I'm not sure what to do -I JUST WANT TO BE WITH HIM

[LostAngel]

I need advice please. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE.

 

My boyfriend of nearly 7 years broke up with me. It has been 2 months now. I love him with all my heart and can't take this pain any longer. I just want him back. I have not only lost the love of my life but he is my best friend.

 

We have broken up before on a number of occasions but this is the longest it has ever been. The reason he broke up with me is because he says he cant take us fighting any longer. We would fight, break up then get back together, then it would be fine for a while then the same cycle would happen again.

 

When he broke up with me, I did the usual crying & pleading. But as I have discovered "This is not the way to go in changing his mind". So I guess I made things worse. I have tried NC but he ends up calling me. During these 2 months we have still kept in contact talking, hanging out & have even been intimate -but then end up fighting again.

(Even though we are broken up).

 

IT IS LIKE WE CANT LIVE WITH EACH OTHER, BUT WE CANT LIVE WITHOUT EACH OTHER!

 

He says he loves and cares for me but we just can't be together. He says we are just not working rigt now. That we are just too different. He also said he wants ME to move on... and even said he would not be scared to loose me -it would be something he would have to learn to accept if I found someone else. But yet says I Mean alot to him.

THIS HURTS SO MUCH...

 

During our years together we have spoken about marriage & having children. Surly it cannot just end this way.

 

I am just so sad & will do anything to fix things & be with him. I know in my heart we are meant to be. 7 years is a long time and I just cant seem to move on. I DON'T THINK I WILL EVER GET HIM OUT OF MY MIND OR HEART.

 

Please give me your view on my situation.

 

Right now I'm thinking Maybe I should just give him TIME away from Me (something we have never managed to do -WE have never had time apart for longer than a few days with NO CONTACT). Then maybe he will MISS ME & it will maybe show him how much I really DO mean to him.

 

I'm not sure where to go from here...PLEASE HELP!!!

[rotty]

i think your 100% right lostangel, im sorry to here about whats going on, but if you guys keep fighting after getting back together it seems as if you just need some time apart go out and do some stuff you've always wanted, have something intresting to talk to him about something that wont get you guys fighting, what do you's fight about? peddy little things? i think you guys have just spent so much time together you's need a break try go 2 months no conntact, take my word for it, he wont forget you, he'll be thinking about you the hole time it will give you both a chance to reflect on things and see how things should go from there.. if you stay in contact like you said your just going around in a cycle. i hope this has helped a bit and believe me i no it hurts me and my girlfriend were pretty simular we gave each other space and time and now where best buddys again the way i like it, there's a future there now where there wasnt before.

 

i hope things work out but i think from what you've said the only thing that can really be done is to have some time apart

[LostAngel]

Hi Rotty

 

Thankyou so much for replying. I appreciate it alot.

 

I think that is really true (we do need time apart). But its just so hard

because as soon as I try NC. He calls me. The other day we decided we go our separate ways. Only 1 day went by then I called him. The next thing he calls me. Now I 'm speaking to him again.

 

I think I'm just going to try & be "more distant" some how. If I speak to him I'm going to try speak just about normal everyday things & NOTHING about US.

 

Then I'm going to try & not contact him. I think I need to get away somewhere maybe that will help. Then like you say -I will have something interesting to speak to him about. Instead of fighting with him.

 

Well I'm going to try my best. I will do anything to make this workout.

 

I'm so happy to hear you and your girlfriend are great friends again. At least like you say -there is a future -now you just have to work at fixing what went wrong in the first place.

 

I hope it all goes well

 

Like you say the only -answer is to give him SPACE & TIME...

[LostAngel]

Does anyone else agree with giving him TIME & SPACE.

 

I'm just so worried that he will move on and FORGET about ME.

I don't think I could accept him being with anyone else.

 

If I am "DISTANT" wont he think I have moved on??? Then he might just move on & I dont want to loose him...

 

LIKE I SAID IN MY FISRT POST

"He says he loves and cares for me but we just can't be together. He says we are just not working rigt now. That we are just too different. He also said he wants ME to move on... and even said he would not be scared to loose me -it would be something he would have to learn to accept if I found someone else. But yet says I Mean alot to him.

