My story of heart break

[Fill]

Hi,

 

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 3.5 years. Two weeks ago she decided to break up with me because she wanted to experience single life again. This completely devastated me because I'm still in love with her. Although this hurts tremendously, this is not the first time she decided to break up with me.

 

Throughout the three and a half years of our relationship, we've had our ups and downs. We are both college students, but we attended different schools in different cities. The distance from where I stayed and where she was staying was only a two hour drive away, but we only saw each other on the weekend. When we first began dating we were inseparable. During the first six months of our relationship we would talk to each other on the phone every night and make an effort to see each other every weekend. After the honeymoon stage of our relationship I started to hang out with my friends again. During the six months together I saw rarely spoke to or saw my friends because my attention was focused on my girlfriend. She was upset by this because she thought I could have used the time I had with my friends and spend it with her. I told her to hang out with her friends too, but she didn't have many friends so she was usually alone when I went out. I invited her to hang out with my friends too and she did, but she didn't have anything in common with any of them so she would sit there quietly. Whenever she came along with me and my friends, it was an awkward situation. I would usually focus most of my attention towards her while my friends did other things.

 

After the first six months of our relationship we both had our summer vacation from school and we decided that we'd try to spend as much time together before school started again. We'd see each other every day during the summer, but some days my friends would call and I would go hang out with them all day and not see my girlfriend. This would happen here and there during the summer. She was hurt by this and said that she had one of the worst summers ever. I felt very bad about my actions and I apologized to her from the bottom of my heart. I told her that I would never leave her again, but she still had her doubts.

 

After our first summer together she had doubts about me. She was worried that I would leave her again so she decided she needed to find something to keep her occupied. She decided to join a co-ed fraternity. While she was in the fraternity she made a lot of friends and her time with me started to decrease. We began to talk less during the weekdays because she would be busy with school or her fraternity work. I began to notice these changes about her so I decided to use my free time during the weekdays to hang out with my friends. We began to grow jealously towards the things we did. She would begin to hate my friends because I spent a lot of time with them and I began to hate her fraternity because it took up her free time. We would let each other know about these things, but I guess we let those things slide because whenever we saw each other things were okay.

 

For about a year things were like this. We would both resent things that took away time from either one of us, but when we saw each other all of that went away. After some time she quit her fraternity because she got tired of it. During this time she got closer to her housemates she was living with. She started to devote her free time towards them which made me jealous of that. They would take her out to parties and I would be worried that she might be hit on by other guys there. My insecurities got the best of me. I would ask her if she danced with any guys and she would say no. I accepted what she said. For the months, her and her housemates would go to a lot of parties and when she did go I became really insecure. I was always worried about her interacting with other guys. I think she knew that it was one of my insecurities, but I would never say anything because I didn't want to rob her of her fun. She would continue to go to parties and I would always feel hurt by it, but whenever heard her voice or saw her, my pain would go away and I would let those negative feelings about her partying subside. After awhile I got use to what she did and let those feelings I had go.

 

After awhile she began to hang out with her housemates less and focused more of her attention on school. I was happy that she stopped partying as much, but she still had plenty of resentment towards my friends. I still continued hanging out with my friends during the weekdays, but she would still be mad that I did. All I would do when I would go out with my friends is play basketball or go to someone's house to watch TV or a movie. I understood why she was mad. She would always think I would choose my friends over her, that I cherished and cared for my friends more that I did for her. I didn't know what to do. I was totally in love with this girl, but yet I didn't want to lose my friends that I've known for 7 years. I decided to go out less, but it was still unacceptable because she would still get upset at me here and there for not being around. We still saw each other during the weekends and everything would be great, but during the week we would get into little fights about this.

 

Once 2004 hit, our relationship began to go downhill. She began to take classes that took up a huge chunk of her time. Since she was busy with school, I decided to keep myself busy too, so I spent my free time with my friends. Whenever she was free, I would be busy because I made plans with my friends and whenever I was free she would either be busy with school or friends. We began to see each other less and whenever we fought I felt that she was beginning to distance herself away from me. I tell her how I feel about whatever the situation is, but when I ask her about her feelings she would say things like "I don't know" and come off clueless about her feelings. She would get annoyed by it because I would keep asking her about her feelings. I always thought that since we had a loving bond that she would be comfortable enough to tell me whatever it was that was bugging her. But she hid most of her problems with me in her heart. Our fights would always end up being me begging her to tell me how she felt so we could resolve all our problems. Whenever she said she needed time to think, I would give her time. When she called me back she would avoid the problems we had and act like nothing was wrong. I would ask her if there were any problems she needed to address, but she would say there weren't any and I would take whatever she said as the truth.

