Broke UP 3 Weeks Ago.Haunted by Her new sex life, can't Heal

[floyd462]

My girlfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago because I had been acting like a major jerk.. I ended up having a panic attack at work as we work together. Turns out I had been in a slowly escalating depression for about a month. I'm getting myself together but she's already moving on. I'm now haunted by thoughts of her sexual encounters with new men. It really makes me sick and i'm not sure how to deal with this. How do I a)get over her considering that the reason we broke up was because of my behavior in the midst of a depression that i was unaware of. And I'm getting counseling so I'm back to normal.. b) HOW DO I get these thoughts of her new sex life out of my head. They are vivid visions and they really mess me up.. It makes it harder for me to get over her..

 

next.. she decided to get in touch with me after we agreed not to speak for a few weeks.. she told me i'm the only one who really 'knows' her and she needed to share personal things with me regarding family stuff. it only made my progress go backwards.. i don't know what to feel..

[Roffler]

You and her are over, so you have to move on. Give it some time, and things will start to improve. The only thing you can do is move on. Time heals all wounds. Just get help, and see what your doctor (doctors) can say.

[hurtabandoned]

Concentrate on healing yourself first. YOU should be your first priority.

Keep going to treatment and follow through with any recomendations that he/she has.

 

I'm sure that makes it hard for you being that you both work at the same place. Hang in there. Keep yourself busy and remember that those thoughts are just thoughts.

[murrayfaces]

Floyd462-

Her wanting to discuss her family issues with you isn't good for your recovery. Because you're not together anymore, she needs to respect that she can't use you as a sounding board anymore. It really does go against you moving on.

 

I imagine it's really tough having to see her at work. Is there any way you could change jobs/locations? As for the sex thing, I don't know what to tell you, because I still get these feelings from time to time, but very rarely now(5 months since split). They will go away, you just need to make a conscious decision to not bring them up - if they pop up, repress/supress them. That's in your control. I'm sure alot of people are going to disagree with that tactic, but what the heck else are you going to do about these grotesque images. Trust me, I've seen them, literally - I caught my former partner twice with other people, once in our hotel room bathroom, and once in another room in our house. So, I known what you mean about these really painful thoughts.

 

Read up about the "no contact" thing on this website. If it weren't for NC, I don't think I would be doing this well 5 months later. It works, but you have to stay commited to it. Let us know how you are doing.

[Zipp]

It's really hard to picture someone you have feelings for with someone else, but it's reality. It's been almost a month since my ex and I broke up and he is seeing someone. You don't want to run into them together, or overhear any gossip. Some days the images and possiblities are overwhelming, then other days I understand that he is movng on, and I need to do the same (even though some days it seems impossible). It's hard not to let them drag you back in, because my ex tries every couple of days. But man, save yourself, no one else will. It's convenient and insensitive for her to try to lean on you when you are no longer in a relationship.

 

I hope you know that you really aren't alone, this website is proof that heartbreak is experienced and conquered everyday.

[TrueHeart]

It does make you sick to your stomach. Even though it seems impossible, those visions will eventually fade out. Its hard not to think about something like that. In this particular situation, I would use the time to really rediscover yourself and grow to accept that you both arent an item anymore. If you still work together, this might be increasingly hard. If she doesn't want to see you for a few weeks, take the time and use it to YOUR advantage. Get your mind on every-day things, instead of wondering what or who she's with ... Only when you start focusing on yourself will your horrific illusions go away.

[killercory]

HEY BRO I HAD THIS SAME PROBLEM! I THOUGHT I LOVED THIS GIRL, BUT, SHE DUMPED ME, LOL. I WAS CRUSHED, I TOOK EVERY SIGN OF TALKING TO ME AS THAT SHE LIKED ME, HEH I STILL DO IT, WE TALK ALOT, BUT DAMN, I CANT GET HER OUTTA MY HEAD, JUST LET YOURSELF KNOW THERE ARE OTHER WOMEN OUT THERE, AWW HELL WHO AM I KIDDIN, WE'VE BEEN BROKEN UP FOR MORE THAN 8 MONTHS I THINK, AND IM STILL HURTIN, IT COULD BE BECAUSE SHE ALWAYS TALKS TO ME, AND IT REMINDS ME OF WHAT I HAD, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN ABOUT YOU GET DISGUSTED WHEN YOU THINK OF HER WITH OTHER GUYS, IT GOT SO BAD FOR ME THAT DUDE, I HAD A DREAM OF HER AND ANOTHER GUY DOIN' IT! AND THEN I WOKE UP IN A COLD SWEAT. FUXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXORRRRRRRRR@@!!

MAN, I HPE THAT SUM1 CAN HELP ME OUT WITH THIS PROBLEM IF NOT, I MAY BE DOOMED TO A BROKEN HEART FOREVER! OOHHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!