Mix Maxster Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 I have a question I'm hoping people will answer. Who here has remained friends with their ex? Either as you being the dumper or as being the dumpee, regardless I just want to konw who has remained friends with their ex. Link to comment
lnxfrkk Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 Hi, I couldn't be friends with someone who ended the relationship in a harsh way.I don't believe in staying friends with someone who can be with someone else after 3 1/2 years with me.They don't deserve us as friends.They decided that they don't need us in there life anymore.Why give them the satisfaction.just so they don't feel guilty?Forget them. Link to comment
Mix Maxster Posted July 21, 2004 Author Share Posted July 21, 2004 Good... Good Any others??? I know you're out there lol try to keep in mind that it's not if you wanted to be friends... I want to know if you all made the choice not to be friends or if you actually ended up remaining friends. Link to comment
Celadon Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 I remained friends with my ex. It was good, although there's always danger in it. Danger that your ex is using you (or you are using your ex) as a security blanket. And then the danger of not moving on (although that's not been a problem for us). Things have changed now that he's seeing someone, but overall, I think it's good not to have harsh feelings towards someone you spent so much time with and know so well (and who knows you well). Link to comment
John1 Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 my ex dumped me 13 months ago, i kissed another girl while drunk... i plagued her for a 2nd chance for a long time, as we had 4 years together and why waste it over 1 isolated mistake... its my fault i know, but she changed her number ..... she said we would be friends... its 13 months now since we split... she has made no effort to contact me... she only contacts me when she tells me to stop sending her letters ... but that was 8 months ago... i love this girl but at the same time im very very bitter over the way things ended... it was my fault.. i was stupid... but i feel if she loved me as much as she said she did then she should be able to forgive 1 lousy drunken kiss... we used to speak 3-4 times a day..upto 13 months ago she wanted to marry me and spend the rest of her life with me, then after we breakup she disappears off the face of the earth , cutting all ties with me... so i tried to be friends..even when she rejected my pleas for a 2nd chance... i asked maybe we can hang out sometimes for coffee or even just a phonecall but no... she wants nothing to do with me... I dont know why or how they can act this cold... you love them but at the same time you nearly hate them for their actions... people say why put your life on hold for 13 months for a person who has no problem putting you through this, and they are right... From now on Im going to act the same when i see her in the street.... Sorry for long post... but i think its hard to remain friends with an ex.... my ex is a beautiful girl who worked in old peoples home looking after the sick... she now works in a creche minding children...but the 1 person she love(d) for 4 years lives only 5 miles away and she doesnt seem to give a crap about... maybe things will change in time.. Link to comment
Kittengirl Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 I would like to think that it is possible but alas for me and my last Ex it hasn't been. Too many bad memories to forget, although I would like to think we could be civil one day, that day seems a long way off. Previous Ex's are now aquaintences but not friends. In an ideal world I would like to think that after being so close to someone you could continue to be friends, after all you know each other better than most. Maybe one day... Link to comment
hunterboyhun Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 my 2c not my current ex but the ex before her... 6-7 years ago now... suggested we could be friends.. i really wanted to do it, thought i could but when i sat down and really thought about the torture i'd be putting myself through i said no. i called her up and told her i must have been crazy saying that because i knew there was no way i could bottle up those feelings around her. i saw her twice after that time but both times were tough (1 was absolute misery) and within a year i was to never see her again. it was a tough decision but it really would have killed me to be close and yet hold back my love... it's lying to me and lying to her. bye Link to comment
RayKay Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 My ex and I are friends. It was a strange thing for both of us, and still is sometimes. But, there are various factors why we have remained friends and we both put a lot of effort into the friendship. A lot of it is because the breakup was not harsh so to speak - he really does love me, but can't say he can commit yet, and that is partly to do with me too and my own actions that made him feel pressured. I do not lay all blame on him for the break up. He expressed a great desire to remain friends, though understood if I could not be. I am glad I have though. Not only do I get to still know this wonderful person, but it has given me a lot more clarity to the break up. I could of been angry, hated him...and never really seen/ known what was going on. I also know that the breakup was more about