Flying Home to My Family Today

[Silverbirch]

Hi. Just wanted to let people know I'm flying 2 states away to be with my family for a week. I need to do this so much. I will be taking my laptop with me, but likely won't be online so much.

 

I was exhausted last night and have to do something about my eating. I virtually cannot eat right now and getting problems with this. My emotions are very erratic with lots of crying, and sometimes anger.

 

When I saw the ex the other night, despite what he said, I could see the evidence myself. He is getting on with his life very happily. Re-decorated his home and spent quite a lot of money even gotten a pool table. He's seeing several women, and I know there is one in particular he is involved with. I saw how he is doing things he was doing when he was first with me - care to his appearance, chocolates on the tables. I could see and feel that he is no longer connected to me. I can feel that he has been with another woman. I'm heartbroken.

 

Another part of me knows that this man is not good for any woman. He is a control freak and basically dishonest. He's pswychologically and emotionally abusive. I have to remind myself that what I fell in love with was not the real person but a facade.

 

I need to be with my family to get well enough to move onto my new life.

[NANsense]

I hope this break helps you heal and find yourself again--the self you were before this abusive relationship began!

 

He may be back to the man he was when you met him--but that's just to lay the trap for the next victim! He's a poser--not real at all--once he has someone snared by the fantasy him--the real him will be back to his old tricks....have to pity everyone who crosses his path!

 

I wish you well

[Silverbirch]

Thanks Nan

[Silverbirch]

I arrived "home" this afternoon. My lovely mum was there to meet me. I feel so much better already, just to be here so far away from the ex! My mum and I have talked about the ex. She said she can't really know for sure what it was all about, but she has said many times; "You could do so much better than him" and "Imagine if you had married him." I have 2 sisters who have been very happily married to 2 very nice men for a long time. I asked my mum what she thought my sisters would do if their husbands were meeting other female "friends" for lunches, etc as mine was. (It was only one of his many female friends I wwas very uncomfortable about him meeting up with and looks like he IS involved with her now). Mum just shot back with: "It would never happen. It wouldn't be appropriate." She said to me that how it seems to her is that "You loved him more than he loved you, and now he wants to move on." She said he may or may not be back, but we both agreed that even if he did come back, I could never go back to him because of what he has done and how he has gone about the whole break-up.

 

My mum is successfully talking me into saving a bit of money and going for a trip to Europe, suggesting I go for 2 months. I wouldn't be able to go for a while because of work and money, but there will be some money coming to me at some time which would be plenty to pay for the trip. I'm also uncertain as to whether I would move back to my home state to live. It would be a very big move.

 

Got a bit of an ego boost on the plane. An American man, maybe 5 years younger than me was sitting next to me and we chatted over the 2 hour flight. He asked me out, but I said no. I don't want to go out with anyone, especially someone I don't even know. Still, it was reassuring to know that at least I can carry on a conversation with a man, and it actually felt okay.

[Silverbirch]

Today so far is definitely my best day since the break-up. Coming home was a very good decision. I will probably come home for weekends more often, basically whenever I can afford it. I had a little sleepness, but just read and posted on ENA. The over-analysing is still there, but the crying isn't there today, and the physical signs I was having, heartburn, chest and stomach aching and tremor isn't with me right now. Such a feeling of relief.

[twitchyfingers]

I've gone home to family when I was going through a bad breakup in the past, and it helped so much to re-center and remember where I come from. I'm glad you are feeling some significant relief. Also, I think it makes our loved ones feel good and useful when they are able to help us...even though they hate to see us sad, it gives their lives extra meaning to be able to support you. Be well.

[hbemmalou]

I think family are the best people to be around after a break up because they've known you before, during and after the BU and they can often offer some great words of wisdom (I know my mum does!!!)

 

In regards to your ex....not matter how he changes himself aesthetically he will never change himself within and that’s what you have to remember....he will always be the person who made you feel sad.

 

I hope your break away will give you what you need.....and as for your ego boost on the plane.....you go girl even though you didn't want to pursue it (I know I still wouldn't) its great to know you're still desirable and this should push you to move forward!!!

 

Look after yourself hun and everything you realise on this trip keep with you because it'll be the most important advice to stop you from looking back

 

[somegirl30]

Sounds like your time away is helping! That's great

[Silverbirch]

Thanks for the well wishes! Oh I'm so much better even with the passing hours. My brother-in-law came and collected us today and we went to my sister's for breakfast - it's Mother's Day in Australia.

