URGENT- About to give in

[matchboxman]

I've been broken up with my gf for about month now (she broke up with me) after we'd been dating 1.5 years. She's enetering her last year of college and wants to "enjoy herself" before entering the real world.

 

My cat just died about 2 hours ago (please don't ask) and I called her right away since she's a cat person and I knew she'd want to know. I told her and we small talked for a little and she said if I needed to talk to her later tonight I could.

 

I'm really down right now and I'm thinking about calling her and just leting her know I still care for her and just finally getting some questions answered that weren't answered before.

Should I call her and air everything out or not? I'm just really depressed right now and need to talk to her.

[YoungHeart]

I guess you can try calling her tonight. Besides, she also made an offer to you to call her. I don't know what is holding you back from talking to her. In addition, it is a chance which you would not normally get from an ex, who has been over with you for over a month. Maybe there's more reason than just "enjoy herself" the last year of college. It doesn't make sense. Were you in her way to enjoying herself? A romantic relationship should spice up one's life. Are you two not in the same college? that might be the reason because she may want to find someone closer and have an easier access to meeting her needs.

 

good luck,

 

YoungHeart

[matchboxman]

I guess you can try calling her tonight. Besides, she also made an offer to you to call her. I don't know what is holding you back from talking to her. In addition, it is a chance which you would not normally get from an ex, who has been over with you for over a month. Maybe there's more reason than just "enjoy herself" the last year of college. It doesn't make sense. Were you in her way to enjoying herself? A romantic relationship should spice up one's life. Are you two not in the same college? that might be the reason because she may want to find someone closer and have an easier access to meeting her needs.

 

good luck,

 

YoungHeart

 

We did go to the same school. I graduated 2 years ago. I wouldn't exactly say I'm "in her way" but we're at two different points right now. She wants to see if the grass is greener and I want commitment, but I haven't been pushy about it. She's already said if she were done with school she'd be with me but I think she sees this as her last chance to see if I'm "the one".

[shockeddismayed]

In a word no.

 

Never make decisions when you are emotionally distraught, or not yourself.

 

Wait for the shock of your pet's passing to fade before you call her.

 

If you still really need to call her, you could (since she offered to be there), but my humble opinion is that you don't bother.... you already called her once... you need to be strong and confident.

 

If you must keep contact with her, it would be better to call her to tell her the GOOD news in your life than the bad news.... best that she see what she is missing out on.

 

Leave it be for now.

 

PS: I know she probably had feelings for your pet... but don't say "I called her for her sake... knew she'd want to know". I think that may be true that she would want to know... but the real reason you called was b/c you wanted some support. Nothing wrong with that feeling, but you should acknowledge it instead of rationalizing.

[YoungHeart]

You can call her, but I agree with the other person who posted a reply message. don't toss out all the bad news at once. A gf usually is someone who should be there listening to you, either bad news or good one. However, she's not your gf anymore(you may still feel like she is). when you do call her, say something positive(at this point, it may be really hard to achieve that, but hell, i think you need to put yourself up like that). The point is she is no longer your gf. Call her and tell her you still care a lot about her and want her back. I don't know if it's a good idea to give yourself in to her when emotionally unstable. It's a difficult situation.

One last suggestion, give her room and let her explore for some time. maybe she will still come back to you after finding nothing. It will only strengthen your relationship. take the risk. you can try to find someone else or stay single. it's up to you.

 

YH

[hurtabandoned]

I see no harm in calling her since she opened up the door. It would be different if she just ended the conversation without giving you an invitation.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your cat. I'm a cat person too.

[cruuk]

Wow im just amazed at how many gf's are dumping their long term guys because of "wanting to be free". Its happened to me to and probably a hundred others on this board.

 

If I have learned anything, I would definitely not bring up relationship things. Any time she gives you to talk to her should be made making her remember what she loved about you in the first place, not making her feel crappy about things. She definitely won't want to talk to you again in that case.

 

I am desperately hoping at least some of us are lucky enough to save our relationships, so we all have to stick behind each other!

[RayKay]

Sorry about your kitty

 

I just found out tonight I have to give my cat a way within the next couple days, as the apartment people found out about her (and there are almost zilch places here that let you have pets, though they do less damage and are quieter than the kid accross the hall). I am going to send her to my parents place for a while, though she will hate it as they have two other cats and mine hates others.

 

Honestly, when I found out, all I wanted to do too was call my ex as he knows I love her, and he may even take her in.....but I can't. I'll tell him about it when he calls me this week sometime after his trip..but I can't start it. And also, I really wish he was around to give me a hug, as she is my buddy - been with me 9 years which is longer than any boyfriend!

[Scout]

Matchbox Man, I am so sorry to hear about your cat. I know how sad you must be feeling. If you feel you would be comforted by talking to your ex about the cat, I don't see why you don't call her. Just don't bring up the other stuff, you're too distraught now about your cat to make yourself feel worse talking about things that are best left for another time.

 

RayKay, hope you will be reunited with your kitty soon! Find another apartment complex or house when your lease is up. At least it's not a permanent separation.