Was this a bad move on my part???

[Fletch F. Fletch]

I agree with S&D. Do not allow yourself to get dragged back in. This is why I hate email/IMs so much. The ex can send you a communication so easily, just to see if you respond. Then it becomes this game of psychological security tennis (a term I think Beec coined). Stop this cylce before it starts, because you WILL drive yourself nuts eventually. Should I respond? What should I say? Is she going to respond back? Why isnt she sendingme e-mails any more? This will happen with each e-mail she sends to you.

 

I offer 2 courses of action for your consideration. You are in a good position to nip this in the bud..

 

1) Do not respond to any e-mails. Force her to CALL you if she has something substantial to say. She will then ask when she calls "why dont you respond to my e-mails". To which you respond politely, "As we had discussed, I am moving on. While I appreciate the sentiment you expressed in the e-mails, I prefer that we have any substantial communication by phone or in person. Please do not be offended if I do not repond to your e-mails."

 

2) Send her and e-mail now that says "As we had discussed, I am moving on. While I appreciate the sentiment you expressed in the e-mails, I prefer that we have any substantial communication by phone or in person. Please do not be offended if I do not repond to your e-mails." Hopefully this will stop her from sending future emails.

 

NC means NC and until your ex makes up her mind, do not allow her to fall back into the pattern that you just broke. Be strong.

[Mun]

I agree, try not to analyze every single email or text. Take things at face value. The same goes for what you text or email her. Don't second guess yourself and don't worry that your message will be perceived wrong. I think how you interact on the phone or in person is what leaves the REAL impression of what is going on.

 

I also don't like imz or email for this reason. I don't like texts because it's so easy to ignore if you don't know what to say in response ( both ways).

 

I like to think : what I said at the time--I meant it and that's why I said it. Now let's see what happens next.

 

I tell you this: I have heard the same story about something that happened between my guy and me so many times(from him) that I am SURE he has analyzed it to death. Truth: I had not given it a second thought--only thought about it after I realized how much he had thought about it. To me it didn't matter very much at all. It was something trivial to a point.

 

So give yourself a break and relax....breathe.

[craigblitz]

Update: Sent a couple of messages while I was online, I responded then logged off. Later in the evening she text me a couple of times, I responded to 1, but the others I couldn't because I was out on a date. At about 11:00 she called just to say hi and see how I was doing etc...

 

A couple things from the conversation... I think there may have been another guy right after the break up. She said hey I still have your baseball mit, I said no worries I bought another one for the softball season anyway. She was like why didn't you just come down and get it, I was like I didn't know where it was. She said yeah I don't have my glve anymore either.. I said where is it.. she said at some jerks house. I said why don't you get it, she said no he is a total (fill in) and never want to see him again. I added 1 and 1 there. No biggie, but I wonder if he had anything to do with the break up.

 

Asked what I thought of her sisters new b/f. I said I really liked him. She said the family agreed he was really nice. Her dad said he was right up there with Craig. She said that made her feel like a real a*ho * l *e.

 

Her brother just got dumped by his g/f. So Sunday night they burned all the things she got him, and her sister got a lot of things from exes to burn and so did my ex. I was like nice, she said I didn't burn anything of yours, I promise. I said I guess it does't matter, she said it does and she could never do that. That did kind of make me feel good, but as far as I know she could hae torched everything....lol

 

All in all a nice exchange (verbal not electronic yeah!!). My question here, should I still be doing NC for fear of being roped in as S&D put it? At this point I feel she knows everything on how I feel and I was direct to her about being friends. I said if that is what you want then leave me be for a little while. I agree with Muneca if she wanted things to end she could have right then and there. She did tell me she was going to think hard about everything so who knows. I really wish I wouldn't have told her not to respond to that email, but on the same token if she did respond it could have been a bunch of I do not knows anyway.

 

Everyone, have a great day.. All those still hurting hang in there we are all here for you. All those in the land of confusion aka grey area.... Hang tight.

