dealing with the "are you okay?"

[justaglimmer]

So when it comes to this most recent struggling relationship of mine, my mother is no stranger to how things have been. Sometimes I feel like talking to her about it, and other times its the last thing I want to do. I appreciate that she cares for me like that, but it's a little overbearing at times.

 

I live at home with my parents while I am in college, and my mother goes as far as to check the caller i.d when she gets home from work to see if he has called. I get really annoyed by this and feel like I have no personal room to breathe, no privacy. If she sees that he hasn't called... she will hang around me, just sitting around in my bedroom or something while I'm clearly watching a movie or reading or whatever, and I can tell that she wants to start being nosey and ask me things. As much as I hate to admit it, I start to get really angry and feel like I could just snap and say something that would really hurt her. I hate it because I know its just that she is worried for me, but sometimes I just need to be alone without having to answer to anyone about "How I'm feeling", or "Whats his problem?"

 

I'm mainly just venting. Has anyone else been through this? I know its sorta crazy because at the same time, I'm sure I'd be hurt if it seemed like no one cared... but I can't help but get very annoyed at times. I love my mother dearly and appreciate her, I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I'm in my 20's now and I'm growing up and need more privacy in my life.

[Alpha Ghaz]

My mother was actually like this DURING the relationship, just because she didn't approve of who I was dating but dealed with that I did love this girl with my entire heart. She would insistently tell me that she was not the right one and that my ex would hurt in the end Guess what? Like a prophet everything my mother had warned me about came true and here I am heart broken, now I'm not regretting that I didn't listen to my mother or anyone else who had disagreement about me being with her. Now mama bird came down swooping in rescuing her little chick! I appreciate this but sometimes she'll say too many things which makes me actually feel uncomfortable about the situation

 

Just completely shutting her out would be a mistake but you should let her know that you need some space to work things out.

 

Just my 2cents.

[kuteknish]

Hi. First of all, i'm sorry for the hurt you are dealing with. I, along with many others know what you are going through.

I don't live at home with my parents, however, I do know how annoying that question can get. My mother and I were talking daily for a while and it ended up being too much. I handled it this way.

I told my mom that I know she cares about me and my well-being, but asked that she not bring 'him' up unless I did first. I don't want to talk about it, or anything related to it, and please respect that. She backed off and respected my wishes.

[MissSMcc]

my mum was the same for about a month. i dont live with her but everytime she called the first thing she said was 'are you okay by yourself?' it was frustrating at the time but she eventually stopped. when you get frustrated with your mum just remember that she loves you and is worried about you. better that than feeling uncared for.

[justaglimmer]

Thanks everyone for the input. I don't know if I'm weird or what but I like venting, just not necessarily to her, at least not always. Because she can sometimes just be way too overbearing and seeing as I live with her, when she becomes overbearing, I'm left without privacy. She tried to do the usual today... She came into my room and just sat around until she finally asked something about what was going on with me and ex. I remained as calm as possible and told her its time we all just move on, and I really didn't feel like talking about it.

 

Her: But talking about it will help!

 

Me: Not always, please mom.

 

...silence

 

She stays a little while longer, my dog started annoying her and she finally left the room. I hate it because I feel like I'm hurting her feelings but I need my privacy too

[Never2Late]

I can't send you PMs, justaglimmer:

 

"justaglimmer has exceeded their stored private messages quota and cannot accept further messages until they clear some space"

[journeynow]

I know its just that she is worried for me, but sometimes I just need to be alone without having to answer to anyone about "How I'm feeling", or "Whats his problem?"

I think you should tell her this.↑⇑⇑⇑Tell her that you know she is there for you and you will come talk to her if you need to.

[Never2Late]

Mothers are the only persons in our life that can really make us feel 'unconditionally' loved. Sometimes, the best way to get over a breakup is to focus on your mother's love. I know, it's not the same...

 

Your mum would give her life away to save yours.

Do you think your ex would do the same for you?! The fact that he's an 'ex' explains a lot...

 

Yes, you're entitled to have some privacy. There's nothing wrong with your mum worrying about you, it's totally fine.

My mum, my whole family and all my friends can't wait for me to stop talking about my ex! Can you see the difference?!

 

Yes, talking 'about' it can help. Talking 'over and over' is destructive, a slippery slop...don't go down that road.

Save yourself from this atrocity!

 

If you need to vent, PM me...but first, you need to clear your Inbox!

 

Don't be tough on your mum, she's just playing her role. If you feel like you're losing your patience, count until 10 before you say anything...

 

If I did that with my ex, the counting, perhaps we would be still together now...but I had to count too many times, and that's not healthy...