wicked6018 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 2 weeks 2 days post BU. feels like it's been and eternity. it hurts that i have no friends and that the only people that seem to care are my immediate family. it hurts to never, ever get a call or text, and when i do, it's from my sister or aunt. yes, i love them, but i desire to have friends SO much. it hurts that i secretly long for my ex to text me, but i know he won't. i know NC is best but i just wish he would say something. still not used to this. it's so hard to suddenly be broken up. to suddenly go from calls and texts each day from him, to NONE. it hurts to see his face in my head constantly and think that he is the most handsome man in the world. it hurts that no one else can seem attractive to me. it hurts to feel so undesired by anyone. it hurts to see my sister in a happy relationship, yes i'm happy for her, but it also hurts. seeing any couple at all hurts. everything reminds me of him, and it hurts. it hurts to dream about him. it hurts to be alone and feel like i have nothing to live for. everything hurts and i am just so tired of pain. Link to comment
LaKings55 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 It gets better. Can you provide details of the relationship and break-up. We might be able to give some better advice. Link to comment
wicked6018 Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 i've posted many threads about the BU. most of them are on the healing after BU section. in a nutshell: together 20 months, engaged 9 months. he suddenly became confused, stressed, wanted space after a very stupid argument that we had for our entire relationship. said he wanted to take a step back from engagment. we ended up breaking up. that's just the short story. it was so sudden. Link to comment
Lancsboy Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Having the same emotional journey, no sleep , not eating, I was kicked out of my family home by a women I work with so I see her all the time. It hurts. Sometimes she flurts with me and this makes matters more painful. Today has been he'll. She flew off on a holiday we booked together ages ago with an ex boyfriend instead of me. She says she still loved me and her and the ex are just friends . Want to believe and make things right again but know it may be best to move on. Have few friends and my texts only come from family. I do know that I have chosen to change things . Eg Internet dating ( just started ) and looking for clubs to join. Link to comment
LaKings55 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Well. The best thing to do right now is to focus on yourself. Look at it as a vacation away from the worry and troubles of the relationship. I recommend exercising, meditation, hobbies, friends. Anything that can help you take your mind off of things for a little while. I just ran a few miles, had my ipod going, feeling good. Link to comment
wicked6018 Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 that's the thing though, i'm in the stage where i feel it was a healthy relationship. i loved him. i thought he loved me. we were planning to marry. if it had been a bad, stressful relationship, i wouldn't feel so bad. gosh this sucks. trying to occupy my mind with online quizzes and trivia/crossword puzzles, etc. i feel like i have no life. also exercising. Link to comment
LaKings55 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Just imagine life before him, and then envision life after him. Just think in a couple years, probably even sooner, you could be with another great guy, and the memory of him will be distant and hazy. Link to comment
okiedokiestomp Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 eventually all of those things you wrote about that hurt you now will serve to piss you off enough to motivate you to begin to process this loss and then eventually to move on...right now though it sounds like you are still trying to sort through the shock and denial of the ending...it's a process so allow yourself to feel the emotions that come with the grief. the only way to reach emotional healing is through the pain you are feeling..if you haven't already picked it up, I recommend Susan Elliott's book "Getting Past Your Breakup"...it will help you a lot so early into the process. Link to comment
Injured Lion Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Hey wicked6018, I know how you feel. Trust me when I say this, it does get better as time goes by because eventually, you will be happy again. I also thought I was in a healthy relationship, but turned out that she wanted to end it. Even though we thought our relationships were healthy and that it would last, we have to understand that our Ex have checked out awhile ago before the BU. It was a shock to us, but to our Ex, they already have been thinking about breaking up for weeks or months prior. It will be an emotional journey with ups and downs, but eventually you will become a better and stronger person. All you need to do is focus on yourself. Get out in sun and stay active. Be happy with yourself and your new aura will attract good and new people. Don't be looking for love because the man who will never break your heart will find you. Link to comment
wicked6018 Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 thanks for the encouraging words. LaKings, my life before him was what it is now: lonely, incomplete. I thought he was my missing half. I guess all I can do is press on. Keep living. I can't just stop. Link to comment