THIS HURTS SO MUCH... "

 

Why would he say he wants me to move on??? If he cares so much -Why would he say he is NOT scared to loose me...

 

I just don't understand...

 

PLEASE HELP!!!

[SenseD]

Hi Lost Angel!

 

I've been in similar situation with my ex (were 3.5 years together). We didn't get along anymore because of some other reasons, but I completely understand what are you going through.

 

During these 2 months we have still kept in contact talking, hanging out & have even been intimate -but then end up fighting again. (Even though we are broken up).

I don't get you guys here... You get together to share nice moments, but you always find some "reason" to screw it up. Who is the initiator usually? If you get use to fight each other through all of these years, it's damn difficult to change it, but not impossible. You must work a lot (together) to straight it up!

 

Me and my ex, we also fought a lot about some stupid things, mainly because we were both hard-heads. Actually, she wanted to lead the relationship. I could not let it be that way, that's not my mentality. But... all of us are different.

Anyhow, there must be the only ONE of you two who can lead the relationship. Simply - two generals can't lead the battle. It must be the only one of them, otherwise they lost it even before the beginning.

 

Also, since that time I learnt that one must divide what's more and less important at certain moments. This is where the fights are usually coming from as well. You have to "practice" to accept what the other one is saying in a bit different way than until now. Go out, meet other people, have fun. I'm sure there must be something missing from your relation. Think about it. You cannot expect one relationship to survive just because you love or in other case - you're kind to each other. As you see, that's not enough. Work, fight for you two! Do something!

 

Communication - you have to talk, talk and talk. You could never have enough of it. I don't know what was the communication between you two during these 7 years, but this is one of the most important points so one connection could go on.

 

For now, you must let it be. It's not working the way you said:

because as soon as I try NC. He calls me. The other day we decided we go our separate ways. Only 1 day went by then I called him. The next thing he calls me. Now I 'm speaking to him again.

This is OUT. Finito. Done. If you continue this way, after all you'll just become a good friends, as we are with my ex now.

 

Don't be afraid, he's not going to forget you. There's no that power that will force him to do that. He's maybe looking for something that neither he knows what is it, but surely, he need some change. Find out what is it. Don't stand and wait things to happen suddenly from nothing. Work for it!

 

Your "task" now is to give him the space and nothing else. I know it's hard, but if you want to see you two being together again, you must do something for that. Stay quiet. If he calls you, tell him you're busy and will call him later. Don't call him after. No, no! There's some "risk" he could think you don't care about him if you don't call. Don't worry. As soon as you give him first call, he'll "wake-up".

 

Leave it as it is for some 10-15 days. Call him then at some "unusual" time (3-4PM) when his mind is occupied by work.

Don't let him think too much, otherwise he'll get back in time very soon. Ask him how he is, what is he doing (just regular questions and nothing else!) Don't ask him did he missed you or you to say that you missed him. No. You have to "refresh" your mind with something else. Normal conversation. If he ask why you didn't call him during these two weeks, just tell him you needed space to get your mind together and wanted the same for him.

 

Then you have to continue on your own - slowly. Being you, I'd suggest to meet him after some month or so. He has to get together, you as well.

 

Time heals all wounds. Very correct!

[LostAngel]

Hi SenseD

 

Thankyou for your response. You have got me thinking...

 

About this part

"I don't get you guys here... You get together to share nice moments, but you always find some "reason" to screw it up. Who is the initiator usually? If you get use to fight each other through all of these years, it's damn difficult to change it, but not impossible. You must work a lot (together) to straight it up!"

 

I must admit -I think I might be the "initiator" as you say -We will be having a great time then -I always end up bringing up our relationship

-eg: ask him if he misses me, why we cant be together, ETC.. then we end up fighting about it.

 

I'M NOT QUITE SURE WHAT YOU MEAN HERE?

"Don't be afraid, he's not going to forget you. There's no that power that will force him to do that. He's maybe looking for something that neither he knows what is it, but surely, he need some change. Find out what is it. Don't stand and wait things to happen suddenly from nothing. Work for it!"

 

(WHAT DO YOU MEAN theres no power that will force him? & what do you mean he maybe looking for something?

