Day 2 of no contact...can't deal with this

[SapphireNoir10]

I feel ill, havent eaten in two days, hardly drinking.

 

I havent contacted him but I havent deleted him off anything yet including Facebook. I suppose that makes it too final.

 

Rundown. We have an argument based on an insensetive comment about his ex he makes (about sex stuff) and about the fact lately he never contacts me.

 

After said argument he told me it was fine, he forgave me and that he loved me.

 

Then we had a convo where we decided we needed to work on stuff to make it better. Fair enough.

 

THEN I call him cos hes being weird with me. He tells me he sees me like his ex and that i treat him with no respect, he doesnt feel loved and he needs time to decide if he wants me.

 

I tell him, fine, take all the time you want but Im ending it because I cant wait around indefinatley.

 

HE tells me hes probably gonna want me back

 

Day 2...heard nothing, hes not been on facebook or MSN...so confuse

 

I NEED To get brave and get over this but I can seem to find it in myself, ALL i can think of is the good, not the fact he never did anything nice, never said anthing nice, was selfish, didnt contact me...

 

Oh crud

[SapphireNoir10]

Bare in mind I always tell him I love him, that hes the best bf ever (which he denies I've ever said) Buy him little gifts, do all the stuff he loves with him, when he wont do or watch the stuf i love cos he doesnt like it. Im always texting nice texts, call him sometimes..and am there whenever hes stressed or needs to talk.

[Maame]

Oh I understand what youre going through. Right now, if I were you, I'd call or send a text saying I love him and that I'm sorry. I'm just in that state of mind right now and wish I could be brave enough to do that with my ex.

 

DON'T DO IT though!

 

I logged in to my gmail, signed into chat but appearing offline and staring at his name! He's online and I want to talk to him so damn badly! I wish he'd knew what I was going through for the past 2-3 days.

 

You have to force yourself to eat something. Anything. Else you'll get even sicker than you're feeling right now.

[CMS]

Seriously, if you cant bear to remove them from gchat then set it so that they do not appear on your active list. Trust me, its a lot easier then knowing they are online and not talking to you. Do it for your sanity

[NANsense]

He doesn't deserve you and is playing major head games!

 

"I don't want you....but might at a later date"...

 

WHEN that later date comes--tell him you don't want him--but will contact him at a later date IF you change your mind...chow!"

[Maame]

i meant offline. Sorry. He doesnt know I'm there. He can't see me. I do want to talk to him so badly, say hi but I'm so scared he'll be cold and it will be devastating!

[SapphireNoir10]

I so need to delete him off stuff...hes not been online but he may have blocked me, and hes not changed facebook...I guess hes waiting for me too

 

Hes away a lot...only home a couple of days a week...so I dont have to see him around or anything...which is good

 

What hurts the most is the thought hes loving it without me...that hes made the right choice

 

Its killing me thinking 'he just wasnt that into me' that sucks!! I wish he would contact me and tell me he wants me back so I know he DID care...but Im pretty sure I wouldnt take him back

[SapphireNoir10]

i meant offline. Sorry. He doesnt know I'm there. He can't see me. I do want to talk to him so badly, say hi but I'm so scared he'll be cold and it will be devastating!

 

Breaking NC always ends badly. If you talk to them and they are cold it sucks, if you talk and they dont reply it sucks...lose lose situation

[SapphireNoir10]

I physically cant seem to remove him off stuff, but it'll hurt even more when he removes me

 

I keep thinking of all the nice things I did, bringing him chocolate and his favourite beer eveytimeI went to the shops or went to his. HE NEVER did anything like that, I ALWAYS paid my own way, paid for dinner for him allll the time, hugged him and made him feel great about himself

 

He even said I built him up from being insecure to not...that it was the best 4 months ever and I was an amazing girlfriend overall...after telling me for three hours I was an awful person in every way, he literally brought up everything i'd ever done that wasnt perfect

 

I KNOW he obviously doesnt know his own head

[Huntress0527]

He doesn't deserve you and is playing major head games!

 

"I don't want you....but might at a later date"...

 

WHEN that later date comes--tell him you don't want him--but will contact him at a later date IF you change your mind...chow!"

 

This is the best piece of advice. He is definitely stringing you along in making you think there may be hope. That's pretty cruel in my opinion. Take it as over and never look back.

