Sweetkisses22 Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 This guy im seeing lives about an hour from me so we don't have much time together as wed like. We just recently started having sex and I noticed that it takes him a long time to cum, like an hour. Not that I don't enjoy the hour its great but its just got me thinking. I heard that when men haven't had sex in a long time they usually cum a lot quicker. But we haven't had sex before and he hasn't had sex in like 6 months. Why does he last so long?? Like at first wouldn't he cum right away since its been so long? Maybe im being paranoid but I just keep thinking that maybe he has been sleeping with other women?? I asked him why it takes him a long time to cum if he hasn't had sex in so long and he said because he still jerks off but still I know its not the same feeling. Real sex us more intense. What do you think? Am I over reacting? Link to comment
LightbulbSun Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Some guys have trouble cumming. It's not a slight on you, it just means he has performance anxiety. Link to comment
Tiia Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Is it possible he is on medication? How old is he? I have run into this, and it was because of medication/alcohol. It seems to be pretty common problem. I have friends who have found this also. Link to comment
ForumGuy Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 he hasn't had sex in like 6 monthsDoesn't mean he hasn't had it with himself Link to comment
gymratski Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 I recently had this situation. Only the guy doesn't cum. I thought it was weird so I just flat out asked "Do you not cum or what?" I've never experienced this so I was super curious and all he said (rather calmly) was: "Meh. I just don't always cum." At first I was offended and whatever, but not I don't care, ha ha. If he doesn't come or takes too long that's not my problem, I enjoy myself and do my best for him. If he's not satisfied iwth my efforts it'll end. Link to comment
Anonymous122 Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Takes me around an hour regardless of how often I have it. Link to comment
corrin Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 I recently had this situation. Only the guy doesn't cum. I thought it was weird so I just flat out asked "Do you not cum or what?" I've never experienced this so I was super curious and all he said (rather calmly) was: "Meh. I just don't always cum." At first I was offended and whatever, but not I don't care, ha ha. If he doesn't come or takes too long that's not my problem, enjoy myself and do my best for him. If he's not satisfied iwth my efforts it'll end. Holy Double-Standard, Batman! Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 i always thought it was a problem if the guy came to fast, that would upset me...two thrusts and he's done. i am glad that my boyfriend can last long, we make love for a few hours! and i love it, he's the only one i have been with so i don't know what "normal" but we can try lots of positions during one session and i get to come multiple times,so to me that is a great thing, then usually when we are done i finish him off by hand, which he loves and so do i, and after he comes he loves it when i keep stroking him, allthough with a lighter touch obviously.... would this mean that he is used to masturbating and therefore can't come inside me? maybe, but maybe he just loves it this way and so do i, it's intimate i think when we start comparing notes, people get insecure about how it should be but who decides what is normal and what not? as long as you both enjoy yourself and the time together, who cares what is supposed to or not supposed to be... Link to comment
latitudezero Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Some guys can control when they cum. Its all about knowing your body and knowing how to pace yourself. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 I HATE guys who take forever. It only takes me 5 - 10 minutes to come a couple of times and then I am done. Marathons hold no interest for me and can make me very sore. Give me your Minutemen, kinda, and I am happy as a clam! Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Rubbin one out does make you last longer. Tell him to cut back some and he should be back on par. Link to comment
Sweetkisses22 Posted January 5, 2011 Author Share Posted January 5, 2011 He's not on antidepressents or any meds. He did tell me before we had sex that sometimes he can't get it up in the beginning but when we started having sex he never once had that problem and he said I was the only girl he was able to do it with. Maybe its performance anxiety like someone said. Its great don't get me wrong but i was just worried lol. Also is it weird that he never wants me to see his penis when its soft?? Whenever I try to touch it to get it hard he pulls my hand away. And he never let's me go down on him unless its hard first. He always makes excuses for me not to. Instead he'll get on top of me and pleasure me until he gets hard. Link to comment
jstaman Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 I do appologize ahead of time, I have nothing to add to this that hasnt been said.. But while reading this all I could hear in my head was Lionel Ritchie - All Night Long. Just had to share. Link to comment
emma j Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Guy i'm seeing has only finished inside me twice. the rest he just kinda did it.. Is this a problem too. i dunno what i'm doing wrong. Link to comment
Annamary Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 My ex had the same...he could go on for hours..but never came... Link to comment
