imsuperman Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 I've been kind of down this last week and wanted to share the story. Start here: So in Spring of last year I got the girl's number and decided I was going to ask her out, as I couldn't see any reason a person of the opposite sex would comment on every Facebook status I made and not want to date me. She gave it to me readily and I called a few days later during the day to see if she wanted to go somewhere quick and get some ice cream or something. She didn't answer and I didn't leave a message the first time. A couple days later I called her during the evening and left a message for her to call me back. I'm still living at home and going to school, and I mistakenly left my home number. She Facebook (FB) msged me and said it would be weird to talk to my parents if they answered due to the business with my sister, and I told her I'd text her soon so she'd have my cell. I texted her a couple times over the next week or two.The text conversations were light and flirtatious as all the FB stuff always was. The problem here was that I didn't want to ask her out on FB or by texting. After a while she still didn't call and I assumed that, though strange, it appeared she didn't want to date me, so I stopped texting. We continued flirting over FB consistently, me peppering in obvious hints that I wanted to see her. like "I want to see you sometime. It's weird that we only talk on here." She was single throughout. Earlier this month, I was prepping to attempt to ask her out again. I needed to find out what it all meant. I had never known or heard of anyone to just want to talk to someone else on FB only before. I blocked her on Feb. 15th to ensure she could only talk to me on the phone. I then texted her that night, (she said she knew I blocked her and wondered what was going on) and told her I needed to talk to her and was going to call her. I called two hours later, and once again, had to leave a message telling her to call me back, which of course she did not do. I was frustrated, re-added her on FB, and two days later she accepted. I told her why I'd done it, and that I thought it was strange that she refused to talk to me on the phone, and I also said I had told her I wanted to see her several times, and she seemed to refuse that as well. She messaged back in two days and said she gets nervous talking to guys over the phone and hanging out with them because she doesn't know if it's just friends or something more. I thought that was a really weird thing to say, but I told her I hated doing this over Facebook but I was indeed asking her out. In her reply back (in the typical two days) she said she had no idea I felt that way about her and that I was "a little late," as she had started seeing someone on V-Day. I sent her back and told her I couldn't talk to her much anymore and she said she understood that. So I removed her from FB entirely. What was all that? She commented on almost every status, us flirting all the while and me telling her I wanted to see her? I got her number and she didn't know I liked her? What does it mean? I guess I just needed to say, "Will you go out with me?" on FB...because we are, after all, twelve years old. Is she crazy? Am I crazy? Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 I wonder....... if she was only your friend on facebook to keep tabs on your sister? you said they had a falling out, so maybe this was her way of 'spying' on her or she knew that being friends with you would tick her sis off. Link to comment
imsuperman Posted February 25, 2011 Author Share Posted February 25, 2011 I wonder....... if she was only your friend on facebook to keep tabs on your sister? you said they had a falling out, so maybe this was her way of 'spying' on her or she knew that being friends with you would tick her sis off. I wondered that as well. My sister thinks that, but I don't know. I mean we flirted all that time and were perfectly compatible to me. It's pretty weird that she'd keep it up for like two years. My sister also "liked" some of her comments and that type of thing. I forgot to mention she did text me once, on New Year's Eve this year, to wish me a Happy New Year two minutes after midnight. I thought that meant something too. Maybe she just wanted the attention so other guys saw her flirting with me online? I just don't know. I've never heard of anything like this? What do you all think? Link to comment
imsuperman Posted February 25, 2011 Author Share Posted February 25, 2011 I feel good about it now. One of my friends said she just sounded like a whackjob. It's a funny situation. Does anyone else have any ideas? Link to comment
imsuperman Posted February 27, 2011 Author Share Posted February 27, 2011 I didn't know I needed to define to her over Facebook that my intention was to date her. Pretty weird. I mean I understand it would be uncomfortable if we didn't know what it was, but I the idea was to make that clear over the phone. (I rally should have went out with that girl who basically asked to go out with me at work. A lot of times I skip over the sure thing to try something more difficult, which is where I get into trouble.) Link to comment
Brightest Dark Posted February 27, 2011 Share Posted February 27, 2011 Lots of people comment each other on facebook. It doesn't mean they are interested. I have lots of guy friends and I'll post a reply on anyone's status if I have a comment to make. It doesn't mean anything. The flirting thing is different - but did she definitely flirt with you? What sort of things did she say? I have a male friend who tries to flirt with me. I'm not interested. I just 'lol' when he says something flirty - because I don't want to hurt him by telling him I'm not interested. I don't lead him on though. So I'm just wondering if she was definitely flirting with you - or if it was more one-sided on your part. Link to comment
