adult dealing with sexual abuse as child

[Dee176]

I am not interested in speaking with my family any longer, period! This decision was made not only because of their denial or admittance of my abuse, it is about several other things that happened in my childhood. I agree I have distanced myself from my abuser, which only makes sense, there is no logical reason that I should associate with him or any of my family members who have decided to walk around with blinders on! Having said that I have to protect myself and if protecting means distance then so be it! Have a great and productive day everyone

[angel32]

I was mollested, mentally, and emotionally abused by my father when I was around 8 or 9 dont remember the exact age. I am now 40, I believe its all coming to a head, and will have to be deal with it very soon. I am a alcoholic, since being laid off from my job in January of this year I have been through a lot. My drinking has gotten way out of hand again, my ex boyfriend and I are pretty much done and Im trying to deal with that and not taking it very well. Because of my drinking I have done a lot dumb things and made a fool out of myself. I am alone now and really have no friends, I have my family, but I really dont feel like they are much of one. I had a conversation last night about my ex boyfriend to a friend and he really made a lot of sense, we then got on the subject of my childhoold, he felt I needed to confront my father with the abuse in order for me to move on and have closure. but I am to scared to do this, are there other ways of going through this without having to confront your abuser? My mother already knows about it, and believes i should grateful that I have a roof over my head and I need to move on. I am frightened to death to confront my dad about this and I dont want to open a huge can of worms. any suggestions? I am really really scared.

[jesus32]

sex ABUSE!!!!!!!!! help , I'm really sad because my best friends which is a girl and she need's help. she been molested and harassed and raped . Every times she talk's about it she cries and cant deal with it i need to help her because, i care about her . so her sis boyfriend raped her and she feel's so sad harmed. she's afraid she will get the consequences from her family and sister and other people if she told the police and her mom .she thinks that because her sis has cancer and she worries about her if she told her family it will make there parents fight and her sister will get more sick . she need's help and her sis said to forgive him what he did and she said well i never did anything he just attacked me .. What should she do ????

 

my question is should she for give him what he did ? and made her life worse she need's help ?????!! what should she do >? !!!!!! Help help!!! Help!! help !help help help

 

E-MAIL ME IF SHE SHOULD OR NOT? HELP PLEASE

E- MAIL ME AND GET ME SOME REASON AND STORIES HELP

[candykisses]

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[candykisses]

I'm available for PM, if anyone wants to talk/feel like they need a friend.

[Brigadoon]

I don't know why I'm posting this really but I just want to say that although your stories are horrible that they make me feel a little less freakish.

I'm sick of having memories in my head that shouldn't be there, I'm sick of thinking badly of myself because that's how I was taught to think and I'm sick of being ashamed of my childhood and my family and pretty much everything about myself.

I'm not going to go into details here because I still can't but in short I had my first nervous breakdown when I was fifteen and unfortunately botched a suicide attempt. I admitted to being abused by one of my brothers from when I was about five until I was fifteen but that really isn't the entirety of it. I suppose I didn't really know what was normal and what wasn't so I just said nothing about the rest. I've never actually talked about a lot of what happened and I think that's probably because I don't think that there was any way in which I wasn't abused in some way by some member of my family so where would I start?

After I left the hospital when I was fifteen my parents voluntarily signed me into foster care. I think that was the point at which I realised that to them I truly was a completely worthless human being. I had always had it in the back of my mind that they would not accept that what had been going on was unacceptable but being told that I was a liar who had mental problems was absolutely devastating.

I never really understood how damaging all this was to me until recently.

I am not normal; I cannot form normal relationships with people because I just don't want to get attached to people. The closer you let people the worse they'll hurt you.

I don't think I can do anything about these feelings, I don't think I can be "fixed". I did the counselling thing but as I cannot talk about so much of what went on then I don't really see it working any better than before.

Everything just seems hopeless. If I didn't have a son to take care of then I would have checked out of all this years ago.

Sometimes I feel angry that they aren't in my life anymore but they've trained me so well that I don't need them to abuse me anymore because I can do it myself.

Most of the time though I just don't have the energy to do that; my brain is fully engaged in beating myself up.

