stevef20 Posted May 22, 2011 Author Share Posted May 22, 2011 Perhaps Penelope, perhaps... Thanks for your reply Link to comment
JonasWaingaro Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 I don't think you want/need to hate her. What you do need/want is to get angry at her for the way she treated you. That anger is part of the process of healing and moving on. It's one of the stages of grief and a BU is full of the grief of lose. Anyhoo, don't try to hate her. That will get you no where and like Penelope says it's a negative emotion. You want to stay positive. Glad you're hanging in there. You can do this man. I'm almost 2 years out from getting replaced overnight (probably in the dark of night before BU) and I can tell you it does get better. Give it some time. When you gain a little perspective you'll see more clearly. Stay strong! Link to comment
twitchyfingers Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 I'm sorry, I have just rang her and left a very long voicemail explaining my thoughts and how I feel. I needed to do that. I will no doubt not hear back but I don't think ill mind that, I've been treated terribly and I wanted her to know its unacceptable, I was calm and considerate and let her know I want nothing from her with the exception of the truth about the baby and my name off the mortgage and deeds. I'm pleased I was able to hold it together to do that, one good thing to come from the other day is that she has made me start to hate her. I'm sorry but I had to do this. Nothing to be sorry for, steve. Given the situation -- the mortgage, and questions about paternity of the child -- contact had to happen at some point. I'm glad you stood up for yourself, The fact that you did so a calm, mature way in your message to her is damned impressive. That took a LOT of strength, and shows your good character. Link to comment
stevef20 Posted May 22, 2011 Author Share Posted May 22, 2011 Thanks twitchy, I thought I'd get lots of stick for ringing and leaving a voicemail but thankfully most people can see that it was something had to do, I've had no answer as expected but I'm glad I got it off my chest. Nice to see you not shouting at me x Link to comment
twitchyfingers Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 No shouting here, friend. I only did so earlier when I was scared we were losing you -- I let my fear get the better of me. I apologize. I'd be gutted if you weren't here. Link to comment
john1981 Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 Steve, you are an inspiration to me and I'm sure many others.... keep up the great work on yourself and helping others... Link to comment
chitown9 Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 Hi Steve, it seems like you are feeling a little better. Remember...baby steps. You will have setbacks at times, but I really felt good to hear you say that you really want nothing to do with this woman. I think that you have made huge strides. Link to comment
stevef20 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Share Posted May 23, 2011 Thanks guys, your comments mean a lot. Link to comment
Oneironaut Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 steve, so glad to see you seem to be feeling a tiny bit better....I was very worried about you, and I don't even know you! *Hug* Link to comment
stevef20 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Share Posted May 23, 2011 Hey all, I'm certainly a little better than I was a few nights ago, that was awful I'm down and sad this morning, think I'm still shocked if I'm honest, how could someone I was so in love with do this to me? Why is she hurting me Sooo bad? Life feels very unfair right now. I'm very sad. Link to comment
twitchyfingers Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 xo to you, steve. It's late here, bedtime, but wanted to poke my nose in to say g'night. So glad you are posting regularly. Hope you are finding glimmers of peace here and there. Link to comment
stevef20 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Share Posted May 23, 2011 I think I know why she is being so nasty and horrible to me. When I collected all of my things in March her brother in law said to let things calm down and perhaps ask her out again in a couple of months. This suggests that at this point noone knew she was pregnant, this also tells me that its probably not mine and that she did sleep with someone else soon after we split. It breaks my heart she would do this but seems to fit. I think she is So angry because this is her way of dealing with the fact that she is a horrible person, she is saying to herself that its my fault she slept with someone and that I'm the guilty one. What do you think guys?? Link to comment
jonesyjakk Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 ahhhh steve man.......u scared the heeeebie geeeeebies outta me dude. glad u didnt do anything stipid man. its sooooooooo not worth it honestly. jonesy Link to comment
Carus Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 What do you think guys?? I think you're pretty much spot on buddy* In psyche it's called Blame Shifting....for obvious reasons. The ol' "It's not me, it's You!" syndrome* Anyway, in the end the 'whys' are irrelevent because this IS how it is right now whatever the reasons, so keep doing what you can to weather the storm* Sending you strength K2* 8-) Link to comment
stevef20 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Share Posted May 23, 2011 Thanks Kal, I'm glad you agree, hurts like hell though and is terribly wrong of her Thanks Jonesy, wondered where you went, hope Ur ok fella. Link to comment
stevef20 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Share Posted May 23, 2011 Sorry for posting guys but as the reality sets in I find myself getting more upset and more angry with how she's treated me. I'm hurting terribly Just venting Link to comment
penelope13 Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 Go with the anger. It's a natural step in processing a break up. Use the energy of the anger to get the things accomplished today that you need to do (eat properly, your work etc). Link to comment
stevef20 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Share Posted May 23, 2011 OMG, SHE JUST RANG ME, SHE TOLD ME THAT THE BABY WAS NOT MINE AND THAT SHE MET SOMEONE NEW YEARS EVE, iM BACK THERE PEOPLE BACK IN THAT PLACE. NO MORE NO MORE NO MORE, I CANT HANDLE THIS EVERYDAY KICKING, SCREAMING AND SHOUTING IN THE HOUSE, I CANT GET THROUGH ANOTHER NIGHT ENOUGH NOW PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEE ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Link to comment
Maame Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 Steve, look at all the support you've been getting here and how many people care about you! You can get through this! Link to comment
Maame Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 Yes, this very time! You can pick yourself from the floor and be strong! One step at a time Steve! Link to comment
CMS Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 Dude do not take the coward's way out, think about your kids and the effect of this will have on them. You pulled yourself out once, you can do it again. We are all here for you Link to comment
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