Successfully getting your ex back if they were with a rebound?(stories/advice)

[Jondwnr]

I want dumpers and dumpees alike to put together their stories on this specific topic

 

Also If you could tell this:

1. Condensed story (no need for minor details)

2. How did you get back together with ex?(steps used, if your a dumpee)

3. What made you accept the dumpee back? (dumper)

4. Tell what you thought the dumpee did that helped him get you back (dumper)

5. Any thoughts on how to get an ex back for this type of situation

 

This is gonna help me and anyone else(dumpees) who find themselves in this situation by using the successful steps used by dumpees as well as the thoughts and point of views of the dumpers.

[R41N]

I had experience with both, being a dumpee and a dumper.

 

Here are some advice I could give from being on both sides of situation... (assuming that you want your ex back):

 

-Initiate NC (cut off all contact) but let your ex know why, tell her that you need space and the time to move on. Set a goal,for ex: (one month absolutely no contact). Why? Your ex will give you much more respect, and start wondering if he/she made the right decision. When I dumped my ex, she cut off all contact, it really made me wonder what she was up to. I was actually fairly impressed with her reaction...

 

-Work on yourself, keep yourself busy. (Change something about yourself, new haircut? new wardrobe? new hobbies? This is to ultimately boost your self-confidence) Why? It not only make yourself more appealing, but you will also begin to attract other people. Who knows? Your ex might wonder why you've become so confident WITHOUT her all of the sudden.

 

-DO NOT CONTACT YOUR EX (EVER!) unless the ex initiate the contact. Why? You do not want to appear needy and desperate. When I was the dumpee, i made the mistake of being clingy. As a dumper, the more my ex clinged on to me, the more I pushed her away. (funny huh?) =\ The reason your ex contacts you is mostly out of curiosity and they may begin to miss you more than you know.

 

-If your ex contacts you, keep the conversation casual, do not talk about the past and issues that was involved in ending the relationship. Why? It makes them wonder. One common question your ex or the one who dumped you may ask if you found anyone else. If he/she does ask this, respectfully tell her that it's not important for her to know. Simple.

 

No contact is very important, I have to stress this. It is important to spend time apart for the sake of both people involved to think more rationally and clearly. They will miss you if the duration of NC is long enough... if you really want him/her back. Your first priority is to distance your self long/far enough for them to miss you again. They will begin to think about the good times versus the bad. It gives you an edge.

 

If they are involved with another guy/girl during this period, it is most likely a rebound in most of the case (but never say never!)... In this scenario, you MUST remain calm and not panic. Most people would panic and start contacting their ex and start begging for them for another chance. At this point... you are back to square one. Possibly for good. And also, it psychologically gives the rebound an edge and reaffirming your ex's choice in choosing the rebound.

 

It is very important to stay NC if your ex is in a relationship w/ the rebound. But not for long, I guarantee the lovey dovey phase for them will fade quickly ..if not eventually.

 

The whole idea is to RESPECT your ex's decision to end the relationship, do not cling, do no beg, do not argue and demand otherwise. Respect is important if you want them to come back. NC is the best route.

 

Hope i helped!

[aragon]

In my opinion, a rebound relationship is called such for a reason. The only way someone can go from a substantial (this is the key) relationship, and then jump to another person, is if they are using the adage "get over one person by getting under another ; ). I think that atleast SOME decent amount of time is needed to think about what went wrong, etc. Even if the dumper had a great reason to break it off, in order to be good for another and truly make it work, they have to do some soul searching. The fact is, most poeple who jump from relationship to relationship are needy and take no time to figure out what went wrong. They are destined to be in dysfunctional relationships and repetetive cycles. In fact, if someone jumps to a new person too soon, this is more likely to end in failure and it may just bring them back to their initial "dumpee"..... this is not necessarily a good thing b/c, once again, they didn't do anything to figure out went went wrong in the first place.

I don't think there is any real way to "get someone back". If you let a significant period of time go by (this is essential for a lasting second chance), and either individual still has feelings, then it is ok to reach out, but only if one can deal with the possiblity that the other person no longer feels the same. It's pretty obvious that this is not realistic if you're reaching out in the first place, and that is why NC is usually better for the dumpee.....no more getting hurt, and time to heal and move on.

[DigitalSpy]

I agree with aragon. I think after enough time has past it is ok for either party to reach out. So long as you have really identified what went wrong, made amendments to yourself and really feel you want to give things another shot i dont see why you cant make contact if you are either dumper or dumpee.

[O-shen]

I remember reading here some where some one said.......

 

Only when you could talk to your ex about their new relationship and imagine them having sex with some one else without loosing the plot, then are you ready to break NC.

 

So that means i am talking to my ex.......ah...............never.

 

LOL

[endy]

I agree with aragon. I think after enough time has past it is ok for either party to reach out. So long as you have really identified what went wrong, made amendments to yourself and really feel you want to give things another shot i dont see why you cant make contact if you are either dumper or dumpee.

 

Being in the situation as I was a rebound I agree with Aragon. The problem with this is when a person is in a rebound they aren't working on themselves. I feel that you need to be single to do this. Most people will run back when the feelings start coming out in a rebound relationship. In my case my ex has a misscarriage then got depressed. She ran back, and they immediately jumped right back into the relationship.