[schleepy]

hi everyone. Im new to this website and i just wanted to say i think everyone who posts here is extremely brave and i admire that. To be honest i just need some insight. I was sexually abused in middle school by my older cousin. i am now18 and attending my first year of college. A couple of months ago i had nightmares of being sexual abused by him again but this time it was much worse. Anyway ever since those dreams ive been constantly thinking about it and how much its affecting my life. Well, ive been feeling very depressed lately and very alone and i need to talk to someone about it but the people who know about it arent much help, not that they dont care just dont know how to help me or console me. What happened to me isnt as bad as what happened to some of you but it still hurts. the thing is that this cousin is still in my life and i "forgave" him instantly. we never really talked about it but we still all see him and i try to act like everything is normal when in actuality its not. A couple of days ago i tried to rethink everything that happened to myself just to "deal" with it somehow but obviously that didnt work. All that lead me to was wanting help. I want to tell someone in my family, my brother's girlfriend persay, but i dont want word to get out. My cousin is my brother's best friend and i still love to han gout with all of them. I just cant break up a relation like that because of me. I want to tell my brother's gf because im closest to her and she hangs out with us all, basicaly she would understand the extremity of the situation. The thing is i wouldnt want her to tell anyone especially my brother because then i know there will be a major problem in the family. I dont even hate my cousin im just annoyed and hurt that it happened. All of the kids and cousins of our family have such a strong bond but the fact that he molested me (made me touch him) is whats causes that barrier.

 

I just dont know what to do. Ive read things online that suggest seeking prfessional help but im not sure if i want to take it to that level.

 

if u can please post a reply... it would be greatly appreciated

thank you

[cammyrp93]

therapy CAN help, it just takes time, and they'll work with you, they can even give phone sessions if you don't want to come in. believe me, when my therapist asked me to write a childhood narrative, the memories didn't come right away. it was over a period of several days. and i know how you feel about getting hurt; when i'm in a relationship i end up feeling so insecure that i just obsess over their flaws & just disappear...and it's not about the amount of friends you have but the quality of their friendship. what brought me to begin therapy was being sick of just numbing myself out & getting sick from meds.

 

hugs

[cammyrp93]

it makes me angry to read about the things people do in the name of "family." i stopped believing a long time ago that "blood is thicker than water." i feel for you all going through that.

[BitterNag]

I just started a new thread and have been surfing older ones to see what to do. As I said in my thread, my sister has been abused. Problem is I don't know if I can get her to the counsillors and I don't know if I can do it without my parents. we were raised on 'blood is thicker than water' She needs help

[ad11]

i am 18 years old and i was molested by my step father when i was younger. i am still having alot of trouble getting over it. My stepfather told me it wasnt him it was the medication he was taking that made him like that. i told my mother a year after it started and she left him then only a few months after she went back to him. It was hard to talk to my mother about it because her father did the same to her but it was like she always compared my expierance to hers and hers always were made out to be worst than mine. so i really dont have anyone to talk to about it except my husband who i married only a few months ago and he doesnt know everything. but its very hard to talk to him about it becasue i get so upset. what do i need to do to get over this?? all this memory does is makes me sick.

[needhelp22]

I hate to hear all of these terrible stories but I enjoy the feeling of not being the only one.

 

I am a 19 year old female. I barely remember anything, I don't even have a clue as to what age I was, I am guessing around 4 or 5. I also don't know who it was, I am thinking it was one of my older brother's friends. All I remember is that I was on the top bed of a bunk bed with a guy (older, from 13-15 or so) and I think we were kissing. I remember shying away but he pulled me back. And thats where it ends. I don't know if this is my brain purposely blocking it for me or what. I also remember having very sexual tendencies as a child. Masturbation began very early on, and I also experimented with stuffed animals (strange I know.) So I am attributing all of this to possible child abuse.

 

My brother is a current drug addict that began hanging out with the wrong crowd at an early age, so I do not find it hard to believe that some unstable guy took advantage of me. I am terrified of telling anyone but my boyfriend. He is the ONLY one that knows. I HATE being touched sometimes. Sex is very unenjoyable for me. My particular annoyance is with my breasts, I cannot stand having them touched. Although sometimes I do enjoy sexual relations with my boyfriend, it is extremely rare. Afterwards or even during, I feel dirty and disgusting, like I am being used for services. Obviously this isn't good considering we have been together for 5 years.

 

I just hate to feel as if I am putting a burden on my parents by telling them. Like I said, my brother is currently in jail and a drug addict, we struggle financially and my parent's marriage is falling apart. I don't want to put any more stress on their heads. I also don't think I can even afford counselling.