[d346]

I hate text messages and IM in this context! It reminds me of when I was single out of college and I dated a bunch of guys who were too immature to take me out on real dates or pick up a phone to call me. It was always casual emails and messages saying "I'm going to be at ___ if you want to meet up later"

 

ahh, I digress!

[craigblitz]

hahah I agree... but that is what I am glad she called. Text and IM are so impersonal and annoying.. Like if a friend text and is like yo we are drinking here if you want to catch up... Conversations on them are just stupid....

[craigblitz]

Update: What a flipp'n weird, wonderful, What the heck just happened night...

 

I was at my neighbors house shooting the breeze with him then I see the ex come to my house with some more of my clothes. I run out and say hi. She hands them to me and I said thanks. She said I bought you a little something, it was an Poncho with my favorite team on it. I was like wow thanks a lot (it was really nice). Shen then said hey would you mind if I used the restroom before I go, I said of course not. I was putting some clothes in the dryer and she came out and said do you have any plans tonight. I said not till later, but noting definite that is for sure. She said want to come test drive some cars with me? I said sure.

 

That was really fun, it was like we were a couple. She kept wanting me to do all the talking, etc. There was a lot of playful touching done on her part she smacked my butt a couple of times held my hand boxed around with me so on.....

 

She then said thanks for being such a great sport that was fun. I said it was fun thank you. We were driving home and she said I am starving I know you have to be. I said yeah I am, she said if you have time lets get some dinner. I said I am game. Went to dinner, while we were waiting she would hold my hand, then back off, put her head on my shoulder, back off. It was kind of weird, but I knew what was going on. I came back from using the restroom and she said damn Craig you are really handsome, when did that happened??? I said the second you started looking at me again....lol. Then as we sit down my cell goes off again. She said damn how many g/f's do you have now.. I blew it off and said like you know no girls are calling me. She is like BS, 2 girls at work asked for your number the day you came in with your son. I said sweet did you hook me up, she was like yeah something like that.....lol. Since I was getting some mixed vibes from her and still no response to the email I told her that I would like to know where she stands. I said if you are 100% sure you want to be friends that is great, but I need several months to turn the love switch to friend switch on. She said well I can do that. I said ok, I would like that then, then she said I can't... she said I love you Craig. I am just scared, I can never go through this break up again... I said I know and I realize that, it has taken a huge toll on me. I said at the same time, I know you love me, and I love you. The issue we have is sort of complicated, something that she does have to have faith in me and trust, not a bad habit or anything. I said this puts me in a horrible spot because I can not proof anything to you, you just have to trust me. She was like I know and you have never broken that trust before, but I am still just scared. At this point what more can be said, so I kissed her head and said well just let me know when you know, I want to you feel no pressure and do what is best for you. All in all a great dinner though, lots of laughs and etc...

 

Drive home was nice, she pulled in and kissed me. I said hey want to come in and chill for a while. She was like I am not sure, I said cool kissed her and was walking to the house. She turned off truck and followed me in. We chilled on the love seat, I told her I love you. I said I know that might not be what you want to hear, but I said I am not going to act different then who I am and what I feel. She laughed and said it all about you huh... I said yep....lol I again told her this deserves a second change, but lets do it slow.... Said she is not 100% sure if she wants to be friends, and not 100% sure to be a couple....lol At this point I understand her feelings, because I am not 100% sure.

 

She said lets go watch tv in bed, ok. We kiss yadda yadda. Next thing you know I am giving her a massage with oil. Then after that you can most likely fill in the rest. We feel asleep for a couple of hours then I woke her up and said she needs to get going. At this point I do not want no awkward feelings so I kiss her and say be safe getting home. She said I will call when I get in. Shen called, then 20 minutes later text and said thank you for the fun night, sleep good

 

The whole encounter was awsome... I am not confused or stressed or anything. I also realize nothing has changed really, she is still scared and I still need tons of patience. I think I am still going to back off and let her remember this good time for a while.