Please explain what you mean?

 

 

Thanks for your helpful INSIGHT - I really appreciate this.

 

I REALLY HAVE TO WORK AT THIS -I will do anything to fix this.

WE HAVE GOT OURSELVES INTO A CYCLE -THAT NEEDS TO BE STOPPED.

[zpivat]

Hi LostAngel,

 

Don't worry, I know why an angel like you are lost. Well, I don't doubt your love towards him, and his towards yours. I'm sure it's a real thing....but, as you stated, the problem is the fighting. If a couple keep fighting all the time, it just creates chaos, and obviously it is very detrimental to the growth of your relationship. You said that you can't be with each other, but at the same time you can't live without each other. Well, you can't live without each other because I think each of you feels a strong attachment towards the other, which is good. The only reason why you two feel strongly compelled to get away from one another is simply because of the fightings....

 

Well I don't know the two of you, but most probably you guys have tought and strong characters? Stubborn may be? If you can work out these issues, i.e: trying to understand each other more, and try to "yield" more, I think things will get better.........

Take me as an example, I've never fought with anyone in my entire life, believe it or not.......

 

So just give it time and space, but be prepared to change!! Good luck!

[SenseD]

I'M NOT QUITE SURE WHAT YOU MEAN HERE?

"Don't be afraid, he's not going to forget you. There's no that power that will force him to do that. He's maybe looking for something that neither he knows what is it, but surely, he need some change. Find out what is it. Don't stand and wait things to happen suddenly from nothing. Work for it!"

 

(WHAT DO YOU MEAN theres no power that will force him?

This above was the answer on your:

"I'm just so worried that he will move on and FORGET about ME."

 

& what do you mean he maybe looking for something? Please explain what you mean?

I don't know what is he looking for... you are the one to find out. It may be that he's fed up with all of these fights as you are the initiator. You want to get him back, but anyway to be "hysteric" whenever you don't like something. I wouldn't like to be on his place either...

 

As you say you are the one who is stariting these fights, than darling, you have to talk to your self a little bit... Calm down. What is the reason you cannot stand up some situations?

Think over yourself. Get back to your fights and look for the reason. Examinate them. It'll help you going the right way.

[lillady898]

When my boyfriend and I broke up, he wanted time. I gave him time all to himself without even calling him (which is incredibly difficult), and within a few days he realized what we had and how much he wanted to be with me. It may take more or less time. I think the thing that really made him realize this was he hung out with another girl... Which made me jealous even though he did it while we're broken up. So give him his space to explore, and if there was something there, he'll see it eventually. Keep busy. That's the only thing that'll save you from uncontrollable crying. Good luck, and it'll all be okay in the end. Everything happens for a reason.

[shockeddismayed]

LostAngel,

 

I agree with the advice you are getting... but would add my two cents.

 

You are worried that if you don't contact him he will move on... my friend, after 7 years, that is the LEAST of your worries. You will never leave his heart... trust me on that (I'm just trying to recover from a seven year break-up as well).

 

You also say "I can't do NC because he calls me". --> DON'T PICK UP THE PHONE!!!

 

I know you think that continuous conversation will help... but you have already proven to yourself that it is NOT. You both need space to heal from this mess you are in. If you don't you will continue in this pattern... getting back together, miscommunicating out of your pain, and then blowing up again. NOTHING WILL DRIVE HIM AWAY FASTER THAN PROVING HIS FEARS>>> THAT YOU GUYS CAN'T GET ALONG WITHOUT FIGHTING.

 

You need to take a break from this.... you cannot afford to give him ANY more ammunition.

 

Back right off... spend 1-2 months of absolutely NC. Sort out your feelings about the relationship (hint this is different than focussing on the pain of the breakup). Try and examine the things about you both that worked together... and the things that did not. There was something that caused you to fight... what was it? Is it fixable? How can you start to fix it?

 

Many people find out things about themselves or their partners that they never saw or knew before... perhaps you realize an insecurity or a past relationship was still causing problems... get to the root of these things.

 

You have spent 7 long years together... it takes a lot to break up a 7 year relationship.... it takes a lot to put one back together. Convince yourself that if this IS going to work out, it will take TIME. You need to let go of this and let time heal and fate take its course.

