cutting

[90_hour_sleep]

hi,

 

does anyone have experience with 'cutting'? just trying to gain some insight. for some...as i understand...it's a release for pain. it can be a way to just FEEL. there's some suggestion that often this has to do with the endorphine rush it causes. it can be addictive?

 

that's what the books say. i suppose i'm looking for real-world experience. i'd like to understand...at least to the extent that someone who hasn't had the experience can.

 

i have a friend. he's been suicidal at times in his life. the past year has been particularly tough for him. he's so tired of feeling 'flat'...side effect of a certain medication that he's been taking. he wants to feel. but...he also describes that he wants to hurt more...that if he can just get to that point where he can't stand the pain anymore...maybe something will change.

 

my understanding is very limited. just wanting to be more informed.

 

any info is much appreciated.

 

thanks.

[Maroney555]

I don't do it anymore. I highly advise against this for the record....

 

It was a release for me. I like pain though for being a weirdo lol. It's the same pain-pleasure thing I get from tattoos and piercings or anal sex honestly. It wasn't about abuse or torture...it was a funky release from life. After my dad found I did it and he got me help I got better and realized it as a bad release.

[genevive59]

I also don't do it anymore but I did when I was in high school. It was just a release when the emotional pain got way too intense and I needed something. When I made myself bleed it made everything feel better for a very short amount of time but not long-term. It is a really bad habit to get into and it is addictive to a certain extent because it makes you feel temporarily better. My best description of it for me was a physical manifestation of the mental pain I was going through at the time. But I would never ever recommend it for anyone. It was difficult to overcome for me once I started and I only did with the help of a friend. Is your friend cutting? Or do you want to suggest it to him? Again, I would say self injury causes a lot more problems than it helps. Hope this helped

[90_hour_sleep]

thanks to both of you for your replies. it helps.

 

i can't imagine suggesting it. so...no...that wasn't my intention. i visited him last night...and he had cut himself the previous night. he used old scissors. but he's since bought some razors (an impulse purchase he told me). he's done it in the past...but it's been a very long time.

 

from what both of you have described...it sounds like the reasoning is very similar.

 

genevive, your description in bold is almost exactly the description he gave me. so difficult to really understand for someone who has never felt that.

 

would you be able to share how you stopped doing it? imagine it's all very much internal. was there kind of a moment of recognition...where you really realized what you were doing to yourself? if you're comfortable sharing...i'd appreciate any feedback you have to offer.

 

thanks again for the replies.

[90_hour_sleep]

I don't do it anymore. I highly advise against this for the record....

 

It was a release for me. I like pain though for being a weirdo lol. It's the same pain-pleasure thing I get from tattoos and piercings or anal sex honestly. It wasn't about abuse or torture...it was a funky release from life. After my dad found I did it and he got me help I got better and realized it as a bad release.

 

thanks for sharing this, maroney.

 

can i ask...how did your dad help?

[No One]

"old scissors"?

If someone is going to, then, please, use the antiseptic (i.e., neosporine) and disinfect the blade (i.e., alcohol, betadine, etc.)...an infection he doesn't want.

Cutting (self-injury/self-harm) rarely leads to suicide, but, suicide attempts can include them - any idea which he's dealing with?

 

Cutting, [yes, I do ] what really are you interested in knowing?

[90_hour_sleep]

"old scissors"?

If someone is going to, then, please, use the antiseptic (i.e., neosporine) and disinfect the blade (i.e., alcohol, betadine, etc.)...an infection he doesn't want.

Cutting (self-injury/self-harm) rarely leads to suicide, but, suicide attempts can include them - any idea which he's dealing with?

 

Cutting, [yes, I do ] what really are you interested in knowing?

 

thanks for your reply.

 

i suppose...if he's going to do it...regardless of what i think he should or shouldn't be doing...then being 'safe' about it is a good suggestion.

 

my friend has been suicidal in the past (with a couple attempts when he was a bit younger). this past year has been extremely difficult for him...and some more recent events have only added to that. he's mentioned that he could see it leading to that. especially now. he's stopped taking his meds. i don't think he's ever done that before.

 

he seems very casual about it. i guess i'm wondering if he's reaching out to me by telling me? if there's anything i can do?

 

did/do you find anything helpful? or...has it become a part of your life that you don't wish to change?