imsuperman Posted February 27, 2011 Author Share Posted February 27, 2011 Lots of people comment each other on facebook. It doesn't mean they are interested. I have lots of guy friends and I'll post a reply on anyone's status if I have a comment to make. It doesn't mean anything. The flirting thing is different - but did she definitely flirt with you? What sort of things did she say? I have a male friend who tries to flirt with me. I'm not interested. I just 'lol' when he says something flirty - because I don't want to hurt him by telling him I'm not interested. I don't lead him on though. So I'm just wondering if she was definitely flirting with you - or if it was more one-sided on your part. I agree that that alone wouldn't mean interest. I ran it by some friends and even my sister to make sure, and everyone thought she was being flirty. My cousin, who is probably my closest friend since we've literally grown up together, sent me a message days before this went down and told me, "Ask her out. That is all." It had really picked up in the two months prior. It got to the point where my page was literally the only one she'd comment on. Everyone, including me, agreed that the sheer volume and effort she put into talking to me, a member of the opposite sex, could only mean she wanted to date me. I see what you're saying, but when it's every day, and she's making comments to prop herself up and look better, and joking with me like "you don't look too horrible in that picture and things like that...I mean to me and everyone else, it all seemed pretty flirty. As flirty as you can be online, I suppose. She invited me to a play she was in at her church, and I couldn't make it. Afterwards she told me all about it. I resented greatly her comment that I was "a little late." It made it seem like she'd rehearsed what she'd say to me in the event someone else asked her out, to make it appear that it was all my fault for not getting her soon enough. I just thought it was obvious I wanted to date her when I got her number the first time. I've never meant anyone who would text but not talk. Link to comment
imsuperman Posted February 28, 2011 Author Share Posted February 28, 2011 Ooooooooooh wellllllllll. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 The whole time I was reading your original post, I got the impression that she was already seeing someone. Link to comment
imsuperman Posted February 28, 2011 Author Share Posted February 28, 2011 The whole time I was reading your original post, I got the impression that she was already seeing someone. Not until V-Day. She had mentioned being single a few times. It seems like some guy was waiting and swooped in on V-Day, which I spent watching my infant nephew. I get that. I just don't know why she bothered with the rest of it if she never planned on seeing me in the first place. I hadn't seen her in years. I thought we could at least meet and talk. If you're not interested, then don't talk to me every single day. If you don't want me to have your number, don't give it to me. Otherwise you know what I got it for. And it wasn't to bake cookies and talk about guys with you. I mean I can take being rejected, and there are other options for me, but I don't know what to call this, you know? This thread is basically an autopsy of the situation. If I told, I thought someone could make sense of it. Who knows, maybe she did it all on purpose. Link to comment
Casperlady Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 I think she knew you were interested and just kept up the flirting for attention thats wat it sounds like to me, we girls read into all the little details so wen your ringing and tat you are clearly interested so i dunno how she can pretend to not know Link to comment
imsuperman Posted March 1, 2011 Author Share Posted March 1, 2011 I think she knew you were interested and just kept up the flirting for attention thats wat it sounds like to me, we girls read into all the little details so wen your ringing and tat you are clearly interested so i dunno how she can pretend to not know Yeah, and that's what pissed me off enough to just be done with her. That was an out and out lie, and I knew it. I should have been done with her last year when she did it the first time. Women who only want attention are certainly out there. A few years ago I worked with one. She was just flirt, flirt,flirt, flirt, flirt...and then when I tried to make an extremely subtle move she looked at me like I just tried to put my hand down her pants in public. This looks like a decent explanation. What do you guys think? Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 I don't think she was ever interested, to be honest. I think she played along so as not to get your sister all over her again. I get the feeling she was humoring you, and hoping you'd get the hint. Link to comment
imsuperman Posted March 1, 2011 Author Share Posted March 1, 2011 I don't think she was ever interested, to be honest. I think she played along so as not to get your sister all over her again. I get the feeling she was humoring you, and hoping you'd get the hint. I think that could be right. The thing was when there was a lull in our talking, like once for a month or so, she would always be the one to start it back up. And her and my sister weren't speaking. I think she's probably a psychopath. I mean every day she would talk to me. Its seems like an incredible waste of time on her part. Some people are just crazy though I suppose. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 Well, I could easily call you those names for pursuing this for two years. I mean, c'mon... I don't think she's a psychopath - lol, nor is she crazy. I simply think she wasn't interested, and, like many young women, doesn't know how to reject a guy easily. Coupled with the history with your sister, I think she was trying to give you the message without telling you flat out it was a no-go. Regardless, I'm sure you learned a lot from this, so not all a total waste. Link to comment