[Maxidoyle]

finding this site made me feel less alone but i was abused by my father form age of 11 to 15 and now i am 22 it is all going to court now and when i called victim support instead of helping me with my emotions the rammed a compensation form down my throat. my work arent all that understanding really as i work in mental health my self. i cant cope with working loads but i cant lose my job as i have no other family except my fella and hes not all that helpful to be honest i dont know if its cos im feeling so low at the moment, or hes just generally useless. im havin nightmares of it all and flaashbacks and the doctor provided me with and anti depressant that made me feel like a zombie i no longer no what to do my world has fallen apart.

[confussedemma]

Hi, this is my first post im not sure if im doing it right. im 23 and starting to get very confussed about my feelings and thoughts. i was adopted at the age of 4, i honestly couldnt have been happyier intill my adoptive dad starting touching me, eventualy it turned into fulll sex, he used to get me to ask for it, and used very horrible words, this went on for around 5 years. i was to scared to tell my mum as my dad said it was our little secret. i thought it was normal intill my mum walked in early from work one day and caught my dad with me.

 

my dad went away for a while, so that me and my mum could get our heads around thing. i remember my mum asking if i wanted my dad back. i said yes as i didnt want another broken family and my mum looked lost witout him. from then till now ive put it into the back of my head, spoke to him hugged him carried on like nothing has happened.

 

ive been married for 2 years now and have a 20month old little girl, and all my emotions have just hit me. what am i to do. im scared i dont want my dad any where near my daughter. my husband hates talking about it. i want to scream.

[NDEACER]

Get a woman therapist and be brave enough to completely trust her would be my advice to anyone who feels lost.

 

I was raped by my Dad once when I was four and I was in denial until I was 30. Therapy helped me a lot and the coping techniques I learned still help me today.

 

When I stopped running from my emotions and stopped allowing myself to forget bad memories and repeatedly said to myself "I can deal with this, I will face and deal with anything in my past so I can get on with my life free of denial." When I faced my past and felt strong enough I stopped distorting my own memories and perceptions, I stopped thinking I was acting al'right when I really wasn't. I found myself being able to truly listen to other people on deeper levels where before I would just cut and run and now me and the people around me are better off for my bravery to face up to reality.

 

The denial impacted a lot of my life at school, work, family, friends, girlfriends in various bad ways. I wish I had therapy sooner, "the sooner the better" is so true. If you have not had therapy I would book an appointment as soon as possible even if it means cutting down on the fags or booze for a few weeks to pay for it.

[larklight]

I was sexually abused by my father when I was in the 6th grade. It slowly progressed from bad to worse. In 9th grade everything went to hell, and then by the time that I was a sophomore in High School he had stopped and by the time Junior year rolled around he was asking me for forgiveness. I am now a Freshman in college and I have just told people what I have being living with, and who my father really is. I was depressed and suicidal. Through great friendships that God has provided for me I am now in a group called CR, Celebrate Recovery. It is a recovery group that is based upon the beatitudes in the bible. It is Christ-centered, and you work through 5 different books, all each a little harder, they make you dig deep within side yourself to find out why you behave the way you do. The questions make you examine your life and help you see how God works in our lives everyday and just how much he cares. Since joining the group I have been suicide thought free...

All I have to say is know that you can make it through this, God wouldn't give you more than you can handle. And know that God did want this to happen, the Devil did this, but God has a way of using Satan's handy work to glorify Him in the most beautiful ways. I believe that God not only provided me friends to make it through the rough nights filled with nightmares and terrors, but He has made me stronger because of it and has great plans for me in the future.

Because of what happened to me when I was so young I now plan on opening a crisis center for sexually, physical, and mentally abused women and children. I know the pain that comes from that I know have the power to help another scared little girl with nightmares be able to sleep just through one night.

God is with you and He loves you...Don't ever forget that.

[amylee]

I am all new to this forum thing but I am hoping to receive some help and answers!!!!

I was sexually abused by my brother when I was about 8 or 9. He would have been 17 or 18. I only have memories of it happening the one time and whilst I know that this is no where near as bad as other people on this forum it has impacted me my whole life. I am only just dealing with it now - 30 years on!!! Whilst it is much easier to deal with when I was in denail about it - the time has come for me to face my fears and try and move forward.

