I miss my home :(

[lozzy1980]

Ok so it has been 10 days now since my whole life changed in seconds. My boyfriend of 6 years, turned round and said he dont love me and he dont want to marry me. There was no specific reasons just he dont love me.

 

So I could not stay in the house we have shared together for 4 years. Plus my 2 cats who i only adopted 8 months ago.

 

I have been staying at my parents in a very odd spare room and alien environment to me.

 

Last few days not just been dwelling on him, but my home... i miss it so much and i am so unsettled right now. i have a few bits n bobs here and there a few changes of clohtes, this netbook and a pile of uni work to be getting on with - which is on top of my full time job.

 

I am so angry;. that was our home. i was so comfortable, and settled there. first home i could ever truly call home. now its gone.

 

i cant find my things here in this room, it has everyone elses stuff in it. i might not be able to bring my cats here if he decides to keep the house we had. i am so angry about that too.. why should i lose everythinG?

 

Some people think i am mad, why did i have to leave? well reason is his MOTHER lives OPPOSITE. She is intefering at best of times. and if he left that is where he'd go. So no, i cannot stay there. so he gets our home, pretty much a lot of the contents as i have no where to store things and most importantly the cats!.

 

so i feel ive lost who i thought was my best friend and soul mate, my cats and my home.. all in a day.

grrrr life is so fair heh!

 

now i cant get on with my uni work but i guess i must put this to back of mind for now, stop whining and do it!

[Greggie]

This post broke my heart I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I know it seems a sorry condolence (and light-years away at the moment), but know that this too SHALL pass. The darkness and heartbreak which you now are experiencing will not forever be, but yes, right now you are going to really have to feel it. One day though, you are going to wake up and feel just a tiny bit better, just a tiny bit. And this feeling will gradually progress. Eventually, the home that you speak of will no longer be your home, but just a house. Know that my heart goes out to you - and I hope you get your kitties back.

 

Hugs to you

[lavenderdove]

Remember, there is always another nice home waiting for you if you plan for it. If you can't afford a nice place on your own, start looking for shared housing with someone, until you find a home you'd really like to live in. Look for someone who already has cats or likes pets, so that you can bring your cats.

 

And don't abandon your stuff to let him keep it... you can rent a storage unit until you find a house you can share that you can move it into.

 

And if you owned the house with him (both on the deed) DEFINITELY don't abandon it and consult an attorney immediately to get your share of the profits and to force a sale or him to buy you out if necessary so that you are no longer on the deed. Your first instinct may be to run away and leave everything behind, but that's not to your advantage, and you should work harder on finding a way to at least take half the stuff and your cats with you.

 

So rather than just conceding everything to him, start working on a plan that lets you move somewhere you can take your stuff and take the cats. Many people share housing, so if you can't afford something nice on your own, look into someone who wants to share a house with you.

[lozzy1980]

we rent the home so we are not tied down to it, i just have to pay rent til end of March , i know that sucks in itself but it is much better than paying half a mortgage i guess! i have already told landlord.

 

I have house shared in the past since i was 19. i loved it at first but when i got to 26 i had had enough. i am 31 now. i cant go back to doing that again. i feel sick just at the thought. i lost a lot of sleep due 2 loud music and parties every single weekend, stuff goes missing etc etc... i would not by MY home. i guess i just want to be on my own right now.

 

I have thought about the storage aspect. i will also ask around friends etc./ as eventually i *hope* i will have my own flat yes i know it is just a momentary thing things will get better... just going to take a very long time/ what i tell myself for now then is 6 months down the line from now i'll be set up somewhere else . meeting with him sadly tomorrow to discuss next steps for the tenancy and our belongings and the cats. my family will know i am there for 'backup' incase he tries anything to wear me down e.g. has his mother there and demanding they keep the stuff etc. then my sister will turn up if the case (she lives 5 mins away by car!) so glad i got my family and friends they are keeping me sane!

 

If he does stay there i dont want to take cats with me for another upheaval to my parents justto move again in a few more months time. it is very very stressful for them especially Josie. They are rescue cats as well which i think makes them even more scared! took 6 months for josie to come out of her shell and not be timid anymore.

[sidehop]

You sound like a very strong individual and glad to hear you have a very supportive family; you really can't ask for more Stay strong and keep your head up high, I'm sure things will get better with time even if there are few bumps along the way.