 

If you want reconciliation, you do not want the above situation. You do not want someone who has not taken the time needed to work on themselves. Reconciliation can work, but usually both parties need to be alone, change for the better, and work on themselves first.

[dumpedinshock]

ummm, i did....my story is so different, and i did the absolute opposite of everybody's advice here, but we r back together...i guess my situation was different, duh!

Anyway, i'm not sure if it's a good idea to post what I did, because to be honest, I think the advice u always get here works the best for most cases, it just wasn't my case

[Jondwnr]

Dumped... Come on tell us how you got your ex back

 

Also I'm liking what I see from everyone, but we need to get a little more informational

Like R41N did in his post... I like how he explained his thoughts and also the information was solid off of personal experiences.

 

Thanks for the great responses everyone

[JerkBrokeMe]

ummm, i did....my story is so different, and i did the absolute opposite of everybody's advice here, but we r back together...i guess my situation was different, duh!

Anyway, i'm not sure if it's a good idea to post what I did, because to be honest, I think the advice u always get here works the best for most cases, it just wasn't my case

 

I would like to hear your story.

[dumpedinshock]

Ok, dont hold me responsible for anything, i know how sucky it is to have false hope...1st alittle back ground, we were together for a year, she loved me madly, i was kinda of a jerk towards the end, not calling her, not showing attention, she's a very sensitive person and craves alot of attention...she broke up with me and I couldn't believe it, i brought flowers, begged, did it all, she wouldnt listen, she started talking to some other guy, they hung out every day, it killed me.

I went NC for 10 days, then out of no where I was hanging out with her friends, and she knew, she texted me and was so angry, she said i dont have feelings. I told her i thought u moved on, and decided to hang out with the friends, i didnt know that u care anymore. She said I am not over anything, once i heard that, i did every possible way to show her that i would die for her...took me 10 days of continuous showing how i feel and getting nothing in return...and finally, we r back!!

 

Cliffs, it all depends on the persons, nature of relationship, reason for breakup, so many things... in my case my girl needed love and care, i'm glad she gave me the hint, i poured my heart out for her...NC would have got me no where, but in majority of cases, it's the right way to go

[Jondwnr]

That is a little unorthodox and I wouldn't suggest using that strategy lol

 

I went through that situation with my ex a month back(broken up for 2), her cousin and bf wanted to hangout so they came and picked me up, she texts me all angry telling me to hangout with my own friends. I also went to her house to pick up my stuff and only told her parents about this, so I show up(cousin in the car). I knock ex answers the door with the most hateful face I ever seen from her and basically pushes me out the door with my stuff in hand.

 

In the meantime they are all celebrating her sisters birthday inside so she goes back in the house and is all mean to everyone and ruins the party basically, her mom is pissed that she treated me that way(we were on good terms, she said "let's be friends") and they get into an argument and ask why she is acting jealous and eventually her mom kicks her out of the house.

 

Later in the day I texted her and ask her why she was so angry and she tells me twice "I don't have to explain myself" and at the end of the conversation we both end of saying stuff like have a good life and don't talk to me anymore.

Also she texts her cousin and told her she is done with her as well and to this day they haven't talked.

 

That situation now shows me that she deeply cares for me still(one month after the breakup, 4 days before out would be 1 year anniversary) but is too stubborn and caught up in her rebound guy(engaged to him after 1 week of dating) to tell me how she truly feels.

[endy]

Yeah,

 

I wouldn't use that strategy either. And how do you know that NC wouldn't have worked? I'm willing to bet if you said the right things, and went NC she would have chased you eventually. The whole point of NC is to move on and grow as a person. If getting your ex back is in your plans you can hope and pray. When the time is right initiate contact and see what happens. I still believe if you were dumped the best thing to do is let them contact you. You show weakness when you chase. You are a man, be strong like a man should be. I know it hurts and I know it sucks, but that's what women want to see.

[ataraxia]

I’d also be really interested to hear people’s thoughts on this as it’s a situation I’m finding myself (or about to find myself) in. Without going into too much detail my g/f and I of 7 years broke up last September – her choice not mine. It was mainly down to the fact that she had found it increasingly difficult in her eyes to get me to commit to the bigger things such as marriage and kids, which although I did want to do (I had even secretly put a deposit down on an engagement ring) I can accept I wasn’t being overly open in showing her. That, coupled with some distance that was put between us when I had to move away for work for a year, and things ended up getting to a point where although I was still as committed as I had always been she just wasn’t convinced and so decided to split.

 

After about 3-4 months of NC/LC – during which I managed to find a job back in the town we live in - we began talking again and after some pretty emotional heart to heart conversations just after Christmas we decided to give things a go again. It all went really well for the first few dates until for some pretty stupid reasons I started to have my doubts and told her that I needed some space to think about things. Unfortunately she took that to mean that I was now dumping her – totally NOT the intention – and despite my best efforts to try and convince her otherwise when I did get in touch with her again after a week or so she said that maybe the best thing to do for now was to have a bit of space from each other.

