I'm Curious as to why ....

[Mike_Wazowski]

Why is it that our generation cheat / divorce / complain, are more selfish, etc .... more than our parents or grandparents generation? What is it inside a lot of us that make us do this?

 

You know my grandmother and mother were both virgins when they got married, I'm sure my grandfather and father were too, and I'm sure that a lot of others were too who got married in those times.

 

They based their Love for each other on wanting to live and love each other for a lifetime, raise a family, not on how good they were in bed.

 

My grandparents were married for 55 years, through the good times and the bad times.

 

My parents also have been married for close on 45 years. Again through the good and bad times. I'm definitely sure that neither ever, ever, ever had an affair....

 

Well..here's my opinion on why....Basically I believe it is an issue of Values. In our time, our values are slipping big time. We are becoming more accepting of things that once were thought to be taboo. For example, a man and a woman living together before marriage, or the recently acceptance of Gay marriage, etc... etc....

 

Firstly, I'm not judging anyone. I'm the last person to be judging. But I can see how we as the Human race are accepting of many things that we know are wrong....

 

My grandmother use to have an expression that she used to her dying day....'The World is going to heck in a handbasket.'

 

'Heck' should be 'Hell' but good ole Gram would never utter such a word.

 

Enjoy heaven Gram...You deserve to be there! too bad i don't!

[sisterlynch]

Hi there, You make a valid point and I agree that people's values are going away. People don't value themselves or other people. Everyone shows favortism, people are vague, they have a lack of direction, they end up hurting themselves because they feel so empty and devoid of any feelings.

 

It is partially fear of showing others who you are, it is the easy life styles that we are all living, it seems that we value things depending on how hard they are to get.

 

People need to look in the mirror and value what you have, smile more, enjoy yourself. Life isn't going to be here for ever. We need to value ourselves now and not worry so much, Amen!

[goddess23]

hey. i agree things have changed, although i dont think everything that has changed means our values are slipping, i mean i feel that some things that have changed have been for the better. about people living together before marraige and such, i think because of times changing meaning peoples lifestyles, this has become normal. in the old days, its not like at 18 you go to school and live on your own, you would stay at home and work or get married, so the oppertunity or convenience of living with someone else just didnt seem necessary. the virginity issue, its like the whole world has become more sexually open about it. honestly, theres this show called my first time, and there are some old people that talk about their experiences of losing their virginity (BEFORE MARRAIGE). it may be a LITTLE more common, first of all because of contraceptives, as well as the openess and exposure of sex to us. but in the old days people did it, but it wasnt talked about or broadcasted in a fairly positive light. there are exceptions, i mean i dont know about your backround, but it seems north america has always been the more open nation about it. my parents were both virgins as well but it was more the culture and where they lived. and its quite the same today in those countries. so i really dont think that todays generation has lost its values, there are exceptions, but i wouldnt generally say that. i think that it is more open, and that it is more casual, but not necessarily more common. the gay thing, i think its about people realizing that judging is just wrong no matter what the issue. i personally dont think its right, that it goes against nature, whereas sex before marraige really doesnt when you think about it. but i would like to keep my virginity until marraige although i dont think its wrong if you do before as long as you know in your heart you do the right thing. yes times have changed, and to the naked eye, it may seem like its a loss of character in the generation but i think it has alot to do with the way life has changed as well, making it alot more grey then just black and white.

[kungfumaster]

In my humble opinion, I think people take things for granted too much and some people are just too plain lazy.

 

I think in our world today, people and things are so disposable because we feel that if we can't get fulfillment from someone or something, we can get just get rid of it and move on to something else, or find something else. This is because everything is so readily accesible to us that was not so readily accesible in our parents or grandparents generation (due to scientific progress, and general growth of knowledge): information (through internet), entertainment (through tv, movies, etc), education, companionship, sex, etc... and even love (as some people perceive through internet dating sites - which I have nothing against, but trying to make a point). We live in a culture where, if we don't have a life, we can just switch on the tv instantly and watch a reality show, and live there lives for an hour or two. Everything is a just almost a "remote control" away, whether it will be a certain feeling, or something - we can get it, without thinking of how it affects other people.

 

So, in my opinion, our generation has experienced more divorce, cheating, etc., because we just plain take things for granted too much and that we are just plain lazy. We think we don't need to work hard to live a life, or even to make a relationship work, etc, so we just cheat, or give up, or complain, etc. Everything is relatively "easier" for us than in our parents generation.

 

My $1.50.