[genevive59]

Oh ok, I understand now. The only way I was able to stop was because a friend of mine was going through the exact same thing and we would always call eachother when we felt like doing it and talk eachother out of it. I also used other techniques like taking a cold shower or doing some form of exercise when I felt like it to stop myself. But everyone has different techniques they use, you can find a lot online that simulate the cutting but aren't actually cutting. Just be there for him and be supportive no matter what and you will help.

[90_hour_sleep]

Oh ok, I understand now. The only way I was able to stop was because a friend of mine was going through the exact same thing and we would always call eachother when we felt like doing it and talk eachother out of it. I also used other techniques like taking a cold shower or doing some form of exercise when I felt like it to stop myself. But everyone has different techniques they use, you can find a lot online that simulate the cutting but aren't actually cutting. Just be there for him and be supportive no matter what and you will help.

 

thank you.

[gurly]

people have different reasons of why they cut, like me for example, i used to cut because i was molested when i was 7 years old until the age of 10 by a very close family member, since i was so young i couldnt find any other way to get rid of the pain and i didnt know any better, i started by just scratching first until i fell asleep and little by little i started cutting more by using razor blades and glass, i was cuttting up until i was in 9th grade when i started maturing and understanding what i was doing and found better ways to cope with my pain, i have learned to forgive and forget, i am now happily married and i have a 1 year old daughter......

[90_hour_sleep]

people have different reasons of why they cut, like me for example, i used to cut because i was molested when i was 7 years old until the age of 10 by a very close family member, since i was so young i couldnt find any other way to get rid of the pain and i didnt know any better, i started by just scratching first until i fell asleep and little by little i started cutting more by using razor blades and glass, i was cuttting up until i was in 9th grade when i started maturing and understanding what i was doing and found better ways to cope with my pain, i have learned to forgive and forget, i am now happily married and i have a 1 year old daughter......

 

thanks for sharing, gurly. i appreciate it.

 

would you be willing to share some of the ways that you found to cope...without cutting?

[69Mercury]

You sound like a great friend! You are helping just by being that! Be there, be someone he can talk to, but other than that he has to want help himself. You can give him advice and options, but you can't make him do anything.

 

Sometimes it's very scary the thought of dealing with the things that are causing you to cut. For me I was worried that dealing with it would bring even more pain. I didn't want to go back to it, I wanted it to go away.

 

It can take a lot to tell someone about cutting. For me it was the fear that they would tell me to stop and take away my (so far) only coping mechanism. For me, ultimately it took a lot of counseling. In the shorter term my boyfriend was brilliant and rather than tell me not to do it (although he did try that tactic on occasions), he said if I felt like doing it just to phone him. Sometimes I would and it would help, sometimes I was in too much turmoil to go for that option. I think the main thing was that rather than focus on the cutting, he asked how I felt. He realized that it wasn't the cutting that was the problem, but the feelings behind it and he was always there for me even if all he could do was give me a hug and encourage me to cry. I never used to cry, but it does help.

 

Once I learned to deal with those feelings (through counseling), I no longer felt the need to cut. I'm not sure what it took to get me to approach counseling. I think I just felt I was going crazy and I didn't want to feel like that anymore. It wasn't until I got the right counselor, someone who had experience counseling in what I'd been through, that it helped me, so that is very important.

 

When I first tried to stop I would go for runs instead. Run until it was painful and I couldn't breathe, because that stopped my thoughts and I had to concentrate on breathing. Rather than causing myself injury from cutting I was getting exercise which was good but also managing to stop the thoughts and run them out of my body instead of cutting them out.

 

That sounds quite mental to me now that I'm reading it, but it worked. I haven't cut for a year now and I have just finished my PhD

[90_hour_sleep]

thanks so much for your post, mercury. you've definitely hi-lighted some things that have come up in the situation that i'm involved in.

 

the concept of just allowing someone to be...cutting and all...as he is...the concept of that seems so reasonable. but then...there's the other side of that...where it feels as though i should be doing something. i consider myself fortunate in that regard...because i've been exposed to alot of tremendous input from a variety of sources.. i cannot be responsible for the healing process. that's an internal journey for him to take when he is ready. every piece of 'advice' that i've come accross says just that. be a friend. be there. offer support. offer options. but never have an agenda for the other person. it can be such a difficult boundary to respect sometimes. your words are encouraging though.