 

Sorry it was so long, but maye there is something to learn in all this... I really have no idea what it might be, but it might be helpful to someone out there....

[Mun]

Hi Craig,

Thanks for sharing.

 

It sounds like things are going well. You are in control of your emotions and your thoughts. You've come a long way.

[Fletch F. Fletch]

Craig,

 

Awesome. A great night, indeed! I think you have the right frame of mind and handled things well. Be sure to walk your talk here...learn from the experience of S&D and myself that a pull-back or continued waffling by the exgf could happen... so dont allow yourself to get frustrated. Let her lead on the communications and you continue to get on with your life.

 

Keep up the good work.

[prowler]

Probably it would be really better to wait what comes and not to worry much ...

[prowler]

If you do anything that makes you feel better - just do it, change it. May be when she sees you do it for yuorself someone get another image of you...

[shockeddismayed]

Hey Craig,

 

You dirty rat.

 

Good for you. I'm glad things went well!

 

All in all you left her with many pleasant memories I am sure.

 

Be aware that you might start to wonder whether you should have let things get so far when she is still so uncertain... but I think in your case, it can't hurt.

 

Don't let the next little period of NC make you worried what she is thinking.

 

Keep letting things go.... and don't give in too easy on the next contact... remember, you are a busy guy. Let her continue to chase you.

 

S&D.

[craigblitz]

Ok, figured I would give a little update. Things have been going really well with me and the ex. We hung out all of Sunday and for 9 hrs yesterday. I have totally stopped all us talks and she has taken it upon herself to talk about things slowly. Last night she basically said she can not imagine life without me and is glad we are taking things slow. I agreed, and said it is nice having her around again.

 

Then she said she is sorry for all of this and started to cry, she said she never meant to hurt me, but she felt as if I left her when I took this new job. It requires me to be gone a lot and with her job when I am home on the weekends she will most likley have to work, she said it was just too much of a chnage all at once. I reassured her that I took this job because in the long run it is better for us, and I understand how hard it is for her, she said she understood, but it still hurt. Then she told me she dated another guy for a short while after we broke up and told me everything that happened(not too bad, but I wanted to puke....lol) She then asked me and I was like lets drop it... She said no she wanted to put everything behind us because she said she is confused because I tell her that I want to work things out but other girls call my phone when we are out and she wants to know. I told her the people I have dated, she then asked if was intimate with any of them and I was honest, but not stupid honest . She was like yeah that makes me sick....lol. So I think that was positive, it was like we were saying hey this is what happened but I want it behind us so we can move forward... that is how I took it anyway. Ended up talking till 4am and she left by saying she loved me.

 

There are still some mixed signals, at one point early in the night she said she likes being by herself, then later in the night she was like it is so wonderful having you around. I am taking Shocks advice on anoher thread here and being patient as I can... Not my strong point unfortunatley. I am still in that grey but I see enough things moving that it doesn't drive me crazy. I do think it is best to back off a little still and let her absorb everything and see how she feels. Basically I have been lucky I have been in town the past couple of weeks but that could change and it might bring us back to square one. If she is really commited to this relationship I will find another job, but we are not there yet.

 

Wish me luck, and thanks everyone for the sage advise.

[Mun]

Nice going Craig. Glad to see you are doing well.

[shockeddismayed]

Hey Craig,

 

Sounds like things are progressing VERY nicely.

 

Remember... try and look at things from 1000 metres up... that way you can only see the highlights and not the details. And the highlights look very promising.

 

Strange that both our girls wanted to spill everything about the other guy. It's like they needed to get it out in the open so that they could come out from thier guilty burden. Like you, I wasn't so apt to tell her anything concrete about my time without her... lol... it wouldn't be all that exciting.

 

Anyway... if you are like me... and it seems you are, be prepared for a little bit of anger and jealousy to seep back in. I wasn't so bad hearing the details of the other guy... but now I've been replaying all of the lies she's told me over the past few months. And the fact that is now going on 10 days of NC, makes me a little angry that I haven't had a chance to ignore her call.