Kung fu

[peanut15]

I do have to say that a lot of our values are going down the drain. I think a lot of us believe we have values but thinking and showing are another thing. I think our generation is spoiled and selfish. If we don't get what we want right here and right now, we just don't care who we hurt to get what we want in the short term. I think that our parents have done so much to give us what we want and need that we have accustomed ourselves to getting anything we want and thus have become selfish. I also know that many of the people that have had relationship problems are not patient people. They expect too much from their partner that if they don't get it when expected, the do irrational things. As with my husband, he's not a patient person and he's a pretty selfish person. I am the complete opposite. He comes from a family with no discipline or structure. My family is the complete opposite. I value family and have always participated in family functions while he is just not used to the idea and has a hard time realizing that holidays, etc are important. He does adore my family and wishes that he was raised in the environment I was in.

 

I do think that people have a different idea of committment. One guy I knew believed in it but also thought that marriage will end up in divorce. My husband I know believed in committment but only to a certain point. I know his parents didn't teach him how to treat women with respect but expected him to do so anyway. He lost his virginity really early and also had this vision that sex was not really a cherished thing in a relationship. He saw it as a need to fulfill but then again, I know a lot of men and women who are like that as well.

 

I think I'm rambling but I hope you get my point.

[mscolly]

You say our generation (you 36, I'm 10 yrs older), but have you spoken to any 20-30 yr olds recently? Here, in Italy at least, it's frightening. They believe in nothing, have few real ideas of their own, the idea of working today for better things tomorrow is alien to them. I hear a lot of them say things like "I have an obligation to myself to get all of the fun I can today, as when I'm adult (I think they mean over 30, and/or settled) it won't be possible to have fun anymore".

 

Where does this idea that only youngsters have fun come from? Why is fun only fast cars, fast women, video games, drinking and porno films downloaded from the internet? Why this lack of faith in the future?

 

Perhaps our generation has some blame here?

[goddess23]

i dont think any generation is to blame or is worse then others. i will admit that our generation is probably lazier due to the advances in technology. but i have to disagree with peanut. i mean the idea that we are more selfish? that if we dont get things right away and such. sounds like we're 3 year olds. i dont believe our GENERATION is like that, there may be individuals like that from all generations, but i woudnt say our generation is generally like that. about our parents making sacrifices, dont you think when we have children we will do the same?? yes parents have done alot for us, but i think we would do the same. i think its a little overboard to catagorize any generation in a way, because i think its just a matter of being more open, or being forced to be more open about many issues. the idea of relationships, i think its all an individual thing, nothing to do with the era we live in. as you said peanut, that you are different, your partner may be different but it has nothing to do with the generation, you both (im assuming) are from the same one lol. our values are changing, not necessarily becoming wrong. maybe its the place i live, maybe its the culture im from, but i just dont see what you all see.

[peanut15]

Goddess23...I felt a little insulted by your post. First of all there is a BIG age gap between us...a 16 year gap to be exact. I am 32 and you are 16. You are still so young that you don't understand what I see since you have the "entire world in front of you". I've been there and done that already. When you get to my age (which isn't old at all), you may realize what we are really talking about.

 

Times have changed from the time I was in high school...forward that 15 years after college, graduate school, marriage, and giving birth to 2 kids, values change and your views of the world change.

 

I was talking to many of my friends around my age group and they see that a lot of us in our generation is more selfish, self-centered, and lazy. Yes, we may work hard but we also expect someone else to do the other things for us. We expected to be in love then get married but then also had our spouse sign a prenuptial agreement (just in case). That didn' t happen in my marriage but I know a lot of others that had to sign one.

 

At your age, you have so many ideals and are ready to conquer the world...but once you hit 30 its like reality sets in and if you weren't ready then oh well.

[goddess23]

hey i didnt mean to insult you, it was just i disagreed with your post. the idea of my age, i agree that age does change the way you see the world, but i really am one of the most mature 16 year olds you'll meet. even i realize that times have changed since i was in elementry, and things are changing, people are changing. it seems everything is happening at a younger and younger age. but dont you see some of the points in my previous posts? i almost feel as if you're disreguarding my opinion because of my age. i dont know what to say, i really am sorry if you felt insulted, but it wasnt meant as an insult, but as an opinion. i encourage to re read it, as i will yours. im not saying that nothing has changed, but it just seems a little harsh to make assumptions and generalizations about any generation.

[hardcore]

hey just don't know could it be to the porn stuff aging don't know

[Mike_Wazowski]

Thanks for the replies..keep them coming...I value everyone's opinion but maybe since I am 39 years old, I was directing this post to those in a similar age group.....

 

One good example of how things have changed is TV....

 

Let it to Beaver..... My Three Sons...Father Knows Best....The Brady Bunch...etc...

