delicous Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 So the ex and I are back together again after almost a month of not seeing eachother and only 4 days zero contact. All I did was simple not reply to his text or attempts to call me. I called when I was ready to talk to him and we met up, hung out and decided to be back together. He told me he was confused but now is realizing how much he misses me. I did date other guys while we were broken up. he tells me he hasn't dated any other girls. What I am realizing in most posts people posts including my own self is...We are being to needy. We need to break out of the funk by socializing with our friends, going out when we want to go out even if we dont feel that handsom or pretty...We need to realize we are worth a lot more than what most of these shmucks we are dating or trying to stay together with are giving us. Stop treating these men/women like they are Gods gift to us and start treating them like the regular shmoes they are and have been acting like and treating us like. I think its the best things Ive done so far. I am not done either... Even though we are back together I am not going to go back to my old patterns of texting him every single thought on my freggin mind. Instead I am going to only text if I can't get a hold of him or if its 100% important and cannot wait til we see eachother. I am going to not pick up the phone everytime he calls even if I am available to talk, keep convo's short and be none responsive to many of his attempts... I do love this man and for those of you who know me and what I went through are prob completley angry with me posting about this same man since hes done me wrong many many times... Rule #1 ---let the man/women u claim to love come to u Rule #2--- If they don't text/ call back it means they are A busy or B just don't want to, either way, do not send another one asking "why aren't u texting me back, Im a whiney baby who needs attention NOW" Rule #3--- Remember rule 1 and 2 Rule #4-- If you are just now reconclying or tying to, do not give it up again so easily...Make them work for it I really don't have anymore rules. Just have fun with life and don't treat these people like they are Gods gift to you. Treat them with respect but also show them you have a backbone. Thats all I have to say... Im just noticing a pattern in these threads and just hope this helps some of you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hello678 Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 Werd Very well written. The more you carry on pathetic the more they are going to want to escape from you (trust me). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delicous Posted June 15, 2011 Author Share Posted June 15, 2011 I agree!! Ill let you know if I end up engaged in the next yr..lol or 3 days?....Just kidden..but it seems to be working like a charm. Its a shame we have to play these games but they definetly do work..=) Another thing I wanted to add...Even if you don't choose to be with ur friends or family or whatever, don't text just cuz ur bored. Thats what we did when we were in highschool, not as a healthy adult. Even if your at home, try to avoid answering every time...Its okay to text or call back, just wait an hour or atleast 30 mins...If you can.... wait all day and don't call back til the next. (only if they are being extra shady) Keep them wanting more and only give to them what they give to you. If they are only texting u or calling u once a day, keep that in mind and do not over step it. Some people will think you are crazy, suffocating, a person that requires too much of there attention or all three...So please don't bug the man/women u claim to love just because you are bored and need them to feel the void. I think we all need to learn to feel the void in more healthy ways like leaving the phone at home and going out for a walk, work out...SLEEP...Who cares as long as they don't know... They obviously aren't going to want to know ur sleeping. Tell them u excersized even though u didn't...They'll never know haha...Or better, EXCERSIZE!...lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teaday Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 I think an important thing to keep in mind: while you don't need to share everything, you shouldn't withhold anything either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 If you thought he was cheating on you and you were cheating on him, why on earth do you want to be back with him? I have gone through your threads, you seem to go from one man to another to another with no real time to heal from the hurt they cause you. I mean no disrespect, but I really don't think you should be in a relationship right now. You really need to work with a therapist as to why you can't be without a man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mouseno4 Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 Honestly thought this was going to be another one of those "I missed my ex so much after all this time, so we met up... And then had sex" threads again. Those threads are quite common here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Case_1983 Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 Unfortunately it sucks to play these games but OMG do they work. Good luck. Regardless what you did/he did you have decided to give it another try and sometimes it takes courage to follow your heart with all that history. