MarkD Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 It has been around a year since I have posted on here. It's been the most difficult year of my life. I first joined this site after my GF broke up with me. It was so difficult getting answers from her. I have never loved someone so much...I had finally let down all guards and let her in my life..she moved in..it was amazing..everything was so amazing. I wont get into all the details again, but after we broke up, she wouldnt talk to me on the phone or anything. I couldnt understand? She would still keep in touch though...on a regular basis. I couldnt understand why? Then the worst thing happened. She told me she had cancer. I didnt know what to do...I never had anyone close to me have cancer. Well 6 months later, she passed away. I never got to see her...She wouldnt let me. She didnt want me to see what cancer had done to her. She was only 27 years old... She wrote me a letter answering all my questions days before she passed away. It's been around 3 months since she passed. There isnt a minute that goes by where I dont think of her. I thought I hit rock bottom before, but now...everything just seems pointless. I wake up and have a hard time seeing the point in anything. I go through my days looking for anything that might make me happy... While Im writing this....I dont even know what Im looking for... Link to comment
cristal Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 Mark that is terrible....hugs to you. Was that the same girl who broke your heart a few years ago? 27 years old is a young age to die no matter who the girl is. Sorry for your pain..just try to stay strong. Things will get better with time. Link to comment
Jetta Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 I'm so sorry, that's awful. I can understand her not wanting to see her in her less than ideal state of being. She loved you too, and wouldn't want to be remembered ill. My dad was the same way with me, he flat out told me not to come visit him and made my brother say the same thing. So I didn't go, and I do remember him fondly. I heard stories of his last days but wasn't part of it, because he didn't want to think of him as weak and sickly. Just as your ex wanted to be remembered well. She wrote you the letter that speaks volumes for how well she thought of you. Cherish your memories of her. Link to comment
MarkD Posted March 7, 2011 Author Share Posted March 7, 2011 Hi Cristal, Yes that was her. The most difficult part was reading the letter she wrote me explaining why she couldnt see me, talk to me, or be with me. Her family was in a different city. The plan was that she were to finish school (one year left) and move back to the city I was living in. The problem is that when she was away to school, she realized how much she missed being close to her family. I am very close with my family as well...she knew it would kill me to leave them, so she didnt even give me the option. That was the basics why we werent going to be together. She didnt want to talk to me on the phone, because the sound of my voice would have killed her. Her best friend was able to give me all the details too...it did really help me understand what happened. She was so sweet to write me a letter knowing she only had days to live. I miss her so much. The most difficult words I had to read in her letter were "don't ever forget me" Link to comment
MarkD Posted March 7, 2011 Author Share Posted March 7, 2011 Thanks Jetta. Her family and her best friend say Im lucky because i remember her as a beautiful girl. They only remember the shell of a body she was left with. Poor girl... Link to comment
catfeeder Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 My heart goes out to you, and I'm sorry for your loss. If you want to motivate yourself, consider making it a goal to live your life in a way that would make her proud. Link to comment
MarkD Posted March 7, 2011 Author Share Posted March 7, 2011 Thanks Cat. That's exactly what I have been doing. I have stepped up in doing more for my community with fund raising. The hardest part is that she would be soooo upset with me for being sad. This girl was a trooper..almost to a fault. She lost her Mother and Sister in a car accident...month later loses her Grandmother...then her Father basically had a breakdown after he lost his wife and disowned her and the rest of the family...and between all that, she put herself through school and was accepted to the #1 Univ to be a Dentist. She was so intelligent, she got accepted into the condensed course scheduled that pretty much put a four year work load in two years. She was the top of her class... All that, and she was the most beautiful girl I've ever met. I would ask myself why I was so lucky to be with her... She is amazing and I will never forget her until the day I die. I wear my pink wrist band every day with the hope of raising Cancer awareness and in memory of her. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 I tend to believe that people who have loved us gift us with energies they no longer need once they cross over. I also believe that sometimes the brightest of souls shed their bodies while young because they have important work to do on another level. If you consider yourself a conduit of her energy, then you'll have an answer as to why you were blessed to love her. It can give you strength to work in this world on her behalf, and you'll feel your own energy become amplified rather than depleted. My best, Cat Link to comment
Hobbes Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 Oh Mark - so sorry to hear about this - that's terrible news. Thoughts with you. Link to comment
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