2dayDream Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 Wicked6018, i've been there and let's not kid ourselves, it certainly can be tough and painful some days, but just try to stay busy and focus all the attention on yourself. We're all here to support you. We know you can move on from this!! Link to comment
LaKings55 Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 thanks for the encouraging words. LaKings, my life before him was what it is now: lonely, incomplete. I thought he was my missing half. I guess all I can do is press on. Keep living. I can't just stop. In that case, imagine a time before him that you were happy. It could be from your childhood even. Just anything that can bring back positive feelings and emotions. When you learn to create these emotions on command, you will feel the burden lift, and people will take notice. You'll seem more positive, upbeat, etc. People are naturally attracted to this. I at one point was extremely anti-social. I have no idea why, I guess I just convinced myself to be. Then I made it a point to change, to start speaking to coworkers, just letting go of negativity and not sweating the small stuff. Now I see that it is indeed easier to be social than not to be. Humans by their nature are meant to socialize, and now it just feels natural for me to speak with strangers. What convinced me to do this? I remembered my childhood. I remembered having a lot of friends, and just being an outgoing little boy. I have no idea what made me become a recluse in the first place. Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 Hi Wicked, I know it takes a lot of effort, but firstly, I think you should make some efforts to take up interests and make friends. I'm having to do that too. Well, I do have some friends, but making more! Well, it's only 2 weeks, and although people at ENA have different ideas about handling breakup, what I'm about to say is my view - It has only been 2 weeks. Noting is set in stone. You do not know if your b/f will be back. That isn't said to give you false hope, but it's possible that he has his own reasons why he needs time out. In the meantime, you need to try and get on with your life and become the person you are meant to be. Hugs. Link to comment
wicked6018 Posted July 29, 2011 Author Share Posted July 29, 2011 LaKings, when did i ever say i was a recluse or anti social? i am very friendly and kind to everyone. i try very hard to make friends. tonight some people actually invited me out, first time in a very long time. Link to comment
LaKings55 Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 LaKings, when did i ever say i was a recluse or anti social? i am very friendly and kind to everyone. i try very hard to make friends. tonight some people actually invited me out, first time in a very long time. No, and I never meant to imply that. I just used my own life as an example. I kind of just keyed in on "lonely" and took it from there. My main point is trying to remember happy times. It really does help in getting over a break-up. When you can conjure happy memories and feelings that are free of your ex, you begin to realize that happiness is possible without them. We all had lives before our exes, and we'll all have lives after them. Again, I'm sorry for any misunderstanding. Glad to hear you're having fun though. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 everything hurts and i am just so tired of pain. When you get tired of being tired is when you have reached the turning point to your healing.... Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 thanks for the encouraging words. LaKings, my life before him was what it is now: lonely, incomplete. I thought he was my missing half. I guess all I can do is press on. Keep living. I can't just stop. Oh no! There is no "missing half." You are the one to fill the holes inside of you. Link to comment
RS11 Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 I cried reading your post. I know the feeling. He was my world and now he is gone. All I have is my work to keep me busy and work is slow right now so that isn't much help. My friends are all busy with their lives to have time for me. If I get a text, it is from my one single friend/coworker. But her life is very destructive and she isn't a positive influence to have in my life. I wish I had more inspiring words to post but I don't. All I can say is I feel your pain and everyone else seems to say we will get through it. Link to comment
Injured Lion Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 You WILL get through this. The road to recovery is not easy, but along the way, you will realize how much you want to take your life back. Focus on you. Be the person who you are meant to be, the person who you want to be. CONFIDENT, ABLE, WISE, STRONG, ALIVE. Create your new aura that's full of life. Your friends and the people around you will see this. They will see your smiles, they will hear your humor, they will feel the positive vibe, they will taste your hunger for connection, they will bask in your new found lively aura. You will attract good people. This will only happen when you are willing to work on yourself and heal. It's hard to forget our past love, but we don't have to forget, we can just learn from it. Take this as an opportunity to improve your life. I've gone through hell, now I'm not afraid of it. Link to comment
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