Seperating & Confused

[steph_M_J]

Well, I am sorry this is so long...i just have a lot to say I guess......

My husband and I have been together since I was 16; pregnant when I was 19; and married 4 months into my pregnancy. He is in medical school and I am a massage therapist. Throughout our relationship he has always been very withdrawn from me. Unemotional, unaffectionate, just dead. I thought that maybe since I was pregnant he would change..ya know..well he didn't. Then I though maybe when we get married he will change..well nope. Well, maybe when he sees me give birth to our daughter...still nothing. Now, I am not saying I have been a perfect wife..in fact I have lied and manipulated him a few times, and hurt him badly. I guess I felt that negative attention was still attention. Well, about 1 year ago I started to try and lose weight because I was in massage therapy school and changing my life. I lost like 60 pounds in 5 months and felt great about my body. Then in April of this year I got my first real job in 3 years and then graduated from school in June.

Around about May of this year things changed badly.

I started to develop feelings for this guy I met at school. We became friends and really good friends and then one thing led to another. I have known him for a year and spent more time with him than I was with my husband. My "friend" is the complete opposite of my husband..infact he is a lot like me. We like the same things, believe in the same things, feel the same way about things...he is an amazing man..beautiful in so many ways. I have fallen in love with him. I told my husband. And it about killed him. He left nad went home to our home town 11 hours away with our daughter to think about things. When he came back I thought I wanted to work things out, but it just didn't happen. My husband magically changed into this affectionate, emotional person that I had always wanted and always begged him to be...and for some reason I couldn't open up to him and accept his love. Was it real? He said it was.

So, in order to save my marriage I left the city to get away froom the other man, and went home for 1 month. I quit my job and left everything I knew. And things haven't changed. I am now back in th city and have been for 2 weeks or so. My husband is moving to TX on Aug. 19 and wants to know if I am going. I told him no, that I thought we need to separate. I have a friend who has rented this nice house for me, her, and my daughter. I will have to get a job quick!! The thing is I have never been on my own ever! His mom and dad take care of us financially. so anytime we ever needed money all we had to do is call them. So, I will totally lose that. And it scares the crap out of me. I am worried that I will regret this decision. Either way I go I will always wonder about the other. Would I have been happier?? All I know is that I am in love with my friend and he is in love with me. And when I am with him I never think of my husband, but when I am with my husband I always think of my friend. I know that if I didn't chose to be with my friend it would truly kill him. He is the kind of man every girl dreams of & it is not a front, it is reall how how he is. He wants to be with me. And my husband told me the only reason he is willing to work it out with me is because of our daughter. He says that if she were not in the picture he would have left me a long time ago. He told me that I am not what he wants but that Kennedi deserves to have 2 parents in her life. He says he still loves me, but how can I be with someone who really border line hates me, and doesn't want me for me. Any advice would mean so much to me. I am desperate...time is running out.

[OhJeeeez]

Wow, thats alot of info. My best advise is to do what makes you happy. If staying with your friend and you are both in love, then Kennedy will have everything she deserves. A loving home doesn't ever have to be both original parents together.

 

As far as the money thing goes, must have been nice, but millions of single parents do just fine ever day.

 

Be happy, do what makes you happy and don't let anyone else besides your daughter influence that!!!

[Zipp]

Take your time and do what you feel is right for you. 2 Miserable parents won't do your daughter any good. Love is rare so if you've found it, hold on to it.

[single30]

I fell in love with another man when my husband was not available to me. I understand the sparks that fly, the complete connection with someone else, someone who seems to understand you. But I also think that you should see what your husband has to offer you. Your alleginece should be with him. I waited to long, and am now in the process of getting a divorce. If this man loves you, he will wait until you figure yourself out. You need to take soem time for yourself. Good luck.

[Kristen74]

Your husband is only staying because of the child you share. Don't settle because you think it's the right thing to do. Maybe things will work with this guy maybe not but I strongly believe in following your heart (if I had I wouldn't be where I am today). You've given up everything for your husband. What is he offering you?

[Brenno69]

This may be really bad advice, but this is the way the mind of a naive 18 year old male thinks...

 

Your husband must have been pretty terrible (or just worked his a*s*s off at med school for his family) for you to fall in love with another man you spent more time with

 

Family comes first, and you should fight for yours. If you still have feelings for your husband, do all you can to build a strong family with him. He has chosen a pretty strenuous career move, which may be difficult for the both of you. If you don't love him anymore (which would utterly suck considering that half of him is in your daughter), then do what most of the population does these days... divorce... Disregard the 7 years you have speant together (which was never meant to be easy), and don't work on your relationship with your husband.

 

There ya go... Hopefully this might help.?.? If not then please disregard

[steph_M_J]

i appreciate everyone's comments on my situation. it means a lot to me for people to take time and respond to me. i do still love my husband very much, but he is hurt and i think he needs time to deal with that without me there smothering him. we are taking a 6 month break...and then we are gonna re-evaluate our relatinship. he is starting rotations at the end of the month and it is gonna be a lot of work for him and i don't want him worrying about fixing us right now. i just got a great job and i want to work there for a while and save some money and prove to him that i don't love him because of his family's money or security. and that i can make it without him, that i don't need him but rather want him

[Brenno69]

That is so sweet in a way, even though things aren't quite perfect just yet

 

I hope everything goes really well! I really do wish you two the best and I hope that your love for each other and your families keeps you together (man, am I all metrosexual or what!?!?) in the long run I trust the next 6 months should be difficult and very different, but since you both seem to love each other, everything will be fine

 

Cheers and good luck!