 

In the month of April she really got fed up with me hanging out with my friends and not being available to her whenever she wanted me to. She decided to break up with me and at that time I was so angry I agreed to the break up. I told her that I couldn't be her friend at that time because I was afraid of losing her and maybe saying this would make her think twice about breaking up. For the next two days I couldn't get her out of my mind. I would lose sleep just thinking about her and my appetite for food was non-existent. When the weekend hit, I decided to go up to visit her unexpectedly to try to salvage things. When I arrived and talked to her she said the two days without me was a relief for her. She said she didn't have to worry about things between us and it was quite refreshing for her. I held her and asked if she was going to miss the things we did like hold hands, cuddle, hug, kiss, and all the relationship stuff and she said yes. On that day I convinced her to come back to me, but little did I know that was the beginning of the end.

 

During this year she started to go clubbing. She would usually go with her girlfriends and have fun, but this brought back all the insecurities I had. She would go clubbing here and there, but I told myself it was okay because I'm in love with her and she should have her fun. In the month of May she went to a bar with her friends and got drunk for the first time in her life. After getting drunk at the bar she went to a club with her friends. This was during the weekday while she was away at school. She told me about this the next day. I was extremely angry because I was worried about her being drunk in a place with lots of other guys. She said she wouldn't get drunk again, but I was still upset. She wanted me to come up to see her that weekend, but I didn't feel like it so she got upset too. We didn't talk during that weekend.

 

On the following Monday I called her to talk to her but she was always preoccupied with talking to other people online. That got me really frustrated because I wanted to discuss some important things with her and I let her know that, but yet she dismissed me for whoever she was talking to online. I was so upset that I told her we should break up that night and she agreed. After I hung up I didn't contact her for a week. I was hoping that if she loved me, that she would call me, because if she was the one that was upset I would bend over backwards to do anything to make things right. This was my big mistake. During this week she began to feel free again and she had a lot of fun without the worries and hassles of a relationship. By the end of the week I realized that she wasn't going to call so I decided to go up there to talk to her. She let me know that she didn't want to be in a relationship anymore because of the hassles, but I knew she still had feelings for me. My trip up there was unsuccessful this time because she didn't know if she wanted to be back in the relationship.

 

After I returned home I decided that I was going to make a conscious effort to change the things she didn't like about me so she would come back to me. I told my friends that I would be unavailable for awhile to work things out with my ex. From that point on I stayed home everyday to chat with her online. I told her the old me from the beginning of the relationship is back because that was what she wanted. I decided that I would wait on her hand and foot so she would never leave me again. I was afraid of being lonely so I decided to do anything in my power to make her happy to be with me. By the end of the week she decided she wanted to be with me again. We saw each other during that weekend and had a blast. We were inseparable that weekend, just like how we were before.

 

The following week she was finals week before her graduation from college. She barely had any finals so she decided to come home during the weekdays and we said we would see each other everyday. When she came back we hung out the first two days, but on the third day she wanted to stay home. During that time she realized that being alone was more comfortable than being in a relationship. She didn't tell me anything about how she felt so she began giving me the cold shoulder when I called her. I would want to talk to her, but she would never have anything to say. When I asked to see her she would get frustrated by it. I asked if she needed space and she said yes. Three days pass by without hearing a word from her so I decided to call her to see what was going on. She ends up telling me that I'm a burden to her and she doesn't want to be in relationship again. She says that being in a relationship means that she is burdened with seeing me. That really broke my heart because I didn't think she would say such a thing like that. Even when I would want to hang out with my friends and she'd say no, I never thought of her being a burden.

 

What made things worse was that she was to graduate in a week. She went back to school after she told me that she didn't want to be in a relationship, but she didn't tell me if I was still going to her graduation. In the beginning of the year she would always say that I have to be there at her graduation no matter what so I made sure that I had no obligations for that day. During that week I was confused of whether or not I was going to go. I tried to talk to her during the week, but it would get me nowhere. I didn't want to bring up anything about us or graduation because she wanted to have fun in her last week of college. I decided not to mention anything until the day before her graduation. During the week I went out to buy her a gift, a card, and some flowers for her. On the night before her graduation I called her to ask if I was still invited and she told me that it might be awkward for her, so I decided to spare her those awkward feelings and told her that I wouldn't go. I was really hurt by this because I wanted to be there on one of her most special days of her life. I called a mutual friend of ours that was going to her graduation and asked if she could give the graduation present to my ex on her graduation day. She agreed and delivered.

