Yeah, so the ex thinks I'm talking bad about her and hates me

[soru]

So the other day, I get a text message from her saying "Thanks for telling people I have mono, which I don't. You really want us to be besties don't you?"

 

I was like " * * * " because first of all, she told me on her birthday that her and her friend may have had mono. I just repeated what she said to people who wanted to help me out and give me their feedback on the situation. I tried texting her, saying that I'm not talking badly about her but she doesn't even respond. Then I try to call her and she just ignores my call, so I just leave her a voicemail trying to explain what happened, and wondering why she's getting angry at me for saying what she said to me. I mean just a few days ago I tried to send her a email saying that I didn't want animosity between us and that I still cared for her, but she was already angry at me because I called her out on how she's changed, but once again, it wasn't me bashing on her but being honest and actually concerned.

 

My friend who is a mutual friend with her on facebook messaged her and said "he still cares for you, so he isn't talking * * * * ."

 

And she just replied "Well tell him sorry and to leave me alone."

 

What should I do?

[Mellie]

What's mono?

 

What should you do? Easy. Nothing. You've apologised. That's it.

 

You might want to review the "people who wanted to help me out". Sounds like someone's been stirring rather than helping anyone.

[Eocsor]

Do nothing, shes your ex. Who cares at this point what she thinks, it's over. You really shouldn't care at this point.

[DN]

I don't understand why you felt it necessary to tell people she had mono even if she did.

[soru]

I didnt just single handely tell people she had mono, i just briefly mentioned it. I wasnt blabbing to people "Oh, she has mono!" I wasnt even stressing that. The main thing i was talking about to people when i needed to vent was that she lost her confidence in herself. Why? I dont know. But that was the main thing. I didnt even make a big deal out of it. Plus, she HERSELF told me. Rather nonchalantly too. It didnt seem like a big deal to her. ESPECIALLY if she can tell an ex boyfriend that when she just broke up with him, knowing that he still had feelings for her. If she can do that to me without feeling bad, then me repeating what she said to me shouldnt be a problem.

[DN]

Well, I think you were in the wrong to mention it, I don't see what purpose it served. I would be mad at you too in her place.

[mhowe]

If you want to talk about the end of your relationship, feel free. If you want to talk about what is going on in your ex's life, refrain yourself. She is your ex.

[soru]

Well, I think you were in the wrong to mention it, I don't see what purpose it served. I would be mad at you too in her place.

 

I can see how this can easily be interpreted as me spreading her business and making her out to be something bad. But its just Mono. How is that even such a big deal? She told me she thought she had it, and I mentioned it to my friends. Now she's acting like she never even told me, but whatever. I had no intention of making her out to be something like a * * * * or anything, i didn't put it in that context and I tried explaining that to her. She thinks I made that a big deal when I just barely brought it up compared to the overall picture of the scenario. I'm hurt. I need people's feedback about my situation. I need confidants. So I try to give them as much information as I can for them to better help me. So of course I'm going to analyze her actions and what she says to me. She outright told me this possibility of mono like it didn't even matter. She thinks I'm going to people saying "hey and you know what? SHE HAS MONO!" Which I'm clearly not. So before she comes to me freaking out because someone goes up to her and says I said that she had it, she needs to come to me and ask me in a better manner, instead of automatically getting hostile without knowing the context.

[DN]

There is no reason why you can't go to people for support but you can still be discreet - how does these people knowing that she has mono help you or anyone else? How is it relevant?

 

I don't blame her for being hostile - you had no business sharing that information with anyone.

 

I don't want to make you feel worse but you aren't helping yourself here - I doubt these people that you shared that information with think much of you for doing so and at least one of them shared it with her. You need to be more discreet for your own sake if not for hers.

[Firiel]

I totally see where you are coming from. I don't think mono is a big deal at all... it's not like you were telling people she had herpes or anything. But, you know, it's a break-up, which means that emotions are running high on both sides. Try to curb your venting. I know it's part of the healing process, but try to vent to/ask advice from only your close friends. Her emotions are running high too, which is probably one reason she is upset. She is probably worried that you are implying she is loose or something. And remember-- it doesn't matter what she thinks of you anymore because you two are broken up. Take this as a lesson to think twice about relating information about another person, because even if you think it's harmless, the other person may be very embarrassed about it. It's a learning experience, and it's good you learned about it with a relationship that had already ended instead of accidentally offending a current GF!

[soru]

There is no reason why you can't go to people for support but you can still be discreet - how does these people knowing that she has mono help you or anyone else? How is it relevant?

 

I don't blame her for being hostile - you had no business sharing that information with anyone.

 

I don't want to make you feel worse but you aren't helping yourself here - I doubt these people that you shared that information with think much of you for doing so and at least one of them shared it with her. You need to be more discreet for your own sake if not for hers.

 

It shouldn't have been relevant if she was willing to tell me it out the blue. So since its irrelevant, she shouldnt be mad at me. If I found out another way, then I wouldnt have brought it up

[DN]

OK, well have it your way.

[soru]

OK, well have it your way.

 

I get what your saying. And it is my fault. But its misunderstood and I really can't do anything to fix it.