 

Lol.... the fact that I want a chance to ignore her call just to show her I'm not a doormat, and that she can't expect me to be thrilled with her pre-warned infidelity (the fact that she broke up with me while saying I'll probably want to try again later... seems like announcing she wanted to try other things and keep me hanging).

 

Anyway... for me it has been back to a focus on #1... working out and running. I've needed to do that to purge the negative thoughts.

 

It sounds (from your other posts) that you are doing a good job of keeping this in perspective. Keep the faith.

[craigblitz]

Shocked your post came at the perfect time.... Absolute perfect... I am sitting here in my mind thinking how in the heck could she have been intimiate (no full sex) after 1 or 2 weeks??? I couldn't hold a spoon to my face to eat let alone do that. I also sit here and wonder, what happened with them. I know it was a short thing, but did he blow her off. If so what does that make me chopped liver, second place. Things I want to ask her about but things I know I can not bring up. I do believe her that she was drunk when it happened, but both times??? Whisky under the bridge I guess, but man a lot of questions and hurt felings.

 

Yeah I did not go into detail about the past 3 months, there is a lot more there then what I said, I am not proud of it but things happened. In a way I feel like a hypocrit because I have done more then she has but it took a while for me to even go out. I guess some day I need to tell her everything, but part of me is saying why... I owe her nothing of an explanation, she dumped me... Oh well

 

"try and look at things from 1000 metres up" You know me well enough to know that is the exact thing I need. Right now I am wondering if I am being used and so. In a quick IM conversaion she said good morning sunshine and she brought up the conversations about being with others. She said it makes her sick thinking of me touching another woman... I was like you.. christ I was a faded memory in 2 weeks with you. It sounds serious but it was a light little convo. I then said I will be good and not date others if you want to be exclusive she said no date who you want. I said ok, she said oh you want to see other people.. I said I want to see you and she said Okay!!!!! So I have no clue... I know I am going to keep dating because it is helping me a lot during this weird time.

 

Hahaha so as you can see the anger and jealosy is there right now. She bought a new car and drove right to my place and I wasn't there. She called and said where are you, I was out and I told her.. She said well ok I wanted to give you ride but I guess you are busy. I said talk to you later. I really wasn't that busy just getting a sandwhich and a beer at a local bar. I called but she was on the other line. She called back and left a message but I didn't call back... I felt if I seen her last night it might not have been good. I ended up going out with another girl I have seen a few times and had a lot of fun. So it all worked out. I figured she was mad I didn't call back but this morning I have pictures of her and her new car so she couldn't have been that mad.

 

Right now I am not sure... I never really dealt with jealousy or this type of hurt before. Like I am angry she could have done that with someone so fast, just hurts. I think maybe I need some NC to deal with these new emotions... who knows. I am sure I will see her soone then later...So we will see..

 

I also agree on looking out for #1. I have been destroying the weight room latley. I am getting thick as get up in the chest and arms. bench has gone up 20lbs this month already, things are looking up in a lot of areas. It is hard not to be a little negitive about the whole situation... She understands that I love her, she loves me, I did not leave her like she thinks, but she still doesn't want to be us.

 

Anyway thanks shocked and muneca for the replies.... I sound a little down but trust me life is good and I am taking it day by day... heck in an hour I could care less about what she did....lol

 

Hope all is well friends.

[JustPlainSad]

Sounds like you have her attention going. Thats good BUT dont over do it. She may end up resenting you for it. One thing she has no right to question or get mad if you are with someone else. You asked to be together again and she said no. You are free to do as you wish, which is what you are doing and thats a good thing. It will help you mentally, emotionally and physically. Keep up the good work man. You're doing the right thing. If it doesnt work out the way you wish, because of your actions you'll be in a very good position!

