I'm stuck...

[Snowy]

I just had a 2 hour conversation with my girlfriend over Skype.

 

The topic about sex was brought up and we ended up having a really serious conversation about it in regards of sex in our relationship.

 

Before anything else, I'll give you a bit of a background (some of you maybe have heard about us in my previous threads. Yes, we have a range of issues haha. You can quickly skim through this):

This girl is my first love, and we've been together since December 09, with a 4 month break up last year.

 

Well when we first met in 09, she was 14, and I was 15 and we were basically CRAZY. She did mention very early on that she wouldn't start having sex til she was 17. But we were very sexually attracted and as each day passed, we went one step further every time. First it was just hugging, and then kissing. But when the school holidays came, we went to each others' homes and we eventually started having sex. Yes, I used condoms each time and she liked the sex as well, so it was all good. (I know we were underage...)

 

Half way through the holidays in January, she went overseas to visit her grandparents and at the end of the holidays, she came back and everything just went downhill. The sexual stuff disppeared, the "spark" she had for me was gone. We had a little chat, and then after a month, things were becoming better and we kissed and stuff, but didn't go as far as sex. The relationship was decent, but not as good as it used to be.

 

In June last year, a mutual friend of ours leaked information to me about how my girlfriend had another "boyfriend" overseas. I immediately confronted my girlfriend about this and she admitted that she does have feelings for another guy who was overseas, although she's only ever met him 2 or 3 times in her life and may not ever get the chance to see that guy again. But they still talk over the internet and phone. This basically crushed me. I broke up with her because I obviously can't have a girlfriend who also have feelings for another guy at the same time.

 

During the break up, we didn't talk often. Although I missed her like crazy, I went NC for my own sake. But we did have a talk or two on odd occasions, and I did express that I still have feelings for her but she didn't really have anything to say about it.

 

Then, on one rainy day, we bumped into each other on the street. She was getting soaked, didn't have an umbrella, so I walked her home and we shared my umbrella. That day, all the memories started rushing back and I think it did for her too. So then, that night she logs onto Skype for the first time in ages and started talking to me. After that, in less than a week, we got back together on the condition that she'll cut all contact with the guy overseas. She agreed. And once again, just like when we first met, everything was crazy. We had sex basically right after getting back. This was October/November.

 

December - Everything was going well until one day she told me she got an infection in her vagina. Her vagina swelled up and that freaked her out and of course, we stopped any sexual stuff when that happened. Turns out it was just a random infection (maybe yeast infection) because it went away in less than a week. But after that, she caught a cold and had a fever and also caught a bad cough, and she didn't want to see me because she was so sick. We didn't see each other for 2 weeks. After her cough got better, I started to see her again but we didn't do anything sexual. I thought everything was fine because she still had a little cough.

 

After New Years, our relationship basically went downhill again. No sex. No kissing. No nothing. She'd just kinda push me away every time I try to start anything. I confronted her on several occasions because it was getting to me, but she insisted that everything was fine and she still loves me and her sex drive was just a little low. This basically dragged until today.

 

Here comes my situation...

 

Like I've said, we basically had a conversation about sex and:

I've made it clear that I want sex but she's also made it clear that she doesn't feel like she's ready for sex any more. She says anything more than hugging makes her uncomfortable and sex basically grosses her out.

 

Well, she's 15 and I know girls shouldn't really be having sex at this age any way, and I'm definitely not forcing her or anything. I can't help it, but I'm getting very very frustrated with the lack of intimacy.

 

I told her I can wait until she's ready for sex again and she told me that it'd be at least after she's 17. I think her mentality has gone to, "I'm too young, and I shouldn't been having sex, even if it's with my boyfriend."

 

Well whatever her decision maybe, I respect that. She has also made it very clear that she loves me and no way she'd break up with me.

 

So here are my options:

1. Wait til she's 17.

2. Break up. (And maybe find another girl.)

 

Option 1 sounds good BUT it is very very very frustrating to be in a sexless relationship. And the fact that I know I won't get any in the next 2 years makes it worse. Basically, our relationship feels more like a "best friends" relationship. It kills me. If 2 years doesn't sound very long to you, it's becase you don't know how it feels to meet with her everyday and not even get a kiss.

 

Option 2 is risky and I'm afraid I'll miss my girlfriend once we're apart and that'll kill me from the inside too. Although with this option, at least I don't have to put up with the frustration of a sexless relationship.

 

Yeah I'm basically stuck. Which even way I go, I run into trouble...

 

I wish I could just cut my testicles off or something. Or she can start having sex again which is basically impossible now.

 

I'm only 16, why do I have to go through this...](*,)

[RedDress]

I think that this is a difficult post to answer because you are both so very young. Sex (and all the emotions and hormones that are emitted and go with it) even messes older people up sometimes. Even if you are the most mature 15 and 16 year olds in the world, at your age, you also have a million other hormones running around your bodies messing with your bodies and emotions... that's why it's generally considered bad news. It's like a hurricane on top of a tornado, ya know?

 

Here's the thing... you don't NEED sex. Monks, nuns and even some people in relationships (ha!) go years and years without sex. You need sexual release... but that's why you have your right hand. LOL!

 

You know the part that's missing from your post? How much you love your girlfriend. Do you love her? Do you want to be with her?

 

Agreed that you have to choose between being with her or having sex. Personally, I would hope that your relationship is about more than just sex.

 

I just want to point out that just because she feels this way about sex NOW, doesn't mean she will feel this way about sex forever. Again... she is young. This can very much change over time.

 

I think this is one of those things where the more you pressure her, the more she will back away. If you choose to stay with her, you need to seriously come to grips (ha!) with the fact that she's not ready and not pressure her anymore. It is quite possible that she may come around before the 2 years is up... but you need to be ready for it to take 2 years.

[Snowy]

You know the part that's missing from your post? How much you love your girlfriend. Do you love her? Do you want to be with her?

 

Agreed that you have to choose between being with her or having sex. Personally, I would hope that your relationship is about more than just sex.

 

Yes I love her a lot and she says she does too. If I didn't love her, then I would have called quits on the relationship like a month ago.

 

Maybe you haven't had anything experience with my situation, but it's just SOOO frustrating for me when I'm with her. We're basically girlfriend/boyfriend minus the physical stuff - which makes it feel like we're "best friends" and not couples.

 

And yes, our relationship is way more than just sex because we love each other, but it's still frustrating when you suddenly take all the physical things out like "that".

 

I guess I'll just stay with her and live with it.