 

Once my ex got the gift she needed to talk to me ASAP. I talked to her online the night after her graduation. She said she felt bad about accepting the gifts and not inviting me to her graduation. I said that it was fine because it was her day and I didn't want to do anything to ruin it. We talked for awhile that night and she said we should be good friends. I agreed to it even though I wanted more.

 

Since she graduated she came back home and we saw each other more often, even though we were just friends. Although we were friends we flirted a lot and acted like we were still a couple. Because of this I realized that she still had an interest in the relationship so I wanted to ask her to be my girlfriend again. Everything was perfect because our 3.5 year anniversary was coming up soon and I wanted to make everything special to ask her out. On that day I transformed my room into a candlelight café. Since I don't know how to cook I bought some nice food for her. Everything went smoothly and yet again she agreed to be my girlfriend.

 

After a great month together she decided she wanted to be single again. She wanted to know how single life is because she hasn't experienced it in so long. I was shook up by this again. During that month she would talk to me about moving in together and marriage and I was shocked to see her do a 180 on me and want to leave again. I pleaded and begged her to change her mind but this time she knows that this is what she wants. I decided to respect her change and we decided to be friends again.

 

For the past week we hung out and everything still felt the same. We still flirted a lot, but we didn't do the holding hands or hugging stuff couples do. Everyday was so hard for me because I wanted more and she seemed so content with everything that was going on. Just two days ago she tells me that she went out to dinner with a guy friend from school. They hung out and talked till pretty late. She told me they were just friends and I completely accept that, but yet it still hurt me. Now I'm deciding if I should do NC or should I hold out again and be her friend and hopefully she'll come back to me again. I told her that I might not see or speak to her for awhile but I haven't decided on that yet. I don't know what to do. I'm scared to call her back and hear her voice. My heart is so torn right now…

[Free Lancer]

My God

 

That is the longest post EVER...

 

I'm going to be blunt...

 

In my opinion she is screwing you around... She want's you she doesn't want you, she wants you, she doesn't want you...

I'm surprised you hung around THAT long... because of her not knowing what she wants, she is stopping you from moving on with your life... she basically cut you off from your friends who you have been friends with for 7 years... that is a long time...

 

I know you love her and you will probably love her for a long time after... but she isn't going to give you what you want for a long time.... she seems to be giving you short bursts and as soon as she gets bored she moves on then comes back then moves on... she just doesn't seem to want any long term commitment...

 

Take a break from her... go away with your mates... have some fun without her... try realize that you CAN have fun without that girl and you don't NEED her

 

If life hands you Lemons ask for Tequilla and Salt

[splendidlylost]

Point number 1: You're a great guy for sticking around that long. There are girls who would give an arm to meet someone like you.

 

Point number 2: You shouldn't have stayed that long, though. She's blowing smoke at you, so get out.

 

Point number 3: Since you are such a great guy, then that means you probably deserve an awesome girl. If the right girl knows you'll do this for someone who's really hurt you, she'll know that you're the real deal. Think of this as a battle you've fought in, and a medal you've earned. Other girls will see that.

[Fill]

Sorry for the extremely long post. I had a lot on my mind and I had write it all out. Thanks for the great responses and advice Free Lancer and spledidlylost.

 

I should have posted this a long time ago and used the advice before I got back with her during the month of June. In the back of her mind I knew she still had strong feelings for me, but she also wanted to be single and have fun while she is still young. Lately I've been thinking that her friends had something to do with her wanting to be single. All her girlfriends she hangs out with are single and she was the only one in a serious relationship. I guess when she said that I was a burden, to me it meant that she wanted to do things with her single girlfriends and not have to suffer the consequences if they are mistakes that hurt our relationship.

 

Another thing that has been on my mind constantly was the week we hung out after our recent and maybe final break-up. This was actually last week. During this week we hung out everyday, we flirted, but we never did any couple stuff. Everything felt so right being with her and I could sense that she felt good about us hanging out together too. The one thing that has been disturbing me was one night we went out to dinner at a nice Korean BBQ restaurant. I was very into the food because it was so delicious. I told her that I wish one day my wife could make this for me and she looks at me and said I'll cook this and anything you want. This stunned me because she was serious about her comment yet she also didn't want to be committed in our relationship which lead her to break it off.

 

This thought of her seeing us in the future is tearing me in half. One part of me wants to wait it out and keep in contact with her and be there for her until the day she wants to be committed to me again. The other part of me wants to have no contact with her until I totally get over her. I don't know what to do. We talked earlier this week and I told her that I would let her know if I want to pursue a friendship at this moment and keep in close contact with each other or if I needed to have no contact at all with her to get over her. I don't know what to do. I want to hear the sound of her voice, I want to hold her and hug her, but yet a part of me is telling me to rid your thoughts of her and move on.