warnerbro1

I get the same feeling, and it's not with just any random attractive person in the room.

Easier said than done as the old cliche goes.

Hey man, been there done that. I was a Jehovah's Witness for the first 13 years of my life. I won't go into the detail, but basically I have a lot of resentment towards my dad because of it. It's a very isolated religion and I grew up like a complete loner because of the fear that was instilled in me and how I can't associate myself with other's because they are wordly. My dad got disfellowshipped when I was 13 and now he acts like it wasn't even part of our life. My dad used the religion to control us and all that nonsense. Add to that that he was an avid heavy drinker on the weekend (still is), very abusive, etc. I have missed out on opportunties that other's had growing up because of the very sheltered life we led. I still get extremely pissed off thinking about it. Unfortunately, I've gotten good at suppressing my feelings and emotions, they'll probably come out in uglier ways later on in life. But, now I've done the best I can to put it all behind me and work on what I can influence, and not something that is out of my control. Just thought I'd let you know that you are definitely not the only that has had to deal with it.

Yeah, exactly, that's what I fear too. I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels this way.

Those are definitely some good body language tips. But I think Artiste19 is maybe talking about almost a whole 'nother realm of attraction. Maybe it does show through our body language, but we barely pick it up and it is very subtle. I don't know. The chemical thing is pretty interesting, because I know I just get a weird feeling and I know it's just a feeling you get, but not noticeable to the eye. Anyone else understand the whole "vibe" thing?

Hey RayF, thanks for that story, that is very inspirational and motivational!!

Artiste, hey, I know exactly what you're talking about. I'm noticing it a lot more now that I'm in college. I never cared about having a girlfriend in high school, mainly because I have always been extremely shy and was pretty damn overweight in high school. Now that I've gotten my weight way under control and feel a lot better in myself, I'm starting to take a "closer" look at women and those I am attracted to. Particularly, there was definitely some kind of inner "detection" or "vibe" that I felt around a girl in my math class last spring. I too always second guess and think that maybe I send of bad vibes and people think I'm arrogant, weird, stuck up, or whatever you want to call it. But the only thing really holding me back is a lack of confidence and never taking the initiative to go up and talk to these girls. It's definitely irrational thinking that goes with years of being extremely shy and just natural introversion.

I too am curious about this. I'm also curious if there are people in their 20s now that never thought in a million years that they'd ever be able to get in a relationship or go out with anybody at all. I'm 20 now and have worked hard to get over one obstacal, my weight. But still, shyness (actually, almost full blown social anxiety), confidence, and irrational thinking is keeping me back from approaching or initiating conversations with girls. I want to know if there is anyone here that finally disproved their own irrational thoughts? For example, have you finally talked to people and realized yourself that you are attractive enough or interesting enough to form bonds with people? Like such as, you thought people caught your bad vibes and come to find out, they actually realize while talking to you that you are a really cool person and not some stuck up snob. But yes, definitely give us some shyness success stories!!

I haven't posted here in quite a while. Random post: I read a post somewhere else that Homer simpson said something like this once: "Trying is the first step to failure."

Yeah, Dopestar gave the best possible advice that there is when it comes to reducing shyness. You have to take some risks and face your fears. Of course don't take it from me, because I don't usually take that risk. That's why I don't have a girlfriend

Putting girls up on pedestals seems to be a big problem for a lot of us. 8) Oh well, life goes on.

Yep Kakster, I can relate quite a bit on the whole social anxiety bit. I've been trying to work on it for a while now. I had the problem pretty much my whole life, but it has only become more apparent to me since the end of high school. High school was pretty much a waste of time and pretty lousy experience. I was extremely shy and overweight, that's pretty much what cause my problem. I started going to a community college about a year ago to finish my high school credits and go towards some sort of degree. Even though it was a little easier environment going to the college, I still had problems relating and opening up to people. People that don't know you think that you are cold, aloof, stuck up, weird, etc. The one thing I definitely needed to work on was getting over my insecurities and working on my self-esteem. As you know, pretty much for a lot of people, social anxiety and depression go hand in hand. It does for me anyway. The one thing I had control over, for the most part, was my health. I had been trying to lose the weight for the last year or so, with no long term success. I would lose some, then go back to my old ways. Finally, January of this year, I vowed to stick to consistent exercise and eating healthy. I've stuck with it and have lost over 60 lbs. since. It's definitely made my depression not so severe as it used to be. I used to cry my freakin' brains out before. No one would guess lookin' at me that I could have emotions like that. Well, I plan on going back to college this month, but I still feel kinda lost and depressed. What's holding me back is having no job. The social anxiety is still controlling me quite a bit. Some days I feel real depressed and some days I think I have the courage to go collect apps. But then my irrational negative thinking starts up again. So I want to know, Kakster, how you have improved in the last 3 months and how did you overcome the fear of applying for jobs? Or did you ever have that fear? I've had a job before (courtesy clerk for a year at a grocery store, and a couple paper routes when I was younger), so I don't know why I'm having a problem this time around. Anyway, congrats on improving your life!! It sounds like you are very optimistic about what the future holds for you!! P.S. I too am 20, a virgin, etc... And also, another problem I have is when you have social anxiety: When you tell people that you have it and explain it to them, they just say to get over it. People that haven't had social anxiety have no idea how screwed up it is for you mentally. Ok, I'm done rambling.