 

This time I initiated complete NC which ended up upsetting her A LOT according to mutual friends who have seen both of us since. That was about 7 weeks ago and I had heard nothing from her until yesterday when I got a message to say that she has decided to start going on some dates with a guy from work who has asked her out, and would like to meet me in person to have a chat about it as in her words ‘ It’s making me feel really weird because it isn’t you.’

 

SHe went on to say she still thinks about me every day, even more so at the minute, and has been really stressing about how to approach this subject with me. I Haven’t said yes or no to meeting her yet because to be honest I have absolutely no idea how to handle it. I don’t want to risk saying or doing something stupid that would drive her away any further than she already is but at the same time if I ignore her or play it too distant surely that is only going to have the same effect anyway? Very confused :sad:

[MissingSparkle]

I remember reading here some where some one said.......

 

Only when you could talk to your ex about their new relationship and imagine them having sex with some one else without loosing the plot, then are you ready to break NC.

 

So that means i am talking to my ex.......ah...............never.

 

LOL

lol i totally agree

[Jondwnr]

Ahh my ex just got her engagement ring today!!! I'm kinda frustrated

But on a positive note i found out that she thinks she gave up on us too soon and thinks about what our future my be if she didn't dump me. Now that I know this is I got a huge high then a low when I found out about the ring. Still heR rebound is crazy... He post 65 status' on Facebook in less than 2 hours this morning and they all were lyrics that talked about emo stuff and having sex with girls ugh very frustrating.

[endy]

Ahh my ex just got her engagement ring today!!! I'm kinda frustrated

But on a positive note i found out that she thinks she gave up on us too soon and thinks about what our future my be if she didn't dump me. Now that I know this is I got a huge high then a low when I found out about the ring. Still heR rebound is crazy... He post 65 status' on Facebook in less than 2 hours this morning and they all were lyrics that talked about emo stuff and having sex with girls ugh very frustrating.

 

Yeah,

 

wouldn't worry about that one too much. How old are both of you JD?

[endy]

Your call,

 

This is a time to be honest with her and yourself. If you don't want her back, don't break NC. If you aren't sure, don't break NC. If you are sure break NC. She took that NC as you ignoring her and withdrawing yourself from the relationship completely. Be completely honest here with her. Tell her why you went NC etc etc. I know you already tried to tell her. Whatever you do don't get jealous. This is a tough one actually. You better think and see if she is doing this to make you jealous or bring you back first. Take her message for what it is. Obviously there is some intention here on why she is telling you this. Go have a chat about it but keep your emotions in check. Let her bring up everything. Unless you hear what you want to hear don't spill your feelings. Her actions are saying something completely different than her words were there. She wants to meet and have a chat, which means she's missing you.

[Jondwnr]

She turns 21 Monday

I am 22 in June

The bisexual liar skeeze is 20

 

 

Grrr I can deffinitely hurt someone right now, only cause I know she wants me and she denied her feelings(which I also found out today)

[endy]

She turns 21 Monday

I am 22 in June

The bisexual liar skeeze is 20

 

 

Grrr I can deffinitely hurt someone right now, only cause I know she wants me and she denied her feelings(which I also found out today)

 

 

Don't even sweat it. Way too young to even worry about this right now. You will find better bud, I wouldn't even talk to this girl. Just go NC and don't look back.

[Jondwnr]

She won't put pictures of the ring up...I think she is ashamed and scared, she don't want her family or me to know cause they all hate him.

[Jondwnr]

I've been NC for 16 days today, she is being stubborn and I know when insee her next she will melt in my arms especially cause the next and only time she will be able to see me is at her gramps funeral and if I see the ring I'm gonna throw it in her face(I prolly won't, I'm just a lil bit emotional/angry but still having a good day)

[endy]

I've been NC for 16 days today, she is being stubborn and I know when insee her next she will melt in my arms especially cause the next and only time she will be able to see me is at her gramps funeral and if I see the ring I'm gonna throw it in her face(I prolly won't, I'm just a lil bit emotional/angry but still having a good day)

 

 

Look man you aren't going to see this now, but you will look back at a time when you are older and laugh at all of this. You guys both have a lot of growing to do in a lot of ways. Just know that this is meant to teach you and her something and you will figure it out eventually. Don't worry about any of it, and don't do something stupid. Be the better person.

[Jondwnr]

Oh I'm not going to do anything stupid, I'm a very logical and stable individual. This is just a roadbump that could of been avoided(thinking with my genitalia instead of my head) and I'm also a very determinded guy. When i see something is in reach I'm going to get it(has nothing to do with ego). In this case i had a really good life and I ruined it with someone I love, because of lust! I've learned from my mistakes and it has made me a better person.

 

I am confident that I will eventually get her back the right way and come back to tell you all as well as to help you all with your situations.

[Snowy]

This is a great read.

 

I wish i could rep...

[endy]

This is a great read.

 

I wish i could rep...

 

It is a great read, and by all means true. I'm sorry but love is not jumping to someone else and then back again because you start figuring out your feelings. Using someone else is also just ridiculous. I'm sorry I know it's hard but you just need to get the F over it and move on like everyone else.