I feel like a maid, but should I suck it up?

[ImGrowing]

I live in my sister's house. She doesn't live here with her husband, because he has a job that's 2 hours away. They live in an apartment close to his job. They stop by every weekend.

 

Well, I live with her 3 kids and a cousin. We're all in college and our ages range from 18-23. I feel like I clean up after them. My sister is a neat freak, so this house has to look spotless almost all the time. They have a 6 bedroom house. When my sister used to live here, or when she stays for a week, she's always cleaning. She doesn't work, so she cleans a lot.

 

I don't mind cleaning. I prefer the house to be clean, but I feel like when my sister is not home, I clean everything!

 

I wash their dishes.

I put their shoes away.

I vacuum and sweep.

I dust.

 

And when I clean the house, sometimes the next day, things look messy again. IE dishes are in the sink, shoes laying everywhere, crumbs on the tables and counters, condiments everywhere. Unwashed dishes on the tables. Fast food leftovers and trash on the tables.

 

This frustrates me a lot and stresses me out sometimes. My sister gets mad at them sometimes, but most of the time, she just sucks it up and cleans up after them.

 

The reason why I feel like I HAVE to clean up after them is because I don't pay rent. I give my sister money anytime I can. I give here a few hundred dollars here and there. I'm a college student, so I don't make enough to even get an apartment. But, I also buy things for the house, like appliances, food, etc. So, it's not like I'm not contributing at all.

 

It really is frustrating, because when I ask my sister's kids to help me, they just gang up on me and make the place look worse. Also, their cousin doesn't help at all! She does clean up after herself. She'll wash her dishes etc, but she won't vacuum or do anything like that.

 

So, I really feel like a mom cleaning up after little kids. I really don't know what to do. I've told my sister and brother in law, and they lecture them sometimes, and tell them to clean up after themselves, but they don't take it seriously.

 

I'm just really frustrated right now. I'm currently looking for a job that pays enough, but since I'm a college student, it's really hard to make a lot with the schedule I have. I'm considering taking out a loan, but I'm not sure it'll be enough.

 

Anyone have any suggestions on how I could be less stressed about this? BTW, not cleaning doesn't work. They still don't clean, and when my sister and bro inlaw shows up for the weekend, they just clean up after them. Then, I feel like it's all my fault, or that I din't do anything to compensate for not paying bills.

[Moontiger]

Just clean your own things. Only wash your own dishes, keep your space clean, etc. If you are buying supplies for the house that should count as your rent.

 

EDIT: Some how missed the last line in your post. Don't feel guilty. Just keep your own stuff in order. Maybe even talk to your sister about not cleaning when she comes over. How else will these kids learn?

[annie24]

you can just talk to your cousin about it - that you appreciate so much that she lets you live there rent free, but you are having a hard time keeping up with keeping the house spotless to her standards. kids are messy and as your cousin knows, keeping a house clean can be a full time job!! you might want to tell her how much you spend doing this a week, but you are having a hard time keeping that standard and getting your studying done and looking for a job. maybe she will talk to the kids to get them to pitch in more. good luck

[ImGrowing]

Just clean your own things. Only wash your own dishes, keep your space clean, etc. If you are buying supplies for the house that should count as your rent.

 

EDIT: Some how missed the last line in your post. Don't feel guilty. Just keep your own stuff in order. Maybe even talk to your sister about not cleaning when she comes over. How else will these kids learn?

 

Thanks for your reply! I did try to protest and I told my sister that I didn't want to clean up after them anymore. She understood. Still, the kids don't learn. My sister will clean their mess when she comes home. She does their laundry and folds them too. They stop by every weekend. So, they still won't learn, because the kids know that their parents will clean up anyway. Well, one of them is leaving to another state, and she's one of the most spoiled ones. She will leave all her dishes on the table, and she would invite her friends over and teach her friends that is okay to leave your dishes and trash laying everywhere. I had to clean up their mess this morning, and none of them even said thank you. The other one has a year left. He's okay. He takes out the trash, so that's good. But he does leave things laying around a lot.

 

I guess I need to find a way to relieve this guilt of not cleaning after them, because their cousin doesn't clean up after them, and she doesn't even pay rent or buy anything for the house or give them money every now and then. The thing is, their cousin frustrates my sister, because she doesn't help out with cleaning or bills. I guess I don't want to add to my sister's frustration.

[ImGrowing]

you can just talk to your cousin about it - that you appreciate so much that she lets you live there rent free, but you are having a hard time keeping up with keeping the house spotless to her standards. kids are messy and as your cousin knows, keeping a house clean can be a full time job!! you might want to tell her how much you spend doing this a week, but you are having a hard time keeping that standard and getting your studying done and looking for a job. maybe she will talk to the kids to get them to pitch in more. good luck

 

I'll definitely try and talk to them. I live in a 6 bedroom house, with two 3 living rooms, and 2 dogs! So, yes it gets very very stressful sometimes. I don't know how my sister does it, but she does. She doesn't work, so I guess she has all day to clean.