[Mun]

I don't think any of you owe each other any kind of explanation. You were all broken up at the time these things happened. I know how you feel though, been there myself, you just have to keep telling yourself that you were not together at the time. You know how things just happen. Try to think instead about the person you love and the fact that they are with you now ( or trying to get back/working on getting back/you get the picture)

 

Sometimes we do break up because we want to see what else is out there. We want to make sure we are not giving up something else, or passing on it. We usually come right back. This has nothing to do with you being "second best" at all. It has more to do with OUR fears. Especially when the woman is less experienced than the man.

 

You are still broken up and you DO have the right to date anyone you want and be involved as deeply as you see fit.

 

You cannot stop your life IN CASE she should decide to come back.

 

That's how I see it.

[craigblitz]

Thanks guys.... and I know you are right Muneca about the second best stuff, but you know how you can let your mind work.

 

Update: Last night as I said I was thinking it would be best not to see her, but of course when she called and asked to come over I said sure. She took me a ride in her new car and then we got something to eat. Went back to my place and again fill in the blanks there.

 

Here are just some random stupid thoughts that I have based on what she said last night.

 

1.) Said she was sorry for crying the other night. I told her it was no big deal, but then I said it does bother me that you thought I just up and left you for this job. I said for over 3 years I have tried hard to make decisions for the good of us not just me. I then explained it took me over a montht to decide on it and I didn't decide until I thought I had your 100% support. I thought I did, she said you did, I said no I didn't or you would have never broke up. She said it just felt like I left her. She said even in your old job I use to hate when you traveled for a week... she said it just makes me soo sad. My thoughts here, I can not be sorry for taking this job, I just can't. In the long run it has and will benefit my son, myself and whom ever my partner is in the future.... I still think she is stuck, she is still trying to make a career for herself and she seen me taking this job and everything had to change on her end.. Obviously on my end it wouldn't but god only knows what she thinks.

 

2.) She asked why I was spending all my unstaffed time in Pittsburgh not in Columbus. She said I hope it is not just because of me. I said no it is not, but I would be lying if I said I am not here for us a little bit. What I should have sacked up and said is, well if you see no fututre with us then maybe I should be in Columbus not here...... Do you guys think I should ask this or just give it a some more time? This is the trap that you all have warned me about.... At the same time I took that as a negative, like she was saying there is no future with us and don't be missing other opportunities because of me.

 

3.) Talked about her sister and how she does not know how she can be in a relationship with him being over in Iraq. I wanted to break down and go off on her and say that is what you call love. That gave me the impression that she has no real idea what Love really is. That may be looking way too far into things, but in my eyes that is nothing for true love, nothing at all.

 

4.) There was a junk load of thoughts running through my head last night and she kept asking me what was wrong, but I have done enough talking about us to last a month and did not want to rehash everything again last night. I am telling you there is no reason why this is not a realtionship right now. I was just holding her, and she said she missed this so much, she feels so safe and loved when I am around her. She also kept asking what was wrong, I say nothing... and she is like Craig I know you better then you know yourself there is something wrong. I asked to drop it and she agreed. When I walked her out to her car at 4am, she gave me a kiss and said whenever I want to talk about it let her know and she is always here for me.

 

5.) Wow this getting too long... If you have made it this far that is impressive.. sorry but I jst need to get it off my chest........ Still talks about my son and she can't wait to take him for a ride in her new car. She misses him like crazy... etc, etc, etc. This is another kicker... Do I really want him to see her more at this point. Obviously we all know the dangers, but if we are working on things then I think it is a good idea they keep some contact.

 

6.) I have no idea what we are. When she is with me.. her body language says it all. She is completley there with me if that makes sense. She smiles, her eyes light up.... I am not fooling myself she is happy, but that just causes more confusion on my part. Sex has been really great with her and I love it....(boy mom was right that sex and love are 2 totally different things and love wins all the time, who would have guessed) but this is a girl I can not be a sex buddy with. I have NO desire for that, there are plenty of opportunities just to have sex, but at some point if that is all it is then guess whose heart is going to get hurt again... Bingo. I know it seems easy o just say hey no sex, but A... It is hard giving it up physically... I mean it is awsome B.... I think the intamcy is bringing us closer... a lot closer.