 

In these types of shows, the biggest problems facing the characters were things like Beaver Cleaver pulling a girls hair at school or accidently breaking dad's car window, or calling a kid at school a rat. Peter brady breaking moms favorite vase and gluing it back togther..hahaha....

 

Nowadays topics are like my daughter's pregnant, so and so getting shot at school...etc...

 

you also see a distinct difference in the parent child relationships....Children disrespecting their parents and teachers, metal detectors in our schools....gangs....Music full of obscenities telling us to disrespect authority, hate the police etc......

 

These are all extreme examples but I think those in my generation can understand where I am coming from.....

 

Someone I think it was a 16yr old girl mentioned something to the fact that living together before marriage is a good thing. Did you know that couples who live together before marriage have a higher divorce rate then those who don't....Go figure......

 

My initial opinion still stands...The world is going to Hell in a handbasket!

[goddess23]

ahhh i never said its a good thing. read it over man! i know you were thinking to get responses from ppl more in your age group, but i think that would only give you one perspective. the television shows, yes its true what you're saying, but it seems like technology is the main culprit for all these changes. metal detectors in school, dont you think some kids kept a knife or something in their bag? but its technology that has made it more obvious these things are happening. and btw, those type of issues are very rare. as i said before, it seems like the area i live in or the culture that im surrounded by may affect my opinion, but for me these issues are very rare. and although i admit it is more common, i dont think you can blame our parents, or us as humans. its more the circumstances that technology and lifestyle has brought that make these things more common. like today the average age to get your period is 12, while when my mother was growing up, most girls got it alot later, it seems like everything is fast forwarding. just re read my posts PLZZZZZ, read it CAREFULLY.

[Mike_Wazowski]

Well Goddess....I don't think Beaver Cleaver ever packed a knife....

hahaha!

 

seriously though...maybe i miss read your message. My entire point with this thread has been that even though many things in the 21st century are improvements on past things, such as technology, medicine, etc.... The basic human relationship between people has not improved, infact it has worsened a lot. Divorce rates are higher, infidelity is higher, crime is rampant .......shall I go on?

 

Lest I repeat myself...."The World is Going to Hell in a handbasket"

[kungfumaster]

This is kind of off topic, sort of, but I found it interesting Mr. Wazowski when you mentioned you found a statistic saying that there is a higher rate of divorce for people who lived together prior to being married.

 

I find it interesting because one of my closest friends and my parents believe it not a good idea to move in together before marriage, and I'm starting to agree. Here is why. I think the couples that move in together thinking "oh, let's give it a try to see if we can live together" - a sort of "test" of whether they are marriage material, to see if they run into any problems while living together - I think these couples are the ones that get divorced (or break up, before they get married) - as preliminarily, is supported by the statistic mentioned by Mr. Wazowski.

 

I think these couples do not take the "traditional" notion of marriage seriously enough: you are together for the rest of your lives, through sickness and in health, through despair and happiness, through failure and successes, through thick and thin, etc... and moving in together, before marriage, I think kind of weakens this "traditional" notion of marriage (I hope I'm making sense here). For the couples that move in together before marriage, it might seem like a "logical", sensible choice before considering marriage - but at the same time, I think it is the "easy way out" in a way. What I mean is that, basically, these couples are saying to themselves, - "hey, if we can't live together (for whatever reasons), then we just won't get married" - period. But I think the reality is that if we get married before we live together, the stakes are higher and hence, people will work harder to keep the marriage together instead of blowing it off when they live together before marriage. I'm not sure if I got my point accross - sorry if this doesn't make sense to anyone.

 

Anyway - just an opinion.

 

BTW, Toronto rock goddess23! I miss it

 

Nice topic Mr. Wazowski.

 

Kung fu.

[mahlina]

Well said Kungfumaster!! =D> I coudln't have said it any better. My parents are against it, and I agree. We're not bashing anyone here, but that's just what I see as well. It's kind of like a cop out, I think, when couples move in together too early and end up breaking up. I completely understand what you're talking about where the you mentioned about the notion of taking the 'traditional' values of marriage for granted. It's as if those who do cohabitate before marriage, can easily break up, nonchalantly walk away when things aren't exciting enough. Because #1, that's the mindset that they internalized while living together, prior to commiting to marriage. It's as if they say, "Okay, well we just won't work out. Onto the next person." I never believed in moving in with a boyfriend. Not that it's entirely wrong. Just not my cup of tea, because I'm traditional like that.

