How 2 end a relationship that lasted over 5 years? Need adv.

[kalobaby]

I was in a relationship for almost 5 years with a guy, but it's over now (well that is what I want). Here's the deal, he is married (I know totally wrong, and that was my biggest mistake), but for over 4 years I truly believe that he was the man of my life. I felt so comfortable with him, regardless of our age difference; almost 20 years. Well to make a long story short, when my parents and his wife found out about our relationship we went through hell, but we stuck together, but my parents and his wife obviously tought this was over. Well the first years it was great, we had so much "fun", he was my first one in many things including sex, so I fell so in love with him that I would live my life around his schedule. I schedule my job, school and everything else in my life to fit his schedule. ( I know pretty awful). But please understand that I was no actually I am still very much in love with this guy. Well for the past year we had argue so much and we had this "agreement" to stop seeing each other until we could see each other freely. Well time went by and we were back together again, and two months later the same thing happened, we stopped seeing each other for a week and then went back together again, and this time my birthday was very close so we spend the most amazing two weeks together, and then out of the sudden he comes three days after my b-day to tell me that it's time for us to really stop until we can do things right, well of couse I disagree because I knew that after a week or so he was going to come back, and meanwhile I was going to be suffering.

 

Well he left that afternoon, and I could not talk to him, and his cell phone was off, and of course I cannot call his office because they know his wife, and let's not mention I cannot call his house. So after three days of him not answering the phone I decided to call a close friend of his, and find out what was going on, and he told me that he had left to South America with his family for 5 weeks. I was so because his "let's wait 'til we can see each other freely" was nothing more than his trip, which he never mentioned nothing about to me. And his friend told me so many other things that made me realize that this a** H***, was lying and lying to me.

 

So I have pretty much been depress for the past week and I have been crying everysingle day, because I know I gave my everything to the wrong guy. Even tough my heart is telling me to forgive him and let him explain why he lied to me, my head knows better and I now realize that I can get someone a million times better than him and with no "package". So even tough this is hurting like hell, I am going to give him up, but I do not know how. I mean what should I do?

Should I

Send him and email telling him how I feel, and that this is over

Should I send him a Card or letter ( We have a PO Box together)

Should I call him where he is and tell him off and ruin his trip

Should I wait for him to come back and be sweet to him and pretend I do not know anything, and take him out to dinner and tell him I know

We have this deal which is, if one day we do not want to do anything with each other, or we go out with someone else, or sleep with someone else (he's been telling me he does not sleep with his wife, which @ this point I do not believe), we would send each other yellow roses, and there will be no questions asked, unless we want to give an explanation. - Should I wait for him to come back and send him the flowers

 

We do not wear jewelery, but we bought each other a "promeise" watch, which are the same, except his is for guys and mine is for girls. (They were pretty expensive) Should I give him back the watch?

 

Should I give him back everything he ever gave me?

 

Should I try to find a new BF, so when he comes back, he sees me with him.?

 

 

 

I owe him some money, should I pay him back?

 

Should I wait for him to come back and ask him to get a divorce and then forgive him?

 

 

I want to end this, but I also want him to know how much he hurt me, and how much I loved him and how he did not appreciate it. So please give me some advise.

 

I am so confused

[LittleMiss]

Kalobaby,

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Five years is a long time and I'm sure you think you have a lot invested in this relationship. The only thing is that, basically, your whole life with him was based on lies. It wasn't a healthy relationship, because it was not equal. As you said, you built your life around him. For five years he has let you do this and what sacrifices has he made? He still has his wife, his family and you. It's not fair for you, and yes, you do deserve somebody better. You need to find someone who will put you first, who doesn't manipulate you, or string you along. I think you should look at it like this; this man took five years of your life. I'm not saying that these years were wasted, but they were invested in someone who didn't truly commit to you. I know he says he doesn't sleep with his wife, but do you honestly believe that?

I know it's easier said then done, but you should just cut him off. You don't need to explain to him, why. I'm sure he'll get it... If you have to have some type of closure, though, write to him. You can say all that you want, as long as you want with no interruptions, or excuses from him. Be strong and realize that you can do so much better, and don't ever settle for less again.

[storm]

you sound so sad & i can understand why. it seems to me that your a good person who has a genuine heart and really do feel completely let down. im interested why you asked a few questions about how to split up and then asked one question about whether it was worth going for broke and asking him to leave his wife ? maybe ur not as ready to let go as youd like to be ? i read your post and was all for u finishing it asap and then when i got to that question i couldnt help but think , hey why not , i wonder what u have to loose by laying out ur cards and asking for the ultimate commitment ? he can only say no ! can that be any worse than the lies your having to live with ? i might be wrong but u seem to come accross like u feel preety bad for the whole affair , but im not so sure you should , you have gone to great lengths to keep the hurt ( from wife etc ) to a minimum . the thing is that we forget is that everyone invloved makes choices , including the man and his wife & they all do it for there own benefit to an extent . i know what im saying is Controversial but i dont think you need a lecture on what youve done , i get the feeling you know that for yourself anyway. its a really hard situation that your in , trust your instincts xxxxx all the best xxx

[kalobaby]

I do love him and I am or was pretty much in love with him, I have been dreaming about him every single night. But altough my heart says forgive, my head says let go. So that's what I need to do (maybe not want to do), but I just do not know how.?????????? I do not want to hurt his wife or kids, it's not their fault that he's a big lier, but I want him to know how bad he hurt me , and how much I loved him.

[storm]

dear kola

if you can write the to him the same way you have us i think that youd be able to get what you need accross to him. at least that way he can read it in his own time and take it in .

all the best xxxxxx

[LittleMiss]

Whatever you decide to do, just remember to be strong

[Rangoo]

I think just sending a letter is tough for the person who is on the receiving end. You have spent five years together. You can't make that time up, it is gone forever. At one time there was love, do the right thing and tell him yourself....