[Maame]

Breaking NC always ends badly. If you talk to them and they are cold it sucks, if you talk and they dont reply it sucks...lose lose situation

 

Yeah, I'm very much aware of that. And I know that if he wanted to talk he'd call. But again, he's stubborn, busy with so much to do in such a short time.

 

It absolutely kills me that today I did something for him to help out and he doesn't know it. I don't even want him to know but it hurts. Why does it hurt when I did it willingly and with the purpose of him not knowing??? This all over the place emotions are killing me!

[going2crazy]

Don't force yourself to eat something. try to sip some water. Your body will let you know when to eat. I tried to force my self to eat food because I thought I had to and I just ended up throwing up a lot. I am still not eating very much because I am still very upset but it isn't helpful to be sick.

 

It may be a little soon for me to be handing out relationship advice because I am in SUCH turmoil right now, but I do know that you are not heartbroken enough to starve yourself to death, so don't focus on how long it has been since you have eaten a meal or any of that. It's a waste of time. You have a kitchen with food and when you get hungry it will be in there just waiting for you to eat it. It may be a while before you get your appetite back and when you are food seeking don't go for the ice cream or candy or cake or any of that. During the times you are hungry enough try and put something mild flavored but healthy. Stress can cause heartburn and heartbreak and heartburn aren't friends let me tell you.

[SapphireNoir10]

i know hes holding the door open for himself

 

He wasnt sure if he wanted to be with me or not, so, when I broke up with him he took it a his chance to experience life without me and decide if he misses me or wants me or not. Leaving the door open he said he MAY want to get back together again

 

Hes such a liar, he told me he'd never wanna break up with me, we'd work through anything, that he wanted to get married oneday and live together, he used to talk about living together a lot and how amazing I am and thing were...WAT?!?!?! ARG

[SapphireNoir10]

Yeah, I'm very much aware of that. And I know that if he wanted to talk he'd call. But again, he's stubborn, busy with so much to do in such a short time.

 

It absolutely kills me that today I did something for him to help out and he doesn't know it. I don't even want him to know but it hurts. Why does it hurt when I did it willingly and with the purpose of him not knowing??? This all over the place emotions are killing me!

 

Because you want him to love you and want to be with you again. Thats natural.

 

I wish I could be someone who just get over stuff and writes it off.

[Huntress0527]

Because you want him to love you and want to be with you again. Thats natural.

 

I wish I could be someone who just get over stuff and writes it off.

 

You will get over it eventually, some people just need more time than others. Maybe sit down and list all the things as to why you are better off without him. Just try to be strong and definitely don't let it affect your health. Try to drink some of those vitamin shakes or snack on some carbs (saltines are a good start) if you find that you really cannot bring yourself to eat.

[SapphireNoir10]

Its the feeling of rejection. Even though I broke up with him, and when I did he seemed fairly suprised....he still forced me into it.

[Huntress0527]

I wouldn't look at it as rejection. You broke up with him because he isn't a right fit for YOU. The right guy will come along eventually and take all your dating experiences as lessons into finding out what you works for you and what doesn't work for you. You'll see in the end you did the right thing for yourself even though it hurts badly right now.

[SapphireNoir10]

Thank you so much to all of you...It really helps

 

I WANT a guy who buys ME little presents, watches films that I LIKE and doesnt just want to do what he wants/when he wants regadless of me. Someone who calls me and texts me cos he wants too not cos i ask him, who does sometimes facebook me...I just want someone who cares and shows it. Who isn selfish in the bedroom etc.

[Huntress0527]

Thank you so much to all of you...It really helps

 

I WANT a guy who buys ME little presents, watches films that I LIKE and doesnt just want to do what he wants/when he wants regadless of me. Someone who calls me and texts me cos he wants too not cos i ask him, who does sometimes facebook me...I just want someone who cares and shows it. Who isn selfish in the bedroom etc.

 

Hold to those standards, don't compromise yourself because the guy is physically attractive with no personality or because you want to be someone just to have someone, you know? Me personally, I have an incredibly high standard for consideration (that can be seen as good and bad). When I dated a guy that didn't match me in that dept. I had to cut him loose because I knew then and there it wasn't going to work. I explained it to him as such and he understood. My fiance is the first person ever to match that level for me. What you are looking for is out there! Hang in there!