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TakingtheBlame Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 This is a good thread but, with all due respect, delicious, I don't think this will end well for you. It's one thing when an ex has left BECAUSE you were smothering him and being clingy and having no life...then perhaps this advice can help you to "get him back" and try to reconcile. But OP, judging by your last few threads, this guy was never a proper boyfriend to begin with...he said a lot of pretty things and maybe called you his girlfriend but he basically treated you like a FWB, cheated on someone with you, then possibly cheated on you. Sounded like a very sex-based relationship (and I've had FWBs with whom I stayed the night, had breakfast, introduced to my friends, had a great time with, etc...didn't change the fact they were FWBs.) I do not think being less needy or clingy will fix this relationship, it may make him want you more but it will not change him into an honorable man and he will be back to his tricks in no time. I do hope it works out for you but I caution you to be very very careful about getting involved with this guy again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delicous Posted June 15, 2011 Author Share Posted June 15, 2011 Thank you for reading my previous threads. I really wish I can just delete those things. I was out of control and acting in a very immature matter and so did he. I am not holding justification towards what he did to me, but I am saying if you want a seconde, third, or fourth chance, this is something that not only gets them wondering and contacting you first but also builds your dignity and self worth back up. I do plan on councelling, group therapy once I get a job, right now I do not have one but am trying to stay busy with my bestfriend and friends and family, sleeping is nice, swimming is nice, working out keeps me busy and fit. If it doesn't work out it doesn't work out but Im hopeing we do this time and figured out the resolution which is just giving eachother time to miss one another. Anyone who is married can probaly say they need space even though they love eachother to bits and pieces they still need there time away from there partner. And its also about respecting there space and showing them you trust them. I am not saying I trust him 100% but we are building towards that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delicous Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 Him and I are still doing okay!...Just an update....We are planning on seeing eachother tomorrow. We prob will just stay in and chill or something. Neither of us have very much money to spend on frivilous things. Uummm anyone have any comments or is this post just dead?..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I think that getting him back was some sort of conquest for you, or you are afraid to be alone. You know it deep down that this isn't going anywhere in the longterm based on the dishonesty that this relationship was initially built on. To get strong, and to get out of this cycle of jumping from guy to guy, you need to be with your own thoughts and be okay with being alone before you can really be in an honest give and take relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delicous Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 You are right, I don't want to be alone. This was a conquest but it was also more...I don't care if you think what you think, go ahead and think it. I am totally head over heels for him and not just because " I don't want to be alone." If I didn't want to be alone, Id be being with somebody every night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dramallama Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 You are right, I don't want to be alone. This was a conquest but it was also more...I don't care if you think what you think, go ahead and think it. I am totally head over heels for him and not just because " I don't want to be alone." If I didn't want to be alone, Id be being with somebody every night. But this is what you were going to do when you were broken up with him. You were never out of contact, and you were considering going on dates to fill the void. I think that you DO have a fear of being alone, and just because you have gotten back with your ex, it doesn't change that it's still there. If/when you break up again, work really hard at becoming ok with being alone. Embrace it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delicous Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 I don't fear it. I live alone. I embrace living alone. I can go weeks without seeing him if I wanted to, I just didn't want to. I care about him and thats that. Thanks for your 2 cents though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dramallama Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I don't fear it. I live alone. I embrace living alone. I can go weeks without seeing him if I wanted to, I just didn't want to. I care about him and thats that. Thanks for your 2 cents though. What I mean is, alone without dating/sleeping with someone/being in a relationship/talking to an ex. Without needing the validation of men for at least 6 months straight, just to find yourself again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delicous Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 Sorry, Im not on the same page I guess...I feel like I need the man ive been working to be with in my life. If I go 6 months with out him, Im afraid he will have moved on to someone new. I do not want to miss our chance to be together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dramallama Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Sorry, Im not on the same page I guess...I feel like I need the man ive been working to be with in my life. If I go 6 months with out him, Im afraid he will have moved on to someone new. I do not want to miss our chance to be together. You don't NEED anyone. That's my first point. And if someone dumps you and still hasn't asked to reconcile after 6 months, then they were not yours to have anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delicous Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 