 

it's great to hear that you found the support you needed. there definitely seems to be an emphasis on the right counselling in your case. my friend has been seeing a couple professionals for the last couple of years. i wonder sometimes if he's found that rightness yet. i think at times he's waiting for the fix...hoping that it will just happen. unfortunately, i don't think it works that way. drugs can open up a world that is more managable...but i've yet to encounter an individual who attributes healing soley to medication. i don't think he's come to that conclusion for himself as of yet. his 'crazy' feeling (maybe similar to what you described for yourself) has been with him for a very long time. his psychiatrist has recently suggested that he might find a better fit with someone else. so perhaps things are moving forward as we speak.

 

i like your running strategy. it really makes sense. dont' think i would've considered that. exercise does seem to have that aspect to it though. there's an element of pain with it that can be very liberating.

 

again...thanks so much for your reply. very encouraging. so glad that you've moved forward in your own life.

 

 

[Maroney555]

thanks for sharing this, maroney.

 

can i ask...how did your dad help?

 

Sorry, haven't sat down to ENA for a little while now.

 

He made me talk to people he knew who cut who survived it, then made me go to a therapist whether I really wanted to or not and then was a constant support system until I was better and gained my confidence back. He's the best dad I could have ever asked for.

[Ventus1]

Hey, I was a cutter from the time I was in 8th grade to well into college. My parents found out forced me to stop. It wasn't until I had my now husband as a boyfriend. He checked in with me several times knowing when stress was high. The biggest thing is knowng you are there for him. Letting him know that you are there. I also would carry paper and a pen with me EVERYWHERE. Anything bothering me I would write it down. I would draw, walk, write, anything to keep my mind and hands off anything sharp.

I also reconmend councilling and finding someone who uunderstands and treats self harm. They are difficult to find but that is the best thing. Find help listen to him and make sure he knows he isn't a screw up or weird because he wants to self harm.

[Brianm09]

I do. It's a way of punishing myself for the things I do wrong such as the contant misunderstandings. I just hate that the knives I have are so doll. i'm very hard to get found out. I do it so high on my arm that my shirt covers them.

[nutjob]

The pain that the cutting delivers can give you a feeling of total control (i've self harmed since the age of 17) but i cut for the blood erm. My reasons for cutting are very complicated and no, itz not a cry for help as i just love to cut myself (like a game i play). I dont have depression nor do i want to die but i am now addicted to it and would'nt advise anyone else to get into it as it can be very dangerous if done wrong (i have it down to a fine art). But everyone has their own reasons for cutting just as i did.

[mark_e]

Everyone can be different, but when it comes down to it we fall into categories. First, are those people who hurt themselves because they think they have done something morally wrong and need to be punished for it. They may keep punishing themselves for a very long time, as long as they hold on to the guilt. Second, There are people who are stressed out. The stress could be family or friends relationships. It could be academic or professional pressure. These people who cut to relieve stress. It's like a drug, a very effective and fast acting drug. Third, there are people who enjoy feeling the pain. I cannot say I have been that way, but I know they are out there. In any case, please go see a counselor or doctor, they will not make you do anything you don't want to * They really can help. Ten years ago I was cutting, in the hospital several times for suicide, I was ruining my life. But, I kept working on it and now I'm fine. I can happen for you too!

* The small print: Medical Professionals may Hospitalize you if you have a serious plan to kill yourself, (example: I'm going to go to Uncle John's tonight and get his gun)

Or, you have a serious plan to kill someone else (example: I hate my brother so much, I am going to ram him with the truck the next time I see him)

[No One]

How's your friend been?

[90_hour_sleep]

How's your friend been?

 

hey No One,

 

well...my friend has been better i'm sure. he's no longer cutting -- ended up being a rather short-term experience for him (fotunately?). he's still struggling though. likely won't be returning to work...mainly due to his medicated state (unable to function at a level of competency within his field). it's looking like he may lose his home as well.

 

however...he's very recently been receiving ECT (electroconvulsive therapy). i haven't seen him in the flesh since he started...but we've had a few conversations about it. sounds very encouraging at this point.

 

how are you doing?

[No One]

Wow! Good that he isn't cutting, although, "better" is pretty , relative? Me? Ups & downs (thankf for asking).

[90_hour_sleep]

Wow! Good that he isn't cutting, although, "better" is pretty , relative? Me? Ups & downs (thankf for asking).

 

better is definitely relative. but a bit of 'better' goes a long way. sometimes it's just a small glimmer...but it's enough to light the way forward. that's my observation of him at least. a seemingly small gesture will drastically alter his state of mind. such power we have to influence others. at times it can be a burden of responsibility. but few things are as rewarding as being there for someone...just...being there. nothing else.

 

ups and downs. a never-ending cycle.