First date question

[prettynthecity]

Alright, so I went on a date with a guy and he was great! It wasn't a date per se because he was kind of forced to be at a bar as a designated driver, but he drove out of his way to come pick me up and we drank a little bit and had a good time. It was a fun night. Halfway through it his younger sister called, panicked, because she was drunk and didn't have a way to get home so he went to pick her up and as a result, we had to cut our date short.

 

He knows I like him and I know he likes me. We both find each other really attractive (yes! but the kicker is at the end of the night I thought I was just going to get out of his car, but he stopped me and planted the best, longest kiss I've ever had on my lips.

 

So the question is this: ladies, how do you keep a man interested for a second date? I don't want to go all, "hey let's see each other agaiiiiiinnnn!" really quickly because it might scare him, despite the fact that I would love to. Is nonchalance the best tactic at this point? Gah, if it were up to me I would just come out and let him know because I don't play games like that, but after being with my ex who had 'rules' for me seeing him and who didn't put any effort/investment into our relationship, I don't remember what a good relationship is like (despite having nothing but good ones leading up to my most recent ex. One bad dude will ruin it for you).

 

I texted him after he dropped me off, "Not gonna lie, I kinda have a crush on you!" and he texted back, "I try!" I think it's the start of something great. What do I do now?

[RedDress]

I texted him after he dropped me off, "Not gonna lie, I kinda have a crush on you!" and he texted back, "I try!" I think it's the start of something great. What do I do now?

 

You took the initiative and told him how you felt. There's nothing vague there. Kudos to you! That's already 1000 times more than most people do!

 

When was this date/text? I would wait a few days and if you don't hear from him, start chatting him up again. I'm sure another date will naturally come up in conversation from there. I mean... you want him to take initiative too!

[prettynthecity]

Yeah! I'm not one of those girls who believes in games. I'm not afraid of telling someone how I feel... if they deserve it, of course.

 

We were talking last night while on the date about going out next weekend, but let's see if he contacts me again!

 

I kind of wonder though: do guys kiss girls like that because they think they're easy or because they actually like them? I totally didn't even expect the kiss; in fact I thought the call from the sister was just a way for him to get rid of me (you know you always think the worst at first) but he totally blew me away with that amazing kiss. And just to keep a little mystery, I was the one to pull away.

 

Gah! My ex warped my view on guys so much but this one is a good guy.

[Batya33]

Many people have great first dates and then no second date. My expectation was that unless he asked me out for a second date - time and place - there wasn't going to be a second date (there might be but I put it off my radar and moved on). I wouldn't have sent the text I did because for me that would have been too flirty - my preference would have been -if I were going to contact him first -to contact him with a specific activity we'd talked about and perhaps invite him maybe along with some friends or I would call if there was a follow up question to something we talked about. All else equal I think if he wants to take this beyond a fun, flirty night he will call you and ask you out on a date. Now that you've made it very clear by kissing him and sending the text that you are interested in him and attracted to him I don't think it would be playing games to let him make the next move.

 

I don't believe in telling someone how I feel if I feel it would be too much too soon for them to handle. If I just met a person once and was feeling smitten I might keep that to myself until we knew each other better so that it didn't overwhelm him. I'm not a "let it all hang out" person when I think the other person might be overwhelmed or uncomfortable. To me not letting it all hang out doesn't mean "because I don't play games" it could simply be a matter of wanting to be considerate towards the other person.

[prettynthecity]

He told me before that he's been crushing on me as well, so this isn't something he can't handle. Also, he kissed me, but I certainly kissed back! And wow, the guy can kiss!

 

I'm going to let him make the next move but it's rough to not be like, "oh hey, what's up? Had a great time last night!" You know?

[Allyo]

I think of this as the "building tension" stage, hehe. It is obvious that there is a mutual attraction going on, but things still aren't very certain. I love this initial dating phase - where you are both interested and everything is still so light and spontaneous and fun!

 

It sounds like you are pretty confident about your next step already, but if I were you I might not directly ask him out again... I think at this point some flirty text messages here and there could work towards building that sexual tension and excitement that is so key to the early stages of dating. I think of it as an artform - how to be direct, but not too direct. Good luck!

[prettynthecity]

Exactly!

 

But I can't wait to kiss him again! Woo!

[NANsense]

When you jump in too fast with the flirty texting you are defining the rlshp is based on attraction alone.....good chemistry is a wonderful thing--but doesn't sustain a rlshp & when you move too fast you find you have no foundation/mutual interests, or values beyond chemistry.....better to see if these are qualities you have in common BEFORE getting all hot & heavy....unless you really like rolling the dice on what kind of person your intimately involved with?

 

PS...men often like to do the initial chasing & a lot of them take the woman as either desperate or easy when it's the other way around....this can often set you up for getting used...just a warning--I wish you luck

[Batya33]

It sounds like you want to go with the smitten/instant gratification over letting things develop at a slower pace (which often is better for longer term results). Since you already kissed him and told him that you're very interested in him I'd keep going with that because it sounds like that is the most fun and most exciting for you.