[corgidude]

It sounds to me like he's mostly just keeping you 'on the hook.' He probably likes the idea of knowing that if he goes about with his life, he can rest easy knowing he can just decide to go back to you. It sounds like he made sure he didn't reject you outright or do anything to make it look like he rejected you outright, so that he has the option to come back and pass it all off as a misunderstanding.

 

Since you haven't been able to delete him from Facebook or anything else, he's had no reason to believe that he doesn't have you waiting in the wings for him. I know it's tough to do so, the idea of deleting my ex off of Facebook seemed so final and all-ending. If you can't bring yourself to delete him, do the next best thing and change your privacy settings so he can't view any of your updates or anything else. This will allow you to ease into things a bit... you haven't deleted him, but by restricting how much of your profile he can see, you're also showing that you're making a choice to limit his ability to contact or check up on you. Right now, he only thinks you're not contacting him because he asked you to give him some time to decide things. This will show that you're not giving him any easy means of contacting you by your own choice, not his. The other thing I would recommend doing is to hide his updates from showing up on your newsfeed. All you need to do is find one of his status updates on your feed, hold your mouse over it, and click on the little 'X' that show s up in the right hand corner of his update. You'll get a menu that gives you the option to hide all updates from that person. Don't worry, it's not permanant, but it will give you some peace of mind not having to see his updates. The other thing you need to do -and this won't be easy- is to force yourself NOT to look at his profile. If you get the urge to look up his profile, play a game of Tetris, log onto ENA, turn off your computer and take a walk... ANYTHING to keep you from doing it. All looking at his profile will do is just cause the hurt to come back. Trust me, I found that out the hard way.

 

I'm not saying to do this as a method of regaining contact with him. You need this time apart for yourself to re-evaluate whether a person who would treat you this poorly is really worth your love. NC isn't just for reconnecting with an ex, it's for allowing you to heal and regain the strength you need to decide objectively whether or not you want to get back together with this person. Just remember, out there is someone who will love and appreciate you for everything you do, and return those in kind. Best of luck to you!

[therebounded]

Thank you so much to all of you...It really helps

 

I WANT a guy who buys ME little presents, watches films that I LIKE and doesnt just want to do what he wants/when he wants regadless of me. Someone who calls me and texts me cos he wants too not cos i ask him, who does sometimes facebook me...I just want someone who cares and shows it. Who isn selfish in the bedroom etc.

 

And you deserve that! Someone who will treat you like how you described because it’s natural and genuine and from within, not because it’s something you’ve asked him to do. You shouldn’t have to ask. You deserve someone who wants and respects you as much as you want and respect them. Sometimes it’s easy to settle because it’s safe, it’s familiar. You don’t want to give up on what you had with that person because you’ve both gone through so much together, but when that person decides that they’ve given up on the relationship or is entertaining the notion, then it’s time to move on, for the time being at least, because you are so much better than that. You deserve someone who wants to be with you, work and all, and doesn’t have to think twice about it.

[SapphireNoir10]

I am. I went out with him cos he seemed fun and laid back. Turns out he isnt laid back at all, hes insecure and needs constant reassuring and cant deal with ANY conflict or discussion. He literally blames me for everything.

 

He didnt do anything for valentines, he never bought me flowers, he never bought me anything EVER, or he'd buy me a pint or a ticket...if I paid for something else to even it out.

 

He hardly ever text nice stuff, ever, or callled, I think we had 10 phonecalls in 4 months.....HE NEVER facebooked me but facebooked others

 

He was selfish in the bedroom, it was wham bam thakyou...done. EUGH

[SapphireNoir10]

I do. I want someone who can have an argument with me, cos all couples argue, and FORGIVE me after it after we've talked and resolved it, not hold it against me FOREVER.

 

I want someone who does all this nice stuff like you say, cos they want too, not cos they have too.

[SapphireNoir10]

I might have a fat ego...but I cant be with someone who doubts whether they wanna be with me. Id never rest comfortably.

 

AHH he just posted a status about looking for food where he is, great, im sat here cant eat or anything...hes off having fun and looking for food

 

OUCH

[SapphireNoir10]

I need to delete and block him cos he CLEARLY is not hurting like I am

 

WHy would he? he thinks he can have me back IF he wants too