[John Cage]

No. No. Of course not. Using a mop to mop it up, it's much more efficient that way.

 

*waits til someone gets the joke*

[Gerda]

If you sister is unwilling to practice the consistent discipline with her children that is required to teach them to clean up after themselves then you won't be able to do it either so this will just continue.

 

I think only cleaning your own stuff (provided your landlord sister is fine with this) is a good idea. If you clean up after people, they will just stop cleaning up after themselves. If you allow people to be thoughtless and leave messes for others to clean, they will do it. They're not your kids so you can't do everything I would normally suggest. Children are weird. Ideally you'd have to have a serious talk with the parents and decide what new rules you want to set down, then have a sit down with the kids laying the rules out unambiguously (maybe in writing somewhere) as well as the consequences for breaking them, including Mom giving you certain authority to discipline them (even if it's...no dessert or something small.) There would have to be a clear discussion about it, "This is how things have been, this is how they are going to be from now on. Starting today."

 

Whether you can pull this off depends on your relationship with your sister, don't want to jeopardize that by coming accross as judgmental, unappreciative, or bossy. But if you could help her discipline her children, you would be doing her AND them a favor.

 

There are certain things everybody should do for themselves regardless of whether they are mom, dad, kid, sister, or even benevolent sister who is letting you live in her house. Putting away your shoes is one of them. You may not be able to tell your sister to put her shoes away in her own house, but I wouldn't put them away for her if it was getting obnoxious.

 

ETA: Oh gosh, did I re-read that right? Are you cleaning up after 3 "kids" in the 18-23 age range?

[ImGrowing]

yes. 18-23 range! It's really annoying, especially when they bring friends over to drink. Their friends leave unwashed dishes in the sink too. It's annoying, because they're pretty much adults, and they are fully aware of how they're treating me. We have doggie pads for the dogs, but of course they don't always get it right. Well, yesterday I told my nephew that I wasn't cleaning any of that anymore. We had to go somewhere together that morning, when I told him I wasn't cleaning the dog's mess. Well, he didn't clean it either, and left it there so his sister could clean it when she woke up. She did clean it, but that's all she did. Well, I think she called my sister and told her that the house wasn't very neat, because there were still dishes in the sink, and my sister said "it's okay, as long as the place looks organized." Well, it looked organized, because I cleaned up the night before, but they had friends over and drank. There were open bottles of liquor laying around, the dining tables were dirty, and no one got in trouble. Right now, the place doesn't look terrible, because I still bust my butt to clean it. But I'm protesting. I'll clean up after myself, and that's that. I even paid for my nephew's gas yesterday, and bought him some food. He has a job, and I don't! It hurts, because I feel so used, and they're supposed to be my family. I guess they treat their mom like this, and they're used to it. This house looks spotless when my sister is here, because she's always cleaning. I've lived with them for almost a year, and I think I saw my nephew and niece was dishes less than five times.

[DarkSoul]

If I were you I would explain everything you've told us about how you're feeling to your sister. Then proceed to do the following: do not clean up after the dogs (why aren't they trained to go outside? pee pads are asking for trouble, because dogs will generalize it to the rest of the house over time), do not do anyone's dishes but your own, maybe even avoid the areas of the house they frequent so you don't have to clean it but don't have to suffer in their mess, keep your personal area spotless so the disparity is evident. Don't help them. They haven't helped you. You need to cut them off completely in order for them to see what you have been doing (when it isn't being done). You should talk to your sister about the "kids" though...honestly, she is raising useless, disgusting people. I know that sounds harsh and mean but look at them - I am 22. I was living alone at 20 and my place was always clean despite the fact that I often had people over for parties etc, and had 2 big dogs, a cat, and a parrot in a small apartment. They are slobs and will just get worse if things don't change and the enabling doesn't stop.

[ImGrowing]

They're terrible at taking care of the dogs. My neice's dog is so undisciplined. He's a small dog, but he's very aggressive. I am afraid of the dog sometimes, because if you put your hand near his mouth, he will bite it and start growling. He bites other people too. I'm done trying to help out here. I guess they're okay with the way things are running. I'm really trying to not let it affect me as much. Their cousin does not do anything and does not buy groceries or does not pay for anything or give them money. Yet, they kinda leave her alone. I guess since she is my sister's husban's neice, she is trying to be nice, like she's a guest. I get treated like the step-child sometimes.

[DarkSoul]

Then they shouldnt have dogs at all. The dogs deserve to be in a home where they have structure and are being taken care of properly. Excuse the frustration, but I am a dog trainer and I see people ruin dogs every day...making them aggressive etc.This disgusts me.

 

Anyway, quit waiting on them hand and foot. Quit acting like a slave.You are worth soooo much more than that! Take a stand!