 

Again all these questions could be answered if she would just tell me what she wants or if she sees a future with us. At this point I am ready for either answer... If she says no then I know I will not go into the deep sadness I was before so that is good, but a yes could calm a lot of these fears. At the same time I know this can not be rushed, and I have a horribel impatience problem. These things need to be addressed but I really do not want to go and tell her how I feel and all that nosie again... I am just not doing it... I am tired of it.

 

If anyone made it this far, I will talk to the pope and ask he give you Saint status.... Sorry but I will be able to get some work done now.

 

To all have a great day... enjoy it and embrace it!!!!!

[RayKay]

Well, she is definitely still "conflicted" about how she feels as you very well know (reminds me of my ex in this sense - when we are together it is like everything is awesome, but then he still wants to be on his own though he "wants me" Grrrr....so I know how you feel!).

 

However, I also think you have a very good perspective on the situation and you sound like you are looking at it quite logically/rationally. And I think you are taking the correct approach in telling her you just did not want to rehash everything again/go into it.

 

My guess is she does indeed love you - but for whatever reason cannot admit it fully yet to herself, in that she still has barriers up. How to break these down, well it may be something only she can do, or something that is just going to take you some time.

 

I don't have much advice, just wanted to say I know how you feel, and I am actually envious as you seem "slightly ahead" in that my ex is still adamant on being single for a year or whatever, and I worry about being able to do this for that length of time - or more specifically worry about how to keep building the positivity/relationship and grow together more in that time without pressuring!

[JustPlainSad]

I hate that. When she's with you its like she's your girl but then away from it all she doesnt act like it. She does seem really confused. I mean really confused. She's broken down the last two times she has seen you. Thats shows her feelings are still there. Her breaking down sounds like she is just really stressed and confused about everything. She knows what she wants but is afraid to try it again because of getting hurt again. Eventhough you didnt "leave" her in her mind you left her. Yeah its for the well being of the relationship but she does not see it that way.She saw you take another job and suddenly you're not around her as you were. Thats where the desertion feeling comes in on her part. She's not the focal point of the relationship in her mind hence she feels like she's playing 2nd fiddle regardless of if its for your future together. Thats her problem and she needs to get over that.

 

Buddy sex will be impossible with her. There are feelings there. It will be impossible to not feel down after knowing that she is not commited to you. You have feelings "buddy" sex is out of the question. If the situation arises where she tries to kiss you or get freaky with you, resist. That will sure as hell make her think!

[shockeddismayed]

Hey Craig,

 

Again.... some great baby steps have been made.

 

From the thousand foot level,

1) your ex is realizing she misses you.

2) she is rediscovering her attraction for you as evidenced with the wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more, say no more.

3) she still thinks about a life with you and yours (comments about your son)

4) she is seeing her sister display a greater level of comittment than her... this is good... it is her own flesh and blood sister, so she WILL start to question her own comittment issues b/c of it. Fingers crossed, she may even begin to realize she isn't totally healthy in her thinking (see #5 below), so she is that much closer to being willing to work on it.

5) She knows now why she left... this is a HUGE revelation. Before you had no answer... now you know it is b/c she felt neglected by you. She is insecure... now you know what you'll have to do and what you'll have to put up with in order to make her happy. You can choose whether this level of insecurity is tolerable.. whether you can carry the burden of re-assuring her fears. This becomes a question only you can answer.

6) You have given her ALL of the security and love that she needs... it will leave an impression. Remember earlier when all you wanted to do was have a chance to plant a seed and let it grow? Well you've done that in the past 2 weeks FOR SURE.

 

Now... I'd say it is time to back off a bit. Remember you are no-one's doormat. If the issue of sex comes up, let it almost happen, but then tell her it might be best that you both wait until you are a little more secure with each other... given her esteem issues, make sure it isn't a rejection, it is a deferral. Then joke and tell her you don't want your obvious talents to cloud her ability to make a decision...

