Is he just playing me?

[istawurst]

I just moved back to the States after 4.5 years abroad, broke up with my boyfriend of 1.5 years and got back in touch with some old college friends. I went out with them and met a mutual friend of theirs that I could tell liked me and who I really liked as well. We stayed out late and it ended be just him, me and another guy. I felt it was time to bail otherwise I could feel a one night stand coming on, so I bailed. I got his number from a friend, texted him to apologize for suddenly leaving, he said he was more worried about my well-being. I ran into him later that week and he invited me out again. I went, we flirted, I ended going home with him. No sex, but at his insistence. I invited him over for dinner...which apparently is too early...he said yes but ended up moving the time twice until I decided we should just forget it. We have been chatting through text (I initiate it) and have run into him a couple of times where he has made the effort to keep me around him to chat. After canceling dinner, he made sure I was coming out with him and the rest of the group on Friday. We also revealed to each other that we both just recently broke up with people. He said, "for the first time in my life I am not looking for anything serious." ...I know I have been too keen and that's my own fault, but does this guy have more serious intentions? I feel like he wants me to be close to him, but does not want to commit to a relationship...but I am not really interested in something really causal. I guess I am in the sense that I just want us to enjoy the fact that we like each other, but not to the point of having no commitment you know? I don't want to get into a friends with benefits kind of situation. What should I do? Is this guy just dealing with his break up or is he playing me?

[SoulSoldier]

If he just broke up with someone else and has told you he's not looking for anything serious, then it seems like he wants to casually date you right now. You may also be his "rebound", but that's the danger with any relationship that comes directly following a serious one. If you really like him, I'd say continue hanging out with him on a friends-only basis and let him make the move. Make it clear to him you don't want a FWB situation.

[HeartGoesOn]

I'm not sure why you feel that he's playing you, since it sounds like he's clearly saying that he doesn't want anything serious. I would guess that neither one of you are ready for anything serious, since your previous relationships were so recent.

 

Why not agree to be friends, and why do you feel this has to turn into a "FWB's" situation?

[istawurst]

Thanks SoulSoldier.

 

I have no idea HeartGoesOn ... (1) I guess because only know him through proxy there is a possibility that he is dating other people. He did tell me that he is just friends with his ex, but I kind of wonder if there are other people like me out there? Maybe I am being paranoid because I am sure all our mutual friends know what's going on between us. (2) I guess I am afraid it will turn into FWB because we've already been pretty physical. And if we were to carry on on this route it seems like it might turn that way. I guess I can cut out going to his apartment entirely until (if) he decides he wants something more serious. ...You are right though that neither one of us is prepared for a serious relationship.