I'm going bonkers...becoming a danger to everyone...

[alexis]

I thought i had myself under control but i was wrong. i nearly got myself arrested last night and this after noon...God, what's wrong with me...

 

My parents live overseas and keep trying to make me join them, but i won't and they see my boyfriend as a threat because he won't do as they say, they are nice to him because they want to manipulate him but when that didn't work, they put him down in those oh-so-subtle ways...luckily he's smart and saw through them or i'd be a lonely kid by now...

 

Then i'd get these dreams where my parents dragged me through an airport to take me overseas, in thos dreams i try to scream for help but i have no voice and there's a guy in uniform who tells me to get lost and behave, then i try to throw chairs at him but i'm too weak to hurt him or anyone else...

 

And today i went fishing with my friends at a reservior...there were two guys from the company that was in charge of that place who dissed my friends and i pointed my middle fingers at their backs...i hated them from there...then i noticed them at the jetty and to provoke them i sat facing out towards the water swinging my legs...when they were about to leave one of them shouted at me, and my boyfriend told me to ge to off, i shot a Look at that guy and sat tight, then my boyfriend opulled me off and somehow i thought that guy was the uniformed guy in my dreams...so i sat back on with my back facing the water and the guy stood there glaring at me and won't go away, now there were three other people on the jetty doing the exact same thing and he picked on me...so as he stood there, i suddenly had this urge to rush over and beat the daylights out of him...my boyfriend had to physically pull me off and gag me when i started yelling alot of well, expletives at that guy and that guys went off satisfied...when i finally got loose i was shakingall over and sort of sick from anger... i made my views about that guy really clear and not to mention loud, the whole jetty was staring at me and moms were covering their kid's ears. but i only wanted that guy to hear and learn that i'm not as innocent as i looked....and i want to hit him, injure him and really hurt him...i don't know why, but God, i could have gotten arrested for defiance towards a public officer or assualt or disturbing public peace and well i don't know what's gotten into me. For that moment i wanted to really hurt him for trying to control me, for telling me what to do and his actions basically had him classed with my paren'ts actions. Hypocrites who pretend to be doing their 'duty' by 'caring' about my safety and welfare while all they want to do is to control me...God, what the hell is wrong with me...why do i keep wanting to hurt people...

[couldbeme86]

babe its not your fault. we all go through a faze where all we want to do is hurt the people who bug us. what ever you do dont actually hurt someone cuz it doesnt help. it causes more problems. but the whole thing with your parents, when ever the start a conversation about you moving overseas just tell them that youre happy where you are and change the subject. after a while they'll give up and see that you wont be controled by them any more. good luck and try not to actually hurt anyone.later.

rc

8)

[Lightingbird]

Anger is a very dangerous thing.

 

Realize that anger has no benefits. You will not get a better reaction, fearful actions, a job, more money, a situation resolved quickly and immediately in your favor.

 

Anger will destroy your life. You will end up in jail, lose relationships, get hurt, hurt others, destroy your personal belongings or others property.

 

A calm and relaxed person will get to many heights and much more respect.

 

Next time you feel anger or rage setting in try counting to 100 slowly. Commit to not act until you get to 100 or you completely calmed down.

 

Consider you possible reactions to your anger. Are they good? Will they benefit you?

 

If you feel that you are losing control, quickly get away. Don't let the situation control you.

 

In the end it will be a challenge but you must rethink and train your mind to calm down, relax and handle things more carefully.

 

Surely you will do fine.

Good luck to you.

[alexis]

my parents are dying to control me...no matter if i'm 7 or 17, they'll still try their hardest...and anyone who helps me, well they just remove that person from me...i don't understand them...it's like one side they say they care, but the other side, they're hurting me very badly to get their own way...and they have spies all over the place...heck they even used my best friend to spy on me...i hate to say this but one side of me loves my parents because it is my duty to do so...but the other side of me hates them for causing me so much hurt and trouble...

[Lightingbird]

You need to realize that your parents love you. But they are responsible for raising you. In that, there will be some things that they will do for your best interest.

 

You may not always like these actions but they will do them for you out of there personal experience. Now of course, parents are not always right with the decisions that they make. But they do love you.

 

Never think that. Please do your best to look at the whole picture in this.

 

You said yourself that you are losing control of yourself. In your parents eyes, they may feel the same so they may be going to higher means to make sure that you are ok.

 

They do love you, never think they don't.

[alexis]

i looked at the whole pictire and decided i don't like it...sure, they want me to be with them wherever they move, but then, when i told them i didn't want to move with them, they said they respected my desicion... and then proceeded to act otherwise...all my closest friends have received phone calls from my parents telling them to pressure me into going away with them and during one of those 'relationship advice' talks my dad had with my boyfriend, he told my boyfriend that if he wanted to remain with me he'd better make me go with them...and lately my dad started calling me up alot to threaten me with moving if i didn't keep my grades up...he knows very well it's not easy for me because i'm slower than most people in my grade...but it just plays to his advantage anyway....

They don't want to make sure i'm ok...they just want to make sure i'm living exactly like them...the whole reason i'm losing control of myself is because of them...