Spent my entire birthday weekend with the ex.

[JerkBrokeMe]

Ok. Super brief backstory. I just turned 26. Been with him since I was 16. He broke up with me about 4.5 months ago. This is our first breakup. With each other and, well, ever. Reasons are complicated but mostly due to too much arguing. There's lots more here: , if interested

 

So I just spent my whole birthday weekend with the ex. It felt so much like we were still dating. It was the most fun we've had since the breakup (we see eachother regularly still) and maybe the most fun I've had with him in a couple of years. It felt so much like he was my boyfriend again..it was a crazy feeling. Now reality is setting in and, of course I'm in pain.

 

If anyone read my last thread about why I miss him so much, a lot of this could be added. Even as my ex he does amazing things for me. The day started for him at 5 am when he left his house to come get me. We then took a bus to a theme park and had so so so much fun. We spent my birthday just the two of us. Thats not normal for an ex relationship is it?

 

He held my hand everywhere we went in the park and walked with his arms around me. Opened doors for me. Was protective in crowds. Ordered for me when we ate (add to things I miss). He kept telling me how proud he was of me for going on all the scary roller coasters because I've never really been on any, but I went on all of them. There's no way to explain the vibe that was between us. It was like we both temporarily forgot we were broken up. There was lots of hugging and some kisses. Lots of asking me if I was having a good birthday. We stayed till the park closed and on the bus ride back I took a nap in his arms.

 

When we got back it was around 1 in the morning and he took me out to a bar even though he had to be at work at 6. We had SO much fun there. We got drunk and silly. And then. The Otis Redding song, These Arms of Mine, (listen to/look up the lyrics if you've been broken up with and want to make yourself miserable) came on. We don't dance but he had me get up with him and dance to that song of all songs. By dancing I mean hugging and swaying, btw. I was drunk and happy at the time. The sadness doesn't set in till later.

 

We left the bar around 4 am and he took me home (all the while yelling flipper and black flag songs together..sorry to my neighbors). He was going to stay over since I live about 2 blocks from his job and he lives about an hour away but he didn't have his work clothes.

 

So he went home, brushed his teeth, changed, and left for work without sleeping.

 

When he finished work he came back over for my birthday celebration with my family, since I was gone my whole real birthday. It also happened to be fathers day and he's close to my family. When he came over he went straight to my room and took a nap, asking me to wake him in a couple hours.

 

When I went to wake him he asked for more time but asked me to stay with him. So I got in the bed and he immediately puts his arms around me and went back to sleep. I found this to be (lovely) so odd since the reason he made no plans to stay over on my birthday, even though it would've benefitted him with getting more sleep, was because he said "friends don't sleep together."

 

We went out to dinner with my family, had a nice time. He put his arm around me a few times at the table which was different because there's been zero PDA around my family since he broke up with me. A little while after we got back he was saying he was going to leave soon, he was exhausted, and I said I think they're about to do the cake. And he said "okay, but then I have to go sweetheart." ????!!!! As mentioned in other posts, prior to the breakup he only called me pet names, almost always baby. Sweetheart was a rare one, so I don't just think it was a slip of the tongue. Who knows.

 

When he was leaving we hugged and kissed goodbye. I asked "love me?" he said "I do" and then he surprised me by asking me the same question, to which I gave him the same response.

 

So that was yesterday, haven't heard from him today. I don't expect to for awhile. I've played These Arms of Mine literally about 50 times, just looping over and over last night (after he left) and today. Sometimes enjoying the happy memory, sometimes picturing us having that as our wedding song because this is just a nightmare, sometimes being miserable and crying into his work shirt that he left here (it smells really strongly of him), sometimes just enjoying the beauty of the song.

 

Anyway that's what keeping in contact gets you. You're confused, you analyze everything, you're left hurt again when the contact is over, but if your ex is great like mine, you're also left with amazing memories. And just possibly the best birthday you've ever had.

[Keyman]

I agree it, does sound confusing. It seems like he went to a lot of effort to be confusing though. Have you thought to ask him where he is at and what he is doing?

[JerkBrokeMe]

Yes. The response is always along the lines of "this is too heavy to talk about right now." Even after he admitted he was still in love with me. Even though he hasn't dated anyone else. Even though he seems completely unhappy since the breakup, he just CANT talk about working through things. He can't talk about any feelings, even unrelated BU feelings ever since. He's been shut down in that sense since the day it ended between us.

 

I try and try to get him in therapy. He's clearly going through something.

[punkkat]

I understand exactly what you're going through. We broke up in February. He maintained he wanted to be friends because he thought I was amazing person. So for 3 months I had to deal with him calling me sweetie, buying me presents, wanting to go out for dinners/coffee/movies, watching movies on his couch etc Just like a relationship minus the intimacy. The over-analysis of EVERYTHING was driving me crazy. I asked him if he wanted to get back together, he didn't, more tears because none of the above makes sense if you don't want to be with someone. It hurts because he genuinely is a sweet guy who hasn't treated me like a real jerk and I want to be friends. 1 month ago after a drunken heated argument I finally said this couldn't go on, the break from him was a welcome relief. Unfortunately I've broken NC, hoping to go into LIC, because I don't really want to cut him off completely.

[JerkBrokeMe]

Sorry you're dealing with the same crap. Who initiated you ending the "friendship" and not talking any longer? I tried that once, because he WAS acting like a jerk in the beginning of the breakup - going out all the time and acting like a fratboy. He cried and told me I was the most important person in his life and begged me not to end contact..but he still didn't want to WORK on getting back together. I felt like I was breaking up with him. I stuck to it for like 5 days.

 

Today on the phone he told me he can't stop thinking about the theme park we went to and that it was the most fun he's had in a really long time. He said it was the most fun he's ever had there, and hes gone plenty of times with other people. I thought that was nice. He called me Sweetie by accident and sort of trailed off. I pretended not to notice and then when we hung up a few minutes later I said "bye SWEETIE"

 

It's funny how all of this stuff was so meaningless to me just a few months ago, when we were together. I couldn't have cared less what pet name he called me or if he said he couldn't stop thinking about something we did together. Now I write posts about it on the internet.