Urgent ex just sent a text

[Nappyloxs]

Ok for those who know my story ex never initiates contact. It has always been me, but I havent done anything but one "hi hows it going email" last month. So almost 2 months nc.

 

Her text.

 

Hey its ex. I just wanted to say hi and see how you are doing. Hope all is good.

 

 

Okay my heart started.beating like crazy. I have posted before I felt like she would call or text.

 

I know why she texted already. She is off today (city holiday) and she is bored.

 

I am thinking of just sending a reply of "thanks for asking, yes I doing well. Hope everything is good with you too"

 

what do you all think?

[jonesyjakk]

if you are doing nc....then nc is nc and replying to anything is out of the question

 

if you are happy to text her....text away but be warned of the fish hook under her message!

 

if you think she is bored....well do you wanna be her entertainment....?

 

I would ignore her if its anything less than what you truly want....if you want nc...delete it....if you want contact message her.....only you know what you want dont even start thinking why has she sent this...why doesn't matter.......whats important is what you want to do with that message????

 

 

only you know whats best for you good luck

 

 

Jonesy

[Karma20]

You said yourself she's bored. So you know she's texting you because she's bored and not because she may actually miss you. Listen unless she says I made a mistake and want to work things out then don't respond. It's only going to set you back and you've been doing good so far.

[Mustachio]

Either stick with NC, or try and keep it as simple and brief as possible, lest you be sucked back in and hurt more.

[Nappyloxs]

Decisions decisions decisions. Part of just really wants to ask what the hell she wants. Ugh. I am think to respond because if she were sorry she is not going to come out and say it.

[Nappyloxs]

Also, its already a setback as now its on my mind.

[Karma20]

Then she can't be that sorry if she won't come out and say it

[Nappyloxs]

Well she didnt say it. I sent thw text in the original post. And she said thanks. End of that I guess. I deleted the texts as I dont want her new number. Back to my life. Man that was nervewrecking. I did not expect my heart to beat like that.

 

Thanks for the quick help everyone. I appreciate it.

[deecbee]

Good job. Stick with it. 60 days may seem like a long time, and it might FEEL like there's enough distance to not get burned again, but you'd be surprised. The minute you respond to an ex, you put the ball back in their court. It is so easy to get sucked right in.

[WildChild]

If you do decide to respond, which it's always a flip of the coin on the best approach when they finally do reach out, the one very important thing as the dumpee is to not mention anything about your relationship, how you're doing in the process of it all, or ask if there is a chance for reconciliation etc. That's not saying you will, but sometimes people jump the gun, or a conversation begins and these things can begin to creep out just because of curiosity or hope that this means the dumper wants to work things out.

 

If she mentions or asks anything about it/these things, closely listen to what she says. The one thing that always seems to be the norm, is the dumper wants to know how the dumpee is doing with everything, and also to see or feel them out if they're seeing someone etc (it's feeding their ego kinda thing, and easing their curiosity because they haven't heard from you)....feeling the dumpee out. DON'T feed it, or into it. If you say nothing, or little about it , then you're not feeding into it in the event their contact is just for that reason, it doesn't give them the "whew, they're o.k. with it so I can go on my merry way' or 'boy, they're no where near over it I'm staying away'; plus, and most important, it often times makes them begin to wonder etc. why you're not saying much, if you've maybe started seeing someone, etc. This is a HUGE turning point in everything, that if done right, where often times the dumper begins to examine things more, if they made a mistake, etc. Keep it and play it cool, don't ever let them see you sweat, and if you don't know what to do or say, then do or say nothing; or change the direction of the conversation. Always keep it upbeat, short, be confindent but not cocky, be the first to end the conversation or tell them you need to go because you have plans, or are on your way out for an errand, etc. Good luck!!!

[deecbee]

^Good advice, Wild.

 

And sometimes it's the opposite reaction that they might have... "Whew, s/he's still not over me, I feel better about my life now" (but they still don't want you). Sometimes that contact is just so they can get a boost and they WANT you to be mourning the loss still.

[WildChild]

@deecbee, that is exactly true too! It is also just as common, and it becomes soooo tricky...it's truly like a game of chess, not knowing what motive was behind that particular 'move.' You always have to stay one step ahead of them, once you get past the initial pain and hurt it becomes so much easier. Ego is a huge thing, and they don't necessarily want to see you happy...exactly like you said, they don't want you but they don't want anyone else to have you or bring you happiness, or to see you're happy without them.