 

In the short term... rediscover yourself... do something good for yourself to distract from the pain. When you are thinking about the relationship, don't focus on your hurt... focus on what went wrong... from your perspective and his.

 

If after 4-8 weeks of NC you still want to call him, go ahead... be strong and friendly and get off the phone.

 

I think this could all work out for you.... I really do. But if you race out of the gate too fast, you will likely fail. Pace yourself... there is a marathon ahead.

[Manda2113]

have u guys tried relationship counseling?...just a thought...

[LostAngel]

Hi lillady898

 

Thanks for giving me more hope. I appreciate it.

 

Do you really think I have a chance even though he has said that

he doesn't think it will ever work with us (because of us always fighting) and that he wants me to move on and won't be scared if he loses me?

 

I have lots of hope & want to do anything to save our 7 year relationship.

 

BUT WILL I BE ABLE TO GET HIM TO CHANGE HIS MIND...ABOUT ME.

[LostAngel]

Thankyou to all who have given your advice -

 

I appreciate this alot. I think I need time to think about things & will be thinking about all the advice you guys gave me too.

 

 

I'm hurting deeply & I know there is not much I can do but give him TIME.

I don't want to loose him. I guess I'm a bit confused on what exactly to do.

 

I am still speaking to him. I dont think I should apply NC because Im thinking if I give him time, I think we can keep our friendship & he will eventually see that we CAN get along without the fights.

 

I AM AFRAID THAT HE WILL BE UPSET WITH ME IF I JUST ALL OF A SUDDEN NOT TALK TO HIM AT ALL. I would rather be there for him and remain his friend.

 

During this time -I'm going to try & remain 'distant' & only talk of everyday things & NOT bring up anything about US. This I hope will take away the pressure.

 

I have hope that by being there for him & being a great friend , we can eventually see where we went wrong & try to avoid falling into the same patterns.

 

I'm not sure if this is the right thing to do but this is what I think could work and can maybe bring us closer together.

 

Please let me know what you think

 

IF YOU REALLY THINK THIS WILL DESTROY MY CHANCES PLEASE LET ME KNOW...

[LostAngel]

Does anyone disagree with what I have decided to do?????????????????

 

Any other advice is appreciated.

 

Anyone.....

[r6a6r6]

Hello, I've been reading your thread and I am in a similar place.

 

I think you should give it more time. Maybe you'll be fine in a couple conversations or meetings, but right when you think things are getting comfortable, WHAM!, your emotions come back. Then the fighting will begin.

 

That's what the NC is for.

 

Trust me, he'll miss you. After a while (and I bet not too long) he'll be dying to have you back. I'd bet on it!

 

I think guys have an easier time coming back. Girls seem to be more stubborn when it comes to these things. Maybe it's just me?

 

I'm only on two days no contact now. After two months of trying to be friends. It just wasn't working. I wasn't going to pretend anymore and say I was comfortable just having small talk and pretending I was happy and moving on. The relationship would always come up.

 

After over 4 years of being together, by each other's side always, how can you just shove those feelings aside? How could she do that and jump to someone else SO soon?

 

It's hard, I know. But we have to hang in there!

 

I think everything will work out in the end. Hopefully for everyone.

 

PM if you want. My story is at "Will we get back together."

 

Have a great day!

[LostAngel]

Hi r6a6r6

 

Thanks for the reply.

 

I think you are right about -giving it more time.

 

I spent a bit of time with him yesterday & I held back any emotion I had about "US" & didn't mention 1 thing about "US".

 

Everything went great. (not 1 fight...)

But deep inside I just wanted to hold him & tell him how I feel.

 

THIS IS SO HARD.

 

BUT just like you said WHAM -1 little thing can come up & you are back

to where you began. This is exactly what happened -

 

He already new I was going away for a week on holiday (this week coming up). But when we were saying good-bye -he gave me a hug & said I must have a great time & that he will probably see me when I am back.

 

--(all of a sudden he SEEMED to be upset & then left)

when I called him later on to ask him if he was upset with me -HE JUST

SAID NO & IT WAS LIKE HE DIDN'T WANT TO TALK TO ME ANYMORE &

JUST SAID BYE -& PUT DOWN THE PHONE...