I have never told anyone who my abuser is - subconscienly I know that I am protecting him and it is not the right thing to do. But I love my Mum and Dad and other brothers and sisters and don't want to break our family unit up. I want to protect them from this pain that I have been dealing with for most of my life.

I went and saw a spiritual healer as I felt I was missing something in my life. She has told me that I need to face my brother and ask him my unanswered questions. I really feel that i can't do this and am looking for another option where I can finally let this go and move on with my life and really experience the person I truly am. Please help me - is there another option????????

[JoyceB]

Amylee and Schleepy,

Have you both dealt with this yet? Please share your journeys, as I am going through a very similar situation....

 

When I was three or four, my sister molested me, and she was about 10 years old at the time... I am in my 30's now, trying to deal with it. I didn't remember anything until I was in my 20's... she was about to get married and people wondered why she didn't invite this uncle of ours... she confessed to my mother that she was molested (my mother never revealed it to my dad).. and then told me... and a lightbulb went off in my head, and just felt like something happened to me, too... I tried talking to a couple close friends about it, but couldn't really prove anything... didn't really remember anything, except feeling like my sister molested me...

 

Fast forward 10 years later, I am having nightmares and flashbacks about it. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, and it's on my mind all the time... and it hurts... I go back and forth between hating my sister and not blaming her because she was a child, too, when it happened to her... when I see her, I pretend like nothing happened, but I am just hurting inside...

 

I am in a wonderful relationship with my boyfriend.. we are planning to get married and buy a house together, and I have not yet told him of my revelation.. and everytime he talks about our future, I get this feeling like I'm lying to him... the thing is I want to confront my sister first before I say anything to him, but I am having a very difficult time doing it... she and I have become close in our adult lives, I am the Godmother of her children... if I come out with this news, it is going to devistate my family... and I just can't bare to hurt my mom and dad... my dad, especially, since he is doesn't know about my sister being abused! Like you, I am protecting my sister, but, in turn, I am tormenting myself... everyday, it affects me.... everyday... and I know I cannot move forward with my life... I also know that my disclosure will probably result in a separation from my family or my boyfriend (who is aware of my sister's situation adamant about not being around my extended family because of the man who molested her)...

 

If anyone has any advice on how to confron your abuser, please share.. I need some help..

[Wandy]

The tragic thing that I've seen happen with this sort of abuse (sexual abuse) is that victims, specially when young, is that we tend to believe that somehow it was our fault, or that what would happen if we do tell. This was my story. Abused by age three till about maybe 10 or so; I am 41 now. My mother did find out (the last time it happened) and chose to do nothing. As my abuser's mother, cu she found out too, went to my mother's house and beg not to call the police on her son. He was in his late teens when he first raped me. Both women chose to "sweep it under the carpet"sort of speak. Well, their actions caused other children to suffer the same abuse if not worsed than I did. He went on and molested his new bride's little sibblings (I did try to warn her family about him, but ofcourse he said a was a lier and untrustworthy little girl). He also molested his own kids that he had with this girl and who knows who else suffered, because of the two mother's choice not to do anything about it. The problem is that the abuser's need to face reality and come clean with themselves, with others, and more than that, answer Almighty God for the crime they've commited. They may think that, "Hey nobody saw me, it's all good. Noone will ever find out." They trully are mistaken. GOD saw it all happened!!! And they do must give an account for their action. Now, with that said, we, as survivor's of sexual abuse must seek the healing that we all need, after something like that happen. I did sought out help, and GOD was the One who healed my hurts and broken heart. OH, I don't forget. But, I have forgiven. It is only through Jesus that we are able to understand how to forgive and it is He who anable us to forgive. In the process, we do turn to Jesus and He does heal our wounds and sets us free from all the emotions, pschycological issues, shame, all the ugglyness, and devostation that the abuse leave behind. So, as a Survivor of sexual abuse myself, seek God for your healing as well. Seek a good and Reliable Christian Counselor, a Christian women's support group of survivor's. I say Christian because it is Christ Who sets us free, and a Christian Counselor is well aware of that. This is how my healing came!! Through an awesome Christian Counselor Woman of God, and through the Women's support group. Being with other survivor's that understand and have the same feelings we do is an awesome way to understand that, "hey, I'm not the only one feeling this way". I always felt as if I had a little girl traped inside of me and she needed help. Crying out, on the inside, for help. I thought I was going nuts and that if I would of share that with another person, hey, they probably would think i was nuts too. But it was in that women's group that I found out that they too felt as if they had a little girl on the inside too. It was powerful and a source of healing. I am now attending college and working on a Criminal Justice Associates Degree, to follow with a Counseling degree. I know What GOD did in my life, and i know that there are many more that need to know and receive the Healing God has for them. Doctor's can prescribe pills for depression, and all kinds of deceases, but only GOD can heal the wounded Soul. Oh, he must gently uncover the hurt, and the deep wounds we have, but Jesus is the Perfect Gentle Man, you can trust Him. The wound might look infested and icky, but He is the Great Physycian, Trust me as a former and continuos patient of the Lord, He is the best Doctor I've had. My search has ended and fulfilled in Him.