 

I have an ex, if you want to call him that (lol) that rarely, rarely do I ever hear from him...it was always me that initiated contact, and 99.9% he ignored them....I had hurt him in a way I didn't think possible because I thought he was game playing (long story, weird to say but we're both the dumpee and the dumper)...well, when I did/do hear back from him within a short amount of time he inquires about if I'm seeing someone if he's gotten wind that I'm dating, OR...OR, when he hasn't heard from me. But as soon as he thinks he got under my skin, didn't succeed in it, or got what HE thinks is an answer...boom, he's MIA. I never initiate contact with him anymore, and slowly he has...when I say slowly, like every 3-5 months. Although frustrating and hair pulling the stubborn mule, it doesn't effect me anymore because I know to expect it, and not to expect anything from him. At this point its become comical, BUT, only because I've been on this rollercoaster ride with him for so long...over a year and a half!! LOL This is exactly a valid and good example of what you've said.

[Nappyloxs]

Thanks. So like I said I replied with the original post. Aka everything is well thanks for asking. Hope everything is good with you. Her reply was "thats good, thank you." This may be what I should have done, I asked "whats wrong." Her reply "why does something have to be wrong to say hi" my reply it doesnt. Hello.

 

No reply from her since.

 

So I want to think why did she do it. But I already know the answer. She was bored, hasnt heard from, and wanted to know I would still talk to her. So manipulative. Well she got her little ego boost.

 

When I asked whats was wrong, she could have given different answer, but typical her she cannot be honest and say that she was thinking of me. How hard it is it to be sweet?

Well, I am glad I responded or else I would have wondered what she had to say. Now I know. Nothing.

 

Still have a long way to go, because I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Man does this girl got some power over my heart. I deleted the texts so I dont know her new number. Man, I am tired of her games.

[italiannmf24]

If your in NC stay NC. Don't talk to her, your not just someone she can talk to whenever she wants, your busy. Stay away, don't take crumbs.

[Nappyloxs]

yeah, screw the crumbs.

[jonesyjakk]

i dont see what you had to gain by texting her....now ya probably wondering what the hell was that all about??? i wouldn't bother texting in future my friend just chalk this one up on the board!

[Karma20]

Learn from this, now it's going to be on your mind again for a while and you have to start from square one. If she wants you back trust me you'll know.

[doyathink]

And on the other hand she may have been testing the waters too. She might have been waiting to see if you'd offer HER a crumb. Just sayin...we never know what theyre thinking. Some times they're just as scared of starting anything just like you. What do you say, and how when you want someone back? It's not easy to come back.

[jonesyjakk]

i agree its not easy to come back, but imo if ya gonna beat about the bush dont bother coming back......i would come out and say it.....regardless....i made a mistake and i wanna talk to you to see if we can maybe work things out what d'ya think? all the games in the world get played when we split up.....no need for games in getting back together.

 

if my ex started playing games and didnt have the courage to come out and say i want you back then i'd just ignore her until she grew a pair. thats just my oppinion though but i do see what you are saying....but until she says I WANT YOU BACK i wouldn't play the games!

 

thats just me

 

 

Jonesy

[Pirandello]

Next time she texts, tell her straight, if you are looking to talk for reconciliation maybe I am willing to talk or else if you just looking to catch up or be friends, I prefer we don't go that direction, I respected your decision to end it, now you must respect mine.

[doyathink]

Next time she texts, tell her straight, if you are looking to talk for reconciliation maybe I am willing to talk or else if you just looking to catch up or be friends, I prefer we don't go that direction, I respected your decision to end it, now you must respect mine.

 

This is good. It would at least give her an open. Women aren't always good at pursuing men even when they want them back. You think it's hard as a guy?

[sadchick83]

I dont know...I know of people who have told their ex's "only contact me if you are interested in a reconciliation." And, all they do is send the dumpee crumbs....still feeding their ego's.

[doyathink]

I dont know...I know of people who have told their ex's "only contact me if you are interested in a reconciliation." And, all they do is send the dumpee crumbs....still feeding their ego's.

