18 Things to avoid after break-up

[PrettyGood]

So I know there are some people out there, who were left by their loved ones. I'm also not an exception. And while I'm on NC, I also hardly try to cope with all these negative feelings day by day. I'm searching for a lot of information and reading various articles how to get over break-up. So I hope it will be helpful for you too

 

THINGS TO AVOID AFTER BREAK-UP

 

1) No break-up sex. It's natural for you to still want to be physical with someone you've established a bond with, but it's a really, really bad idea. Your long NC history does not make you immune to jump-off status.

 

2) Don't listen to sad songs. Music has a deep influence on your emotions and it can instantly go back to think about break-up.

 

3) Stay away from the alcohol. It may help to forget the break-up and your ex for a few hours, but after that the pain will come back in a much stronger way. You will just feel more helpless and more aggrieved.

 

4) Don't stalk him on-line. Remember saying: "So I was reading his status on Facebook today and he said "..." ? It's paranoid. Reading too much into someone's status will just make you crazy, and also it's not only exhausting, but torturous. If he/she is having a good day, you'll feel slighted. Of course you may want to know every update or see what others say to him/her daily. It only make you look desperate. Also it's embarrassing. They will find out. Also these things can make it hard to get over this break-up and move on with your own life.

 

5) Don't call him. Unless you want to apologize, reconcile AND lose everything you have left. If you are aiming at getting back together with your ex, you can damage in chances of doing so with this depressing call. If your ex happens to pick up the phone, the chance of you making a fool of yourself is likely. And any messages you leave won't have any positive return. So remove your ex's phone number from your contacts. Until you're completely over it, the phone is not your friend.

 

6) Don't text him. Don't you hate when someone is trying to contact you over and over again? Don't text anything repeatedly. Chances are that your ex really don't want to talk to you at that time. It will drive them nuts and they will name you psycho. And texting your ex to say "I was just thinking of you" is no longer romantic or sweet. It's annoying. Avoid using your phone or computer when thoughts of your ex start taking over.

 

7) Don't beg him to return. Don't ever let him know how badly you need him and how your life has turned into a mess ever since he left. You must stand strong to face the situation and handle your life.

 

8) Don't let to pass your life. I know you don't want to get up out of your bed and face the day. You think that now the outside world does not exist. Stop doing it. It will only bring you a lot of harm. It will keep you from achieving best things in life, drain all your energy, you will loose your education, job, friends... finally why your ex should be interested in you again if you are not interested in yourself any more? Get busy. Doing what? Anything. Stay VERY occupied and try to be pleasant to the others around you even if you want to burst into tears every time you remember something from the past.

 

9) If you want to get your ex back to you, don't talk and don't share bad things about him to anyone you see. If can be spread as gossips. If he finds out, you will look small person in his eyes. I'm not talking about the idea that he may wish to revenge.

 

10) Don't ruin your ex personal things that got left with you. These things forced your ex to spend money and he/she will never be able to forgive. Your ex will not return to you after that.

 

11) Don't try to get revenge. As tempting as it may be to get even with someone who has hurt you, living well is often the best revenge. Nothing will get back at your ex so well as seeing you happy, health and having completely moved on. So focus on you, not on the ex.

 

12) Don't rebound. That means that even if you enjoy any company of someone new, be careful not to make commitments you can't keep. Go out on dates, make new friends, but don't let "LOVE" word slip past your lips until you're completely over your ex. Giving someone else false expectations will only make you feel guiltier in the long run.

 

13) Don't cut or burn your photos. It's kinda nuts. Second, if you ever do get back together it'll be hard to explain. Also these photos tell a story of your past, so if destruction seems like too much of a temptation, box up the memories and give them to a friend for safekeeping until you've cooled off. Don't forget that you can burn all your photos and similar things on CD. Don't keep it in your computer while you're weeping.

 

14) Don't go there, where you know you'll meet him. It's another kind of social stalking. It's not cool, it's just plain awkward. Plus your ex will be nearly as excited to see you. Don't show up where you aren't wanted. Also it's horrible idea to visit him at his/her home just to talk if your ex hasn't answered your calls, texts or e-mails. If your ex doesn't want to talk to you what makes you think he/she wants to see you? This avoiding is for a reason, so you should avoid making a fool yourself. Do you really want to hear that your ex doesn't want to be with you again? If your ex wants to talk to you he/she will. The more you push, the more your ex is going to run in the other direction, even if he/she was willing to talk to you in the 1st place. Give this space, save your pride and move on to find a person that want you in his/her life.

 

15) Don't try to become friends with him/her. You cannot be friend with your ex if you're still in love. You're only setting up for heartache when the reality hits that your ex doesn't see you the same way any more.