Right on, atleast ya talked to her, outside of class even!!

Yeah, I think I may fear success more than failure when it comes to trying to date someone.

Hey Prezkot, you gotta stick to your word. Let us know how it goes. I know I'm gonna work on being a lot less shy and all that crap this quarter and just start talking to some girls in class. I've actually heard that my extreme shyness is actually sometimes seen as being cold or aloof, or in some cases, weird .

I don't know how old you are, but I guess this applies to all ages. Talk to her as soon as you can. Trust me, and I'm sure others would agree, the longer you wait, the harder it is to make a connection with someone. I don't even know if that makes sense. Because there was a girl giving me signs this spring quarter at a college math class. I didn't talk to her all quarter and she probably thought I was kinda weird after a while. Being extremely introverted and shy really kinda sucks. Good luck man!

I don't really have any tips, but I do have a question. Just curious, how did you break out of your shell and become no longer shy? I ask because myself and others here have the same debilitating problem. Thanks and good luck!!

Well, just keep up that positive outlook!!

Yeah man, I'm actually kinda in the same situation as you. I had a lot of those same problems in high school. I'm also going to a community college. I still have insecure feelings when in class. I've lost a lot of weight since January, I was hoping that would give me more confidence to conversate with others in class. But when you are so used to not a lot of interaction and not use to starting convos, its hard to do it. I'm trying to change my outlook and the way I carry myself. I just want to say I'm going to work on being the best I can this fall quarter. I'm working on getting a job, cuz honestly, thats a big reason why I always feel inferior at school knowing that everyone else has some sorta job (even though some don't) and life outside of just going to school for a couple of hours. Just do whatever you can to work on your self-esteem/confidence. Try to just start small talk as soon as possible. Because the longer you don't talk to anyone, the harder it will later on in that class. I know people wanted, from some of the signals I was reading, to talk to me in a math class I had last spring. I didn't talk to anyone at all for the most part. Just change your way of thinking and start talking to people. I don't know if any of this makes sense. I'm not very good at explaining myself. But hey, I tried. 8)

Hell yeah man!! Call her up and get in some action. I better go to bed.

^ Show-off!!

Here's my little story. I'm very introverted and shy. I've never had this big of a crush on anyone, in fact, I don't think I've really had a crush before on anyone. I mean I've found girls attractive, but not to this extent. When she would walk into this math class, or when I saw her, I would get like butterflies in my stomach. I'm not kidding, I would feel almost sick when I saw her walk in class. My heart starts racing 100x faster and I just get this naucious (spelling? lol) feeling. I'm just curious if any of you have felt this way towards someone. I have a hard time locking eyes with others and everytime she would look my way I would look away. I didn't talk to her all quarter. I've had a few weird dreams, where sometimes she's the center of the dream and other times she's an extra (lol). It's hard to explain, but I've never had any girls I've found attractive in real life end up in my dreams. Any of you had dreams of someone like that? So, just wondering if you have ever felt this way. Maybe I just new to this feeling and you all are gonna say "Yeah, it's called having a crush on someone." lol. I'm not very good at explaining things on paper you could sorta say. Anyway, share your stories and comments.

Bjourne, I'm glad you brought this up. I have been dealing with the same self-esteem/confidence and extreme shyness problems also. I'm starting to think why I started creeping this girl out from my math class last quarter(spring). I think if you stare at them and don't say anything the whole quarter, not even other classmates, that kinda freeks 'em out. On the last day for finals, she came in late. We were all sitting in the front row taking our tests. I had one guy to the right of me, an empty seat to my left, and the rest of the people were to the left of that. Obviously, she came in, she saw that everybody was sitting in the front so they could take the test and get outta there. She started like stuttering in her steps cuz she didn't want to sit next to the weirdo, but she didn't want to look dumb by walking past the seat in front and sitting behind everyone. So she decided to sit in the desk next to mine, she was clearly nervous or creeped out or something along those lines. The funny thing is that this girl has kinda the same interests as I do. I could keep going. But obviously what I'm realizing is that I need to start up conversations with people so they realize I'm just a regular dude. I hate social anixety.

I agree 100% Outlaw. I'm extremely shy and people do look at you like you've got something wrong with you. It's hard, but I'm trying to work on getting over this social anxiety and trying to become more assertive, etc. A lot of irrational thoughts go through my head when I try to think about approaching and talking to someone. My older sister, who used to be even more shy than me, told me that you'll come to find out when you actually do start talking to them, is that you'll find the opposite of what you're thoughts are telling you. They actually accept you and find you fun to be around. That's just a little thought for those of you who are also struggling with shyness and self-esteem/confidence issues. I also agree with the confidence point of view. I know some guys that are confident and nice but are seen in a negative manner. Oh well, just drink away your problems. (j/k)