quirky Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 I have encountered the same issue a few times in my life, mostly in the past in my first 2 relationships. I felt so worthless and unattractive as a woman. It is something I cannot work around sadly because it hurt me so much, 3 years of such difficulties. And I can't do it for hours, I haven't got that time..maybe if I lived with my bf and had no stresses in life. It is usually related to low self esteem from the guy and the usual paranoia of if it happens once it wil happen again sort of thing. Maybe you can reassure him that you don't mind touching him when he's soft..? Link to comment
gymratski Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Holy Double-Standard, Batman! Lol. Not at all, I try to please him and if he's not coming I'm not going to lock myself in my closet and cry about it. It's the first time I've been with a guy and he hasn't cum so I'm not taking it personally. If it happened all the time that would be a different story, ha ha. We haven't been having sex long so hopefully he gets a happy ending soon. If not, we're not sexually compatible and...oh well. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Could be medication he is taking, and or "death grip". Death Grip aka, masturbating with a tight clenched fist. This does not mean you are loose by any means. Just means when he masturbates he may squeeze his Penis so tight, the end of his Penis goes purple. Another reason is, he may have the thought ingrained into his head that women prefer a man who goes at it for a long time. As mentioned in a previous post, some men know how to hold back from having an orgasm. So mentioning that you like quickies may stop him from these long sessions or reduce them. Link to comment
MD Geist Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 It could be a mental thing since you both live an hour from each other and the fact that you don't spend as much time as you'd like to. I don't understand why is it necissory for someone to cum every single time you have sex. It makes a mess, it can get your partner preggo. Id just try to hold it in and say on a scale of 1-10 that I'm a bout to cum i'm at a 9 id stop and rest or be done with it. No need to cum. A guy should be honest and upfront about it. Link to comment
swampyankee Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 There are some medications other than AD's that will inhibit performance, like Flo-max and some blood pressure meds. Also, soy products can cause ED troubles. I'm a bit older - in my 50's - and I sometimes don't cum. I know its more fulfilling for my gf if I do, so I try - sometimes too hard. I get winded and begin to lose it. Quite disappointing and frustrating! I assure my gf that it's no reflection on her and I make sure she is completely satisfied in every other way. We both share a good attitude about it and just say let's try again in the morning, or in a few hours or whatever. It just means our sex is spread out over a period of time, which can be fun. Link to comment
KG Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 There are some medications other than AD's that will inhibit performance, like Flo-max and some blood pressure meds. Also, soy products can cause ED troubles. I'm a bit older - in my 50's - and I sometimes don't cum. I know its more fulfilling for my gf if I do, so I try - sometimes too hard. I get winded and begin to lose it. Quite disappointing and frustrating! I assure my gf that it's no reflection on her and I make sure she is completely satisfied in every other way. We both share a good attitude about it and just say let's try again in the morning, or in a few hours or whatever. It just means our sex is spread out over a period of time, which can be fun. I'm the same....sometimes 1/2 hour, sometimes an hour, other times, not. But she has accepted it's me, part of who I am, and is OK with it. Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 It is probably a combination of him being used to masturbation along with some performance issues. The distance issue does not help things. I am sure he is thinking to himself: oh wow, she drive an hour to get her and now I am not getting hard. God, I wonder if I will be able to cum fast enough for her. All this is setting the stage for an awkward time in bed. Relax and just enjoy the sensations of being together. The rest will fall into place with time and trust. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 There is some research that indicates that smoking and/or being overweight can also affect a man's ability to have an erection and ejaculate. Does he smoke? Is he overweight? Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 My boyfriend is a very healthy normal young guy who takes quite a while to orgasm. He doesn't smoke, he's in shape, I don't think he has any preformance anxiety/issues. He seems pretty fine about it and so am I (although sex usually gets sore near the end and I have to ask him to focus on finishing). I think some guys just take longer than others. I think part of it is that he's so controlled all of the time. He never just loses it during sex. I would love it if he went premature once in a while when things got hot and heavy. It would be the biggest compliment. Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 i love that my boyfriend can last for a few hours...we can really relax that way and i get to come a few times...we use different positions and do other things in between so i don't get sore either, i just love spending all this time close to him! maybe would be differen if we weren''t in a LDR and did it a few times a week, maybe then i would tell him to hurry...but now i just love it.. Link to comment
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