Do statistically male dumpers tend to come back?

[PrettyGood]

I usually find a lot of stories about female dumpers who are later regretting leaving their men. And after a long NC period they're trying to get them back.

 

But I rarely hear any stories when men leave their women and try to get them back after some period of time. Well once my man left me. I tried to plead him but it just pushed him far away from me. Then I found this website and went NC. It was so painful that I wanted to die. I secretly watched his profile each day and he didn't know about that. And one month passed when he wrote "Hey, how are you going?" He returned! And after 5 months of beautiful love (more beautiful than it was befor 1st break-up, he left me again out of the blue).

 

So my question is, how often do "dumpers men" feel guilty about their decision to leave their woman (just to check if the grass is greener) and try to return (to get their women back)?

[annie24]

I've had several guys come back years later. but it's always just far too late. I think they get nostalgic about the past, remember how good i was to them, and they want to pick right up where we left off. no thanks.

[Ascending]

I usually find a lot of stories about female dumpers who are later regretting leaving their men. And after a long NC period they're trying to get them back.

 

But I rarely hear any stories when men leave their women and try to get them back after some period of time.

 

That's funny... I've heard the complete opposite!

[DN]

I don't think it is gender specific.

[Shnoodle]

The more I see people who've been dumped hold their head high and walk away with dignity, the more I see both male and female dumpers try to reenter their lives. All of my ex-boyfriends have tried to reinitiate some sort of contact with me over time. I'd say the intentions of either gender trying to reconnect with their ex can be highly questionable, sometimes they want to reconcile, others they are just lonely, horny, or feel guilty. I'd never recommend clinging to the hope they might return either way, it's a recipe for disappointment.

[stevef20]

Good post shnoodle. I'll go with that.

[Ambiguous X]

I don't think the statistics are out yet for male dumpers returning this quarter.

[pillowtalk]

I think if it is the dumper -- regardless of gender -- who feels like they're the one who screwed up, then they're the ones that come back, because they're regretful of something.

 

I think men might come back more, because they have a tendency to not carefully think through things, whereas women will check out emotionally before breaking up with someone. They'll talk about it with friends, making sure they've thought the decision through. I've experienced this first hand, where my friends will take months and months considering a breakup, talking to me about it, before they actually do it. So when it's done, it's DONE.

[confused24]

My ex boyfriend has come back now for the 3rd time. But its different and Im not jumping back into anything with him. It will drive him nuts to show you are strong and have moved on. Trust me!

[PrettyGood]

Pillowtalk, it's a good point you're saying. But sometimes I'm thinking that when men leave their women they think in rational way (they don't use emotions) and then they MAYBE can't fail by leaving?

 

Confused24, I'm trying to be strong and not to write him as the last time he left me, but I can barely believe that after I've put twice of my efforts and good intentions to these relations not to be ruined - he just gone without a note and I just can't believe that he could return when he blocked me everywhere online where he could. I even don't try to connect him, so I'm amazed that he runs from me like from the stalking hungry wolf. I even don't run after him.

[confused24]

My ex has admitted that he did the opposite quite often from what he wanted to do. He blocked me as well. It hurts, I know. The first month I was in another country visiting family but when I came back home I remember waiting to hear from him every day for weeks. Literally when I decided I had to move on, he showed up on my door step pouring out his heart. Your ex may or may not do that BUT you have to put yourself first right now. Stay strong! Be patient. Think your thoughts through and n ver contact him if your emotional. That scares them to death!

Keep your head up!

[PrettyGood]

Yes it would be unbelievable if he sudden appear after some months of silence. So did you returned to him? Did he asked you to return or just wanted to talk and that's all?

[pillowtalk]

Pillowtalk, it's a good point you're saying. But sometimes I'm thinking that when men leave their women they think in rational way (they don't use emotions) and then they MAYBE can't fail by leaving?

 

I agree they tend to think more rationally, but sometimes the emotional part is the harder part to cope with, so it comes back to hit them later.

[Lostmysoulmate]

Well said Schnoodle and pillowtalk. I fully agreed and that is not why i thought well said. I just enjoyed reading those replies.

[Lostmysoulmate]

I think so too because they are built for rationally. They rationalize it to death and then weeks later the emotion hits them, i think being ignored intensifies it for them and they think oh god what have i done? was it right?

 

I have had ones come back and tell me at the time they thought it was the best and then weeks went by and then they came and said they made awful mistake.

[Lostmysoulmate]

U would be surprised how they turn up. I had a guy turn up years later. It was WAY too late for me. That love ship has sailed long ago lol. I was not in love with him. Perhaps he was with me. or lived with regret.

[MakeItCount]

I've done that. Kind of a mutual breakup. She starts dating a buddy, I lose my isht. Now I think things through lol.

[shatteredchick]

atleast now you have no what ifs. UNLIKE ME.

[confused24]

Yes it would be unbelievable if he sudden appear after some months of silence. So did you returned to him? Did he asked you to return or just wanted to talk and that's all?

 

Yes, he wants me back. He wants us to be together. But I told him I need to move slow. And things have to be more on my terms for a short while. It will be much harder to trust him now, for all I know he might change his mind again and leave in 3 months. I cant go through the heart ache again. Just last night he said to me on the phone, ' i wake up every day and dont know what we are' The funny thing is, he thinks he can just walk back in my life and be together that easily...no way!

 

Anyway, I always say 'they ALWAYS come back. Stay strong, start moving on, focusing on you and YOUR life! You never know...keep me posted too!

[PrettyGood]

Yeah I'm doing it.

[John Deere]

walk away slowly, then run. Don't look back.

 

Think of NC as a prescription drug that you have to take on schedule or else it fails. Every day you have reinforce your commitment to this course of treatment.

 

For instance today i feel close to AWFUL. feeling like the person who cant be named is winning. She works at this location so my drug is that i resolve to NOT allow my eyes to see her today. I will avoid going to the building she works in and if for whatever reason she comes into view I will see through her. She is dead to me. I trust this treatment will work. I think that it might take a full month for it to work (all of April) but i believe in it. As BADLY as i feel right now, i believe in it.

[Lostmysoulmate]

I think the same. contacting only hurts you and doesnt allow you to move on. It creates a wanting and yearning that you keep allowing to happen.

[DN]

Although ex's do come back I think it gives people false hope to say they always do - because many don't.

[PrettyGood]

It's so hurtful for me. Today I've listened to Eminem song called "I need a doctor" and look at this song lyrics - he sings about the woman who began a friendship first, but also ended it first and he's angry on her, because she let him believe in this feelings truly. And it's like a mirror of my broken love story. I listened this song again and again and again while began crying a lot. I hated him and thought "Omg, do you realise what had you done, at all?" Really, each day I'm checking my self-made calendar that it's +1 day of NC and my healing day but also each day I'm thinking of committing suicide and no-one knows about it. I wasn't the person I am now. I hadn't thought and behaved like this before. It's just not me, but I can't stop thinking of it. And I really don't even want to talk to my parents or my friends about my thoughts. I just don't want to tell them. I just can't believe that I gave him ALL my heart. I mean it. ALL of my heart and my feelings and he just smashed them and threw into a trash box and behaved like nothing happened. I just can't help myself. I don't want to contact him, and it's easy for me to do this, because I'm blocked everywhere by him. But I want him to contact me and say sorry (at least) for all he had done. And I can't make him do so. Also today I wrote a letter for him, but I didn't mean to send it because I realise that it's the type of person who wouldn't EVER understand ANY true feelings. So I posted it on one poetry website. I hate him. Really. I hate him.

[thagator]

If you're listenin to Eminem try "No Love." For some reason that song makes me feel better about my break up.