Should he tell me what I want to hear?

[chilla]

Last night my boyfriend and I were in bed,( he had an affair with a girl he worked with for 6 months.) I asked him " I thought you didn;t like women who wore alot of makeup" (he always tells me how disgusting it is) he said I don't, I said "well the pic I seen of her she had it caked on" he said to me well sometimes she wore it and sometimes she didn't. I freaked out. To me he should be putting an effort in to tell me things I want to hear, like (yeah she wore alot of makeup, thinking about it now it was pretty gross, I didn't know what I was doing, I was screwed up )Don't ya think so or am I wrong? I also know that they had oral sex by this way. I said "you slept with her" he said no I didn't, we started to but just lasted a minuite. I said " what you liked her so much you got off that quick" he said no we tried and it wouldn't fit, she was too tight. Like what the hell is that, don't you think he should have said we didn't do it because I couldn't get into it I felt too bad. What are your opinions? Am I wrong for thinking this way? I am a 30 year old woman and my hubby is 32. Am I being imiture?

[hurtabandoned]

Unfortunately, you asked the questions. True, he could have thought just a second before he answered you but he didn't. I would advise you not to ask questions where you might not get the answer you were hoping for.

[lil_mamarains13]

To be honest I think if he has cheated on you before then he might do it again. My suggestion to you, assuming you want your relationship to work, is to get counseling to deal with the issues that bother you, and find out what drove him to the affair. Alcohol and drugs are only an excuse and a poor one in my opinion. It doesn't matter how messed up you are, if you love someone you should be faithful to them. Why was he messed up without you around? It is fine to go out and party, but you both seem to be adults in your 30's so he should be able to control himself, and he is responsible for his own actions. He shouldn't have had an affair if he is married to you, and has devoted himself to you. I don't feel you are being immature about this, but I think you are asking the wrong questions. I wouldn't worry about why it losted only a minute. Because she is to tight (sorry don't mean to laugh, but that is just to funny), and I feel that is a big lie because you stretch done there, and he could have gotten in. Well I hope you two decide to get professional help if you want your marriage to work out because there will always be a trust issue now, and resentment. I hope I have helped.

[RayKay]

Well, while he should be more tactful, I don't think he should tell you what you WANT to hear either - because you will still then not believe him and probably push for more or feel lied too!

 

You already know it happened, I would not press for details - sometimes you don't want to know. He is with you now, and you have to both move forward. Counselling might be a good option (either for both of you together, or at least yourself).

 

BTW, It is possible she was "too tight" - there are some women who have a condition that causes their muscles to tighten too much either before sex, or even during it (ever hear of those cases where someone gets "stuck"?)) and thereforeeee "unable" to have sex, or maybe she was a virgin/etc?

[lil_mamarains13]

That is why they invinted lubrication.

[sunnyp]

Hi there again. Hun you're really having a tough time with this. I agree with thus far what every one has told you.

While its ok to talk about affairs with your spouse. It isnt good for our well being to ask detailed questions. These answers almost always hurt us. Not all people know how to tell us what we want to hear. Some do lie. Some do try to cover up. Others just can't lie about a sexual encounter even if their life depended on it.

Personally, I would never ask these questions. I don't want to know any thing other than what the woman looks like.

Please for your own sake, let this thing go as fast as you can. Dwelling on this cheating thing only makes one hurt more. Generate your thoughts on yourself. And how to improve yourself. Though this wont go away completely. It will get better.

Sunny

[RayKay]

That is why they invinted lubrication.

 

 

It is NOT a lubrication thing.

 

Some women actually DO have a condition that causes the muscles to contract - it is mostly a mental thing that causes the biological response, and it does not have anything to do with lubrication. It is about fears/past resentments & issues. Until they deal with those issues, it does not matter how much lubrication there is, it will be way too painful everytime as their muscles are not going to relax enough.

[chilla]

This girl is definitely not a virgin. She has 3 kids with 3 different men by the time she was 22, shes 26 now. My husband is a very well endowed man and I know some women may have a hard time taking a man that large because I did for the first month we were intimate. Ty's for your replies

[american dream]

He seems very casual about how he discusses things with you. He is not being careful of your feelings. Are you sure he is actually sorry. Didn't want to give you bad things to think about, but, geez this guy seems pretty much like a bas-tard.