ATLstudent Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 There is this transgendered male to female person I know from online, which i hook up with occasionally. Everytime i do this i regret it, and get really depressed afterward....BUT i still go back, after a few months, i forget the bad parts and only anticipate good things and get in the horny hump anything state of mind.....and once i start having sex...i one realize that i am not enjoying it very much, its not really great, and it doesnt really feel that good, and i am not into her one bit.....but for some reason i think the excitement and adrenaline of the whole situation arousing me in some way and i just go through the motions and follow through with it. Right now I am very down about this. I wish i did not have these urges to engage in this activity but when i am in the horny mindset and get the idea in my head, it feels like there is nothing stopping it. I dont desire a relationship with this person, but do desire them with girls and i feel this is hendering me from getting there with a girl. I think its messsing me up pretty bad.....and i really dont like it I am a good looking guy and could get girls....but i find my self being anti social not wanting to go out......and isolating from friends....and chasing this random hookups...........so i feel like a waste at times....like i have this potential but i am wasting it away....it sucks......i feeel lke a prisoner to my urges sometimes.....i dont know why i find this sexually exciting but i really want to stop Im just tired of living in this constant cycle of shame and doubt.......the transgendered part is another part that is confusing......already i am unsure of my sexuality and what i like....i know i can be aroused by homosexual thoughts...and i am aroused when around a female that i like, and i am aroused by transgendered girls.......so i guess its just makes things even more confusing becuase i feel like my compass is all over the map. Link to comment
ambigram Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 It's not your compass that you have to worry about....That's the least of your troubles.... Go talk to your parents...Maybe your brother or sister.. Stop watching Springer and that Maury dude... You'll be ok.... Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 OK, by transgendered do you mean someone who has actually had the surgery and become a woman, or do you mean a transvestite who has not had the surgery. If this person has had the surgery, then she is legally a female, and indeed a 'she' and not a guy, so if you like her, there is no reason not to date her as a female. She is no longer a man for all intents and purposes, and is a woman. But it really sounds like you are using her, which you shouldn't be doing unless she is OK that it is just sex now and again. If she is a transvestite and has not had the surgery, then you may need to consider whether the real issue is you are bi-sexual and enjoy having sex with men. Perhaps you should go to a counselor to explore your feelings about this. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being bi-sexual or gay, and if that is where your true leanings are, then you don't want to waste your life pretending to be something you are not. Link to comment
FathomFear Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 ATL, I've read your posts for quite some time now and it seems like this struggle keeps coming up. Honestly, I think you're torn between 1) what you want to find attractive, and 2) what you actually find attractive. I think this is a relatively common situation for people who are attracted to transgendered people of the opposite gender, as they say to themselves "I clearly have some ability to be attracted to women, so why can't I just be satisfied by that?" What I would strongly recommend is to focus on where your urges lie. Don't try to rationalize them or convince yourself what you should or shouldn't find attractive. Just focus on where your mind usually wanders, who you fantasize about, who gets your attention as you pass by strangers on the street. Basically, your desires untouched by thoughts. If you stop caring about the outcome you'll be more apt to accept what you really are. Link to comment
ATLstudent Posted May 28, 2011 Author Share Posted May 28, 2011 thank you for the responses Link to comment
Rangafro Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 What I would strongly recommend is to focus on where your urges lie. Don't try to rationalize them or convince yourself what you should or shouldn't find attractive. Just focus on where your mind usually wanders, who you fantasize about, who gets your attention as you pass by strangers on the street. Basically, your desires untouched by thoughts. If you stop caring about the outcome you'll be more apt to accept what you really are. I like this. Yes your compass is all over the map, so just experience where it takes you without judgment. Why do you not desire a relationship with this person? You kind of say it as if you can only be in a relationship with natural girls. Are you attracted to her primarily because of the novelty of her being trans? Do you find it difficult to look beyond that and see her as a person in her own right? If that's the case, identity issues aside, it doesn't surprise me that your arrangement depresses you. You can't imagine any capacity for intimacy, which I supposed is natural to a casual sex arrangement anyway. Link to comment
ATLstudent Posted May 28, 2011 Author Share Posted May 28, 2011 Yes Rang this is all true.....i dont really have any interests in any form of relationship with this person, she is nice, and we get along but there is nothing there........and my issue really is that i get to her place and we start at it.....and its really not that good, and i am just kind of into to it......its a let down.........its not like i am having this satisfying sexual encounter and the rest is missing...its that i get to her place and i realize that i am not into it that much and the sex was just i dunno unfulfilling and im not that turned on.........I guess i get this fantasy in my head of what its like....and then i text her and actually make it happen and its never as good as i imagine..... So really one of concerns is why do i go through with this and keep doing it....when while i am in the act i am not really enjoying that much....... Link to comment