[anon83]

I am dealing with a similar situation. My 'fiance' of 6 years dropped the bomb on me, broke my heart. Lost my home, family, future with him, everything. I did not handle it well. I begged, pleaded, cried, went to a very dark place (if you know what I mean). I had been kicked out of my home by my parents at a young age and was homeless until I met him. I worked very hard, and finally had my own family, home, and a place to be with someone I loved. When he dumped me, I lost everything. I think that's why I totally lost him. It wasn't just a break up with a person, but with my life as I knew it. My life was, effectively, over, and I was fighting to keep it. This was decided in late october, I have been abroad for two months and since then have found that he has moved my things into storage and given my car away. It is a horrible nightmare, I can understand. I am also a college student and supposed to graduate soon. I have a 3.75 GPA, full scholarship, and am interning in Paris. With this recent development, I fear for my own personal strength--I'm not sure how well I will handle now having to stand on my own. It is heartbreaking and hard to explain the pain to others who have not been in similar situations. I can't tell you when you will feel better, I still cry every day having lost everything I love, but I am still here and still going, I hope to make my own home for myself not wrapped around another person. I hope you can too.

 

Thankfully, you sound like a more grounded individual than myself and you seem strong. Keep it up, stay close to family and friends, you will need them. If I were not in another country and I would surround myself with people I love during this difficult time.

 

P.S. -- I also miss my cat

[lozzy1980]

hey anon thanks for reading and understanding. it is so so hard. at the moment i am still half in denial... i get the odd rush of fear and panic when i think about it, then i will quickly switch off and think about something else. up to a few days ago i thought i was strong. i am scared that once i am over the denial, and the rush of fear/panic stays.. i will just crumble!

 

i am sorry to hear you are still crying on a daily basis... i just wish we could wave a magic wand make all the pain go away!

[anon83]

Just don't do what I did and bombard him with begging or pleading, even though it is the worst pain for you, it just solidifies in their head that this was the right decision. I think, had I left him alone after the break up, I would have had a shot at coming back home and now having tried everything possible I know I can never go back home. I know he still loves me very much (he still financially supports me, whether I want him to or now) and, though he definitely says I cannot come home (I can't even come to visit when I come back from France for the time being) he still is on the fence about whether or not we can be together in the future. Time and space is his mantra. I don't think he fully comprehends the difficulty of the loss for me, I wish he would, I think he would handle what was left of my life with him with some tact.

 

Yeah...magic wand.. would be great. My thing, lately, has been a little bit of splurging-shopping, gym, etc. Not for him, just for myself. My self esteem has plummeted, and I feel they are positive activities to get it going again. Stay focused with school if you can, I had to take two 'incomplete' grades last term because of this, not great when you have a pristine GPA.

 

Oh well... living well is the best revenge Not in a mean way, but if you make your own home and live your own life, he's likely to regret his decision if he had strong feelings for you.

[Lonewing]

You girls just break my heart... I've been broken too, after 2.5, but 6 years??? That makes me hurt...

 

You can do a storage unit, it is very effective. The cats..well, you might not be able to keep them, I lost mine too, to her. She also had her threelittle kids, and you know, everything that goes with it...

 

I'm back up agian, but that's because every time I got knocked down by myself miserating over the past and what could not change, I told myself to get back up again. I'm Still up now, much stronger now than I ever was before.

[lozzy1980]

yeah i am bit concerned about what this will do to my self esteem,.. ..one of the things he said annoyed him was my lack of confidence and self esteem. if i am being honest it has become very low last 2-3 yrs. maybe it was him chipping away at it tho, o h i dunno, and now to be dumped like this.. not good!

 

i do normally do a lot of gym,.. recently been sporadic tho so will work more on that... my friend has also asked me to do a race for charity .. its not tooo difficult more of a slow jog... build my esteem and fitness back up slowly!

 

if i do hit rock bottom and if my self esteem and depression take hold i will try and seek counselling need to check prices... although think my employer offers free counselling in certain circs.

 

yes i wont do the begging, i was in disbeleif at first and was asking a load of questions and holding onto any hope of some sort of reconcillation.. 'i will be more like this, i can change that..' then after a few hours of him brow beating me i realised it.. he doesnt love me at all and only cares about himself. so at least i can see that now and that is enough for me to know when to call it a day.

[Lonewing]

You'll ge through the Rollercoaster - there's a ton of wealth on this site already...