Women who are not loved are hated. Men who are not are

[twentiesgirl86]

Men can have anything they want. The women who are loved protect them and step on women who are not loved.

Even women who aren't loved look down on other women and step on them. People can be just downright nasty to each other at times. It has nothing to do with being loved, although I suppose they may have some confidence since they are loved. I know many women who are single who are * * * * * es though. Hey, I am willing to bet I have my moments since I don't exactly get along with other girls.

 

Why do you think that all strong minded independent women are hated? Look at history women who are the most loved are weak. Men who are the most loved are strong. Men can get away with not being physically perfect and other men dont look down on them for it. Women dont look down on them either. If a woman is not loved and is not perfect physically then she might as well be taken out to the curb. And men and women agree this should be so.

Not really, men who aren't physically perfect get it just as bad as women who aren't. It's the way our society is, sadly. I know a guy who is overweight, has a long beard and everyone sees him as this dirty disgusting man, and they give him a wide berth. When I was in High School, I always believed that once people were adults they would stop with the "oh we can't sit next to him/her she/he is nasty" and they would act as if they would get a disease or something from them. This is something still carried into the adult world, because people do that to him. They will not sit beside him. Both women and men do this, and this is at my work place. It's just life. I've sat beside him because I know what it's like to be treated that way, and I just don't understand why they find him gross anyway.

 

And as for stong independent women are looked down on? I know a lot of women (including me) who are admired for taking care of themselves. I live by myself in a city 40 minutes from my family. I know a small handful of people here, and they all admire me. I've had men tell me they think it's great that I work hard, take care of myself, and don't rely on a man to take care of me. It's good I don't since I don't have a man in my life, so I'd be secluded in my apartment... or else I'd be still living at home. I shudder at that thought.

 

You seem to have a lot of misconceptions about people or you are just around the wrong sort.

 

We love you because you are beautiful even though you are clearly out for yourself and dont have a thought in your head. Bad behaivor should not be excused because of a womans looks

I've witnessed some of this, since I am the ugly one, but I've also witnessed people who pretend to 'love' the beautiful womens behaviour talk crap behind her back. Those women are just as hated, people just don't say much about it. I've seen guys who sit there and smile at the woman who is flirting with everyones boyfriends/husbands and I've seen them flirt back with her because she is beautiful. However, once she is gone they will gone about how she is 'easy' and so forth. Just as the girls who pretend they admire the beautiful girl for being able to wrap men around her fingers, they are all nice to her. They tell her she is beautiful, and lucky. As soon as she leaves they talk crap about her.

[bulletproof]

 

As you've seen in the replies to this, when you complain the unfairness of the dating/relationship game, you're going to get criticism, instead of support. This is because some people are benefiting from that unfairness, while others were strong enough to overcome it.

 

I'm curious- what exactly does that support entail? Should we agree that she is being wronged and that everyone is out to get her? Because we all know that's not true. And what good would it do for her if we do agree? Will that help change things for her?

 

Life and dating are as fair or unfair as we make them out to be. After we become adults, our lives are in our own hands. The only choice that the o.p. has is to stop being a victim and start changing the things she actually has control over, as opposed to wishing life was "fair" and thinking that everyone is terrible.

[Sparkly Eyes]

 

Life and dating are as fair or unfair as we make them out to be. After we become adults, our lives are in our own hands. The only choice that the o.p. has is to stop being a victim and start changing the things she actually has control over, as opposed to wishing life was "fair" and thinking that everyone is terrible.

 

Yes, we do have some control over our lives, but you can't deny that there are tons of things we can't control. This new age attitude that we can do everything we want has become rather funny. Sure we can try to make things better, but saying life and dating are as fair and unfair as we make them to be is not accurate by any means. There are facts about life that exist, some of them are extremely cruel. We can try to avoid letting those facts running our lives but sometimes it's not as easy or even possible.

[Seraphim]

I'm curious- what exactly does that support entail? Should we agree that she is being wronged and that everyone is out to get her? Because we all know that's not true. And what good would it do for her if we do agree? Will that help change things for her?

 

Life and dating are as fair or unfair as we make them out to be. After we become adults, our lives are in our own hands. The only choice that the o.p. has is to stop being a victim and start changing the things she actually has control over, as opposed to wishing life was "fair" and thinking that everyone is terrible.

 

I agree, once we are an adult we can make choices about how we can choose to respond to situations. If we feel bad about something there is lots of help out there. I think it is a big help to realize NO one's life is fair and life is not fair. There is no such thing as fair. We can choose how we react though. Everyone makes a choice about whether they want to be a victim or a survivor. Life IS what you make it.