 

I'M NOT SURE EXACTLY WHY HE WAS UPSET

-He wouldn't tell what was wrong...

 

NOW I'M WORRIED THAT I HAVE PUSHED HIM AWAY EVEN MORE....

 

What do you think???

 

 

I'm not sure what to do anymore.....

 

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!! 'ANYONE' WHAT SHOULD I DO NOW???????????

[LostAngel]

AN UPDATE FOR THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW

 

LostAngel here, I'm back from my week away.

 

BUT am so down & sad. I NEED ADVICE ON HOW TO UNDERSTAND MY EX.

 

I was so exited to go & had a great holiday but I think me going has destroyed any chance of getting my ex back.

 

When I last replyed I wasn't going to contact him & find out why he was upset. BUT I just couldn't take not knowing why he was so upset. I ended up going to his house on the day before (Sunday) I left.

WHICH WAS NOT A GOOD IDEA...

 

We ended spending the day together. At first had a huge fight -he said he didn't want to know me, told me to leave (he was upset because I was going away to a place where we were supposed to go together)

 

I don't get him, he broke up with me but yet was upset with me going. I am very confused... we were supposed to go together on a number of occasions but things always came up, so didn't get to. But the reason I went was to get my mind off things... Not to spite him...

 

After the huge fight ...we kind of got talking again & even got intimate (EVEN SAID HE LOVED ME) & I told him that night that I wont go if he really doesn't want me to. BUT HE INSISTED THAT I GO -TO THINK ABOUT THINGS... HE THEN SAID HE WILL HAVE A CHAT WITH ME WHEN I AM BACK...

 

Everything seemed to be okay when I left & said bye...

 

So I left the next day hoping he would not change his mind about me. I EVEN BEGGED HIM NOT TO CHANGE HIS MIND & TO STILL HAVE A CHAT WHEN I WAS BACK.

 

I arrived at my holiday destination & on that Monday night he called me -He seemed sort of upset then I asked him if anything was wrong. He said NO & that I should just leave him alone. Later that night I spoke to him again & had the biggest fight I have ever had in the nearly 7 years of being with him. He said alot of things that hurt me & Ive never heard him say before. -HE EVEN SAID THAT HE HOPED HE WOULDN'T EVER SEE ME AGAIN & THAT I CAN FORGET ABOUT THE CHAT WE WERE GOING TO HAVE.

 

The next day I spoke to him & we just carried on fighting, I eventually decided not to contact him. A day later he called me..

 

He spoke normally & didn't mention the fight but after a while he then just said that he is going to come & give me all my stuff that was including any photos of us... I WAS SO UPSET WITH ALL THAT HAD happened -I JUST TOLD HIM "I DON'T NEED THIS" & PUT THE PHONE DOWN. After that we had no contact for 3 days.

 

I then got back yesterday & decided to go & see him. To see where I stood after all the fighting...BUT WAS I IN FOR A LET DOWN...

 

HE DIDN'T WANT TO TALK TO ME, TOLD ME TO LEAVE, SAID IT IS OVER, OVER ,OVER, SAID I WAS NO LONGER HIS BEST FRIEND, SAID HE WANTED ME OUT OF HIS LIFE, SAID OUR RELATIONSHIP IS 1 BIG MESS & WORST OF ALL SAID HE DID NOT LOVE ME ANYMORE.

 

HE ALSO SAID HE TORE UP ANY PHOTOS HE HAS OF "US".

 

 

I COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE --I EVENTUALLY LEFT & DID NOT EVEN SAY GOODBYE...I COULDN'T EVEN LOOK HIM IN THE FACE...

 

I CAN'T BELIEVE HE WOULD DO THIS TO ME...

 

HOW CAN HE SAY HE LOVES ME A WEEK AGO THEN SAY HE DOESN'T A WEEK LATER...

 

THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME HE HAS SAID HE LOVES ME THEN THE NEXT WEEK HE DOESN'T...IT HAS happened SEVERAL TIMES...

 

I'M HURTING ALOT.

HE HAS DESTROYED ME...BUT YET I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR HIM & WANT HIM BACK..

