Ex coming to my mother's funeral

[Mustang]

Firstly, my mum sadly lost her battle with cancer on Friday. Which I don't think has hit me at all yet. I'm completely numb. As some of you will know, two weeks ago, my ex broke up with me and I moved out of our home.Since my mum's death, my ex has been very supportive and caring. She knew my mum and got on really well with her. She wants to come to the funeral and I am happy that she is. I know that it means nothing more than that.I still love her and I'm sure she's got feelings for me too but the last thing either of us want is to open up old wounds on what is going to be a very emotional day and I suppose my question is, how do I handle the situation with my ex?

[Seraphim]

I am so sorry about your mother. She will live with you in your heart. About your ex do not over think it that day. Just let things happen naturally. Probably you will be very busy that day and overwhelmed emotionally and your ex might be the least of your worries that day.

[Mustang]

That's true. Just got to go with the flow.

[lemsip]

Very sorry to hear of your loss, it's a tough period of your life that's for sure. But remember on the day you will be surrounded by friends. Don't get too caught up with the ex, it's great she is going, it shows character, but try not to read too much into things. She is obviously going to be warm and loving towards you on this difficult day.

[Stay_home]

Sorry for the lost of your mother...

 

Keep the situation with the ex as platonic and short as possible. Chances are she will want to console you and be there for you. If need be, explain that you need a little space to deal with loss... She should understand.

[Mustang]

Thanks guys. It's been a very bad month all round but I am remaining as upbeat and as positive as I can.

[Blue.Paradise]

Probably that day you will be too busy to think about your ex and the feelings involved. However, let her be there, in these kinds of moments, any support we can get is beneficial. Sorry about your mother

[lemsip]

I am remaining as upbeat and as positive as I can.

 

Also remember that you have the right to feel lost, hurt, sad... Positive vibes to you man.

[Robin2904]

I'm so sorry about your mother!! Big hugs!!

 

As for your ex, I agree just take it as it comes. Please surround yourself with your family and friends while you are there, let them help you through the day. Of course you can acknowledge her presence, but I agree with others don't read anything into it. And also don't lean on the ex for emotional support right now. I know it may be tempting to sit and talk, reminisce about times you two may have shared with your mom, but that isn't a good thing. Just take it one step at a time, like lemsip said- it IS okay to be upset, cry, feel sad. That is a part of human emotion that is normal to express especially considering all you are going through. I can't even imagine going through what you are, please know you are a VERY strong person in my eyes.

 

My thoughts are with you, and my condolences to you and your family!

[sadchick83]

Oh Mustang,

I am so, so sorry for your loss. Also, I am glad your ex is going to the funeral, really glad actually. I was so hurt my ex didn't attend. Your ex is doing the right thing and I know you will appreciate everyone that will reach out to you during this difficult time. You know it is ok to still miss your ex. And during the whole funeral your feelings may even intensify for your ex. Everyone will say focus on this, and that, but your really have no control. Just let your feelings "be."

 

You and your family are in my prayers.

[imonlyhuman]

sorry for your loss.

 

remember, non-chalance. and keep your contact with her as brief as you can.

[iBroken]

Sorry to hear about the loss of your mother.

 

Please do not focus on your ex right now. Focus more on whats in front of you and events in the coming days.

[Mustang]

Thanks everyone. It's great to have support at such a horrible time.

[Mustang]

My mum's funeral is tomorrow. I'm being as positive and as brave as I can be about it.

 

My ex sent me a Facebook message earlier on this evening saying rather abruptly that she's coming to the service but not the reception as it "doesn't feel right". She then ended her message with "I'm thinking of you and am sending you extra strength for tomorrow. Lots of love. xxx"

 

Tomorrow will be the first time seeing my ex since I moved out after a very nasty few weeks.

 

I take her message as she's going to the funeral for her but doesn't want to see or speak to me for any longer than she has to. Which I understand but it breaks my heart at the same time. I still love her and feel completely helpless about everything. I wish she'd not have ended her message with "loads of love" as it just reminds me that she no longer wants to be with me.

 

I replied with a cool friendly tone and didn't acknowledge her emotional comfort. I did however say that she's welcome to come to the reception if she changes her mind but fully understand if she doesn't want to.

 

Tomorrow is going to be HARD on both fronts.

[lemsip]

Mustang, all the best - positive vibes and strength for tomorrow. I'm sure many on here will be thinking about you. I think it would be good if you thanked her for coming. Hug her, thank her - don't try to "play it cool" and be standoffish as if this was some sort of NC test. You need all the love and support you can get right now, and if she's willing to offer some, even for an hour, accept it gracefully. Peace.