 

That's a very positively delivered message that says "I'm here, but you do need to eventually decide."

 

Besides adding a little sexual tension will help your cause. Leaving her *almost* emotionally and physically fulfilled will highlight to her how much she DOES want you. It will also allow you to feel as though you are in control of your own emotions, and ultimately destiny.

 

Just my thoughts... I'd love to hear a counter opinion... I'm worried I might be advising a bit too much game playing. Thoughts?

[Mun]

Her issue seemed to be the fact that you took this job and she was afraid you wouldn't have time for her. It sure seems to me as if you have been spending PLENTY of time with her regardless of your work committments. Doesn't this count for something? Have you tried pointing this out?

 

As a woman I think most of us value your time with us more than how much money you are making and how successful you are. I think most men instead focus on making MORE money and think this is what is going to make their partner happy. WRONG! I don't know if you would consider changing jobs again to reassure her or if this is even an option. Think about it. Money is not everything when you can't have the one you love come home every night.

 

I agree with Schock about the sex issue. I agree that it is going to bring you closer if you are each only sleeping with each other and no one else, but what happens if there start to be doubts? Remember there is no committment and so there is no way to call a foul if one goes somewhere else or continues to date other people. Just my thoughts.

P.S. If it's your job that is keeping you apart--what are you waiting for?

[d346]

see, I think it's important for you work to your full potential and feel worthwile in your career. Believe me, my relationship has been long distance as well as local... when we were in the same city, my bf wasn't happy with his job. We were much happier with the former, because when we were in the same city he was just miserable at his job. He has a good job, he just feels he could do so much more (and is impatient...) and this has hurt our relationship!!

 

Now, don't get me wrong, you probably could find something good in time -and maybe it's something you want to consider in the LONG run. But right now, you really really have to focus on your career -for your son. -and she HAS to understand that.

 

That being said -it's a tough one, because obviously this is a huge thing. Maybe she has to develop her career more to understand. I've followed your posts and maybe it's a maturity thing. (not as a slam to her, just maybe you're on different levels in that respect, and she has growing to do herself to figure this out) Distance is tough, but there are ways to survive it and be happy.

 

Reading your posts, I feel like I'm watching one of those movies...where everything in the world is happening to keep the protagonists apart. lol!

[shockeddismayed]

P.S. If it's your job that is keeping you apart--what are you waiting for?

 

Muneca as always makes EXCELLENT points. She seems to have a great way of looking at things from a very feminine perspective. It's important advice to heed.

 

However I disagree with the implication made above.

 

The LAST thing Craig should consider doing for a girl who is currently showing him NO comittment is change the fabric of his life... and change his job.

 

He has a son, and that is his #1 priority... #2 is himself.... and then way down the list comes a girl who has left him.

 

I'm sorry Muneca... true love is worth giving up anything for... but for the moment there is no comittment... thereforeeee he can't give in to her whims that impact his livelihood. She has no right to even go within 1000 feet of asking either, if you want my humble opinion.

 

If it was that important to her, she should have asked BEFORE she broke up with him.

[leftalone]

Agreed. Craig, love is definitely about sacrificing and doing what it takes to be together. But, that rule applies when it's a mutual give and take. So far she's not doing much sacrificing, not doing what it takes 100%, so Craig don't even THINK about shifting that balance and giving up what may be right for you and your son when your ex has a lot of work to do to convince YOU that SHE'S a sure thing and she's not going to run for the door the minute things get difficult...

 

Part of this breaking up stuff that is so hard and it is such a trap that is easy to fall into is that we can forget what work needs to be done FOR us, not just BY us - that we make (or made) up half of the relationship, and thereforeeee deserve a true meeting of effort, love, etc. The fact that one person took the low road and bailed does not mean that they are now holding the purse strings, so to speak.

 

Just my rant for the day!