 

I'M NOT SURE WHAT TO DO ANYMORE...I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON WITH HIM...HOW CAN HE JUST STOP LOVING ME...

 

PLEASE CAN ANYONE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK...IM OUT OF OPTIONS & DON'T KNOW IF I HAVE ANY HOPE LEFT

...BUT I WANT HIM BACK... IS NC MY ONLY OPTION...

 

I JUST WANT TO CRY

[LostAngel]

Hi

 

This is so hard... I can't even type this reply properly...

 

After all this I called him last night (& I know I shouldn't have but I needed to know a few things that were left unsaid.)

 

HE ENDED IT COMPLETELY WITH ME LAST NIGHT... HE SAID I WILL NEVER REALLY KNOW HOW MUCH I MEANT TO HIM & WE SAID GOODBYE. WE ARE NOT GOING TO TALK ANYMORE IT IS OVER...

 

I CAN'T BELIEVE HE IS DOING THIS (HE SAID WE JUST CAN'T BE TOGETHER & WE CAN'T BE FRIENDS)

 

HE SAID HE DOESN'T NEED & DOESN'T WANT ANYONE (NOT EVEN ME)

 

I AM SO CONFUSED... HOW CAN HE JUST THROW 7 YEARS AWAY...HOW CAN HE THROW HIS BEST FRIEND AWAY...

 

 

HOW CAN HE JUST STOP LOVING ME FROM 1 WEEK TO THE NEXT...

 

THERE IS JUST SO MUCH I DON'T UNDERSTAND -BUT HE JUST SAID THAT I MUST NOT EVEN TRY TO UNDERSTAND HIM...BECAUSE I NEVER WILL...

 

I'M SORRY TO BE SO DOWN BUT I JUST CAN'T HELP IT...

 

During these 2 and a half months since the break up -I have tried to keep my head up high, tried to move on, tried to keep my mind off things BUT HE IS STUCK IN MY HEAD ALL THE TIME...& LOOK WHERE I AM NOW...

 

I DON'T THINK I WILL EVER GET OVER HIM & DON'T WANT TO...

 

I STILL SOMEHOW HAVE A SPARK OF HOPE INSIDE ME -THAT WE WILL ONE DAY BE TOGETHER AGAIN...(I JUST CAN'T GIVE UP)

 

I AM GOING TO TRY & GET THRU THIS, BUT IT IS HARD BECAUSE HE IS THE ONE I WOULD TURN TO FOR ANY HELP OR JUST TO TALK TO WHEN I NEEDED SOMEONE THERE FOR ME...NOW I JUST HAVE MYSELF...

 

THE LONGEST I HAVE EVER GONE ON WITH NOT TALKING TO HIM IS 5 DAYS & I JUST CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO THINK HOW IT IS GOING TO FEEL TO NOT SPEAK TO HIM AGAIN...

 

I WISH I COULD BE POSITIVE RIGHT NOW BUT I HAVE LOST A PART OF ME, BY LOSING HIM....

 

TIME IS MY ENEMY NOW........

 

DOES ANYONE THINK THERE IS HOPE FOR ME??? HAS ANYONE GOT THERE EX BACK (EVEN AFTER ENDING THINGS COMPLETELY....

IS NC MY ONLY HOPE.....

 

PLEASE ANYONE

 

LostAngel

[Sli]

LostAngel

 

I know how you feel, I was there not so long ago but time is not your enemy believe me.

 

I'm sure you've read the theory of what you should do but it's easier said than done isn't it . I'ts like being in the middle of the worst storm, wind howling, rain coming down in sheets etc.... and then trying to talk calmly through your problems with him when all that is going on…difficult. It's no easier to sort things out in the middle of an emotional storm. Chances are you'll just end up shouting a lot and be left feeling frustrated confused and drained.

 

Eventually I broke the cycle and backed off. You have got to regain some perspective. To do this you must distance yourself from the situation, it seems impossible but it is possible and you must be strong. If you take charge now and stop letting him manipulate your emotions, stop letting him play with your feelings, stop reacting when he pushes your buttons, then you may turn things around. Every time you give in and call, every time you chase and ask him what's wrong? Every time you show him you are upset, you are perpetuating this vicious cycle and he will pull away a bit more each time around. Unfortunately this is one of those crazy times in life when doing the opposite of what your heart is saying helps the situation…take a step back for a while.