 

I think that marriage is a huge issue to consider. It's not about putting on a fancy wedding show, buying the most expensive gown, acting fake, and putting up a front! The meaning of marriage is deeper than that. Yet, I see so many people get sidetracked. Sadly, divorce rates are too high these days. 8 out of 10 of my friend's parents are divorced! Explain that. I don't exactly understand why this is so. I think it's just the attitude that people have these days, where everything is about 'instant gratification': "Me, me, me. Okay, well if you can't give me this, then screw you. I'm #1!! Grrr..." (That's a very typical mentality of a lot of the people from where I live. Can't wait to get the heck out of here!) It makes me sick to see how marriages fall apart, and how children of the marriages have to pay for the consequences. I'm sure that they're not the only ones who are emotionally distraught.

 

Instead of mass media showing all of these 'reality shows' based on the mentality of survival of the fittest (Paradise Island, Survivor, etc.), I think that the people who control mass media should consider other forms of what I think should be 'beneficial' to society as a whole. Instead of focusing on the 'me, me, me' fake mentality, focus on shows that will bring values back into our society. For instance, we should have primetime shows that focus on how to strengthen relationships, how to promote healthier lifestyles, ways to prevent depression, how to cure diseases, or ways to invent new technological innovations that help to reduce toxic pollution on this planet! Things that are worth watching and learning about, things that actually make a positive change. Focus on human incentives. Create shows that help us to idolize 'role models' that are worth idolizing: Princess Diana or Mother Theresa, instead of the typical teeny boppers. We should promote shows which pay more respect to elders, so that we can bring back that chivalry, romance, and common respect back into our culture and onto our society. Maybe it's just me. Because where I live, people don't do this too often. There's this kind of pretentious, selfish, and snobby mentality that I can't stand. It's really suffocating. I truly hope that people won't be breeding that kind of mentality anymore! Instead, we should truly focus on ways to build more positive, happy, and healthier lives. It all starts within the family. So why don't we focus on that for once? (especially those who are the rich elites who control mass media. Why can't they change their mindet? After all, unfortunately, mass media does have an impact on how people perceive their own reality.)

 

thereforeeee, I think that society as a whole, should put in a mass effort to find ways to strengthen marriages, so that we can instill good values for the future generations to come. Afterall, kids are often a mirror image of their parent's values. So let's focus on the things that matter instead of the things that bring instant, short-term happiness, that seem to have value, but don't. It just cracks me up when I think about it. People in my community tend to be really rich. Yet, they're one of the most miserable people that I know. Driving around in their S.U.V.'s, high beaming people, road raging, not caring about anyone but themselves. I realize why divorce rates are so high. Then I wonder how divorce rates are like for those who aren't as rich. I see that some of the lower income people, tend to be one of the happiest individuals. As long as they come home to their family and spouses, that's all that matters. That's what makes them happy. Yet, our society often focuses on egotism, greed, the here and the now, but we don't stop to think about the important things in life. (Maybe some people just internalized a different set of values while growing up. I don't know.) Perhaps this push for an individualistic lifestyle is what's really hurting us in the long run.

 

Anyway, good points Kungfumaster, I completely agree. I thought about this for a while. Thanks for letting me vent. Nice topic! Mahlina

[Roffler]

You say our generation (you 36, I'm 10 yrs older), but have you spoken to any 20-30 yr olds recently? Here, in Italy at least, it's frightening. They believe in nothing, have few real ideas of their own, the idea of working today for better things tomorrow is alien to them. I hear a lot of them say things like "I have an obligation to myself to get all of the fun I can today, as when I'm adult (I think they mean over 30, and/or settled) it won't be possible to have fun anymore".

 

Where does this idea that only youngsters have fun come from? Why is fun only fast cars, fast women, video games, drinking and porno films downloaded from the internet? Why this lack of faith in the future?

 

Perhaps our generation has some blame here?

 

Perhaps we are just gradually getting worse? Did you read the post on the 13 year old experimental friends? That brings me to believe values have gone downhill. I am active, but at least the people I've had sex with I loved.

 

I think our society has allowed everyone to create their own values. Mine are simple. I'm not sure what others are, but freedoms are not necessarily making our society better as a whole.

[Day_Walker]

What is changing is out society as a whole. The world is a completely different place now than it was 55 years ago. We live in a world now were we come into contact with hunderds even thousands of people a day. As a opposed to 55 years ago it would be rare to see that many people in a single day. I dont agree with your assesment that the world is is changing for the worst. People today are confronted with different issues that our grandparents didnt have to deal with. The main thing has to deal with options. Too many things have changed for the better to generalize and say that the world is going to hell. You could also reverse the argument and say the world 55 years ago was filled with racism, sexism and ignorance. Its all about perspective but i believe as a whole that the world never really changes, only ideaologies changed.