Nc worked!!!!

[Blanket]

Recap of breakup:

 

Ex of 3 and a half years broke up with me shy of 2 and a half months ago.

-We were fighting to much. There was too much tension between myelf and his parents. He decided to break it off!

I WAS A DISASTER!!!! On the day he broke up with me I begged and pleaded that i would change. He said no considering that it we broke up once beofre and got back together.

 

ATTEMPTED NC:

 

Right off the bat I decided that i was not going to call him, text him or communicate with him using any other means. 2nd day of being broken up Icompletely cut him off. A week later he called telling me he missed me and that he might have made a mistake. He led me on for 2 weeks while he was talking to an ex from 4 and a half years ago. When I found out he was talking to her I COMPLETELY CUT HIM OFF!

Before Christmas I told him that I wasn’t going to talk to him anymore and that I couldn’t continue allowing him to toy with my feelings especially after finding out that he’s talking to someone else.

......

I went a month and half without any contact, except for once when I texted him I missed him. After doing that I realized I felt worse and that I was going to work on being stronger and moving on. ***KEEP IN MIND: I made sure I didn’t give myself any high hopes. I wasn’t doing NC in hopes to get him back; I was doing NC for myself. To help myself heal and smile again, and not hurt anymore*** It got to the point where when he’d txt me saying things like “just saying hi” I was strong enough to read them and delete them. Or when I got random calls, I didn’t answer. I kept thinking THIS IS MY HEALING TIME, AND IM NOT GOING TO LET YOU COME IN BETWEEN BETTERING MYSELF!!

 

Anyways... a few days ago he called me..Once again i didn`t pick up. He then texted me saying `Please pick up i need to talk to you its important can i call you`` A few mins later i texted him back `sure` he called me and we started talking about things we`ve been up to, how work was, etc. Then he asked if he could see me over a coffee. I wasn`t doing anything so I told him sure but it would have to be later on. I met with him for coffee and we talked some more, he cried and told me he missed me like crazy and had to stop himself everyday from calling me or texting me. We talked and talked....brought up a lot of stuff then he asked if I would ever date him again. I told him we`d have to take it nice and slow and let things happen naturally.

 

Moral of the story, NC Can work, whether it`s healing you and making you stronger or allowing your ex to figure out what he or she lost, it does work. In the end you may not get your ex back but you helped yourself be YOU again and that is what is important!

[dramallama]

Thanks for this story. It just shows that the way to get your ex back is NOT to hang around like a bad smell hoping your ex will see what a cool guy/gal you are for being so sweet about the whole ""breaking up thing". Because hanging out without committment is sooo much better than being on my own, and I don't want to PRESSURE my ex into getting back with me so we can hang out all they want. "Yeah, you dumped me, but sure, we can stay friends, I'm cool with that *goes home and cries every night*"

 

NO NO NO. If what you had between you was special enough, and as special as you think it was, no matter how much you don't want to leave them you have to let them go and disappear yourself so that your dumper (read carefully)... lives with the consequence of their decision of breaking up with you. How will your ex (the dumper) know what it is like to not have you when you will not go away? And this is not about punishment, it's about living with the consequences of choices.

 

If your ex wants space, can't commit, is going through a lot right now, say "I'm sorry to hear that. Let me know when you've gotten all of that figured out and we'll take it from there. See ya!" How much attractive is that, than hanging around after you've been dumped? If your ex doesn't end up coming back, they will sure as heck at the very least admire you for having the confidence to put up boundaries against someone that doesn't want to be with you.

 

And this story is a good example that even if you didn't leave the door open for reconciliation, if your ex thinks they've made a giant mistake in dumping you, they WILL break through No Contact to let you know, very clearly, that they want to be back together. And don't say "Oh, but my ex will think I'm being a jerk/biatch for ignoring them and they will be too scared to ask to reconcile." NO AGAIN. Your ex will take that risk if you are worth it. If they are not taking the risk to break NC to beg for you back, then they don't want to get back together enough. But the good news is if you don't hear from them, continue NC because there is someone out there who will want to be with you and NC is the path to making that happen so you aren't stuck on Mr. or Ms. "Too scared to commit".

[faithful14]

dramallama: I love reading your posts : )

[Staple]

Getting back with an ex is a mistake. Underlying issues never die down, and you're running out of time to find someone you can actually have a proper relationship with. He probably got lonely, realized that finding someone else is impossible, and went back to you. That is all that happened. It has nothing to do with NC.

[dramallama]

NC is a tool and is only responsible for allowing you to have time apart from your ex so you can get some clarity, start learning to be single again, re-discover yourself, and so that your ex learns what it is like to be without you. If your ex does or doesn't come back, NC increases that chance, yes, if that is what you really want, but it's the dumpee's choice about whether they should take back their ex. No Contact isn't to blame if you decide to take back someone that you shouldn't be with.