 

You must try and distract yourself with other things at the moment, try and fill up your life with anything that can take your mind off him. Even the worst storms eventually die down and fade away, let time push the clouds away and when things have calmed down that's when you will find answers to the millions of questions you have running through your mind.

 

I was destroyed and never thought I would make it through, but I did make it, now she chases (to my surprise!) and I am in control, I no longer need anyone to complete me. Whatever happens everything will be ok in the end LostAngel, you'll see…(Hope I didn't overdo the storm metaphor!)

 

Take care

Sli

[LostAngel]

Hi

 

Thanks for all your support...

 

I am just really down & out with all that has happened & think I have destroyed all my chances with getting him back.

 

SO AM IN A TIGHT SPOT & NOT SURE IF THERE IS ANYTHING THAT CAN SAVE US...

 

I KNOW THE LAST THING I SHOULD BE DOING IS SEEING HIM...BUT THERE IS JUST SO MANY UNANSWERED THINGS I WANTED TO KNOW...

 

SO I went to see him once again last night, we talked & fought a bit & alot of things that I didn't really want to hear came out.

 

 

BUT I HAVE REALISED NOW WHAT SOME OF HIS REASONS ARE FOR ENDING IT WITH ME & there is truth in WHAT he said...

 

WE have been thru alot together (NEARLY 7 YEARS) & he has come to a point that he can't take it anymore...

 

He pointed out alot of things that I did wrong & why these and us fighting made him end it. THIS HURTS SO MUCH...

 

HE HAS ACTUALLY MADE ME REALISE WHERE I WENT WRONG & I KNOW WHERE HE DID TO...SO WERE BOTH AT FAULT...

 

WE HAVE ALSO KIND OF LOST OURSELVES ALONG THE WAY & CHANGED IN MANY WAYS...WE WERE BOTH VERY YOUNG WHEN WE GOT TOGETHER.

WITH ALL WEVE BEEN THRU & THE FIGHTS---HE SAYS IM NOT THE SAME PERSON HE FELL IN LOVE WITH...

 

I THINK ALL OF YOU READING THIS AS THE PERSON WHO HAS BEEN BROKEN UP WITH ---THINK ABOUT ALL YOU HAVE DONE...THINK OF WHY THE PERSON YOU LOVE HAS GIVEN UP & YOU MIGHT BE surpriseD THAT YOU & YOUR ACTIONS--COULD BE SOME OF THE CAUSING FACTOR...

 

 

--HE TOLD ME THAT HE STILL LOVES ME & CARES FOR ME ALOT BUT BECAUSE OF ALL THE NEGATIVE THINGS THAT HAVE happened -HE FEELS IT IS NOT WORKING & ALSO FEELS THAT WE CAN'T FIX IT BECAUSE WITH ALL OUR PREVIOUS BREAK UPS --WE TRIED BUT NOTHING WAS SOLVED...

 

THIS IS A PROBLEM BECAUSE EVERYTHING HAS BEEN BUILDING UP & NOTHING REALLY SORTED OUT...

 

I JUST WANT TO KNOW IF ANYONE THINKS THERE IS STILL A CHANCE --IN TIME THAT WE CAN FIX THIS & BE TOGETHER AGAIN???

 

WE LOVE EACH OTHER ALOT & ARE GREAT BEST FRIENDS...WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR EACH OTHER... & HE WILL DO ANYTHING TO HELP ME IF I NEED HELP WITH ANYTHING---EVEN NOW...

 

 

-CAN LOVE CONQUER ALL??????????????????????

 

 

WE HAVE NEVER HAD TIME APART LONGER THAN A FEW DAYS...EVEN ONCE WE BROKE UP...ITS LIKE IVE SAID BEFORE --

 

WE CAN'T LIVE WITH EACH OTHER BUT CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT EACH OTHER

 

DOES ANYONE THINK THAT MAYBE WITH TIME APART & TIME GIVEN TO EACH OTHER TO HEAL FROM ALL OF THIS --

 

IS THERE A CHANCE THAT WE COULD GET THRU THIS???