personal growth for him to be on his own for a period of time as he never has been so knowing it is not to find someone else (and it definitely is not about that he has told me a few times) or to play around does make it a lot easier, as I know he still values and respects me. If he broke up with me and was off messing around or looking for someone else, or not putting anything into the friendship, I probably would of walked away. Do I want more? Yes. But so does he. Unfortunately, it just cannot happen right now, or at least he think he can't. Will it happen later? I think there is at least a chance, and I know he is equally open to it. It is a journey I am on, and something that I KNOW can happen But it will take patience as he is stubborn, and I know though he loves me, right now he will do everything he can mentally to block being with me right now. I have to be able to get through the positive and negatives with equal fortitude. Friendship however, is the basis of a great relationship...but even if there is never the relationship, a great friendship lasts forever. I think the odds are very good though, that in time, we will be more again, though that is not WHY I am friends with him. Link to comment
EmptySoul Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 Hi. There aren't a lot of ex's I've remained friends with, but really it depends on how the relationship ended. With my most serious boyfriend, it ended really badly and a lot of sh** happened along the way. We've never been anything besides a relationship, so a friendship will never happen for us. But with another one, we've still remained friends and laugh about the stupid things we did when we were together. EmptySoul Link to comment
Scout Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 Well, until last weekend, my ex and I were "friends" - but it was still intimate, too. Anyway, we had a huge fight over something that had bothered me when we were actually together, and we are never, ever talking again. That's the problem - unless you can truly forgive your ex for the things that pissed you off in the past, and just don't care about them in a romantic way anymore, being friends is likely not going to work. Link to comment
Celadon Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 To add to my earlier post, one of the reasons we stayed friends is because I was determined not to let the bitterness, etc., get me down. I resolved to be a strong person and I refused to change who I am because of what happened. I'm a peaceful, reconciling type of person, and I care about friends and considered him a friend. That being said, there ARE times when it's been tough. We *have* had heated talks about our relationship, even during our friendship. I came to the realization recently that I may not be as strong as I want to believe I am. Even if our friendship peters out to one of those twice-a-year lunch deals , I'll still be proud of myself for keeping up with it. I am who I am regardless of what anyone does to me. Maybe I'm just stubborn. Link to comment
Azure13 Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 Hi, me and my recent ex are sorta friends. I really don't have anything against him.. and hes a really nice guy.. we aren't as close as we used to be when we were friends before we went out, and when we were going out before we broke up, but then again the breakup is fresh. On the one hand I'm not *too* resentful so I can stomach being his friend, but on the other hand, I still want more.. and he has even left the door open for their being more between us sometime in the future, just not right now.. so its weird.. but you can do it.. I guess. With a long term more serious b/f I probably wouldn't be able to do that. Especially not if they treated me really badly, because thats not what friends do to each other. I'm actually still kinda hoping that when we get closer as friends again, it'll rekindle his feeligns for me, cuz when we get talking again, I'll know we have that spark again. So yep Link to comment
tailen Posted July 22, 2004 Share Posted July 22, 2004 My last ex and I were not friends for a few months but now I have even introduced her to the most recent gurl who is now the ex but we are good friends now and its kinda kewl talkin about all the peeps in our lives but I dont think It would have happened unless we both no longer had any feelings for each other. Link to comment
fantasia2004 Posted August 7, 2004 Share Posted August 7, 2004 I think it is really hard to be friends with a exespecially when one person is trying and the other is not. Just like my ex and I . It is hard because I can't tell if he is for real or lying to test me to see how I will react which I really don't need. Link to comment
Themegchan Posted August 8, 2004 Share Posted August 8, 2004 Right now I'm kind of wondering whether or not to be friends with my ex, but I do want him back. I was friends with my last ex for a while, although it was painful. He turned out to be a total jerk, and the reason he broke up with me he said was cause he wasn't ready for a relationship, and got into one just weeks later. I stayed friends with him, but we got into a fight near the last days of school. I kept in contact with him sometime during the summer, but not much. Then he finally blocked me, and all I have to say to that is good riddance. I'm just hoping my "new" ex doesn't end up being the jerk he was... Link to comment
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