 

If someone isn't right for you and goes sniffing around for something better in the meantime, then that is more of a reason to go NC, so that you are not wasting your time. But if they do come back, whether it be because they couldn't find anyone better, or they really think they made a mistake, you have to use your own judgement about what to do.

[Staple]

I just think it is a mistake to go back to someone who dumped you. How humiliating is that? It's basically you admitting that you're okay with someone who doesn't really like you falling on you everytime they are lonely. That's what my ex did to me.

[faithful14]

we don't really know why he came back: it could be he was lonely or that he made a genuine mistake. All we know is that he made an effort to put his pride aside and come back.

[dramallama]

But No Contact just gives dumpee's a chance to get away from someone that doesn't want to be with them, to gain perspective and to find a life that is not about their ex. When you are freinds with an ex, even if you like to pretend that you're cool with it, in the back of your mind you are trying to change your behaviour so that your ex will appreciate you. But that seldom happens. People will only appreciate something when it's gone. And whether someone starts NC to get their ex back, or to work on themselves and heal, it's up to the individual dumpee about whether they take them back. Some dumpees do, some don't. I don't know personally whether I could. It would depend on the break-up and what happened between when I was dumped and when they came back.

[Imtheretoo]

But if they do come back, whether it be because they couldn't find anyone better, or they really think they made a mistake, you have to use your own judgement about what to do.

 

I think there lies the underlying truth in any given situation. We don't know the reasons as to his attempts at reconciliation and it would be unfair to point the OP in any direction without having such information, which we really can't attain since it's their relationship. She has to use her own judgment and determine whether he is back because he is lonely, or has understood the error of his actions in dumping her.

 

Staple provided a scenario in which there exists a possibility of him simply using her for his own selfish needs, but every situation is different, and no two people are alike. Let's just hope he finally re-evaluated his poor decision.

[Staple]

we don't really know why he came back: it could be he was lonely or that he made a genuine mistake. All we know is that he made an effort to put his pride aside and come back.

 

That's a very rosy way to look at it. He's not bucking his pride at all. He's "back" with her until he finds someone else. It's called making sure you have someone to have sex with until you meet someone else. A lot of guys and even girls do it, and honestly, I feel sorry for OP for taking him back, but that's her choice.

[Blanket]

If you all read my post properly I didn't say I WAS TAKING HIM BACK. I said we would take things slow. Nobody's taking anyone back, not until we know for sure. Also, not once did I mention he left me for another girl. He didn't leave me for anyone. He left me because our relationship went really rocky. We had problems that could have easily been worked on but we were both to stubborn and stuck on our ways to work on them. We both loved each other, were and still are attracted to each other, we had a great sex life, we didn't have trust issues. It just got to the point where he knew and I knew a break up was coming. I guess once it was done I didn't realize how much it would hurt. But we were both hurting. He kept saying he didn't want to break up with me but he didn't want to fight anymore, especially because he was going back to school. This time apart made us both realize where we went wrong and how stubborn we were being.

 

I hope that cleared things up since I got mainly negative feedback!

 

Thanks anyways

[Blanket]

P.S. My point of the story is how important giving space is! When you have some time apart it really gives you a better perspective on the relationship. Whether you want to get back or not is something that the person who's given that choice really needs to decide.

[faithful14]

well thank you for coming to back to share your story. We need more positive stories on here.

[Luckyy]

I'm happy for you blanket congrats and thanks for sharing the story.

[Blanket]

Thanks Faithful 14 and Luckyy. I'm glad you guys got the point of the story. Thanks for reading

[sentencedtoagony]

how are things going?

[belezah]

But if they do come back, whether it be because they couldn't find anyone better, or they really think they made a mistake, you have to use your own judgement about what to do.

 

When he broke NC 10 days ago, my own judgement was telling me it's his mother who is telling him to pursue me back. He is clueless about whether he wants me or not.

[dramallama]

If someone is unsure about whether they want you, they usually don't. I have learnt that from experience and the best thing to do is to ask them to contact you when they've figured it out.

[belezah]

If someone is unsure about whether they want you, they usually don't.

 

agreed!

 

 

I have learnt that from experience and the best thing to do is to ask them to contact you when they've figured it out.

 

pointless. he had 6 full years to figure that out.

[dramallama]

Whatever works for you. The point is to walk away. Telling them to contact you if they ever figure out that they do want to be with you is optional, but I feel it helps the dumpee to make that first step in leaving if they have to option to tell that to their ex, because it gives the dumpee closure and helps them start NC.