The lowest point

[stevef20]

I think I'm here, the lowest point I can get to.

 

It's her birthday tomorrow but what with it being a work day, today will be the day it is celebrated.

 

I know the routine, it is one I'm familiar with, everyone will meet for breakfast at her sisters, there will be one person less this year unless I've been replaced. Everyone will chat and smile and generally have fun. Gifts will then be given and warmly received.

 

This is so very difficult for me, last year I was her live, the person who was sat there next to her, smiling and laughing, Making her feel special, this year I'm nothing. ENA friends, I am so broken right now, my heart is heavier than its ever been, I know that we have to move on and keep busy but today is not that day, today I mourn what I have lost, my soul mate, my best friend, my lover

 

It just happens to be 8 weeks nc today aswell, I so want to text her but know I shouldn't so please allow my to post my text here.

 

Dearest Justine, just a quick text to wish you a very happy birthday, I hope that today brings you everything you wish for, be happy baby, forever yours, Steve x

 

Is like to say a whole lot more but I don't want her to see I'm still a wreck.

 

I miss her my friends and love her from the bottom of my heart, she was my baby.

 

Thanks for listening.

 

A broken hearted Englishman

[Silverbirch]

Hugs Steve.

[Silverbirch]

PS Steve, I'm wondering if maybe what you are really missing is in fact, love, warmth and affection. Things that Justine just couldn't give you. Not because there is anything wrong with you. You know her track record. For whatever reason, she just can't do relationships.

 

You can love though. If you choose, one day you will love someone again, a person who is capable of being in a healthy relationship who you can share all the good things with. She wasn't good for you. Hugs

[stevef20]

I can't stop crying, I'm hurting so bad

[stevef20]

Silver, that's so hard to hear, you trying to make me worse, lol x

[endy]

It's just another day bud. You will make it through it. Don't fret, don't look at it too deeply. It is another day that you are strong enough to survive through. You've made it this far.

[stevef20]

Thanks Endy

[stacy2]

Hugs to you Steve!!!

 

You can and WILL make it through this day.

[Silverbirch]

Hugs to you Steve. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel worse. I want to tell you I think you deserve somebody absolutely fantastic and that you will be very happy. Hugs again.

[stevef20]

Hey darlin,

 

you were just being honest and giving your opinion, it hurts so hear as its probably true.

 

Please dont stop being you

 

Steve x

[lozzy1980]

I am so broken right now, my heart is heavier than its ever been, I know that we have to move on and keep busy but today is not that day, today I mourn what I have lost, my soul mate, my best friend, my lover

(

 

 

Sending you hugs steve. this makes sense, i too find it hard to keep busy all the time. tomorrow is a significant day for you and it brings back memories and reminds you that she has gone. keep focused on the new and exciting things you have been planning on doing, things you CAN make happen , and appreciate the happy memories you do have that no one can take from you x x x

[stevef20]

Hi Lozzy,

 

Im so hurt hon, my mind is racing with memories and wondering. I miss her so very much, why are there not words that will portray just how broken i am right now.

 

Thanks for your words

[stevef20]

Its at times like this that i can understand why some people would feel this to much to bare and make that decision to stop the pain in the worst and sadest possible way.

 

I feel for those people right now

[stevef20]

I find myself slipping to a dark place, I'm Sooo sad, I'm alone, I've lost my everything. Is it really all worth it. I'm beginning to wonder. A life Luke I have right now is not a life.

[lozzy1980]

ppl commit suicide when they do not have the coping mechanisms to deal with the pain anymore. i am not ashamed to admit ive been there thought about it long and hard. but decided no matter how much pain i am in now, i only get one chance on this planet so might as well stay for the ride and what ever will be will be.

 

i know you will probably say you are not, but you ARE coping right now.. .this...reaching out on here... acknowledging your pain... it's all part of coping with this horrible nightmare many of us going through right now xxx

[stevef20]

I've had enough lozzy

[stevef20]

I don't want to be here anymore

[lozzy1980]

there are other things worth living for that have nothing to do with your ex. you will get through this. will discuss further with you via PM x x

[RecentlyAlone]

Thinking of you steve. You will find someone who will love you as much as you love them and will want to be with you just as much as well. Keep your chin up...it'll take lots of time but I know you will get there.

[stevef20]

Likewise recently, I saw your post on post here instead of ex, my thoughts and understanding are with you.

[Di84]

Hi Steve,

This is a bump in the road. Nothing less, nothing more. Just ride the wave today and tomorrow, and you will see that come Tuesday, once the festivities are over for her birthday, you will be on you way forward again. The way I see it is that every time we get through these small road bumps, we are only getting stronger and stronger bc we are learning how to cope every single time. Your breakup is still fresh my friend and you know that. Be easy on yourself. You are doing a great job with NC and have shown her you are not her puppet and have respected her wishes. You're a great guy steve and you are worthy of being loved. Don't underestimate yourself.

Let her have her wonderful brunch today with family. It's just a day with family...like any other day + birthday cake. Big woop! Stay strong buddy... you seriously are my rock these days and i look up to you when i feel like caving in and calling. You've been so strong minded, although you don't think so. Keep going.

 

You.will.get.through.this.

[stevef20]

Thanks Di, that's a great post, it means a lot to me to hear you so strong knowing I may have contributed to that. You've been a great friend to me to hon. Thank-you x

[LoveHearts21]

Steve, you'll get through this and bounce back up just like you have many times before. I can imagine how hard it must be for you today and tomorrow but after these 2 days are over you'll be on your way up again. These hard times are making you stronger each time. Look back at how you were feeling a few weeks ago when you were very low.. you got through it and bounced back up just like you will again.

 

You really are a strong person even if you don't think you are. You've respected your ex's wishes and stuck with NC for 8 weeks, it takes a very strong person to do that. Please don't think of doing anything silly! There's more to life than your ex, you need to keep reminding yourself that. You know I feel your pain and have had those thoughts myself but no one is worth taking your life over.. not even your ex! Could you imagine how many lives you would affect if you done something silly. You'd be leaving your children without a dad, your parents without a son. They would all have to go through this greiving pain we are going through now all because of one woman.

 

I know it's hard but try and keep yourself busy today & tomorrow to take your mind off things and you'll get through this. You know you will.

[hotnspicychikn]

I remember my lowest point, it is hell. Hang in there Steve! {{{{HUGS}}}}

[stevef20]

Thanks Vic, your a good girl x