Am I foolish to believe my ex is sadder than I?

[TheDoctor]

Hey you all know my story. So many people on this board always feel that they are the sad ones while their ex's are away and happy. My question is....am I foolish to believe the opposite? I really always felt it was her not I that would be sad in the end....although I felt id be sadder earlier on because she had her ex bf to go to (although he doesnt consider himself anything more than a fling and not an ex bf) and I had nothing. Im not gonna get really into that but all you need to know is throughout the entire relationship my ex believed she couldnt do better than me. She would bluntly say it throughout the entire thing till the end of our relationship that," I can never do better than you everyone knows that." That comment saddened me because I didnt want her to feel insecure.

 

Then, whenever we'd breakup shed cry so hard and beg me to come back. Shed threaten to kill herself if we ever broke up and said shed die without me. Infact, at first when I got to know her whenever Id even say something like hey we need to talk tonight shed panic and say are we breaking up omg no please! Id say relax I just wanted to talk about our upcoming trip.....Then, the day before we officially broke up same thing..she sensed problems and panicked and held my hand under the table and was stressing. Now, dont read this and think well SHE JUST HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR BREAKUPS because this isnt the case. We only brokeup a total of 3 times total and 2 of them were those fake breakups that you just needed time to think through. The last one was the real one.

 

Since our breakup she has gone back to a guy who treats her like crap...just horrible crap. Infact, my friend tells me he isnt even seeing her that he has a gf and hes just cheating on his gf with my ex and she doesnt even know hes doing it. Since my breakup...ive grown so much stronger and wiser yet I see how shes behaved....shes blocked me from the internet, held a grudge, become bitter, made an online journal and disgraced me, blocked all my friends off her aim....Ive always felt like although I would be sad earlier on that this breakup would catch up to her and shed be devestated. Am I foolish to believe this? After everything Ive told you what have you interpreted? Would appreciate your wisdom...of any sort

[lady00]

sounds like your ex has a lot of problems that have nothing to do with you. she has low self-esteem. it's not okay to threaten to kill one's self if your boyfriend says he's leaving you. and one should never feel like one is going to die if one's bf or gf leaves them. that just means you are already miserable. so i'd say your ex is probably sadder than you are, yes. but i think the reasons for that have nothing to do with the breakup and everything to do with her self-esteem and the way it was throughout the relationship.

[TheDoctor]

I know your not a psychic...but for a girl like that with low self esteem (hich your absolutley right about) what is most likely to happen from this point on? She just disappear forever? My best bet is to just forget about her.

[TheDoctor]

sounds like your ex has a lot of problems that have nothing to do with you. she has low self-esteem. it's not okay to threaten to kill one's self if your boyfriend says he's leaving you. and one should never feel like one is going to die if one's bf or gf leaves them. that just means you are already miserable. so i'd say your ex is probably sadder than you are, yes. but i think the reasons for that have nothing to do with the breakup and everything to do with her self-esteem and the way it was throughout the relationship.

 

so your saying shes sadder than me overall but not about the breakup itself? Meaning she isnt as sad about the breakup as me?

[lady00]

she's probably quite sad about the breakup (simply because most people would be) but she clearly has self-esteem and perhaps depression issues that existed before the breakup and that still bother her. I think the best thing after any break up is to move on. Move on does not mean to give up. It just means to realize that the past is gone and it will never be again. The future is another story. It will be difficult for you to forget about her but yes, try and get over her. If there is any hope of rekindling (I'm not sure if you want this) it will only happen once you both move on and deal with your respective issues.

[TheDoctor]

Thanks lady...I dont want to get back with her I just want to talk but we cant because shes back with her ex and I feel shes not ready if I go to her....so sad she turned this into a bitter vengeful war between us.