Fiance left, A new life started, trying to heal and move on

[Robin 2]

Last November, I was about 2 months away from my wedding date, when my boyfriend called and cancelled the wedding. He was working on the road so I was left to cancel everything. We had been together for about 4 years and we were having a rough patch. Harder still because he was away.

 

I was so sad, depressed and in a state of shock. It was so intense for 2 months while he flew back home to take care of his affairs. I put the house up for sale. Luckily it sold quick. During 8 weeks it took to get the house sold, he left for New York to start a new job. And left me with all the details involved with selling a house.

 

It was awful. And I'm still mad.

 

How do I move past the anger?

 

And under the anger is hurt.

 

Then under that is trust.

 

Are there steps that I can take to actively move on and heal?

 

I've since learned about his affairs and lies. I've cut off contact with him. But I still want to make peace with him.

 

Will I be able to gain anything from that?

[OhJeeeez]

Hurt is always hard to deal with. I found out my sons mother cheated on me while we were still together.

 

The next relationship I had, the girl still had mixed feelings I didnt know about and cheated on me with her ex-boyfriend.

 

I didnt date for a very long time. But I met a wonderful girl 3 weeks ago who I decide I would give a chance. I can't trust her, but I can't trust anyone with my heart at this point. But, with me learning to trust someone and her giving me a reason to, I think its helping alot.

 

They say time heals all, well so does faith and love.

[HummingBird]

Robin,

 

I can feel your pain and anger. I'm also going through a break up myself and I'd like to share my experience with you.

 

There are 5 stages of grieving: denial, anger, depression, despair and acceptance. Both you and I are in the anger stage. We are angry coz we feel betrayed. We are angry to finally realize that the one we love took us for granted. We are angry at ourself for not seeing the truth and allowing us to get hurt. We are angry that we can't shrug it off and quickly move on like the man who left us. In order to move on to the next stage and be at peace with yourself, it's important to let out your anger. Supressing the emotion will only prolong the grieving process. Share your anger with your trusted friends and family. I also find it helpful to write down my feelings and pain, as if I'm writing a letter to my ex. Not only that it acts as the perfect channel to release my anger (since I can't bug my trusted friends forever), through this process of writing I also came to realize how much I was mistreated in this relationship. It's like a sudden enlightenment. How could I be so blind? It became clear to me that this break up is for the best and I should be glad it's over.

 

Another method which I also find helpful is to use positive affirmation. During the process of grieving our self-esteem can suffer and we will need to regain our self-worth. I tell myself each day "I will not settle for nothing less than what I deserve". Listening to motivational tapes is also a good way of boosting self-esteem. I recently bought an audio book titled "Breaking the chain of low self-esteem". I cannot tell you how much it helps me getting pass those countless sleepless nights and depressed moments.

 

Hang in there, Robin. I think you handled the break up with great dignity and strength. Stay strong.