How can I love myself?

[Cloud83]

Hello everyone and thank you for taking the time to read this,

 

For all of my teenage years and into my twenties(I will soon be 21), I have struggled with very low-self esteem and poor self-image. Through high school I had no friends and got ridiculed a lot. I guess cause of my looks. I don't think I am very attractive. This hurt me a lot and it's how I started hating myself.

I will be starting my fourth year in college, and though I have met some great people I call my friends, I still dislike my myself. It's weird...I like my life(my hobbies, friends, and even sometimes my job ). I just don't like myself and I don't like how I feel others think of me. I know my friends like me and this gives me some hope, but it's still hard for me.

As of recent I've wanted to change the way I feel about me, but I don't know how. I just wish I knew how I could start liking myself. I browse these boards a lot and see many people giving and receiving great advice. If anyone could help me with this, my thanks goes out to you. Even if you can't thanks for taking your time to read this.

[Gunther]

hmmm, this is an interesting problem. Well, you say that you are not happy with the way that you look. Would you mind going into more detail about that? Are you to big, to skinny, or do you have unsightly scars of sorts? If it is just a physical thing usualy those can be fixed. But these types of problems can go deaper. But if you are a deacent person there is really no reason for you to feel this way.

[Daisy20]

I can kinda relate to what you are saying. I didn't have many friends in high school and had fairly low self esteem about my looks even though I wasn't really overweight or anything. Well, the summer between high school and college I lost 20 pounds, got a new haircut, put highlights in my hair, bought some new clothes, and went to the doctor to get rid of those DARN pimples! I baiscally got a makeover. I now have friends that I love and I have even started dating! I am confident in how I look now and it all had to do with a few things that I could change. If you are not happy with yourself because of things that you can change, CHANGE THEM! This will do SO much for your self esteem, believe me! Good luck!

[Double J]

One of my mottos is that when you set your mind to achieving something, and you stick to it, you can achieve it and much more. If you're not happy with your appearance, maybe you should sit down and before anything, list a series of goals that you might want to consider for self-improvement. Believe me - I was shy like you in high school and had a very low self esteem, but one day I just got tired of it and literally forced myself to become more social. It worked. I'm sure you can do the same in regards to those things you wish to change about yourself.

[warnerbro1]

I'm actually doing the same thing right now. I'm working on improving everything in my life. I deal with depression and social anxiety. I just picked up a book a few days ago, it's called Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David Burns. It's a big time seller and has gotten a lot of recommendations by a bunch of people on some other forums also. I'm already feeling optimistic after incorporating the strategies in this book. I was an overweight, shy kid in high school, had few friends, had only a few close ones. I've lost about 60 lbs. since January, but even that isn't enough, you have to change the way you look at things and deal with your emotions. I'm trying this CBT technique and seeing if it will improve the same thing you are trying to improve. Hope you can help yourself also!

 

Have a good one!

[guitarman]

_________________

The only reason I get out of bed in the morning is the hope of finding that special person that will make me actuallly want to get out of bed in the morning...

 

Hey Cloud .... the very special person who will make you want to get out of bed is you ....

 

Self Esteem didn't come easy for me too .... I got ridiculed by many of my childhood friends too .... in fact the hurt that was inflicted lasted many years. They made me feel stupid, small and ugly. I do admit that for a guy, I'm small built and I do need a little more time than others to respond to situations. I used to think i was stupid and slow. I actually identified myself as Forrest Gump!

 

But I grew up to realise, that I was slow because I was thinking. I needed more time because I evaluate before I act. And this attributed to many decisions in life which I am glad I had made.

 

You see, nobody knows exactly why you are the way you are, and there is definitely a reason for that. The "ugly" person that you see in the mirror is actually a reflection of your opiniated self. The most beautiful thing on earth is not a perfect nose nor a sparkling bright eyes ... it's a beautiful smile and a friendly disposition ... now THAT'S what I call pretty!!

 

I'm sure you have talents, great Charateristics and personality hidden inside you .... and you got to take time to discover them. Many people in my workplace don't appreciate me .... but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate myself .... and it doesn't mean I don't appreciate others. Not everybody has eyes to see the inside ... but the most important thing is that you need to see it yourself.

 

I agree with the previous replies ..... you can start to change your dress sense, pamper yourself with a nice hair-do, do some facial. It helps you build your confidence and makes your presense more prominent. But the most beautiful thing you can ever have is the smile ..... it's priceless ....

[i_hate_the_world47]

Well i dont really know what to say on this one.I just weant you to know that your not aloneIts hard to love your self.And if you just look at yourself as you and not as what everyone says,then you will truly lovwe yourself.Good Luck.

 

~Meagan~

[jones105]

Well I'm not sure how you "love yourself" but Cary Tennis (the agony uncle at link removed) once wrote something that sticks in my mind. He said something like "if you can't manage to love yourself then just try not to hate yourself instead"

 

Well ... it helped me!

[faerie]

To love myself - that`s what I want badly, too. For a long time. Why things haven`t improved as much as I want them, I`m not sure. Perhaps I`m just lazy, but, in fact, I also don`t know how.

...But there are some things that I feel could work... I`m planning to do them when I have time/energy. Nothing determined, but the idea in general: to calm down and, in your thoughts and feelings, fill yourself with the good energy/light/warmness/peace/love... (or what sounds or feels good for you ). Make yourself feel calm, powerful and full of light. Because that`s how the self-loving people feel, they`re sparkling from inside.

...Unlike us, those who often feel empty, unsafe and/or dirty inside.

That`s the miracle of self-love - people who do so are VERY attractive, no matter what their looks are. That`s my observations.

 

Good luck, Cloud! (And sorry for my English, for it`s not my native language)

[Borashi]

I definitely have the same problem as you. At times I'm very happy with myself, other times I'm questioning why I haven't improved this aspect of my life or another whether it be a personal or career aspect. The best advice I can give is to keep your head up and just do what you have to do to make yourself happy. One lesson I've learned this year is if you have a chance to make things right whether it be with yourself or others, you make it right. It doesn't matter if your not happy with yourself in certain aspects whether it be your physical appearance, not having enough friends or a g/f, or whatever, just stop focusing on the negative or what you don't have and start focusing on what you can do right now in this very moment to improve your self confidence.

 

I'm not 100% happy with myself either and maybe I never will be, but I'm trying, I'm going for it, and I'm not letting anyone else's opinons reflect upon me in a negative way anymore.