I think my love for someone has turned into an obsession..

[Debra_Wilson]

Ok I really fell hard for someone I'm going to school with at this summer program for college that I'm attending. I think we are just so meant for each other and we've exchanged numbers and we've hung out a lot. We've also did a lot of flirting nothing serious.It's just that I haven't felt so connected with someone in a long time, he's the only person I've actually enjoyed being with. We have such deep conversations and he seems to be the only person in my life that genuinely cares about me or understands me as a person so it's no wonder that I've fallen for this guy so bad. After 2 months of talking, he just reveals to me that he has a girlfriend. He's unaware that I like him that I know of so when he said it, it was like no real big deal to him. However I am very crushed by it and confused. Apart of me wants to break ties from him so I can get over him, but I really don't want to be alone again in my life. I think my feelings have turned into an obsession simply because I can't stop thinking about him when he's not around, I think about him all of the time and at times I get so sad because I know his heart belongs with someone else. I know I should be trying to get over him but I can't find it in my heart to let go. The pain of knowing that I can't have him is eating away at me. I've been trying to keep myself busy but nothings really helping me get my mind off of him.. I'm really concerned about this because my emotions are all over the place. I keep going from happy to sad thinking about him and I just don't know what I should do about this honestly!

[Blue Skittles]

First of all, you have to get it out of your mind that you are going to be with this guy. Thats the hard part. At the very least, you have a solid friendship, and someone you can share things with, talk to, and hang out with once in awhile. I know its not easy - I'm kind of in the same situation myself right now, I was falling for a man that, well, lets just say is unavailable. But I know I will always have him in my life as a friend and that is something worth treasuring. So I'm letting go of my feelings and respecting him and his decisions, and above all, being there as a friend to him too.

[Debra_Wilson]

First of all, you have to get it out of your mind that you are going to be with this guy. Thats the hard part. At the very least, you have a solid friendship, and someone you can share things with, talk to, and hang out with once in awhile. I know its not easy - I'm kind of in the same situation myself right now, I was falling for a man that, well, lets just say is unavailable. But I know I will always have him in my life as a friend and that is something worth treasuring. So I'm letting go of my feelings and respecting him and his decisions, and above all, being there as a friend to him too.

 

Thanks for reading and responding. You're right I have to get it out of my head that there can never be anything more than a friendship between us. Sometimes I just sit in bed and imagine him holding me and kissing me, I know it sounds crazy. It's just unhealthy really to me now, because now I'm kind of in a funk and I want to call him and ask him to hang out but I think it's best that I distance myself for him because seeing him right now just brings up so many feelings. However on another note, I just feel really lonely without him, I don't know if I can ever handle us being just friends though

[chitown9]

I don't know if I can ever handle us being just friends though

 

I think it would be best for you to sever all ties that you have with him.

[drake89]

Oh wow, reading this was like looking in the mirror and seeing myself. I'm also in a pretty similar situation with a girl I can't get out of my mind. Like you, I feel that it's really unhealthy because I'm thinking about her constantly and I'm literally unable to do the simplest things because I'm constantly checking whether she's emailed me or text me. I'm literally a slave to my phone and my laptop and it's making me so miserable. I know exactly how you feel and I also feel lonely and scared about never hearing from the girl I adore. Unlike you, I can handle being friends, because I've kind of submitted to the fact that we'll never be a couple, but I value her friendship ever so greatly and I miss talking to her. But like the above comment said, if you can't handle being friends with him . . . well I also think it would be best if you distanced yourself from him. For every time you see him or hear from him, you'll make yourself so miserable and your mind and heart will be locked into a realm of wanting something that's not quite tangible. I know how difficult the mere thought of severing all ties with him is, but if you can't handle being friends, for the sake of being healthy and happy, I think that would be best.

[Celadon]

I feel for you. It's not easy feeling so "right" with someone and yet being in a situation that is not going to lead to that special relationship.

 

I would encourage you to stop yourself when you start fantasizing about him holding and kissing you. That will only lead you to further want him and obsess over him. It may seem innocent, but what you're really doing is soothing your longing for him with your imagination, and then you'll keep trying to have him on your mind.

 

I would even be upfront with him about breaking ties. Just tell him, your feelings for him have gotten to a point where they're a bit strong, so you need some time to be separate. And tell him you respect him and enjoy his company, but you don't want things to be weird between you. Really, he should be flattered, even if it's a bit awkward.