soru

DAMMIT I WANT WHAT WE HAD BACK! I will get it back. Patience and positivity and focusing on myself is whats important now. I will continue to push on, whatever the outcome. But I want you back.

Well, you are treating me to be some weird creeper now? You block me on facebook even after I give you your birthday card and you still block me like I'm some creep? We've been together for a year and a few months. We did so much together in that time frame. We were happy...And now you're probably tainting my efforts as me being some obsessed and uninteresting ex? I'm hurt by you. I feel betrayed. I dont believe this. Any of it. But I have to accept what it is now. I will one day...one day, find someone who appreciates me. Someone who appreciates the guy who once made you cry with happiness. God, everything is so distorted and twisted into this ugly image of what you think I am. So wrong.

Yesterday was the 16th. The day we always celebrated being our anniversary. I knew it was the beginning of the end when you decided to hang out with your friends instead of spend time with me on the 16th of last month. The girl I once knew would have NEVER had done that. You don't care anymore and I see that now. But this pain that I'm feeling? At least it shows that I really did love you. Something that I still feel even now, despite the cold hearted person you've become. I need to throw out these feelings because all its doing is bringing me this horrible pain in my heart thats burning a massive hole into me. I want someone new to come and save me from my suffering. Someone who will love me for being the loving partner that I am. That was something you could no longer do or appreciate.

You're lost. Why am i so foolish to continue going to you? You can give or take me. Like I'm just a piece of trash whose stuck in the past...I thought what we had was real. I didn't think you would just rip my heart out and leave me there to bleed out. For a while, I did think you were different than all the others. But instead you proved how cold and heartless you have become. I lost so much money on you. To make you happy. I wasted so much time in doing things to remind you that I loved you. I never ever heard or seen anybody do the stuff I did for you. It was true passion and love on my part. Yet you still wanna just wanna desert me like I am old news. I promise myself that next week will be the last you ever hear from me this summer. Since you don't care whether if I'm there or not, then why don't I just disappear from you for good? I bet that will be a relief for you huh? I was a great guy to you. You basically left me out of boredom? For another guy? We were holding one another a mere twenty four hours before you suddenly admit to wanting to break up with me when I needed you for comfort. Why are you so fickle? So cold? Whatever. I tried my best. I gave it my all. I'm hurting, and these dreams that I have of us isn't making it any easier. This anger that I have...Its all out of frustration. I know how sweet you can be, and how misguided you can be. Right now, you are confused, misguided, and unsatisfied. Maybe when some time passes we can try again. Right now its obviously not going to work...Right now your heart isnt ready for my love.

You're possibly having a great time without me. It hurts to know that you can give or take me right now. As I'm sitting here, struggling consistently for my happiness, you're just moving along without a problem. I wish I was like that. But I have an emotional love for you. Even though you can dump our relationship on the side like this, it's hard for me to do the same. You were my ideal girl. I fell in love with just not your phsyical traits, but your personality as well. I fell in love with your mannerisms, your voice, your opinions, everything. I fell in love with...you. Moving on is tough. I haven't heard from you in days. All I asked for was just one evening with you, but you gave me the cold shoulder... I accept our breakup and will let this birthday card be the final word you hear from me this summer until we go back to school in August. Then I will be seeing your face again... but deep down inside I want us back. This all just seems so cruel.

Saturday was supposed to be the day I took you to see your favorite band for the first time...

So today I learn from my friend that you miss me...yet its over. How silly is it for me to continue to hold onto something that isn't even gonna happen? You keep contacting me every few days, and deep down inside, I know that I shouldn't respond to you, but just the idea of communicating with you brings me some form of happiness. All of my hopes of us getting together again has now been totally shattered. The progress I made by holding onto a small dose of hope has now been revoked. It's gonna be an emotional summer for me.