 

16) Don't ask about his/her new partner. You do not want to know how many people your ex slept with since you two broke up. Trust me, it won't stop at 1 question and you definitely won't like the answers. Sometimes ignorance is a bliss.

 

17) Don't fight with your ex in public. If you're going to fight with your ex, at least make sure it's in private where other people aren't subjected to the yelling, name calling and revelation of private details.

 

18) Don't show your pain whenever your ex is around. The more interaction you have with him/her, the more you may do something neither of you will be happy about. If you don't keep yourself in check after break-up, it's very easy to act first and think later. Before you do or say anything, take a step back and evaluate whether or not it's a good decision.

[MissingSparkle]

these are good, i still hate myself for giving him the satisfaction i wanted him back i feel like he took all my power and is running with it.

[PrettyGood]

I know, but we all do mistakes. Then we learn from them. For example I still look as a unknown user to his profile and I really feel bad, because I can see that he's feeling very well without me. Well, I'm still trying not to do this. It's hard like quit smoking

[ChellyV]

great thread!

re personal things - i kept them in the storage until i am fine enough to at least mail them back. he however, has yet to return mine inspite of me seeking them out. but, no contact after that immediate break up.

[PrettyGood]

Don't continue it too long I also have a lot of stuff which has been given me as an expensive presents. Photo camera with all the photos is one of them, but well, I'm not looking at the photos at all, just taking pictures and enjoying the thing itself, not the owner.

[AutumnBorn]

Regarding 11, I think a little healthy revenge is good. Don't just be happy and healthy and enjoy your life - crank it up a couple of notches. Lose weight, get in shape, change your make-up, the way you dress, even the way you accessorize. Do everything you can that's fun and exciting. Learn new things. Open your life and world to all the possibilities. Make your goal to make them say "daaaaamn" when they see or hear about you.

 

I knew I'd accomplished my goal when my ex came over one morning to help with something at the house. I wasn't dressed yet, he was outside. Our daughter needed an egg flipped. I went to the kitchen in my nighty (very sexy, but not in the least bit s!uty) to do it for her and he walked in. He literally gasped, his mouth dropped, and he turned around and walked back out immediately. I got a lot of power back that morning.

[Tryptophan]

2) I am guilty of forcing myself to listen to depressing songs just to help me cry and "let it all out".

4) Been stalking him since day 1 after we broke up and have recently just stopped. Though I did cheat once today. That's a hard one specifically if you have to work on the computer, which I do. I'll stop my work just to check on him but now I just stand up and do a little walk when I have the "need". It's crazy.

13) I deleted everything and burnt everything that had to do with him for the most part. I don't want all the reminders because I kept going back to them and crying. It was getting more and more common so I just went cold turkey and got rid of ALL OF IT.

 

 

And I'm the dumper. Who knew?

[superfox]

And No.3 leads to No's. 1, 2, 4, 5, 6 and 7

Oh, and No. 12...

 

Great list though!

[Snowy]

2) I am guilty of forcing myself to listen to depressing songs just to help me cry and "let it all out".

4) Been stalking him since day 1 after we broke up and have recently just stopped. Though I did cheat once today. That's a hard one specifically if you have to work on the computer, which I do. I'll stop my work just to check on him but now I just stand up and do a little walk when I have the "need". It's crazy.

13) I deleted everything and burnt everything that had to do with him for the most part. I don't want all the reminders because I kept going back to them and crying. It was getting more and more common so I just went cold turkey and got rid of ALL OF IT.

 

 

And I'm the dumper. Who knew?

 

I didn't..

[Sjan]

That was a good read, cheers! Maybe someone can come up now with 18 things you should do after a break up?

[Lea5251025]

Ah, most are pretty easy for me. Me and my ex are now in two different countries. There's little chance for us to meet up again.

[Love1336]

: D I like all your rules.

It's sad how i broke most of them. lol.

At least for my next relationship i'll be mature and not break ANY of those rules. Dx

Especially number one.

[PrettyGood]

Never say never

[Karen Witz]

2) I am guilty of forcing myself to listen to depressing songs just to help me cry and "let it all out".

4) Been stalking him since day 1 after we broke up and have recently just stopped. Though I did cheat once today. That's a hard one specifically if you have to work on the computer, which I do. I'll stop my work just to check on him but now I just stand up and do a little walk when I have the "need". It's crazy.

13) I deleted everything and burnt everything that had to do with him for the most part. I don't want all the reminders because I kept going back to them and crying. It was getting more and more common so I just went cold turkey and got rid of ALL OF IT.

 

 

And I'm the dumper. Who knew? I was the dumper too, he was not treated me right it was a one sided relationship , I checked up on him or tried to, I emailed him and texted sounding either desperate, sad, or mad. Wish I had another chance but I am sure he thinks I am a psycho. Lol I am slowly becoming stronger.