3 Months later. What I've learnt.

[Dolph]

Hi guys, I've been reading for the last 3 months, and just doing that has been such a big help.

 

3 years together and we split 3 months ago.

 

She is almost 21, I am almost 27.

 

She called it off over the phone when I was out with my friends one night after a day of drinking for a friend's bday, she blamed me for taking her for granted and getting complacent in the relationship (which I was doing for the last 3-6 months). She asked to see me the next day, so I did, she could see how upset I was and said maybe we just make it a break, which after 3 weeks changed to breakup.

 

When the break happened I did give space as requested, but I also sent a nice letter that I spent hours on, it had no affect at all.

 

When she confirmed the breakup I said it will be best if we don't talk. This is where she has killed me.

 

She called me 1 week later in tears, telling me she isn't handling it well, so I comforted her on the phone for hours. 1 week later she hears that I went out and got a girl's number, calls again crying, I ask if she would like to work on our relationship, she said not now, so I ask to back to N.C. Again 1 week later she reads too much to something on facebook, calls me in tears, tells me that she wishes she could fast forward 6 months and that I am perfect and that she is scared I'll meet somebody and they will realise how great I am, I comfort her for hours again and make her happy. She finds out that I actually did go on a date a couple of weeks later, this time she is devastated, been crying for days and would like to meet up. We do, have a great night and things are looking rosy.

 

We go out again 2 weeks later, another great night, until the end when she says "I have to be careful I don't get your hopes up", no s#1t she was getting my hopes up. The next day she sends some friendly texts, and then invites me to her house for christmas (which i accept), when I call to come over she tells me everybody has left and we will just catch up next week. I'm annoyed but play it cool and agree, that catch up was short and not much happened.

 

She goes away for a week over the holidays, I knew she was back but hadn't heard from her for around 2 weeks, so I initiate contact. I find out she met some guy over her break and has been on a date with him (which she is allowed to do). She calls me the next night (This Monday) and I tell her we can't be friends for now if she is dating, so I have deleted her and all of her friends from FB. She saw it and sent me an angry message, I let her know I am doing it for myself, not because anything against her girlfriends.

 

 

This is the first time I am in 'get over her mode' rather than 'get her back mode'. I plan to go NC from now on, but it is her 21st in 2 weeks and I am unsure whether to call her and attend her party. Any help there guys?

 

The main thing I have learnt through all of this is that you should NOT comfort them, they don't deserve it. You are making it easier for them and harder for yourself. If only I had of taken the advice that I read here so many times.

 

Things are looking good in my life at the moment, I have bought a new house, I have couple of really pretty girls that are very interested. But I think of my ex 24/7. It's three months in and I have made barely any progress because I let her stick around, now she has dates she has vanished and I am here, where I was three months ago.

 

Hopefully somebody can see their ex doing what mine did and put an end to it earlier.

[22n32]

My ex 22 and me 30 .. broke up with me a week ago.. there at that stage they wanna go out and experience life and grow and meet people. If u guys had a good rel she might be back.. but prob be to late for all of us

 

Go nc and don't look back unless she calls u.. up to u maybe send a happy birthday wish put that's really up to u

[Dolph]

We really made a mistake going for girls that young. She was absolutely obsessed with me for so long, and then bang.

I did make sure for our whole relationship that she never missed out on anything with friends or anything, maybe I looked like I didn't care at all.

 

Did you have any warning signs?

Mine started seeing some of her old friends that I had never even heard of over the previous 3 years, now she's with these girls all the time.

[pennyloafer2]

We really made a mistake going for girls that young. She was absolutely obsessed with me for so long, and then bang.

I did make sure for our whole relationship that she never missed out on anything with friends or anything, maybe I looked like I didn't care at all.

 

Did you have any warning signs?

Mine started seeing some of her old friends that I had never even heard of over the previous 3 years, now she's with these girls all the time.

 

That's very typical. Once people start seeing what their old friends are up to, they start craving the single life. Honestly 20-22 is too early to settle down. I know how these girls feel.

[delsolar16]

Yeah, I'm 26 and my ex is 21. I'll never date that young again.