 

I had this very significant realisation this morning!!!! My sister and her husband have been very happily married for 17 years. Both of them were divorced when they met. Her husband had big issues from his childhood. My brother-in-law married his childhood sweetheart. I actually knew both of them before they married (BIL and his first wife). In the first year of marriage, BIL's wife cheated on him and left him. He was devastated and everyone said that he was just devoted to her, would do anything for her. She was very manipulative and flirty. Both my sisters and her second husband's previous spouses remarried, and those second marriages didn't last very long either - neither person had changed.

 

My brother-in-laws first wife did my sister and our family an enormous favor by bowing out of that marriage. He has brought my sister and our family so much happiness!! His family probably say the same thing about my sister.

 

Well, eventually, he and my sister met. I know she had been out with a LOT of men, and her eyes were wide-open.

 

I realised today how my sisters second husband is the absolute opposite of any of the men I have been involved with. He is one of the most easy-going people you could meet. I can't recall knowing of him being involved in conflict. He's friendly and open and doesn't have hidden agendas. He's a pretty down-to-earth guy. Nothing pretentious about him. Close to his own family and very good to my sister, their teenage children and our family. Even Mum said, he's never critical of other people.

 

Well, you know, that all makes him the opposite of the high maintenance men I have been involved with.

 

Also, with being at home, (and also being reunited with my female friends), I see now that my "critical reference group" is greatly expanded with people who know me. This defiinitely has an impact on how I see things, especially my ex. I want to start a thread on critical reference group later.

 

Other thing is this morning, I had to make a conscious effort to 'LIVE IN THE NOW". I was aware that my mind was floating into obsessing about what my ex might think or do, blah, blah, blah. Each time I caught myself doing this, I would work to focus on what was being said and happening with my family. It is a great tonic.

[Kev0s1983]

Im so very happy things are moving along for you Silver keep yourself busy and keep active. Its great that you have a close relationship with your mother and she has spoken with you.

 

-- Two months for Europe? Guna need more than that to do it properly

[Silverbirch]

 

-- Two months for Europe? Guna need more than that to do it properly

 

Well,I will have to explore all my options Kev. Mum and I are going to watch "Eat, Pray, Love" on dvd tonight.

[Kev0s1983]

I have some contacts in Ireland, France, Spain, Greece and Italy if you get real stuck lovely lots of dif cultures so close to eachother means Europe is an awesome place to travel around - you will love it!

[Kev0s1983]

oh and the UK ofcourse lol

[Silverbirch]

Hey thanks Kev,

I suppose I could look into working in England and Ireland and making that my base, staying 12 months maybe. I dunno yet.

[stevef20]

Hey darling,

 

You sound like a completely different person, you sound relaxed and almost happy, like a huge weight has been lifted. I'm really happy for you, I know you've been and are going through hell.

You mention the Europe trip which sounds like a brilliant idea, you list your contacts in various countries but not anyone in UK, I will happily be that UK person, pm me if you want my email address.

 

It's really good to hear you sounding better

 

Steve x

[stevef20]

Oops, sorry, its kev that lists the contacts, my mistake, offer stands though, I'm in UK and will happily help in whatever capacity

[Silverbirch]

Hey Thanks too Steve. I won't be going for a while and I need to REALLY check things out, but I WILL very likely go to SE Asia at the end of this year as well. I have family in Italy. Especially, I have cousins in Sardinia who come out to Australia and each time ask me when I am coming to visit them. I think I would like to travel mostly on my own. I know where my ancestors in Ireland from late 1600's are buried, and as morbid as that may sound, I would like to visit their graves and of course the places in Ireland where my ancestors were born. Oh, it could be a long trip.

 

I will look into the employment situation and speak with lots of people. I likely wouldn't do a BIG trip for at least a year due to finances, and I'd need to organise stuff here like my ponies if I was actually going for a year.

[Silverbirch]

I just have to share this. Please don't take offence at this if you are gay. It's just something my mum said to me which took me totally off guard. Firstly, you should know that my mum is 75 years old and was brought up in a strict catholic environment, and in many ways her life has been sheltered.

 

When I had spoken with her about the break-up, and there was a LOT I didn't tell her, she said to me: "I would rather you went into a relationship with another woman than go back to this man or any man like him."

 

It certainly wasn't what I had expected. I would assume she does mean a woman who would treat me well and love me.

[Kev0s1983]

Just gotes to show how wrong your ex was for you :S if your good mother can pass comment such as that, it has worked out for the best!

[Silverbirch]

Hi All,

My Mum has to go somewhere today, and I can't go with her. Hoping I can get myself moving soon so that I can go into the city today which is about an hour away. Yesterday was quite a bad day for me. I woke thinking about the ex, cried on and off all day, and just wanted to be back with him. I'm not sure why yesterday was so bad.

 

Went to my sisters the other night and saw other family members. It was nice. Well, pretty much decided that I will go to Bali for a weeks holiday in a couple of months, then hopefully Europe around September 2012.