Feelings of Revulsion Toward Ex - Is this Part of Healing

[Silverbirch]

I almost feel joyful to be feeling revulsion towards the ex. He officially told me tonight that it's over although he had rung me to earlier to tell me that he heard I'd told somebody it was over between us and that he was seeing somebody else. Not true at all, and he doesn't know where I got that idea from. Also, with him putting all my personal affects on his patio, he did that because he is a really nice guy, supportive of me and that's what he claims I said I wanted. Not true

 

After what transpired tonight I feel pretty disgusted and revolted by him. I see him in a very different light to the person I thought I loved. Well, yes, I did love a certain person, but he is either dead or never existed.

 

Has anyone else had this feeling of revulsion and do you think it is part of the healing.

 

Below is what happened tonight. Thanks.

 

 

[Eocsor]

Sure it's normal, you're going through the stages of grief. Anger is one of them. It's perfectly natural.

[Silverbirch]

So do you think that means I'm moving on a bit? All I had done up to this point was cry, be devastated and even have some suicidal thoughts.

[Starrgrl]

I wish I went through the anger phase more. My one stuck more at shock/disbelief and grief and devastation. I would have loved to feel more anger lol. It would have hurt less and I would have felt I'm more in control with my emotions.

[SugarSkull]

I think it's normal, yes. It's one of the signs of grief and I think it's a great step to be in during the healing process. It means now, instead of making excuses for all the * * * * ty things he's done, you just see that he's just done * * * * ty things to you. For no reason! Take this time to think about all of the reasons you're not together, and why you don't want to be together. It will make the final stages of the break-up easier!

[Silverbirch]

SugarSkull, things become more and more clear. He NEVER admits to doing ******* things because he needs the world AND HIMSELF to believe he is a REALLY NICE GUY. Of course all the reasons he gave for the breakup were to do with my failings. Truth is, he turned 50 not long ago, and is seeing a woman around 15 years younger who he has been "having coffee" with for quite a long time. I was never comfortable about it, especially as she used to expose her cleavage lots. He used to give me the line "You don't trust me?" He used to tell me that she was self-absorbed and shallow. Tonight he told me that he didn't want to hurt me but had to tell me I was self-absorbed over the last couple of months when I moved into a management position. I spent the previous three and a half years with my life on hold because of all his issues and him "needing my support". He was just a user. Feel more for his ex-wife though. She was with him for 25 years and HATES him as does his daughter. He says both of them have personality disorders - he's a psychologist - diagnosing family members - didn't think that was considered professionally ethical.LOL

 

He really is revolting.

[Eocsor]

So do you think that means I'm moving on a bit? All I had done up to this point was cry, be devastated and even have some suicidal thoughts.

 

Yes it does, but most people tend to cycle back and forth through the various stages, it's not a straight linear progression. You may be in anger one day and back in denial the next. Just hang tight and you will reach acceptance eventually and you'll be on to a better life.

[Silverbirch]

Thanks Eocsor, hope I don't cycle back too quickly. Not able to sleep tonight, but this feels a whole heap better. Oh please don't anyone let me go back to denial.

[iBroken]

So do you think that means I'm moving on a bit? All I had done up to this point was cry, be devastated and even have some suicidal thoughts.

 

Nope - not necessarily.

 

The healing process jumps levels. Its not a linear process. You will be angry, then sad, then in denial, then angry (not in that exact order).

[Silverbirch]

I've woken feeling totally grossed out. With all the lies he has told me and strung me along for so long to just discard me so suddenly, especially when he had replacement lined up, makes me feel bad about the good things he used to say to me to manipulate me. I feel so used and dirty.

[mad rabbits]

makes me feel bad about the good things he used to say to me to manipulate me. I feel so used and dirty.

 

Yes I am struggling with this one right now as well.

 

Now I look back and see the pattern, it is so obvious in hindsight. He was only nice to me when I was trying to get away from him and he needed to reel me back in. Now he's got a girlfriend I don't exist to him. So much for his "nice" acts - that was all fake.

[Silverbirch]

I've cycled back to feeling disgust and a lack of respect for this person. Am going out tonight, but have realised that nearly all of the things I do are mostly female dominated activities. Same thing with work. Whilst I know I'm not wanting a relationship as such right now, I would like to be meeting more men. When I think of my ex now, I think of a not particularly attractive guy who is not a nice person, and I'm ready to move on. Not sure what to do next.

[water]

From my experiences, insecure people in authoritative jobs tend to have a judgmental demeanor about them and always assume they are in the right. He sounds like a judgmental * * * * * .

[Silverbirch]

Hi Water,

Yes, his family say that about him, and that he treats them like employees. Unfortunatley, with people like this, they are often charming until you are emotionally invested in a relationship with them. I went out last night and had a lovely time (also met a lady who posts at ENA which was nice). As time goes by, I see more and more that there are men around who would be a lot easier to get along with. I enjoyed being single last night. If I had gone there with him, I can safely bet that he would have done a postmortem on the evening and at least half of the people who were there. It's good to be away from that.

[hello678]

Anger is a very normal part of the cycle.

 

Its difficult to deal with at the time but you have to deal with it. Think about whats making you angry and come to peace with it.

 

It... like every other emotion in the breakup will pass.

[oceanblue535]

I always welcomed the anger phase. For the first month or two, I'd be extremely depressed. However, the first time I hit the anger phase was always a celebration. It meant I could quit feeling guilty or insecure and start putting blame on the real person who caused me this pain. Because I care about people so much, I would always blame myself for the breakups no matter what. WRONG.

 

Normally I will also still go through the all emotions of grief on and off, but once the anger hits... it starts to stay for longer and longer. This could even be months once it really starts going. The anger takes me all the way to closure.. at least for the most part No more intense pain. By the end of it, I have subconsciously blocked most of the happy memories and feel much better.

 

Get Angry. Feel Better.

[Silverbirch]

Hi Metom and Oceanblue, I will agree the anger is so much less painful than the grief and feelings of loss. I suppose there will eventually be a balance out of those emotions, and eventually be fully back to my old self, or rather, new improved self.