[sadchick83]

Hi Mustang,

I hope you can be strong tomorrow. First, you ex should realize it is not about her right now, it is about respecting your Mom and your family. Unfortunately, you cannot make her do anything, but at least she is doing this. My ex didnt do a thing except send a once sentence text with grammatical errors. Even people I am not friends with at work showed up to my Dad's visitation, but no one came to the burial except family and a couple of close friends. The people who did show up for the visitation really touched my heart.

 

I totally know what you are going through...but 3 months later I have realized I am better off alone than someone who did not show up. My sister's bf just asked for my Mom's permission to marry her mentioning the death of my Dad brought them closer together. This is the type of person you need in your life!

 

I know how bad a time this is for you....and its not like you can look for a new gf in this state. But, I promise you, a few months down the road and you will be a stronger person.

 

All the best tomorrow....

[abitbroken]

As far as your ex, the funeral is about your mom and not about you. If your ex had a close relationship with your mom, she should be there for sure if she chooses to be. The timing just stinks as far as the break up. I think you will be so busy with close relatives - you will see the ex for sure, but she won't be with you 24/7 as there will be plenty of other people there.

[Mustang]

Hi guys. The funeral was a really nice occasion and things happened with my ex that I really didn't expect.

 

I didn't see her before the funeral and wasn't sure if she was even there. After the service, I saw her outside the church in tears. I went over to see her, hugged her and thanked her for coming. She told me how proud she was of me and that she wanted to come to the reception. I said she was more than welcome. We hugged and kissed.

 

At the reception, we spoke a lot about my mum and spoke about how we both felt about it. My ex told me that was finding it really hard because she had nobody around her that understood what she was going through and she felt so alone. As the afternoon went on, we started talking further, joking around, holding hands, etc.

 

As the evening approached, we began getting closer. She met all of my family and began chatting to everyone in depth. By this stage, we were holding hands and hugging pretty consistently.

 

At the end of the night, she and I said that we loved each other. She said all she wanted to do was hug me in bed forever. We both also agreed that the emotion of the day was a reason for our closeness and we both said that we didn't want to rush into anything off the back of it. We broke up for a reason and I understand that rushing back into something would be bad. She left the reception and sent me a text when she got in saying that she loves me and that she was wearing my PJs in bed.

 

Since then, we've been sending odd texts to each other that have been both friendly and affectionate. My ex has said that she loves me on more than one occasion and I have said the same to her.

 

It's difficult to know what to do now other than just carry on as normal. We're getting on well and we're close. I think playing it cool is the only option. Maybe in time, things will fall into place. I will just have to wait and see. I love her more than anything and seeing her for the first time in almost a month on Wednesday hit me like lightning.

 

Next step is to try and get my life back to 'normality' after my mother's death. I'm back to work on Monday which I'm half nervous about and half looking forward to. In terms of my ex, I suppose all I can do is let her come to me.

[sadchick83]

Hi Mustang,

I'm glad things went well for you and your family. Funerals can

Be very emotional-even happy in a weird way. I hope you get back together,

But please be careful. You are in a vulnerable place right now.

I'm glad your ex showed up and showed her respect to you and your

Family. Please keep us posted.

[Mustang]

Hey guys. I need a bit of advice/guidance.

 

It feels like my ex and I turned a corner on Wednesday and got a lot of things out in the open. Obviously, the emotion of the day played a part and I realise nothing is going to change overnight but we've both made it clear we love each other and my ex said she just wanted to hug me forever.

 

What's the best way to handle it? I know it's going to take time to get anywhere near discussing getting back together but it does feel possible now. I'm not clinging to it, I am getting on with my life but I just have no real idea what to do next. We're talking again and we're close. What's the next step? If there is a step...

[sadchick83]

Be nice, but cool and have no expectations. Don't be too available for her. You can ask her to do something, but if she doesn't respond, or says no, don't suggest further outings.

 

Here is something that happened to me and my breakup/Dad's passing....I became exhausted very easily. There are things going on at work that have really stressed me out. So, for you Mustang, now is not a good time for excessive drama. I think it was great your ex showed up, but you are vulnerable now.

[Robin2904]

I agree with Sadchick. Your in a very vulnerable place right now, just take things slowly. Continue spending time together and see what happens but don't get your hopes up. You both need to be on the same page and reevaluate things when your emotions aren't out of wack. That goes for both of you, the funeral was I'm sure hard and very emotional for both of you. Eventually you are both going to need to sit down and discuss what you want, but I think for now just take it day by day. I really hope this was a turning point and that you two are able to reconcile. Sometimes something like death puts things into perspective for people. Wish you lots of luck!!