Dear, Jesus, I pray in your Holy Name, that you would touch these dear Ones that are hurting. You saw it all, you see it all, and care about all. Touch Amylee, give her the wisdom she needs and guide her into all truth. You are Truth. We love you and are trusting You Jesus for her healing. Bring light were light is needed. Thank you Jesus.

 

 

Hey, girl, be expectant, because God has mighty plans for your life. He loves you with an ever present Love.

[Wandy]

I'm just wondering. Being young herself. I too was abused when I was very young by a neighbor (who pretended to be my brother's friend ofcourse). This is a tough one. Because in one hand you are hurting and I'm sure your sister has suffered too, due to your uncle's abuse. My mom did not tell anyone either and the guy went ahead molesting other children. My dad died when I was about 2, before I was abused. Is your uncle your dad's brother or your mom's.

 

Now I have no advice, but, would share that I would find a Christian Counselor to help you deal with your abuse and all the emotions attached to it. If you and your sister have a close relationship, why not go for a walk together at Park, or somewhere where you are able to talk and just bring it up in a calm not threatening way. Remember, she too is a survivor, as she was a young girl too. It was wrong, but unfortunate. Sometimes, young victims do what becomes "natural" to them or "familiar"; not really realising the harm they are causing the other person as well. I think that by talking about it as two survivors of abuse could be beneficial for the both of you, unless you persive your sister to take offense to it. Some times one is ready and open to share and the other person might not be there yet. But let me pray for God to give you the wisdom you need.

 

Lord, in the name of Jesus, give this dear one the healing and the wisdom You have for her. Guide her Lord, showing her clearly which door to walk into and which ones to shut. Bring healing to both sisters and family, unite this family and sisterhood tightly with the cords of love, that no man or thing will be able to separate. Bring swift justice on behalf of both girls. We love you and thank you Jesus!

 

hey, be expectant of a mighty move of God in your life, your sister's, and your family.

 

God loves you and He is on it!

 

I know He is, just by the fact that I'm getting ready to do a speech on this very subject today and speak to a youth group soon about abuse: By randomly finding this page with your cry for help shows me that God indeed heard your Prayer!!!!

 

Take care dear One and Know that God is busy on your behalf!

[JoyceB]

Thanks for the prayers, because I really need it... I know I have to come out with this but I just don't want to hurt anyone... I'm sure my sister will be hurt... my mom will not know what to do because she's been hiding this from my dad... and my dad will be blown out of the water... I don't know how he will taking, knowing that my mom has kept this deep dark secret about my sister from him for over a decade!!! the uncle is my dad's sister's husband... and since no one has told my dad, my dad is still chummy with him...

 

I thought about maybe emailing or sending my sister a letter for I'm afraid that saying something to her face to face would be very hard... and I don't know how we'd both react once or if she admits to it.... knowing her, she would be honest, but I know our relationship will probably be strained for a while... I don't blame her for what she did, but I am angry at this point because I have to deal with this... and I have to deal with my mom's secrecy... I'm trying to protect my family but I am torturing myself at the same time...

 

To answer your question, my sister has dealt with it in her own way. When she came out with it, she just said she knows that this happened to her, and she is not going to let if affect her life... and she is very successful with her career, and she had a beautiful family... I'm just afraid that once I come out with this, I'm gonna go into separation...

[HTHRBNL]

I just couldn't pass your post up, with out asking...How are you doing these days!?