 

 

HAS ANYONE BEEN IN THIS POSITION & GOT THERE EX BACK???

 

I DON'T WANT TO LOOSE HIM & I BELIEVE WE CAN WORK THIS OUT

---WITH TIME...

 

CAN I GET MYSELF BACK (THE PERSON HE FELL IN LOVE WITH)????

THE TRUE ME.......

 

PLEASE CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK...IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO TO SAVE "US"

 

LostAngel

[Sli]

PLEASE CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK...IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO TO SAVE "US"

 

Hi again

 

I dunno if you've seen the film "Swingers" but 'thermovox' just quoted from it on the link below...

 

link removed

 

I know it's 2 guys but I think the situation is the same for both sexes. The bit that sticks in my mind is when Rob says...

 

The only difference between giving up and

not giving up is if you take her back

when she wants to come back. See, you

can't do anything to make her want to

come back. You can only do things to

make her not want to come back.

 

I know it hurts but I guess only time can reveal the answers to our questions.

 

Take care

Sli

[HurleyBabe6917]

Hey. Me and my b/f had the same problems. We've been dating for almost a year. We have about half a month left till it will be a year. I do think it was best for you two to break up. Time alone helps. You can't get on each others nerves a lot. Just give him some space to work things out. He will realize how much he misses you. Like the old saying goes " Absense makes the heart grow fonder". TRUST ME IT"S TRUE!!! I hope things get better for you. Good luck!

[LostAngel]

Hi Sli

 

Thanks for your replies...

 

I havn't seen "SWINGERS" but will try & get it & check it out...

 

I WILL KEEP BELIEVING & I GUESS TIME...

 

IS MY ONLY HOPE FOR A 2ND CHANCE...

 

 

LostAngel

[LostAngel]

Hi everyone...

 

Here is an update...

 

I thought about everything he said.

 

Yesterday I saw him again, he helped me out with something.

While with him I said that I thought of all he said & told him he was right, That we are not working & I'm not the person he fell in love with!!! & told him that its time I get that person back...I also said that its time for me to move on & thats exactly what I'm going to do...

 

DO YOU THINK THIS WAS BAD TO SAY???

 

I just hope that he can see that I am willing to change, that I am going to get back that person he fell in love with...

I HOPE I DIDN'T MAKE THINGS WORSE...

 

------------------------------

I THINK TIME IS THE ONLY ANSWER...

I'm just going to keep being there if he needs me & STOP ALL THE NEGATIVITY AS MUCH AS I CAN. I'm also going to keep NC as much as I can just so we both have time to heal...You know I'm not sure when I'm going to see or speak to him again -I JUST WANT TO MAKE THIS WORK & I WILL KEEP WORKING ON MYSELF --SO HE CAN HAVE BACK --THE PERSON HE FELL IN LOVE WITH & SO CAN I...

 

TIME...THATS ALL WE HAVE THAT CAN GIVE US THAT 2nd CHANCE.

 

I HOPE THIS WORKS-----

 

ANYONE HAVE ANYMORE SUGGESTIONS

 

 

Thanks again

 

LostAngel

[x143]

hi LostAngel,

 

thanks for replying to my post. i really appreciated it

 

i read your story and i just wanted to say that i think there is still a lot of hope for your relationship. but i think you need to lose the mentality that you're going to change for him.. i tried that too to get my ex back and it just doesn't work.. we ended up fighting again. he said to me, "don't change for anyone else.. change for YOURSELF." i realize that that is so true... you can't expect someone else to change you--you might change for a couple months, but eventually you'll go back to your old self and you will get hurt again. use the time away from him to focus on yourself.. i know it's hard, but learn to respect yourself and love yourself and in turn, your ex will respect and love you too. you should continue NC until you get to the point where you know that LIFE WILL GO ON--with or without him--and accept it. realize that there is so much more to life than just this relationship.. even tho i know it doesn't seem like it right now.

 

continue to stay positive even tho right now i know you might feel like your whole world is crumbling before your eyes. you guys have already been together for over SEVEN years.. that says a LOT. believe that it will work out, and it will.

 

i hope this helped hang in theree