Trying to get over past pain

[baker53]

Hi all,

 

I am in a dilemma and I could really use some non biased advise. I have been dating a girl on and off for 4.5 years now. A year and a half ago we broke up but started hanging out again after a couple of months. She then decided to leave the country for 2 years to do some volunteer work, and was very mean and cold about her departure. She regularly reminded me that we would not be together when she left and that if she met someone over seas then she would not feel guilty about it, and she did not want me to feel guilty if I met someone. This was all going on in a crucial part of my life, and when she left I was very sad but almost glad to see her go because I thought she could not hurt me any more.

 

However we still kept in contact while she was gone and she continued to remind me of our situation which hurt. It got to the point to where I did not want to be with her at all because I was tired of the pain. Ironically at about the same time something traumatic happened to her and she decided to come home, and she wanted me back. My original intuition was to tell her to "get lost" but I couldn't because this is what I had wanted for so long and I love her, and now we are not pretty much a couple. This has now drawn out for many months and honestly I am not over the pain she put me through in the past, and I don't know if I will ever get over it. I can feel it almost eating at me in the back of my head and I am terrified that she is going to hurt me again. I have tried talking to her about it but she gets mad if I do because she thinks that I don't trust her.

 

What am I supposed to do? Is this a sing that I need to end it or should I try to fix it?

 

Thanks in advance.

[coolgirl]

I tottaly understand where your coming from. Not that I have been in your situation getting over someone that you once loved and was once with is hard to forget about. I was married for 3 1/2 years and took me 2 years to get over my ex husband and put the past behind me and move on. It's difficult at first but it will get easier in time. I had a hard time. Really did. But eventually I pulled through because if I can do it i'm sure you can do it as well. Dont set yourself up for pain & misery. If she keeps constantly reminding you about the situation yall were once in how is it going to make it better ? Do you want to go through of being in pain or would you rather move on and be happy ? If you decide to fix it what good is it going to come out of ? Hope this helps a bit. Only you can decide what the right thing is to do. I can just give you my experince and advice at the end its your decsion.

[baker53]

Now that she is back she is not reminding me of it anymore, she just did that before she left. In fact she is doing the exact opposite now, she wants to act like it never happened and forget it. The only problem is this is something that I can not "just forget" and act like it never happened because it caused so much heartache back when it happened.

 

I've been trying to fix it for the past few months and we go through waves of good and bad times. Nonetheless even though things are going pretty good right now, I find myself hesitating on a lot of random nice gestures I do for her because I'm having trouble getting over what she did and it's bothering me.