[HTHRBNL]

I was raped by a girl babysitter when I was 3/4, I remember every detail. I didn't find out until my 20's, that my 2 girl cousins were also abused that night to a certain degree, they were older and able to fight back. For awhile, I was trying to convince myself that it was nightmares...sadly it was all very factual.

 

I was beat in the head from 6-14yrs old, molested at 12yrs old, all from my mother's boyfriend and now husband. I told her immediately when he molested me, and he admitted to it...she still married him 2wks later. They have 3 children together, that have no idea.

 

I had an MRI and Ct scan when I was 15, because of my short term memory loss (which I still have) and the Dr's were thinking I may have brain damage from too many blows to the head. My mother witnessed all of my beatings, including when I was around 7...I was forced to get completely naked and hang from my bunk bed, while my mother's bf continuously beat my entire body with a board off of a rusty swing out back. She just stood there, while I pleaded, and begged for her to save me. She had no emotions, almost like she got a thrill out of watching him do this to me.

 

When I was 14, my mother slipped up and told me where my father lived, and I ran away 3 days later to live with him in another state. I didn't speak to my mother for 4yrs...didn't see her for 6yrs. I stop talking to her, for years at a time...but I would always worry about the little ones. Now, they are at an age, where I don't have to keep in touch with her...I keep the talks minimal. She lives 40 miles from me.

 

I had seizures that started on my 10th birthday and lasted until I was 15. I had 1 when I was 18 and another in my early 20's. The doctor said, they were stress related.

 

My point in writing in this Forum: Diagnosed with Anxiety when I was 10, PTSD and OCD when I was 25. I have flashbacks a lot. Though recently, I've been waking up from nightmares of my mother's husband (who did all of these terrible things to me every day for years), and it disgust me and makes me feel ashamed in a strange manipulative way, as if he still has control over me. The nightmares have been more than just flashbacks of what REALLY happened. They are with me and him being in a relationship and having sex. I feel like I'm still being violated by having these nightmares. I can't scrub or take a long enough shower...to feel clean enough.

 

Years of therapy have made me realize, I'll never know "WHY" she chose to stay with him after everything she witnessed and allowed to go on. She was the bread winner, so it wasn't because of money...How can she lay next to the man who did this to her daughter...I'll never get answers as to why, and I've accepted that. But these nightmares, I can't accept. Her denial...I have learned to accept.

 

I'm depressed, feel dirty, and through the years...even suicidal. I lived accross the street from a police station for 10yrs, and was convinced that the police would believe adults over children...they brainwashed me to believe that. I would pray every night, for GOD to take me in my sleep...and every day, for GOD to let a car hit me or anything, just so I could die...I'll be 29 in a few wks, I'm here for a reason.

 

I was 18, assistant manager of a gym, I didn't drink, party, my goal was to be a fitness model...and my roommate begged me to go to this house, she had been drinking. Long story short, I was manhandled, and raped. The guy was 6'6", I'm 5'4" and was 115 the max. I screamed/kicked/fought...and no one helped me. My roommate heard the entire rape and didn't break down the door, and after he was done tearing me, I got away...we didn't have cell phones, and had to walk 3 miles...to the nearest phone. He had joined the Marines 2 wks after I had went into detail telling him what he did to me...he said he was really drunk and thought I was his g/f and that she liked rough sex. He cried and said, he did the worst thing a man could ever do to a woman...and I believed his remorse. Naive me. He admitted it, and I was promised by a few Marines, I would never have to worry about seeing him again. His recruiter had been my recruiter for 3yrs prior, through high school. I had no idea, until I got a call from the office, and was asked in detail about the rape. To this date, I regret not pressing charges. The one time I could've stuck up for myself...and protect myself and maybe others. I did what my mother did...NOTHING.

 

We can't stop these sick people who exist, and the sicker who stay involved with them...but we can educate our children...and BELIEVE more in our youth, and break the cycle!!! I have a 3yr old...and how I would react if someone touched him...would def not be how my mother reacted to my childhood. I however make sure I remind her, that her husband was the first to make me have an orgasm, and that it has had a complete negative impact on my life in more ways than just sexual. I haven't ever suffered from substance abuse, but I'm weak in other ways...I'm needy, scared a lot, abandonment issues...can't keep a job long, relocate often...etc.

 

I wish we all never had to endure these horrific actions, since we did...we now have the internet and plenty of support from each other...and the means to help educate our young people.

