Jealousy or Holding On?

[RealCity19]

I have said my story on here before, me and her were best friends for about 8 years, the last two of which we dated. Out of nowhere she broke up with me and had lined up another guy who she knew I hated and who was trying to win her over throughout our entire relationship. I did beg for about three weeks after until she told me she was dating him in which I completely cut off all contact. She still tried to contact me both directly and indirectly but I wanted nothing to do with her so did not respond. Well I am not her friend on FB but friends have told me that everything she is doing on FB was all things we enjoyed as a couple, but she throws his name on the end of it.

 

Well, we both love to travel and have always had a top 5 list of places we wanted to go. I had one in particular that I have always wanted to go to and she would always ask, "Why do you want to go there so bad?". Told her I had only heard good things about it and was immediately intrigued. She still isn't get it, however come to find out, she is planning a trip there this winter according to FB.

 

Why is she doing this? It's been 4.5 months, 3.5 of which have not been speaking terms. Is she holding on, wanting me to chase her? Trying to make me jealous, I just don't understand her motives in this.

[hello678]

Maybe she's just using your personality and reflecting it off herself to make her sound more interesting. Trust me, it happens.

 

Also my ex done the exact same thing with the rebound guy. It still annoys me pretty badly and makes me angry, but i'm dealing with it ok. Tell me, how long until you stop to constantly think about her and care? In your view anyway?

[dramallama]

Firstly, let her travel to wherever she wants. It's not "your" country and perhaps she genuinely wanted to visit there. Regardless, it's not any of your concern whether she goes or why.

 

Secondly, tell your friends to stop telling you what she has said on facebook, and/or stop asking them directly. You don't need to know, and finding out information like that just adds fuel to the fire. Ignorance is bliss and it just keeps your mind occupied on exes to seek out information. Only after you remove ALL methods of obtaining new information can healing have a good chance to work because eventually you can only think about the past for so long until it's just like, "well, I've thought about everything now. I better start thinking of ME."

[mactownman]

I feel ya man. Almost the same story. I was best friends with a girl for about ten years. We dated for the last three (don't date friends!), lived together for two of those. I thought we would get married. However, she broke up with me out of nowhere, had a guy lined up (found out later she was with him the night we broke up!), strung me along for about a week until I found out about the other guy, no contact since then. It was terrible. During the first few weeks I looked at her facebook (stupid, I know). The first pictures she posted post-breakup were of him and her, all over each other, AT MY FAVORITE RESTAURANT! The very same place we went all the time and where I had so many good memories of us. She is immature and cold...and dead to me now.

[RealCity19]

I am getting to that point mactownman. Again, have been NC for almost 4 months, just having trouble realizing the person I confided in for so long is gone an would do something so hurtful to me. I guess it is good knowing I have so much support from our mutual friends as they have completely cut her off as well. This is not her first time pulling this stunt. I was actually in the process of moving in with her as well. It pains me knowing she will never be there again.

[mactownman]

It really is difficult to understand how someone who we cared so much for can do some of the things they have done. From best friends/confidants/lovers to nothing so quickly. Replaced. Through hindsight and reflection I am slowly realizing she is not the person I fell in love with, not the person I thought she was. I have seen her true colors and they are not pretty. It is difficult to accept, but accept you must. We don't need them. They don't make us happy, we make us happy. They are someone else's problem now.

[hello678]

They're probably not the evil satins creed that you guys make them out to be, they're actually very likely just clueless. Some people on this world are bred to take into accounts others feelings. We act in a utilitarian manner and truly do believe that we want to do good by human nature.

 

Others are just concerned about themselves, they do good acts so they arn't judged badly and they are mostly just concerned about what they are doing in any given situation. Asking them to consider someone else is forcing them to think outside of their natural thought process.

 

Because they want to be with you, they are with you. They do the right thing by you, or at the very minimum they lie to you to keep you thinking they do. When they don't want to be with you anymore they do what suits them, dumping you.

 

It boggles my mind that they can just replace you without batting so much of a thought and move on within a couple of weeks. But its just what they are. Moving on suits them as they have a new partner and because they no longer have to please you to suit themselves, they simply stop being concerned about what you think.

[swann]

In my case she turned out to be a narcissistic type of person, I was just clueless to it. She moved on quickly before I even knew what was happening. And I do believe she wanted her old boyfriend the whole time we were together. Apparently she is with him now. And so I do feel like she used me as a "landing pad" till she got her feet back under her. She seems to be living it up on FB I hear. Only been in NC for a month now and the last couple of days I have let her into my head and bother me too much. I just wish I could make any thoughts of her go away and never come back. Not realistic I know but at least let me brush them off more easily.

 

Love that line "she's not my problem anymore" also. Glad she's not, just want to quit giving her free rent in my head.

[RealCity19]

My ex is a combination of all of the above. She's not who I thought she was, she's clueless to others feelings and a narcissist. Hurts to know still but I am starting to realize these things.