He never dumped me. I broke up with him but I gave him his space and he came back to me. If I were to break things up again with us there is no going back again. What I will do is see him less often and do more things for me like excersize on a routine basis, make break fast, spend time with my best friend, look for a job. I do not want to break up though. I know it sounds silly on your side of view but I do really really feel chemistry with this man other than just sexual. HIm and I can just lounge together, not say a word, look at eachother and have that smile and twinkle in our eyes. Its rare to find a man like him and I just cannot go through breaking up again just to " find myself" I will however try to find myself a little more while Im away from him. We will not spend every day together. I will resist that pattern I put myself into o so many times before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iBroken Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 If you thought he was cheating on you and you were cheating on him, why on earth do you want to be back with him? I have gone through your threads, you seem to go from one man to another to another with no real time to heal from the hurt they cause you. I mean no disrespect, but I really don't think you should be in a relationship right now. You really need to work with a therapist as to why you can't be without a man. Exactly this! Sorry, while you might be "over the moon" about this reconciliation, I have a hard time believing it will last. Based on your threads and posts, he is only around to fill the lonely void. When you were with him, you were all hung up on your ex - constantly posting in the "Post here instead of contacting your ex" thread. You talk about your ex a lot. Then when you and your current guy split, you are out dating others? You two have a very toxic relationship and I dont see this lasting long Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delicous Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 I think its negative people like you that cause relationships not to last! There are a lot of people who claim to be your friends who just want you to be as miserable as they are. Its sickening, thats why I don't really take enotalone too seriously...A lot of petty problems that don't need advise for but we still choose to post here anyways. This posts was about No contact, not about me and my situation. There are people on here who support me and are happy for us being back together. But they choose not to posts because they do not want to get into an argument. Me?, I don't care if I get into an argument. Its just a discussion that I feel needs to be discussed. Uumm So no contact worked for me to get my ex boyfriend back. Thats what this thread was about. Yes, I did go through a lot of mourning over my first love but I fell in love again which I didn't think would ever happen. I care about my new guy more than my old guy. I don't know if we will last forever but I am willing to bet we will last as long as we don't do anything to hurt eachother again or disrespect eachothers space. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delicous Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 So a few minutes after got out of work he called just to say hi, hasn't talked to me since he left my place this morning. Boo Ya! lol, Im seriously liking no contact=) No more me texting mushy text just cause i feel like it. Calling or replying to text. Im not starting them anymore, he can...=) Guys like to be the pursuer anyways right?...lol I love being with this guy, nothing else matters... I see him and I staying together and he see's it too even though not many others do. Thanks for the support guys, even the harsh critisism.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartbroken84 Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 lucky you, wish I was in the same position Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delicous Posted June 18, 2011 Author Share Posted June 18, 2011 Going no contact works, believe me, im walking and talking proof..however it didn't work with my first love because I didn't try no contact, i did the opposite. now we cannot even be ffriends because his wife has him by the balls.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iBroken Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 You didn't do NC long enough for it to "work" - You guys were apart for like a couple of weeks. And I don't think that I am "negative". I have a very positive outlook on life and love. But given the threads you throw up, you guys have issues. You remind me of my ex. Hopping in and out of relationships just to fill the lonely void of dealing with your own issues. Your threads are the catalyst that make me think that this just is toxic and is not going to work. Take my feedback as you want. Negative or not. Maybe in a years time, when you are a year older, you can look back and read all your threads about this guy and your ex. Then you might see what it is im talking about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MakeItCount Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 I agree with iBroken. And this thread IS about him and you, you're asking for people to comment are you not? Take it all with a grain of salt, but I think mushy texts etc are what makes a relationship great and if you're afraid of doing it so you don't chase him away, then I think that's a problem. Kinda like walking on eggshells, shouldn't have to do it in a relationship. That being said, I do hope things work out and you two manage to sort out your issues and live happily. Best of luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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