What Is She Feeling?

[Opportunity]

My ex- and I were together for 4 years. During our relationship we both suffered a lot of personal issues (high school relationship). For a majority of our relationship, she suffered from depression, bulimia, and family issues that I carried her through. Later, when my parents divorced and I lost a friendship with my best friend, I fell into depression, too, just as she came out of hers. Eventually she broke up with me, saying I kept her from being happy.

 

 

Two months later she found a boyfriend.

 

Today, ten months since she broke up with me, I have maintained NC except for a few mistakes, the last one ending in a decision for us both not to contact one another. Since then I've made the most progress thus far in healing, as she is no longer someone I consider part of my life. I'm reborn, anew, and eager to make good things happen for me.

 

 

Things are turning around though, for better or worse. I got a text from her a day after I broke my hand saying she had a nightmare about me having a heart attack and wanted to know if I was okay. I thought it was peculiar. I responded, half-interested, mentioned that I was at the hospital getting a cast for a cracked metacarpal. We had a lighthearted conversation and made each other laugh a bit. I ended the conversation, saying she should text me every once in a while when she has a nightmare about me so we can keep in touch. She made a note of the humor of the rare occasion. I didn't respond.

 

The next day she told me she texted me saying she had tried a dare I jokingly asked her to do the day before. I was at a birthday party, I didn't care to respond.

 

Two days later we drove past each other. She texted me later saying she saw my car. I laughed about it. A few hours later she asked if she could ask me something.

 

"Do you think we'll ever be friends?"

 

Big moment, I realized. At first I voiced doubt about the possibility. Then I said if it's something we both want in our future, I'm sure it will happen. She began to defend herself saying that the past week was "talk about me" week for everyone, that she kept having bad dreams about me.

 

I called her out. "You don't think I haven't thought of you, either? You made a decision for us both. Don't back out now because you 'miss me' for a week."

 

She said she started mourning the good things in our relationship instead of the bad. She even talked to her best friend about it. Her little brothers have been talking about me lately, her parents too, astonishingly. The week previously she had dreams of me. She acknowledged that she had hurt me a lot and that she doesn't want to hurt me more. But she thought it would be worth a shot to tell me how she's been feeling.

 

I told her that I reminisce over our good times, too. But I know better than to reach out for them. I said let's take it one step at a time.

 

She asked what that meant.

 

"If you feel like having a conversation, text me. And if it's in our best interest, I'll be there for you."

 

 

And that's where we're at. I don't know if she's still with her boyfriend, I deleted her on FB long ago, but chances are that she still is. I don't want to get back with her, but I can't deny that I'm still attracted to her. But if she does have a boyfriend, I'd really rather not get my feelings involved in it. And god forbid she asks me to meet him. I'd sooner **** in his mouth.

 

I've reserved my right to dismiss her from my life at any moment she becomes something negative. But I want to know what's going on in her head, where this will lead us, and if it will be best for me.

 

The last time we broke NC, we were extremely flirtatious, but once her boyfriend came into the picture things broke down fast. The last thing she told me was it's sad that we keep letting ourselves break each other's hearts (referring to the second or so time breaking NC and then learning it's best to go back to NC).

 

My feelings for her then were strong, and I'd guess hers were strong for me then, too. But a lot of time has passed. I no longer feel nearly as strong for her. Similarly, she may just want pure friendship.

 

I've read a lot about the possibility of friendship after a serious, intimate relationship, but people seem mixed about it. Can she and I ever not be attracted to each other? There was a time when we wanted nothing more than to get married some day, have kids. We were clearly sexually attracted to one another. Is it possible that she JUST wants friendship from me?

 

I thought having provided my background would give anyone reading this the insight to provide me with valuable advice, and I appreciate all that you guys have to say.

[cruzer]

personally i wouldnt jeopardize all my work to get over her and move on. i think she is nothing special to be worrying about being her friend, when u can find plenty of other friends, female friends, just as good, who havent broken ur heart, who maybe u wont be attracted to, to have to deal with that as well.

 

not to mention u were there for her depression, then u need her, and she says ur keeping her from being happy. yeah, screw her.

 

thats just my opinion though.

 

best thing to do is, text her "are you looking to be friends, or more?". go from her response. if she wants friends and u do too, and u think u can handle it, go for it. if she wants a relationship, and u do too, go for it. if she wants a relationship and u dont, tell her, and forget about her.