 

As a child I was physically,emotionally and sexually abused. I was sexually abused by several men, when I was a child. I was also date raped as an adult (19). I could choose to say, " all men are nasty violent pigs". I decided not to do that and choose to look at everyone as an individual. I chose to get married and have a child who is a boy. I have had 4 miscarriages and my living child is learning disabled. More chances to be bitter and angry and hate women who can have lots of kids. I choose not to. I choose to see my son as a great blessing. I could choose to be bitter to people who had a blessed childhood, but why?? Would it help me?? Nope. Instead I am happy for them. If I can choose to see the blessings in life despite the cards I was given anyone can because I am no one special, just your average normal woman. It CAN be done and you CAN choose how to act and how to feel about things.

[LisaRoseP]

Look at every tv show with a husband and wife. I guarantee you that the husband can be average looking but his wife is always at least above average. Oh an dont get me started on has been men in hollywood with wives young enough to be their daughters. If a woman dares date someone younger she called every name in the book. Before you say that they are with them because of money. That is not true. Women can see past physical beauty and actually see a mans personality. Look at starring roles going to men well into their seventies. You still think we are even?

[Seraphim]

You know TV and Hollywood are not normal nor every day real life. I would not compare your life to that, that is just begging for problems. Don't compare yourself to anyone.

[Sparkly Eyes]

Look at every tv show with a husband and wife. I guarantee you that the husband can be average looking but his wife is always at least above average. Oh an dont get me started on has been men in hollywood with wives young enough to be their daughters. If a woman dares date someone younger she called every name in the book. Before you say that they are with them because of money. That is not true. Women can see past physical beauty and actually see a mans personality. Look at starring roles going to men well into their seventies. You still think we are even?

 

Well, I have rejected a lot of men due to their looks, so it's not as black and white that you paint it. Lots of women go for good looking men, don't fool yourself into thinking no woman is shallow. But, I do agree with you that society puts a lot of pressure on women and men have things easier in general.

[LisaRoseP]

I am only posting on here because I am breathing. My life is non existant. I had so much potential and now I am no one and I stay in my room now and cry. I dont know what else to do. I have nothing else to do but post on here. I have no other form of communication with anyone besides fb. At least on here I get responses. I read posts on here and I wish I could help the sad people on here but I am so wrapped up in my own misery I dont feel like I can. All I think is that if I wasnt breathing then I would not have a problem. I feel like life is a party I was dragged to and now if I am not mingling then I am ridiculed.

[agent1607307371]

As long as you're alive, you have potential.

 

Why are you ridiculed? What steps are you taking towards making the life you want?

[Seraphim]

Have you been to a dr? Have you been assessed for depression? Have you had an counseling at all?

[LisaRoseP]

Thats the ultimate point. I have been in therapy since I was a teen. I am wasting money and getting no where. I do not make alot of money even with medical insurance to pay a therapist every week that cannot help me. I have been in 2 week programs. I have even been hypnotized to change. I have taken medicine. I have spent my whole adult life trying to feel better meanwhile I am constantly buying wedding and baby shower gifts. Watching other women go from a house they were loved right to another one without skipping a beat. I cant bear that I am a loser and unwanted. Some of these women were handed love on silver platter. I cant even earn it.

[Seraphim]

Sometimes though people do not want help. They go through the motions. My husband has done this for a long time. Finally in the past 2 years therapy is working for him because he is willing to actually listen. You have to actually in your heart and mind be willing to listen to the help.

[bulletproof]

This new age attitude that we can do everything we want has become rather funny.

 

I disagree that it's a new age attitude. I think the newer attitude that's developed over time is the idea that everything should be handed to us on a platter. Doesn't work that way. Do I think we can do everything we want? Of course not. I am not running out to be an Olympic athlete tomorrow, because I have missed that window. But the things that are within our reach are way more possible than we ever think, and I would include relationships in that category. The OP's attitude is not doing her any favors. Even if she adjusted her attitude and never met anyone to date, she would still be happier simply because she adjusted her attitude.

[twentiesgirl86]

Look at every tv show with a husband and wife. I guarantee you that the husband can be average looking but his wife is always at least above average. Oh an dont get me started on has been men in hollywood with wives young enough to be their daughters. If a woman dares date someone younger she called every name in the book. Before you say that they are with them because of money. That is not true. Women can see past physical beauty and actually see a mans personality. Look at starring roles going to men well into their seventies. You still think we are even?

That`s not exactly a good example though. There aren`t many couples out there like Peter and Lois, or Doug and Carrie, or Homer and Marge. I always find that to be completely nonsense most of the time. It would be nice if life worked like that, but in real life it`s very rare. Most of the time you`ll see two good-looking people together and two average people together. It might happen from time to time where you`ll see a gorgeous man/woman with an average man/woman but it's not often.

[nutbrownhare]

Global statements about 'men', 'women', 'beautiful women' or anything which contains the word 'always' are worth looking at - because generally speaking they relate to decisions we have made about the world when we were very young; they are likely to become self-fulfilling prophecies because we will home in on events which confirm our beliefs and discount the ones which don't.