 

that happens too, but ppl get back together everyday....so something is working an it sure as hell isnt NC for the rest of your life lol

[WildChild]

See, I'm not a believer in telling them 'don't contact me unless you want a reconciliation.' My theory on this, is that it puts undo pressure on the other person (dumper). You (dumpee) don't need to say anything. Your actions are what's going to get the fire under their butts. Words can be misconstrued, misinterpreted, and dismissed. Actions prove it. In the beginning, or when NC is initiated, it is during this time that you can say that because you have a lot of things you need to work through that you prefer not to talk to them. Most people are going to understand, and get it. It's during this time that the dumpee needs to fully work on their hurt, feelings, pain, feeling of loss, acceptance, denial, everything. Yes, you have to stand up for yourself if they don't respect your wishes, and tell them firmly to back off. BUT, and this is where people get lost in the transition of what NC serves the purpose, is it is during this time is where everything starts to make sense for the dumpee and slowly things start becoming normal again, and their confidence and hopes and dreams and starting new begins to come in. It is also during this time where a HUGE pivotal moment comes into the dumpees heart, and mind: would I even take them back if they asked? It would be surprising how many people once they have fully concentrated on healing through everything will say: NO. THIS is when the true naturalness of saying or actions come into play from the dumpee...the ball has naturally come into their court, and for the first time they will for once feel like they are in control of themselves, and their lives. This is where the dumper goes "Holy sh*t. Something has changed, they're not into me as much." This is when they will really start to wonder, think, ponder, what they should do, and they start creeping. They're UNCERTAIN now if they made the right choice, or maybe they know dead set they DID make the wrong choice. So they again, feel you out. Test you, have they (dumpee) really changed, or is this all show? If the dumpee doesn't play into it, if they keep their game face on, they won't fall for anything because they aren't concentrarting on the dumper anymore, they're concentrating on themselves. BUT, if and when the dumper is possibly in THEIR mind (because no one truly knows what someone is thinking, words don't make feelings necessarily real or true...cover ups if ya will) doing the pros and cons of what would happen should they want to reconcile, is the critical moment.All throughout break ups, everyone always says don't put pressure on the person who does the breaking up right after the break up, or within xxx amount of time.... this is JUST as important when contact is being made. There's not a one of us here, that if being the dumper, started contemplating reconciliation, that the first thing out of their (dumpee) mouth was "unless you want me, don't talk to me." BOOM, my walls would be up because now they're putting pressure on me to make a decision. Rome wasn't built in a day, communication HAS to begin somewhere, and if you close those doors by giving ultimatums so soon into it? Guess what, you've 99.9% shot yourself in the foot if you are a dumpee who after everything, and after all your healing, would want to work it out, should the dumper try to extend that olive branch.

 

NC serves as one of two purposes: to heal and never want to deal with that person again; or, you heal so that you can eventually deal with that person again even on a casual basis, or if a reconciliation would present itself in the future. When a dumpee starts NC, it might be for one of the reasons or the other, and it may change as healing begins. A breakup doesn't mean that it will be or has to be forever, it's just knowing to accept and expect that it may not happen. So if it doesn't happen, it won't matter anymore.

[Nappyloxs]

I thought I was giving her an opening when I asked what was wrong. Probably could have phrased it different such as is everything okay. But whatever.

 

My friend came came (just so happened I got off work early today and he is on spring break as a teacher). He even said her answer was b.s.

 

She still hasn't responded, probably won't. She got her little ego filled. Right now, I can not lie I am just pissed. I was happy with my life. Totally comfortable being single, but I had this intuition over the last month that she would reach out. Shoot, even last night I prayed that she was alright. This girl is the devil, I swear.

 

Why can't she just be upfront about stuff. This was her problem when we were together. She could never tell me how she really felt and when she did it was usually through screaming and belittling.

 

I am not that way. I have always either said how I felt in an honest good hearted manner or not said it at all (because I was naive).

 

Why couldn't she have just said that she was thinking about me and wanted to say hi? Ugh. I guess I already know the answer to that question, but still it is frustrating. (my guess is that she was thinking of me, but doesn't want to reconcile).

 

Ladies, I am sorry to say right now I hate women and their stupid games. (although I know the ladies on ena don't play the games my ex does).