Contributor

BlueRose66

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5047515]I'm still drunk from last night. Seriously seriously had too much last night haha.

 

Unfortunately some Irish stereotypes are true. Bleugh.

 

Gym again tomorrow. But today is most definitely an XBOX and instant noodle day. Hope everyone is well! ^_^

 

My ex is of Irish background. Super cute and definitely has the Irish humor. Well, rest up Lemsip. I hate hangovers. I was thinking of getting a bottle or two of wine tonight but then that will mess up my workout regime since it can take me a couple days to get over a hangover.

 

Do you guys have Halloween over there? I mean the kids dressing up and trick or treating? Do you all party over there for Halloween? Just curious.

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