 

If our world view is positive and works well for us, then no change is necessary. However, given the emotional difficulties the OP is having, hers is clearly giving her a lot of pain and unnecessary suffering. If we grew up in families where we felt loved and wanted, we are far more likely to make decisions about the world which are helpful in later life.

 

The good news is that all these decisions can be changed - to more realistic ones. Sometimes the task of therapy is to uncover what all those original decisions actually WERE, because they are buried deep in our unconscious and outside our awareness - though they continue to operate powerfully in our lives in the here and now.

 

The OP is actually in a good situation because she is very clear about what those original decisions were; examples of this would be "I am a loser and I am unwanted" - which pays no attention to any achievements she may have had, friendships or people she may have rejected who DID want her. The problem is that someone with this mindset will unconsciously try to have relationships with people who genuinely don't want her (and none of us is likely to be wanted by everybody in the world!) and ignore the ones who do. Or will sabotage otherwise successful relationships which would contradict the underlying "I am unwanted" belief.

 

This can swiftly be reversed by looking back honestly at past events, which are likely to be a lot more subtle and complicated than the simple "I am unwanted"; even in therapy, the therapist's help is likely to be limited ('therapy doesn't work - YOU do!') and it's possible to start the process of personal growth immediately by making self-affirmations (plenty of resources online about this). By constantly affirming ourselves, the positive statements will start to operate unconsciously even if we don't really believe them. It takes work - but the choice is ours!

[Danny77]

Thats the ultimate point. I have been in therapy since I was a teen. I am wasting money and getting no where. I do not make alot of money even with medical insurance to pay a therapist every week that cannot help me. I have been in 2 week programs. I have even been hypnotized to change. I have taken medicine. I have spent my whole adult life trying to feel better meanwhile I am constantly buying wedding and baby shower gifts. Watching other women go from a house they were loved right to another one without skipping a beat. I cant bear that I am a loser and unwanted. Some of these women were handed love on silver platter. I cant even earn it.

 

 

I love you.

 

I don't even know you but I love you.

 

One day, someone's gonna buy you a wedding gift.

 

Don't be mad at the "silver platter people".

What you're gonna have will be earned.

Earned is always so much better.

 

Smiley face

 

Sorry for my "lol" earlier but I just loved your rant.

 

pals?

[LisaRoseP]

I love you.

 

I don't even know you but I love you.

 

 

 

 

 

One day, someone's gonna buy you a wedding gift.

 

Don't be mad at the "silver platter people".

What you're gonna have will be earned.

Earned is always so much better.

 

 

Smiley face

 

Sorry for my "lol" earlier but I just loved your rant.

 

pals?

definitely pals. Thank you!

[Iakasot]

Men can have anything they want? I beg to differ. Men get rejected and dumped a lot more than women do. Women generally fall in love slower and fall out of love quicker than men. It's been documented in academic literature. Check out this study: link removed

 

Maybe reading this can help you stop feeling so under-priveleged. I'm confused as to why you keep making new topics, as opposed to replying to the points people make in previous ones, then saying you were ignored and saying no one wants to help you, when in fact me and others have been trying to help you.

[teabee]

I have observed similar patterns here and there. But I promise, the more you focus on it, the more you see it EVERYWHERE. So if it doesn't make you feel very good, sometimes you've got to ask yourself if it's worth your attention. There's lots of other examples to the contrary that you could put your focus on, and if it makes you feel better, then you're doing yourself a service by focusing on those better-feeling things instead.

 

I don't have any doubt that you can have all the things you want, and you definitely deserve it all!! The cool thing is, the more off track you feel, the more good stuff there is in store for you if you would let it come to you. But the more you look towards what you don't want, the more you get what you don't want and delay what you do want.

[LisaRoseP]

I observed last night on my way home that I truly am no one, without tears. I am not appreciated even by people I do things for. What chance do I have being one of those empty headed women who were loved by their father and other men for doing absolutely nothing! They get everything for free and I cant buy it. I am so depressed and I have to pretend im okay so i can go make my peanuts even after I have worked hard all my life. Nothing comes of it.

[LisaRoseP]

I observe that people who dont agree with what I say do not want to admit its true. I mean we dont want to tarnish the halos of women who are loved by admitting that they look down on other women. If a woman who is loved by everyone and behaves badly and other women call her on it its like oh they are just jealous of you honey because you are loved and you are so beautiful. You are so beautiful honey that you can just mistreat any woman you want and jts okay. You poor thing you cant help your beautiful and that mean old woman is just jealous of you. Oh yes everytime a woman gets mad at another woman she is just jealous! Of course we cant expect women especially beautiful ones to be accountable for their behavior. Men who are gorgeous but act like jerks are still called jerks by women no matter how good looking they are and they are held accountable for their actions. Women who are beautiful can pretty much get away with anything in society. And its ALWAYS oh they are just jealous of you honey.