velvetjungle Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 Hi ATL, when i read your post, I said to myself... "damn, this is me last year... " ! I had exactly the same type of situation where I grew more and more attracted to transexuals and finally ended meeting one and having a relationship with her. I went through a lot of similar questioning and wonderng about why i was doing this and if it could be possible I was actually attracted to men but was afraid to admit it... I have a lot of gay friends and I know their lifestyle and habits, so I could identify myself with it ! I did a very deep self analysis and spiritual work on myself and finally discovered I am not actually bi or homo sexual with inner repressions, I still love women and wand to settle and spend my life with a woman I love. In no way I see myself repeating the same experience with a "man" or even a more manly looking transexual, I came up to the conclusion that i was actually just someone with a very big problem of insecurity with women and was afraid to approach them, so since I am good looking enough to be attractive even by doing nothing, I chose the easy way and it was with transexuals or prostitutes sometimes. Couple this with a very long (more than 20 years) and deep problem of addiction to sex and porn, and these 2 were a terrible combination. I needed more hardcore, more intense, more extreme sex experience, whereas it was online or in real life!! And the most extreme I could find was with transexuals. Although I never got attracted to men in my life... I found out after a health issue that there is a way of being happy and finding out who you are, and it is about trying to achieve self realization. I started Yoga and studied Buddhism and I understood that all this has to do with the ego and duality, you need to find out the real "yourself" and what it is attracted by. It could be through many ways, for me it was these two, try to find yours and you will discover amazing things about yourself, and all these dark memories will vanish and be replaced with fresh and pure moments in your life. I do hope you will get out of this depression feeling very soon. Good look ATL Link to comment
velvetjungle Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 Hi ATL, when i read your post, I said to myself... "damn, this is me last year... " ! I had exactly the same type of situation where I grew more and more attracted to transexuals and finally ended meeting one and having a relationship with her. I went through a lot of similar questioning and wonderng about why i was doing this and if it could be possible I was actually attracted to men but was afraid to admit it... I have a lot of gay friends and I know their lifestyle and habits, so I could identify myself with it ! I did a very deep self analysis and spiritual work on myself and finally discovered I am not actually bi or homo sexual with inner repressions, I still love women and wand to settle and spend my life with a woman I love. In no way I see myself repeating the same experience with a "man" or even a more manly looking transexual, I came up to the conclusion that i was actually just someone with a very big problem of insecurity with women and was afraid to approach them, so since I am good looking enough to be attractive even by doing nothing, I chose the easy way and it was with transexuals or prostitutes sometimes. Couple this with a very long (more than 20 years) and deep problem of addiction to sex and porn, and these 2 were a terrible combination. I needed more hardcore, more intense, more extreme sex experience, whereas it was online or in real life!! And the most extreme I could find was with transexuals. Although I never got attracted to men in my life... I found out after a health issue that there is a way of being happy and finding out who you are, and it is about trying to achieve self realization. I started Yoga and studied Buddhism and I understood that all this has to do with the ego and duality, you need to find out the real "yourself" and what it is attracted by. It could be through many ways, for me it was these two, try to find yours and you will discover amazing things about yourself, and all these dark memories will vanish and be replaced with fresh and pure moments in your life. I do hope you will get out of this depression feeling very soon. Good look ATL Link to comment
Rangafro Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 It may be just wishful thinking. You want to believe this relationship will be more rewarding than it is, if only you give it another chance. I don't think what you are doing is stopping you from getting girls, instead I think something else was stopping you beforehand and seeing this women is just the easy alternative. I can't really tell though, I'm probably just projecting. Link to comment
bluebear1 Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 hey dont stress about this to be honest ive been dating a guy on and off for years who has these urges or whatever you want to call them and acts on them but then i think to myself ive sorta cheated on him with guys making out mainly which i would regret almost automatically but the fun of it or getting that guys attention was the entirety of my fun dont stress to much about it everyone has something they are into whether they know it or not i still love him and hate him all the time but to be honest i dont know what this world has to offer me tomorrow so the way i look at it is be yourself whatever it may be and enjoy your life dont beat yourself up about the things you may question to be wrong but never praise yourself for the good things you do in life .. just bubble gum for the brain Link to comment
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