[Wandy]

JoyceB, I think that you are placing too much preassure on yourself. I see how hard this must be to deal with. By not allowing it to control you, you are set free from the grip of abuse. I learned that in order for a wound to heal, the temporary bandages must come off. The process of healing is hard and it hurts. In my case I ran from my past abuse for a very long time, but finally I had to face it --in order to receive healing. I had to face my giant, but at the end I was free. King David in the Bible faced a giant, he says,"...You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. This day the LORD will hand you over to me, and I'll strike you down and cut off your head" (1 Samuel 17:45-46a).

 

This is the courage, attitude, confidence, and tenatious faith God placed within me to defeat the power the abuse had over me. No longer being it's victim. By separating the person, and facing the actual abuse (the giant) with all it's devostation it left behind; God took me on a journey towards healing. Facing the giant with God in command and fighting on my behalf.

 

Now, I live to share my story with others so that they too can experience the healing and most precious freedom GOD has for each survivor. Only He is able to heal these type of wounds. For they are wounds located in the very core of a human being, they are wounds of the soul. What Doctor on earth has that type of cure* A cure to a broken heart and brokenness* Only Jesus can heal our wounded souls. No human.

 

Father, in the name of jesus, bless JoyceB. Lord bring the healing she so desperately needs. I know that you love her and that all of your thoughts are good towards her. I know Father that, you see her pain and anguish, help her to see you as you are. You are a loving God, a God that is not too busy for us, but are ever present, closer than a brother. You are as close to us as our very breath, a wisper of your Name, Jesus. We love you Lord because you are a good God, and because you care about our lives. Sometimes we think that a very small detail might not matter, but you made the ants outside, the details in the flowers we see, you also made the very earth we live in. You do care Lord about the smallest things in our lives and the big ones too. They are not too difficult for you, for you are the LORD Almighty, Who has Victory, power, and dominion over all things, including the effects of abuse and neglect live behind. Bless JoyceB, and bring to her the victory, freedom, and peace you have for her over abuse. Thank you for loving us the way you do, In Jesus Name we pray, Amen.

 

Whenever you drive by a church and you see a cross, remember how much He loves you. His death was for our Salvation, to reconcile us back to God the Father, as we are born into this earth separated from Him, because of sin. This is why Jesus died, we must be born again, born of the Spirit of God, by accepting GOD's gift to humanity, His Son Jesus, we must accept Jesus outloud with our mouth and believe with our hearts.

 

Jesus also died to bring us freedom and healing from all abuse. He is the cure. But the best part is that on the third day HE rose again!!! This is why we celebrate Easter, it is Jesus coming back to Life. HE is really risen. I know, because Jesus healed me and He wants to bring healing to you and to all who are hurting.

[anonymous100]

I am 31 and just entering into recovery mode for my childhood sexual abuse. I'm scared, I feel extremely alone, I feel like a massive failure, and I'm walking around every day with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I only remember parts of my abuse. I've blocked out my childhood before aged 13, I remember telling mym Mum at aged 13 that I had been abused and her telling me to stop being silly. My sister was terminally ill growing up and she sadly passed away when I was sixteen, my mother never had time for me, understandably. Last year I broke down and could not face being in a room with my uncle, I sobbed uncontrollably and told my partner I could not go and sit in a room with him, my partner made me go, and told me I was being ridiculous. I told my mother the other day that I told her I was abused at 13 and she told me to stop being silly.....It was the hardest thing I have ever done, and right after I told her, she walked out of my house and I haven't seen her since then. I am a complete mess and I don't know if I am ever going to get through this, I feel so alone and I don't know if I will ever feel good again. I broke down on the weekend after drinking and made an absolute fool of myself in front of my partner and his friends, he told me they all think I am mental and that he is exhausted from my drama...I'm desperate to talk to him, and have him understand that what I am going through is hideous and I need him but the more I need him, the less he wants to be around me, and again I feel like a massive failure. Why is it that sexual abuse is so common? It seems hideous to me. I'm prety sure I was abused by more than one man, at different times in my life, I know my abuse started at a very young age. I know I was a target because my parents were busy with a sick child. I hate what kind of person this has made me become, I am so ashamed of who I am, everytime I try and face my memories of what happens I honestly feel as though it might kill me, if that even makes sense. It makes me so angry that a man can take your innocence away like that, that someone can murder your soul at such a young age.