imsuperman Posted March 1, 2011 Author Share Posted March 1, 2011 Well, I could easily call you those names for pursuing this for two years. I mean, c'mon... I don't think she's a psychopath - lol, nor is she crazy. I simply think she wasn't interested, and, like many young women, doesn't know how to reject a guy easily. Coupled with the history with your sister, I think she was trying to give you the message without telling you flat out it was a no-go. Regardless, I'm sure you learned a lot from this, so not all a total waste. In my defense, I only tried to actually ask her out at two different times, and they were like a year apart. I thought this after the first time, and then she started to kick it back up again and I was literally almost the only person she talked to on there, so I thought maybe I'd try it again. It still doesn't explain why she'd only talk to me on there. Other than the crazy, lol. It's comforting to think she was never interested though, actually. She was far too much of a"good girl" for me anyway. I learned that it's even harder to tell you're being led on over the freaking internet! Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 I was literally almost the only person she talked to on there, so I thought maybe I'd try it again. And you know this, how? You have no idea who she was chatting with. For all you know, she had 50 of you. Point is, stop throwing her under the bus. She's not crazy. She simply wasn't interested, and was trying to maintain an amicable friendship so as not to piss off your sister again. The reason she didn't talk to you outside of FB is probably because she had someone, or just didn't want to encourage you to the next level. Let it go. Your takeaway has nothing to do with her, btw. I think until you take some ownership for this, the lesson will sadly be lost. Link to comment
imsuperman Posted March 1, 2011 Author Share Posted March 1, 2011 And you know this, how? You have no idea who she was chatting with. For all you know, she had 50 of you. Point is, stop throwing her under the bus. She's not crazy. She simply wasn't interested, and was trying to maintain an amicable friendship so as not to piss off your sister again. The reason she didn't talk to you outside of FB is probably because she had someone, or just didn't want to encourage you to the next level. Let it go. Your takeaway has nothing to do with her, btw. I think until you take some ownership for this, the lesson will sadly be lost. What is the lesson then, ma'am? Not to do that again? I am taking ownership. I should have went with my gut. Hell, I should have listened to my sister in the first place. I just disagree that it's ALL my fault. Sometimes women have a tendency to make excuses for their BS by projecting it back onto the guy. I agree though that it's entirely my fault in putting up with it. I should have just dropped her after the first time. It's just hard to do when they talk to you every day. It wasn't like our dialogue was all me rambling and her saying, "Yeah" and "lol." She talked to me twice as much as I did to her, and I had to be the one to move on from one conversation to the other. If she would have flat-out rejected me and just said no, I wouldn't have batted an eyelid. That's all I'm saying. Someone like that isn't worth my time, and it is my fault for letting her. Link to comment
ssbreeze Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 i agree with metro girl. she was at least seeing someone else already or was more interested in him. Link to comment
imsuperman Posted March 1, 2011 Author Share Posted March 1, 2011 i agree with metro girl. she was at least seeing someone else already or was more interested in him. It would have been nearly impossible for her to hide that from me as much as we talked though. And she made public statuses about how she was single. As I said before, she was definitely flirting. Whether she meant anything by it or not is what's up for discussion. It just seems like a huge waste of time on her part if it was just her humoring me or whatever. Her recent Activity ever since around December appeared as: X commented on your status X commented on your status X commented on your status X posted a picture on your wall There was no one else there. I also agree though that she would have called back or whatever, but that's what I don't get. Her and my sister were never any closer to patching things up, so I don't see how that would have factored in. Sometimes when I said I wanted to see her she said, "Wouldn't it be weird though because your sister and I aren't the best of friends?" I told her the truth, which is that my sister didn't really mind. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 What is the lesson then, ma'am? Not to do that again? I should have went with my gut. I agree though that it's entirely my fault in putting up with it. I should have just dropped her after the first time. Someone like that isn't worth my time, and it is my fault for letting her. And there we have a wrap on the life lesson! This falls into the "fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me" category. The lesson is that if a girl is playing games, being evasive, not showing proper interest, then you cut bait and move on. No doubling back, either. We are never responsible for the crap that other people pull. Just how we react to it, and deal with it. Link to comment
imsuperman Posted March 1, 2011 Author Share Posted March 1, 2011 And there we have a wrap on the life lesson! This falls into the "fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me" category. The lesson is that if a girl is playing games, being evasive, not showing proper interest, then you cut bait and move on. No doubling back, either. We are never responsible for the crap that other people pull. Just how we react to it, and deal with it. Hooray! Very true. The part that confuses me was just that if she had no interest the easiest and most away effective way to prove it would have been to stop initiating conversations with me. I would have gotten the message then for sure. When she commented on everything I did, I didn't know what she wanted. Link to comment
imsuperman Posted March 2, 2011 Author Share Posted March 2, 2011 I talked about it briefly with my best fired yesterday at lunch. He said he honestly didn't know what to think, as someone who saw it. Link to comment
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