[prettynthecity]

I haven't heard anything back yet. That was Saturday night. It's either possible he a) didn't like me (but then why would he kiss me?) or b) does like me but wants to tease me and make me want him more. He had mentioned he was a tease before.

 

Either way, I'm playing it cool this time and not saying anything until Thursday or Friday if I hear nothing. Good idea? I feel like this is all so silly and if you like someone you should just be able to come out and say it!

[Batya33]

I haven't heard anything back yet. That was Saturday night. It's either possible he a) didn't like me (but then why would he kiss me?) or b) does like me but wants to tease me and make me want him more. He had mentioned he was a tease before.

 

Either way, I'm playing it cool this time and not saying anything until Thursday or Friday if I hear nothing. Good idea? I feel like this is all so silly and if you like someone you should just be able to come out and say it!

 

I think he already knows you are interested enough to go on a date with him. Maybe he changed his mind or met someone else or simply enjoys kissing pretty women he meets. Could be a hundred reasons. I don't think it's silly to wait to tell someone your feelings if it seems that the timing isn't right yet. I think telling him that in this situation would be a bit much given how much interest you've shown already.

[prettynthecity]

So then I shouldn't say anything at all?

 

This is so silly! How do relationships even start if nobody can communicate their feelings? Hahaha.

[Batya33]

So then I shouldn't say anything at all?

 

This is so silly! How do relationships even start if nobody can communicate their feelings? Hahaha.

 

Because you did - in the way you kissed him, in your text where you expressed that you had a crush on him. In my experience a man communicates his feelings early on by asking a woman on a date. That's communicating "I want to spend one on one time with you and I'm asking you in advance because I assume you must be someone who already has things to do/people to see and I don't want you to be snapped up by someone else".

 

I think you already said and did more than enough.

[prettynthecity]

So today he texted me saying that nothing went wrong if I was wondering and that he was just busy and deep in thought (what does that mean?). He said he want to take things slowly but he had a good time and he thinks I'm fun and that he doesn't want to rush it with the cheesy romantic stuff.

 

I agree with that stuff; I don't want to rush either. I just wear my heart on my sleeve.

 

Crossing my fingers!

[Outshined]

So today he texted me saying that nothing went wrong if I was wondering and that he was just busy and deep in thought (what does that mean?). He said he want to take things slowly but he had a good time and he thinks I'm fun and that he doesn't want to rush it with the cheesy romantic stuff.

 

I agree with that stuff; I don't want to rush either. I just wear my heart on my sleeve.

 

Crossing my fingers!

 

Keep em crossed and live your life.

I GUARANTEE that if this guy wants to see you again....you will know it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Batya33]

In my experience a person who wants to take things slowly but sees potential for a relationship makes time to see the other person about once a week to go on dates. It also sounds like he's a bit jaded as far as his comments about "cheesy romantic stuff" -perhaps he found your text too much of that for his taste.

[prettynthecity]

I think I should mention that he was burned in the past by girls who cheated on him. We have lots of mutual friends and I know for a fact that the girls (I don't say women) he was with cheated on him with their exes. I'm not like that and I think he's just wanting me to prove it/take it slow.

 

We're going for sushi this weekend.

[Batya33]

I think I should mention that he was burned in the past by girls who cheated on him. We have lots of mutual friends and I know for a fact that the girls (I don't say women) he was with cheated on him with their exes. I'm not like that and I think he's just wanting me to prove it/take it slow.

 

We're going for sushi this weekend.

 

Glad you have a date! In my experience people who are ready for a relationship and are interested in someone else manage to get over their fears and put the past behind them enough to be able to be involved with someone new. If he's not ready it's his responsibility not to get involved yet and you can't be his therapist or even friend in "helping' him get over his fears.

[prettynthecity]

Spoke too soon!

 

He called me back to tell me his friends were coming up this weekend and he wanted to see them.

 

I'm going to move on; I can already tell he's going to be one of those guys who will choose 'his boys' over plans he's already made with other people. Because sushi was something we've been speaking about since about a week and a half ago. Oh well. Guys suck!

[Batya33]

Spoke too soon!

 

He called me back to tell me his friends were coming up this weekend and he wanted to see them.

 

I'm going to move on; I can already tell he's going to be one of those guys who will choose 'his boys' over plans he's already made with other people. Because sushi was something we've been speaking about since about a week and a half ago. Oh well. Guys suck!

 

Well I hope you get over the general negativity quickly -nothing to do with gender. It sounds like you had a great time hanging out with him and kissing him so enjoy that memory.

[Outshined]

Spoke too soon!

 

He called me back to tell me his friends were coming up this weekend and he wanted to see them.

 

I'm going to move on; I can already tell he's going to be one of those guys who will choose 'his boys' over plans he's already made with other people. Because sushi was something we've been speaking about since about a week and a half ago. Oh well. Guys suck!

 

I like sushi, if you are anywhere near the Chicagoland area ...hit me up.

 

[prettynthecity]

I was going to move to Chicago up until a few months ago, actually! I love sushi and I love Chi-town. Will do!

[Outshined]

I was going to move to Chicago up until a few months ago, actually! I love sushi and I love Chi-town. Will do!

 

Haha.

Cool.

I know a place.